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Dear Dating Girl,
I recently broke up with my girlfriend, my first love, a second time. Both times were spontaneous. Basically, I panicked because I'm young and stupid. I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I still love her very much and I know she still loves me but can't forgive me for the pain I’ve caused her. I love her and can't imagine life without her. What can I do to win her back? I'm willing to admit all my faults, humiliate myself, and yet retain some decency. I'm willing to buy her flowers every day, move in with her and spend the rest of my life with her. I need to know what women want to hear from a man who will do anything to get her back.
Suffering Getting Her Back Pain
Dear Suffering,
What we don’t want to hear is a guy grovel (unless we have no intention of taking him back and then it’s kind of fun, especially if he really hurt us). You may want to humiliate yourself as punishment for how you screwed up but, while a little humility is welcome, turning yourself into a sniveling doormat is not.
How do you win her back? Well, first of all, she’s not a prize you simply get to win back if you play your cards right. Getting her to forgive you and regaining her trust will be an uphill battle. Flowers every day or being willing to spend the rest of your life with her, while lovely sentiments, aren’t gonna cut it (the latter will be especially useless if she doesn’t want to spend it with you). There are no magical words you can say to make her come back. All you can do is tell her how you feel and then be a friend to her, let her set the pace and be patient. Then, if she does give you another go, you gotta stop being stupid. We all get scared, even panicky, in relationships. If you find yourself getting scared again, instead of running, you need to let her in on it and talk to her about it f you stand any chance of creating an honest, lasting relationship.
Dear Dating Girl,
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year. We have a really good relationship but I can't seem to control my jealousy. She doesn't do anything to make me jealous when we are out in public; my real problem is when she goes online. She has several online "buddies" and often spends time "chatting" with them. She assures me these people -- guys and women -- are just friends and that I have nothing to worry about, but I can't help it. Every time she goes online I get so jealous. Do I have anything to worry about here?
Virtually Jealous
Dear Virtually,
If she insists she's just friends with these people, you have no choice but to believe her. Getting jealous isn't going to make her confess otherwise, unless of course she gets so fed up with your jealousy and decides to make your biggest fears come true.
By you getting jealous, you're sending a big "I don't trust you" message. The result of this is that sadly, it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and that, eventually, the other person can't be trusted.
I think a little jealousy is good. I'm always leery of those people who say they never get jealous. It's human and it lets the other person know you care about them enough that you don't want to lose them. But constant jealousy is annoying, especially when you are always reassuring the other person that nothing is going on.
The truth of the matter is that even if something is going on between your girlfriend and her online buddies, getting jealous isn't going to change anything. Save your energy, and put it into being the best boyfriend you can be so that she remains attracted to you. And trust me, insecurity is not attractive.
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