|
Waiting on my house 1/7/2006
There's this drunk standing
out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What
do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I
heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm
waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my
neighbor."
 JUlliette
1 Commentaires, 38 Consultations,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Bar joke number 2 1/7/2006
A guy walks into a bar and orders
a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't
want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a
few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to
his beer saying, "So did I!"
 Julliette...
1 Commentaires, 46 Consultations,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
Bar joke 1/7/2006
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at
the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After
he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket,
then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double
martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll ...
1 Commentaires, 52 Consultations,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
better relationships 29/6/2006
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very
depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't
go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck
with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare
them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just
need to work on your ...
2 Commentaires, 119 Consultations,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
doctor office 29/6/2006
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds
when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient
#1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood
in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The
patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing
this piece of wood in half?" The doctor ...
2 Commentaires, 88 Consultations,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
MENTAL TEST 29/6/2006
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function,
and his hostess naturaly
broached the subject in which the doctor was
most at ease." Would you mind telling me, Doctor, "
she asked, " how would you detect a mental deficiency
in somebody who appears com
pletely noemal?"
"Nothing is easier, " he replied.You ask a
simple question which anyone shuold answer with no ...
2 Commentaires, 97 Consultations,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven 28/6/2006
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women
are gone and there are two lines. The line ...
2 Commentaires, 71 Consultations,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
Let Me Ask You a Question 28/6/2006
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The
teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting
on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!"
The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?"
The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will
fly away scared, ...
2 Commentaires, 96 Consultations,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Got Sexual Tension?? 26/6/2006
Sexual Tension Test
1.I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm
not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What Am
I?
2.I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets
me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?
3.I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?
...
3 Commentaires, 192 Consultations,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score
|
|
Dumb fishermen. 25/6/2006
Two dumb men are out fishing and they are having great luck.
They are catching so fast, they have to go back early.
"This is so great, " says the first guy. "We
should mark the spot so we can come here again."
"You're right, " says the other guy who
dives over the side and paints a big X on the bottom of the
boat and they head back to shore.
Just as they're ...
3 Commentaires, 112 Consultations,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score
|
|
Blonde jokes...Two for the price of one. 25/6/2006
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see
that the blonde
behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious
to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down
his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S
A SCARF!"
...
3 Commentaires, 95 Consultations,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
|
|
IN CLASS 25/6/2006
The grade school teacher: Use "I" in the sentence
Pupil: I is.....
Grade school teacher: No! When you use "I" it
must be followed by "am".
Pupil: I am pronoun...!
2 Commentaires, 66 Consultations,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
|
Three topics 24/6/2006
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about
what to talk about.He asks his father for advice. The father
replies, " there are three subjects that always
work.
These are food, family, and philosophy.
Te boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.Ice
cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for
a long time
, as the boy's nervousness builds. He ...
2 Commentaires, 104 Consultations,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
...and also with you 24/6/2006
At thhe start of every mass, the priest would make the sign
of the cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and
the blessing, after which the congregation responded, "And
also with you".
One sunday after making the sign of the cross our priest
seemed to be having difficulty with the sound syrtem during
the singing of the entrance hymn.At the conclusion of the
song, the priest said, ...
1 Commentaires, 56 Consultations,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
THE COMPUTER 22/6/2006
USER: deleting all the files.
COMPUTER: are you sure you want to delete the files?
User: yes
Computer: are you stupid?...
1 Commentaires, 94 Consultations,
10 Votes
,1.99 Score
|
|
Truly Poetic 22/6/2006
The birth of our second , a , came after along
and difficult labor. But it was definitly worth it when
our beautiful girl emerged, perfect in every way.Later
in my hospital room, my husband was looked at here tenderly,
w/ tears in his eyes. Then he was glanced up at me, I expected
him to utter something truly poetic.Instead he asked,
"what did we decide to call her again?"[/COLO...
3 Commentaires, 86 Consultations,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
|
|
not yet 22/6/2006
a three year old boy was examining his testicles while taking
a bath. "Mama", he asked, "are these
brains?"....mama answered " not yet "
1 Commentaires, 84 Consultations,
12 Votes
,2.98 Score
|
|
Refill, please.. 22/6/2006
The district attorney was cross- examining the murderess
on the witness stsand.
"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your
husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal
dosage, didnt you feel the slightest pity for him, knowing
that he was about die and was wholly unaware of it...."Yes"
she mused". come to think of it there was just a moment
when i sort of fely ...
2 Commentaires, 88 Consultations,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
Stop eating chicken! 21/6/2006
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat
their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken
sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
one
day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating ...
4 Commentaires, 132 Consultations,
11 Votes
,3.17 Score
|
|
naughty jokes for girls only 20/6/2006
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweatshirt. Seconds
after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use
on the washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man ...
2 Commentaires, 151 Consultations,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Blind begger 14/6/2006
a lady gave some money to a blind begger, named Sudas, every
day. One day the begger disappered. The lady became worried
about him.
Many days later the begger returned. The lady was in the
shower then.
she asked, " who is it?"
The begger replied that it was Sudas the blind begger.
the lady realised that it would take time for her to get dressed.
so she came out naked, thinking as ...
1 Commentaires, 67 Consultations,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
broken spectacles 12/6/2006
student enters class with broken spectacles.
Teacher asks "how did you brake your spectacles?"
"I was kissing my girlfriend." the student
replies.
"but how did youe specs brake?"
"She closed LEGS!"...
1 Commentaires, 127 Consultations,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
|
|
On a Train (Sick Humor) 28/5/2006
A guy ran 2 miles to catch his train.
He arrived just in time and was able to get a seat. But he was
very thirsty and needed a drink real bad.
Up about 3 seats was a guy who tipped a jug every now and then.
He thought how can I ask him if I could have a swig? He wasn't
sure how to ask the stranger.
Just up ahead he noticed a tunnel in the distance. I know ...
1 Commentaires, 40 Consultations,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Old lady 23/5/2006
an old lady in church leaned over to her husband and whispering
asked for advice. She told him she had cut a silent fart and
wanted to know how to act.
He told her to change the battery in her hearing aid.
1 Commentaires, 49 Consultations,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
laughhhhhhhhhhhhh 19/5/2006
i forgot my pant in my boyfriend house.and am on
my way to work and i want to wear it!!!!! what can i do nowwwwwwwwwwww...
1 Commentaires, 49 Consultations,
1 Votes
|
|
Some Childish jokes 17/5/2006
Ok..here are some of my favorite level jokes.
What kind of animal should you never play cards with?
A Cheetah
What is a cow's favorite friday night activity?
Go to the Mooooooovies
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to
1 Commentaires, 38 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Naked Jew 17/5/2006
A fully naked Jew with a boner runs into a wall. What hits
first?
His Nose
1 Commentaires, 46 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
I think you're the father of one of my 16/5/2006
A guy goes to a supermarket and notic3es a beautiful blonde
wave at him and say hello
He's rather taken back, because he can't place
where he knows her from, so he says,
" Do you know me?"
To which she replies, " I think you're the father
of one of my ."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the ...
1 Commentaires, 108 Consultations,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
Murphy's Other Laws 14/5/2006
01. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't
have film.
02. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
03. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
04. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
05. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
06. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of
getting something ...
1 Commentaires, 63 Consultations,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
No offense 14/5/2006
Culture and meaning
A while ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give
your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage
in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa most didn't know what "food"
meant.
In Eastern Europe most didn't know what "honest"
meant.
...
1 Commentaires, 62 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
