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jullietteishere 64 F
85  Articles
Bar joke number 2   7/1/2006

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Julliette
...


1 Comments, 46 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
jullietteishere 64 F
85  Articles
Bar joke   7/1/2006

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
texaschic4u2003 34 F
3  Articles
better relationships   6/29/2006

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your ...


2 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
texaschic4u2003 34 F
3  Articles
doctor office   6/29/2006

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor ...


2 Comments, 88 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
MENTAL TEST   6/29/2006

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function, and his hostess naturaly broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease." Would you mind telling me, Doctor, " she asked, " how would you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears com pletely noemal?"
"Nothing is easier, " he replied.You ask a simple question which anyone shuold answer with no ...


2 Comments, 97 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
UrbanClimberBR 33 M
12  Articles
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven   6/28/2006

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line ...


2 Comments, 71 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
UrbanClimberBR 33 M
12  Articles
Let Me Ask You a Question   6/28/2006

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, ...


2 Comments, 96 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
blueeyed525 58 M
6  Articles
Got Sexual Tension??   6/26/2006

Sexual Tension Test

1.I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What Am I?
2.I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?
3.I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?
...


3 Comments, 192 Views, 14 Votes ,3.62 Score
blueeyed525 58 M
6  Articles
Dumb fishermen.   6/25/2006

Two dumb men are out fishing and they are having great luck. They are catching so fast, they have to go back early.
"This is so great, " says the first guy. "We should mark the spot so we can come here again."
"You're right, " says the other guy who dives over the side and paints a big X on the bottom of the boat and they head back to shore.
Just as they're ...


3 Comments, 112 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
blueeyed525 58 M
6  Articles
Blonde jokes...Two for the price of one.   6/25/2006

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

...


3 Comments, 95 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
IN CLASS   6/25/2006

The grade school teacher: Use "I" in the sentence Pupil: I is..... Grade school teacher: No! When you use "I" it must be followed by "am". Pupil: I am pronoun...!


2 Comments, 66 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
Three topics   6/24/2006

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.He asks his father for advice. The father replies, " there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy. Te boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time , as the boy's nervousness builds. He ...


2 Comments, 104 Views, 11 Votes ,2.79 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
...and also with you   6/24/2006

At thhe start of every mass, the priest would make the sign of the cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and the blessing, after which the congregation responded, "And also with you". One sunday after making the sign of the cross our priest seemed to be having difficulty with the sound syrtem during the singing of the entrance hymn.At the conclusion of the song, the priest said, ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
THE COMPUTER   6/22/2006

USER: deleting all the files. COMPUTER: are you sure you want to delete the files? User: yes Computer: are you stupid?...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 10 Votes ,1.99 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
Truly Poetic   6/22/2006

The birth of our second , a , came after along and difficult labor. But it was definitly worth it when our beautiful girl emerged, perfect in every way.Later in my hospital room, my husband was looked at here tenderly, w/ tears in his eyes. Then he was glanced up at me, I expected him to utter something truly poetic.Instead he asked, "what did we decide to call her again?"[/COLO...


3 Comments, 86 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
not yet   6/22/2006

a three year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mama", he asked, "are these brains?"....mama answered " not yet "


1 Comments, 84 Views, 12 Votes ,2.98 Score
eimee 44 F
23  Articles
Refill, please..   6/22/2006

The district attorney was cross- examining the murderess on the witness stsand. "And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didnt you feel the slightest pity for him, knowing that he was about die and was wholly unaware of it...."Yes" she mused". come to think of it there was just a moment when i sort of fely ...


2 Comments, 88 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
blueeyed525 58 M
6  Articles
Stop eating chicken!   6/21/2006

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating ...


4 Comments, 132 Views, 11 Votes ,3.17 Score
hairyman18 34 M
1  Article
naughty jokes for girls only   6/20/2006

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
bluerage 36 M
2  Articles
Blind begger   6/14/2006

a lady gave some money to a blind begger, named Sudas, every day. One day the begger disappered. The lady became worried about him. Many days later the begger returned. The lady was in the shower then. she asked, " who is it?" The begger replied that it was Sudas the blind begger. the lady realised that it would take time for her to get dressed. so she came out naked, thinking as ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
bluerage 36 M
2  Articles
broken spectacles   6/12/2006

student enters class with broken spectacles. Teacher asks "how did you brake your spectacles?" "I was kissing my girlfriend." the student replies. "but how did youe specs brake?" "She closed LEGS!"...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
2BlueMarbles 57 M
4  Articles
On a Train (Sick Humor)   5/28/2006

A guy ran 2 miles to catch his train. He arrived just in time and was able to get a seat. But he was very thirsty and needed a drink real bad.
Up about 3 seats was a guy who tipped a jug every now and then. He thought how can I ask him if I could have a swig? He wasn't sure how to ask the stranger.
Just up ahead he noticed a tunnel in the distance. I know ...



1 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
SvwLana 48 F
4  Articles
Old lady   5/23/2006

an old lady in church leaned over to her husband and whispering asked for advice. She told him she had cut a silent fart and wanted to know how to act.
He told her to change the battery in her hearing aid.


1 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
nikky10002000 44 F
1  Article
laughhhhhhhhhhhhh   5/19/2006

i forgot my pant in my boyfriend house.and am on my way to work and i want to wear it!!!!! what can i do nowwwwwwwwwwww...


1 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes
RUNurse 39 M
2  Articles
Some Childish jokes   5/17/2006

Ok..here are some of my favorite level jokes.
What kind of animal should you never play cards with?
A Cheetah
What is a cow's favorite friday night activity?
Go to the Mooooooovies
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to


1 Comments, 38 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
RUNurse 39 M
2  Articles
Naked Jew   5/17/2006

A fully naked Jew with a boner runs into a wall. What hits first?
His Nose


1 Comments, 46 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
ndpendentlady42 60 F
5  Articles
I think you're the father of one of my    5/16/2006

A guy goes to a supermarket and notic3es a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says, " Do you know me?"
To which she replies, " I think you're the father of one of my ."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
WannaText 32 F
12  Articles
Murphy's Other Laws   5/14/2006

01. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
02. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
03. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
04. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
05. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
06. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something ...


1 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
WannaText 32 F
12  Articles
No offense   5/14/2006

Culture and meaning
A while ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa most didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe most didn't know what "honest" meant.
...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
The Koala and the Little Lizard.................   5/9/2006

The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past
and looks up and says "HeyKoala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score