Dear Dating Girl,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years. We recently broke up for a few months (his idea) but got back together four months ago (at my insistence). Before we broke up, he was very attentive to my emotional needs -- he always told me that he loved me, and wanted to spend every free moment he had with me. Since reuniting, he only tells me he loves me if I say it to him first, or in the bedroom. He says I'm imagining it, and gets angry, but it feels real to me. Why would he be acting this way? Please help!!

Reunited and it Doesn’t Feel So Good




Dear Reunited,

Uh, hello?! You broke up because he wanted to and got back together because you wanted to and you're wondering why he's not as attentive as he was before you broke up?

You were together for four years -- obviously, there was something there between you. But, for whatever reason, he decided it wasn't for him. So he breaks it off. A few months go by, he misses you a little, figures maybe it wasn't so bad and, because you're insisting anyway, he agrees to get back together. The thing is, nothing changes that much in four months; the same doubts he had about the relationship before are still there, only now they're magnified because he's probably a little annoyed at himself about getting back together and confused about what to do. So he gets irritable and angry with you when, really, he's mad at himself. Sounds like a riot.

I don't think you need to be asking why he's acting this way. That seems obvious to me. What you need to be asking is why he agreed to get back together and why you thought that everything would be hunky dory and just as it once was in the good old days.

You guys need to talk about it, and he needs to decide if he's in or out. If he's out, you have to let him go.

---

Dear Dating Girl,

I am a 35-year-old male who recently started talking to and occasionally dating a 23-year-old woman. She has a lot of male friends and always tells me she is a "party girl." She also recently broke up with her boyfriend. She is the first woman I have had any interest in getting to know in the last four years. Should I continue to pursue her by taking her out on dates and buying her flowers or am I just a fool?

Old Party Pooper?





Dear Old,

Are you a fool? I guess that depends. If you think you'll have a deep, meaningful and long-term relationship with a "party girl" who is 12 years younger than you, has a lot of male friends and just broke up with her boyfriend, then yes, you are probably being a bit foolish. If, on the other hand, you understand what she is telling you, which seems to be that she is having a good time right now with her friends (many of whom are male) and just broke up with someone so isn't ready for something serious, then pursue away. That you're wondering at all, however, tells me you're not entirely on board with the circumstances and are hoping for something more to come out of this.

Sounds like a bit of an exercise in frustration to me.

Of course, the fact that the first person you find yourself interested in getting to know in four years is 12 years younger and appears fairly incompatible makes me wonder if some part of you is perhaps trying to avoid anything too meaningful.

Maybe you would do better to look at why you're not meeting people you want to get to know who are closer to your own age, more available and won't keep you up past your bedtime more than one or two nights a week.






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