|
|
Things to say when you are drunk...
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) ... |
1 |
332 |
30 |
4.91 |
8/31/2008 9:44 pm |
|
|
~~ What is it about blonde jokes?? lol ~~ she couldve just as easily been a brunette
ok...
<br>
A blonde calles her boyfriend and says, Please come over
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't
figure out how to get started.
<br>
The boyfriend ... |
2 |
311 |
20 |
4.78 |
9/12/2006 9:10 pm |
|
|
Selection of the Pope
Seems that the Cardinals may have selected the wrong guy.
Here is a
viable candidate they overlooked:
Bishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the
Netherlands and emigrated to ... |
0 |
279 |
16 |
1.36 |
7/10/2005 10:30 am |
|
|
~~ The Gender of Flies!!!! ~~
Ok here goes guya and gals, 
<br>
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking
around with a fly swatter.
<br>
What are you doing? she asked.
<br>
... |
1 |
272 |
22 |
4.81 |
10/24/2006 6:38 am |
|
|
mobile phones
whats the difference between a mobile phone and a clit,
no difference every cunt has ... |
0 |
255 |
15 |
0.68 |
6/23/2006 3:50 pm |
|
|
That's nothing, you should see what I have
An Alabama sharecropper finally had a bumper crop one year.
He had enough money to purchase 100 acres of land. One day
he was sitting in his lawn chair when a truck pulled in the
driveway. A ... |
0 |
219 |
23 |
5.93 |
2/8/2007 5:04 am |
|
|
Boy goes into pharmacy to buy condoms....
He puts 1 single pack on the counter.........
<br>
The Pharmacist says, " That will be one dollar plus
TAX...
<br>
The boy looks up, ,, eyes WIDE open...and says...
<br> ...
|
0 |
214 |
7 |
2.02 |
8/12/2007 1:45 pm |
|
|
Bingo...
A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says
"sorry
mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as
it turns
your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. ... |
0 |
193 |
9 |
3.21 |
8/12/2007 12:21 pm |
|
|
Cows
A man was looking to the sky, a flying crow shit in his eye, he
clean his eye with a tissue and once again look to the sky
and said
"Thanks God cows can't fly."... |
0 |
177 |
6 |
3.08 |
8/12/2007 12:55 pm |
|
|
Ouch!
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A
few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard
coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream ... |
0 |
176 |
287 |
7.16 |
11/1/2011 8:10 pm |
|
|
~~ Totally Ghostly ~~ lol
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when she lied???
<br>
<br>
I can see right through you..!!
<br>
<br>
Boom Boom.. haaaha 
<br>
Simple ... |
1 |
175 |
16 |
2.98 |
9/12/2006 9:16 pm |
|
|
No Speaky English
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was
not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
with her husband. ... |
2 |
166 |
38 |
3.32 |
10/10/2012 6:32 pm |
|
|
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and
has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't
lie to
... |
0 |
161 |
161 |
7.98 |
12/16/2006 9:10 am |
|
|
The cowboy and the Yuppie
A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly
a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray
Ban
... |
0 |
152 |
7 |
2.79 |
8/12/2007 12:43 pm |
|
|
"In-Laws!"
Me and my second wife were driving down a country road
one day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of
a battle we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give
it up.
As we passed ... |
1 |
147 |
20 |
1.85 |
6/16/2008 9:20 am |
|
|
Always tell your wife the truth
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some vegetables.
He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes
into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he
sees a ... |
0 |
136 |
10 |
2.79 |
8/12/2007 12:42 pm |
|
|
Places of Hiding
Two women just arrived at Lord abode up in heaven, made friendship
and started talking their last moments on earth
.
First Woman said, "I froze to death"
Second Woman, "How did that ... |
0 |
133 |
5 |
3.14 |
8/12/2007 12:42 pm |
|
|
Seal joke
A seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What
can I get you?"
The seal replies "Anything but a Canadian Club on ... |
0 |
131 |
2 |
3.81 |
8/12/2007 12:20 pm |
|
|
Smoker's Joke - 1
In a School science class four worms were placed into four
separate jars.
<br>
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
<br>
The second worm was put into a jar of ... |
0 |
116 |
7 |
2.02 |
4/23/2005 12:42 pm |
|
|
Bear conversion
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served
as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University
in Marquette. They would get together two or three times
a week for coffee and ... |
0 |
109 |
5 |
4.45 |
8/12/2007 12:15 pm |
|
|
The Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions
at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may ... |
0 |
106 |
4 |
2.86 |
8/12/2007 12:18 pm |
|
|
Medical Advances
A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor ... |
2 |
104 |
15 |
3.28 |
10/10/2012 6:35 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:54 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Three topics
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about
what to talk about.He asks his father for advice. The father
replies, "Son there are three subjects that always
work.
These are food, ... |
0 |
104 |
13 |
2.81 |
8/12/2007 10:54 am |
|
|
Advise from father in law
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised
you for a
successful marriage. Would it be please possible for you
to share
with me your secret?"
.
The father-in-law beamed and ... |
0 |
103 |
3 |
3.92 |
8/12/2007 12:17 pm |
|
|
Smoker's Joke - 3
Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
<br>
"I think everyone's asleep, let's go"
<br>
"This one's empty ... no-one's looking...
you go in first"
... |
0 |
103 |
9 |
3.00 |
4/23/2005 12:46 pm |
eimee, 31 F
12/2/2007 4:16 pm
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Apple Pie and Coffee, Please
After many years of trying, the Russian family has finally
able to bring grandpa to America to live with them. The old
gentleman could only speak Russian.
Each when the family members were ... |
0 |
96 |
11 |
2.05 |
12/2/2007 4:16 pm |
|
|
Bouncing&bowling
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he
hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says,
"Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy ... |
0 |
96 |
6 |
3.37 |
8/12/2007 12:16 pm |
|
|
My rosary....
A priest is sent to Alaska. The Archbishop goes up to visit
him one year later. The Archbishop asks "How do you
like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't
for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a ... |
1 |
96 |
15 |
2.82 |
8/11/2007 6:27 pm |
eimee, 31 F
10/7/2007 7:01 pm
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
MENTAL TEST
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function,
and his hostess naturaly
broached the subject in which the doctor was
most at ease." Would you mind telling me, Doctor, "
she asked, " ... |
0 |
95 |
9 |
3.21 |
10/7/2007 7:01 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:56 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
THE COMPUTER
USER: deleting all the files.
COMPUTER: are you sure you want to delete the files?
User: yes
Computer: are you stupid?... |
0 |
94 |
11 |
2.05 |
8/12/2007 10:56 am |
|
|
The Horse Race
Horses Racing Today....
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big ... |
0 |
94 |
21 |
4.86 |
8/11/2007 5:39 pm |
|
|
You just never know!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw
out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay
at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years
earlier.
... |
6 |
89 |
35 |
0.86 |
4/11/2013 2:43 pm |
|
|
Jail
A woman awakes during the night to find that her
husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table ... |
0 |
89 |
1 |
2.40 |
8/12/2007 12:17 pm |
|
|
I will do .....
A student comes to a professor's office. She glances
down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I
would do anything to pass this exam, " she says. She
leans closer to him, flips back ... |
1 |
88 |
17 |
3.97 |
8/11/2007 6:42 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:58 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Refill, please..
The district attorney was cross- examining the murderess
on the witness stsand.
"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your
husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal ... |
0 |
85 |
7 |
3.80 |
8/12/2007 10:58 am |
|
|
Sunburned!
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets
horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was already ... |
0 |
85 |
15 |
4.82 |
8/11/2007 6:04 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:56 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Truly Poetic
The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after along
and difficult labor. But it was definitly worth it when
our beautiful girl emerged, perfect in every way.Later
in my hospital room, my ... |
0 |
84 |
9 |
2.36 |
8/12/2007 10:56 am |
|
|
Man and Monkey
The man descends from the monkey, and monkeys descend from
the trees.
... |
2 |
83 |
23 |
1.14 |
5/10/2012 7:50 pm |
|
|
dirty jokes
whats the difference between love, true love and showing
off ?
spitting, swallowing and gargling
what have david beckham and a cartier watch got in commom?
both come ... |
0 |
83 |
21 |
2.51 |
8/11/2007 6:24 pm |
|
|
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION
While walking down the street one day a Minister is tragically
hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven, " ... |
2 |
82 |
6 |
4.50 |
7/21/2008 5:44 am |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:57 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
not yet
a three year old boy was examining his testicles while taking
a bath. "Mama", he asked, "are these
brains?"....mama answered " not yet ... |
0 |
80 |
10 |
2.99 |
8/12/2007 10:57 am |
|
|
The experimental...........
The Experimental Drug
"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't
interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or
something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
... |
1 |
80 |
16 |
4.01 |
8/11/2007 7:36 pm |
|
|
Old firefighters!
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside
the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into
flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from
miles around.
... |
4 |
78 |
35 |
1.74 |
5/23/2010 5:05 pm |
|
|
Which one...
Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals
to increase their diversity, "You are all part of
our team now, " said the Human Resources rep during
the welcoming briefing. "You get all the ... |
0 |
78 |
11 |
4.85 |
8/11/2007 6:45 pm |
|
|
The White House's new switchboard
"Thank you for calling the White House switchboard.
Our new voice activated system will help direct you to the
proper office."
"If you are calling to complain about the mishandling
of the ... |
0 |
77 |
3 |
2.45 |
8/12/2007 11:51 am |
|
|
Bubba's hearing?
Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher.
After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come
forward and be prayed over.
Bubba slowly rises from his chair and ... |
2 |
74 |
10 |
3.39 |
5/23/2010 5:06 pm |
Alps61, 50 M
8/11/2007 6:12 pm
2
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Turtles
10 turtles, 5 male and 5 female, went into a cave for a while,
and then only 5 males turtles went out of the cave, why?
The female turtles are upside ... |
0 |
74 |
7 |
2.28 |
8/11/2007 6:12 pm |
|
|
Match Made in Heaven
A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily,
deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly,
a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their
car! BOOM! ... |
0 |
72 |
5 |
4.12 |
8/12/2007 11:50 am |
|
|
Aging or something
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and sked, "How old was
your husband?" "98." she replied. "Two
years older than me."
"So you're 96, " the ... |
0 |
72 |
6 |
3.93 |
8/12/2007 11:41 am |
|
|
a bird
A couple went into a pet store to buy a canary. They told the
salesman the bird had to be a good singer. They heard a canary
singing loudly and remarked, “It’s beautiful, and it sings ... |
0 |
72 |
10 |
3.98 |
8/11/2007 8:41 pm |
|
|
EARRINGS..
This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co-
worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker
to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about
his sudden ... |
0 |
72 |
6 |
2.80 |
8/11/2007 8:22 pm |
|
|
Murder...
Flakey Murder
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery
store. The homicide detective is already there. "What
happened?" asks the first officer.
"Male, ... |
1 |
72 |
11 |
3.54 |
8/11/2007 6:45 pm |
|
|
fishing trick.....
It was a cold winter day. An man walked out onto a frozen lake,
cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited
patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without
even a ... |
0 |
70 |
7 |
5.33 |
8/11/2007 8:24 pm |
|
|
Chinese Proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
... |
0 |
69 |
5 |
4.77 |
8/11/2007 7:56 pm |
|
|
Restroom....
A guy is in a New York public restroom. He soon discovers
that there is no toilet paper on the roll. He calls into the
next stall, "Hey man do you have any toilet paper in
there?"
"No, " ... |
1 |
69 |
10 |
1.99 |
8/11/2007 7:39 pm |
|
|
Both hands!
A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man in a
pickup on a lonely state highway that is driving erratic. The trooper had noticed that the
man driving had a woman passenger that was sitting ... |
1 |
67 |
15 |
2.37 |
6/16/2008 9:21 am |
|
|
Google link
Go to Google tap in "Asshole" and press the I
feel lucky option.
... |
0 |
66 |
3 |
4.41 |
8/12/2007 11:49 am |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:53 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
IN CLASS
The grade school teacher: Use "I" in the sentence
Pupil: I is.....
Grade school teacher: No! When you use "I" it
must be followed by "am".
Pupil: I am ... |
0 |
66 |
11 |
2.61 |
8/12/2007 10:53 am |
|
|
polce jokes
a thief was running away.... behind him chased by a constable
and behind him a polce officer.
thief finally ran away...
the officer stormed at constable " rubbish, could
not grab him?"
"but ... |
0 |
65 |
2 |
1.04 |
8/12/2007 11:53 am |
|
|
a test...have fun!! ;-)
OK ALL OF YOU SCHOLARS AND TEACHERS......take your time
figure out what these words have in common.
There is something unusual about these words, so see if
you can figure it out.
...
|
1 |
65 |
13 |
4.49 |
8/11/2007 7:42 pm |
|
|
The Gospel According to Saint Podge
In the beginning, there was Word. And the Word was Coke.
And it was good.
Yea one day, God did look upon his garden, and He saw Coke
and Coke was sad, and He asked Coke, “why for thou ... |
3 |
63 |
10 |
1.99 |
6/30/2011 6:54 pm |
|
|
Hotline....
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple ... |
0 |
63 |
6 |
2.51 |
8/11/2007 8:18 pm |
|
|
shopping....
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the
mother eyes an expensive fur coat.
"This year, " she says, "I think that
I will buy my own birthday present instead of making ... |
0 |
61 |
6 |
2.51 |
8/11/2007 8:23 pm |
|
|
ABOUT mast.rbaTION
A FATHER SAIDS TO HIS SON, SON, IF YOU mast.rbate, YOU'LL
GO BLIND.
SONS RESPONDS, DAD I'M OVER ... |
0 |
61 |
10 |
2.99 |
8/11/2007 5:40 pm |
|
|
farmer
An Iowa farmer was tired of hearing a Texas rancher brag
how everything was the best on his spread. So the farmer
invited the Texan out to his Iowa farm if he was ever in the
vicinity. ... |
0 |
60 |
4 |
3.25 |
8/11/2007 8:42 pm |
|
|
Single
A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger ... |
0 |
59 |
7 |
4.06 |
8/12/2007 11:49 am |
|
|
play...
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend
Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic
full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's
play Weeweechu."
...
|
0 |
58 |
5 |
4.12 |
8/11/2007 8:16 pm |
|
|
Bring out...
Bring Out the Animal in You!
We work like a horse. We eat like a pig. We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat. We can be as slippery as
a snake. We get dog tired. We can be ... |
0 |
57 |
5 |
3.47 |
8/11/2007 8:15 pm |
|
|
prayer
a man praying to his god- " o lord, give me sorrow, hard
afflictions, sleepless nights, restless days, incurable
pain"
god replies" my son, why don't you pray clearly
that you need a ... |
0 |
56 |
1 |
2.40 |
8/12/2007 11:36 am |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:55 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
...and also with you
At thhe start of every mass, the priest would make the sign
of the cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and
the blessing, after which the congregation responded, "And
also with you".
... |
0 |
56 |
9 |
2.36 |
8/12/2007 10:55 am |
|
|
PRISON MAIL..
Prison Mail
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
Dear Husband, "I have decided to plant some lettuce
in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" ... |
0 |
56 |
8 |
3.71 |
8/11/2007 8:23 pm |
|
|
Lamest joke contest winner.
Two men walk into a bar, third man ... |
1 |
55 |
4 |
4.02 |
3/22/2011 3:48 am |
|
|
Little Boy at the Nude Beach !
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many
of the women Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so
he goes back to ... |
1 |
55 |
11 |
3.73 |
5/23/2010 5:04 pm |
|
|
I front of a jungle
Alex and philip went to jungle for a visit. Suddenly a tiger come in front of them. alex put some soil into the tigers eye and said to philip"
ran away quick". But Philip repplied " Why I am run? You ... |
1 |
53 |
5 |
2.16 |
9/3/2009 11:05 pm |
|
|
NEW PHARMACOLOGY
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name
and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol
also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also
called Naproxen. Amoxil is ... |
0 |
53 |
7 |
2.28 |
8/12/2007 11:40 am |
|
|
Dear Marine
Dear Marine
There was a Marine deployed to Afghanistan. While he was
there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter
she explained that she had slept with two guys while he ... |
0 |
53 |
9 |
3.43 |
8/11/2007 6:30 pm |
|
|
women
Man ask God, God why do make women so beautiful, God said;so
that you can love her. men;But why do you make her so stupid, God said;so that
she can love ... |
2 |
52 |
6 |
1.66 |
11/30/2010 6:17 am |
|
|
A well-planned life ??
A WELL-PLANNED LIFE???
Two elderly women met for the first time since graduating
from high school. One asked the other, "You were always
so organized in school. Did you manage to live a ... |
0 |
52 |
6 |
2.23 |
8/11/2007 8:42 pm |
|
|
The Angry Preacher
The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K.
This is a horrible lie! A God fearing decent Christian community
cannot tolerate ... |
0 |
52 |
8 |
2.55 |
8/11/2007 6:23 pm |
|
|
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Subject: Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation
have many civilians up in arms and excited ... |
0 |
50 |
8 |
3.48 |
8/11/2007 6:41 pm |
|
|
14 things....
14 THINGS THAT IT TOOK OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ... |
0 |
49 |
6 |
3.93 |
8/11/2007 8:17 pm |
|
|
Husband Mart...
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where
a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised
of 6
floors, and the men increase in positive ... |
0 |
49 |
244 |
9.24 |
12/16/2006 9:10 am |
|
|
panic...
A teacher told the class to draw a picture on panic.
The teacher noticed little Johnny sitting in the front
of class had apparently done his drawing and was sitting
with his arms crossed ... |
0 |
48 |
5 |
3.47 |
8/11/2007 8:15 pm |
|
|
Blonde
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving
all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank ... |
1 |
47 |
9 |
3.21 |
8/27/2012 4:55 pm |
|
|
open...
Jack and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before
he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute,
I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
Jack says, ... |
0 |
47 |
6 |
3.65 |
8/11/2007 8:17 pm |
|
|
A Marine In Hell
A Marine In Hell
A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell.
He's really depressed as he stands in the processing
line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He ... |
1 |
47 |
5 |
3.47 |
8/11/2007 6:38 pm |
|
|
Failed Al Qaeda Recruiting Posters
Failed Al Qaeda Recruiting Posters
1. "Be Allah you can be"
2. "Aim Low"
3. "An Army of None"
4. "The Few..................................."
5. ... |
1 |
46 |
6 |
3.93 |
8/11/2007 6:37 pm |
Alps61, 50 M
8/11/2007 6:12 pm
2
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Russian prostitute
A russian prostitute who stayed in China for three years,
and when she went back home, she was still a virgin, you know
why,
The Chinese guy's cocks are too ... |
0 |
46 |
3 |
0.49 |
8/11/2007 6:12 pm |
efog, 56 M
8/11/2007 4:42 pm
1
Article,
Score
0.0
|
|
washing
man has fit in bath . his m8 being a tightwad throws his washing ... |
0 |
43 |
5 |
0.21 |
8/11/2007 4:42 pm |
|
|
Age Difference
What would you consider to be a decent age difference between
man and woman?
Is it okay if she is twenty years
younger?
Is it okay if he i... |
0 |
42 |
3 |
0.98 |
8/6/2008 1:49 pm |
|
|
dull headed
a general wins a battle.
media persons"congratulation general, for your
victory"
general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to
my fellow armymen"
a week later his wife gave birth to a ... |
0 |
42 |
3 |
4.41 |
8/12/2007 11:44 am |
|
|
heaven...
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all
died and went to heaven. St. Peter was there, having a bad
day because heaven was getting crowded. When they got to
the gate, St. Peter ... |
0 |
42 |
5 |
5.10 |
8/11/2007 8:16 pm |
|
|
dentist.......
A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife
said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas
or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull
the tooth as quickly as possible.
... |
0 |
42 |
6 |
3.37 |
8/11/2007 8:14 pm |
|
|
barbers......
Three barbers ran shops in the same street. The first barber
put up a notice in his window stating, "I am the best
barber in town." Seeing this, the second barber put
up a notice, "I am the best ... |
0 |
41 |
9 |
3.85 |
8/11/2007 6:44 pm |
|
|
Sergeants' Methods
Sergeants' Methods
A group of Sergeants and a group of Air Force Officers take
a train to a conference. Each Officer holds a ticket. But
the entire group of Sergeants has bought only one ... |
1 |
40 |
7 |
4.57 |
8/11/2007 6:29 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:42 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
LOTTO TICKET
One day the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that reing?" her husband
asks.
"Well, " she replies, " my boss and i played
the lotto and we won, i ... |
0 |
39 |
4 |
2.08 |
8/12/2007 10:42 am |
|
|
Complain....
A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his
complaints rather loudly.
"Yes, Sir?"
"I want to complain about this airline. Every time
I fly, I get the same seat, I ... |
0 |
38 |
7 |
2.79 |
8/11/2007 8:21 pm |
|
|
letter...
Dear God
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it
was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting
to ... |
0 |
38 |
6 |
4.22 |
8/11/2007 8:18 pm |
|
|
People need to "Think" before they open their mouth
While on a trip in Egypt at the pyramids:
A friend of mine asked the guide " How many undiscovered
tombs are there? "
The guide thought for a moment and said " I guess when
they ... |
0 |
38 |
9 |
2.78 |
8/11/2007 8:09 am |
|
|
whose...
Finished with canvassing all the stores in a town, a traveling
salesman checked out of a hotel. On the way to the airport,
he realized he'd left his hairbrush behind. He returned
to the room, but ... |
0 |
35 |
8 |
3.25 |
8/11/2007 8:20 pm |
|
|
Two Hillbillies
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey,
they talk about their moonshine operation. A woman at a
nearby table, eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After
a minute or so, ... |
0 |
34 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/12/2007 11:36 am |
awry_k, 44 F
6/30/2011 6:09 pm
1
Article,
Score
0.0
|
|
hello
hello |
1 |
33 |
3 |
3.92 |
6/30/2011 6:09 pm |
|
|
What's in a name?
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look
on his face.
'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm',
she said.
... |
0 |
33 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 7:55 pm |
|
|
MOM...
Son: Mom, hi. How are you? How's everything in Florida?
Mom: Not too good. I've been very weak.
Son: Why are you weak?
Mom: Never mind.
Son: What's wrong?
... |
1 |
32 |
8 |
2.55 |
3/7/2013 12:13 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:42 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
DONT LAUGH NOW !
An elderly farish priest became unhappy with the things
he was hearing during confessions. After his sermon one
Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, "Im
tired of hearing so many people ... |
0 |
31 |
4 |
4.02 |
8/12/2007 10:42 am |
|
|
told you...
A rich Beverly Hills woman got very angry at her maid. After
a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings
as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
The maid couldn't ... |
0 |
31 |
5 |
4.12 |
8/11/2007 8:21 pm |
|
|
THE AMAZING PHARMACOLOGY
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name
and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol
also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also
called Naproxen. Amoxil is ... |
0 |
31 |
3 |
4.41 |
8/11/2007 7:55 pm |
|
|
King Solomon....
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between
them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young
lawyer agreed to marry my daughter, "said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY ... |
0 |
31 |
6 |
4.22 |
8/11/2007 7:33 pm |
|
|
Fighter Pilot Jokes
Fighter Pilot Jokes
Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half
over?
A. He says "but enough about me - wanna hear about my
plane?"
Q: How do you know if there is a ... |
0 |
31 |
5 |
3.47 |
8/11/2007 6:40 pm |
|
|
Old Marine
Old Marine
Shortly after President Bush took office, an old veteran
approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania
Ave. where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke ... |
0 |
31 |
6 |
3.65 |
8/11/2007 6:40 pm |
eimee, 31 F
8/12/2007 10:43 am
23
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
BEN WHO?
Decker wasn't the brightest guy in the world
and his co workers were continually ribbing
him at the factory. One in particular, is Jim
would greet him each morning and percipitate
this ... |
0 |
30 |
5 |
2.16 |
8/12/2007 10:43 am |
|
|
what do i look like???...
What Do I Look Like?
There was a young couple living in an old run down house.
One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, "Honey,
look at the walls. They haven't been painted ... |
0 |
30 |
4 |
4.02 |
8/11/2007 8:19 pm |
|
|
a drunken...
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar
and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting
at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans
over, looks the ... |
0 |
30 |
5 |
4.12 |
8/11/2007 8:14 pm |
|
|
Well-endowed....
There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was
bothering his knee. Three doctors and one nurse were in
the operating room to remedy the situation.
The first doctor said, "We'll ... |
0 |
30 |
5 |
3.80 |
8/11/2007 7:38 pm |
|
|
Judi & Jon...
Judi spotted Jon across a crowded room at a convention in
Las Vegas. Easing up next to him, Judi asked Jon if he would
like to join her for a drink.
"I don't know, " said Jon. "I've
got ... |
0 |
29 |
8 |
3.01 |
8/11/2007 7:42 pm |
|
|
flea....
Sitting at the bar where I was the bartender was an older
men who looked like he had a long day. After two or three drinks
he rested his head on the bar. I walked over to him and tapped
my hand ... |
0 |
29 |
5 |
2.16 |
8/11/2007 6:46 pm |
|
|
how could you....
Maurice comes home one day to find his wife Hannah, an English
teacher, in bed with his best friend.
"Darling, " Maurice cries, "how could
you? After all the years we've been together, I ... |
0 |
26 |
5 |
1.19 |
8/11/2007 8:01 pm |
|
|
How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!
How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US
Armed Forces!
If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING",
here is what the different services would do:
The NAVY ... |
0 |
26 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 6:31 pm |
|
|
A Lesson in Naval Logistics
A Lesson in Naval Logistics
Discussion Board on this Military Joke
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston,
loaded with 475 officers and men, 48, 600 ... |
0 |
26 |
4 |
4.02 |
8/11/2007 6:28 pm |
|
|
Mordor War Protests
Mordor War Protests
MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace
activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other
cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they ... |
0 |
26 |
5 |
2.16 |
8/11/2007 6:25 pm |
mita78, 30 M
2/1/2009 2:12 pm
2
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
Greed pays atimes!!
A friend in a company of a lady saw another one passing and
had to abandon the later in the name of trying luck.He talked
to her and to his amazement the lady agreed saying she has
been wishing to ... |
0 |
25 |
3 |
0.49 |
2/1/2009 2:12 pm |
|
|
What did Eve say...
One day, a guy's wife went to the doctor's office
and said " My husband always falls asleep during the
sermon." Upon hearing this, the doctor handed her
a pointy stick and said " Whenever he falls ... |
0 |
25 |
6 |
3.08 |
8/11/2007 7:37 pm |
|
|
President Bush's Adopt a Detainee Program
President Bush's Adopt a Detainee Program
Dear Liberal:
Thank you for your recent whiney letter criticizing the
treatment of the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being
held at ... |
0 |
25 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 6:31 pm |
|
|
My life
Not always possible to good translate a joke (like from
Hungarian), but I will try now...
The husband nicknamed his wife "my
life" One day the Death ... |
0 |
23 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/16/2011 9:45 am |
|
|
too much....
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure
and was explaining it to a prospective patient. He told
her, "I'll install a special screw in the top
of your skull. Your hair will ... |
0 |
23 |
8 |
4.17 |
8/11/2007 7:37 pm |
|
|
aaah, yes. such is life!
One artist said: Life is like a joke. If you didn't laugh,
you didn't get ... |
0 |
22 |
4 |
3.25 |
1/15/2011 10:31 am |
|
|
doc...
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said,
"Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then
said, "Sir, how old ... |
0 |
21 |
2 |
3.12 |
8/11/2007 8:11 pm |
|
|
glasses...
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that
she had purchased for her husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these ... |
0 |
20 |
4 |
1.69 |
8/11/2007 8:02 pm |
|
|
tell...........
Jill: C'mon, Mary, exactly how many men have you been
with?
Mary: Now, Jill, I've taken the Army's policy
on that information and adapted it for my own situation.
Jill: What do ... |
0 |
20 |
4 |
2.08 |
8/11/2007 7:59 pm |
|
|
tate...
The Tate Family
You may have heard of the Tate Family. Members of this family
attend every group.
There is Dic Tate who wants to run everything.
Ro Tate tries to ... |
0 |
19 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 8:11 pm |
|
|
be in love...
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I
thought I was in love three times, " one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago, I deeply cared for a ... |
0 |
19 |
3 |
1.47 |
8/11/2007 8:03 pm |
|
|
models...
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction
he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw
down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She ... |
0 |
19 |
4 |
2.47 |
8/11/2007 8:02 pm |
|
|
2 boring....
Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local
town hall when a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes! life
is boring, we never have any ... |
0 |
19 |
4 |
2.08 |
8/11/2007 7:39 pm |
|
|
Dear Boss
Dear Boss,
People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
make less ... |
1 |
16 |
5 |
3.47 |
3/27/2013 10:51 am |
|
|
a dream...
A woman was in her psychiatrist's office, terribly
upset after a bad dream.
"Now", soothed the psychiatrist, "tell
me about this dream you had."
"Well, " said the lady, "I ... |
0 |
16 |
2 |
3.12 |
8/11/2007 8:12 pm |
|
|
a word..
At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age
asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"
The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know,
"Where did you ... |
0 |
16 |
3 |
2.94 |
8/11/2007 8:12 pm |
|
|
hot water...
"Bill, I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning, "
the doctor ordered. "Hot water. Do you understand?
A man your age needs help for his elimination."
"Of course, Doctor, I ... |
0 |
16 |
5 |
1.51 |
8/11/2007 8:01 pm |
cbdef, 50 F
10/30/2012 1:48 am
1
Article,
Score
0.0
|
|
prehistoric
What do you call a lesbian dinosaurs
A ... |
1 |
15 |
3 |
3.92 |
10/30/2012 1:48 am |
|
|
pets....
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent
vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They
named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self
responsible for ... |
0 |
15 |
4 |
2.47 |
8/11/2007 7:40 pm |
|
|
Army Football Practice for Army/Navy Game Delayed
Army Football Practice for Army/Navy Game Delayed
West Point (NY) -- Army football practice was delayed nearly
two hours yesterday after a player reported finding an
unknown powdery white ... |
0 |
15 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 6:36 pm |
|
|
parking meter...
A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender,
one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a
really good mood tonight."
The man ... |
0 |
14 |
3 |
2.94 |
8/11/2007 8:13 pm |
|
|
a child..
The minister's little six-year-old boy had been such
a terror and naughty all the previous week, that his mother
decided to punish him by not allowing the boy to attend the
up-coming school ... |
0 |
14 |
5 |
2.16 |
8/11/2007 8:04 pm |
|
|
Leroy´s joke...
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying
to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he
got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir,
there's no smoking ... |
0 |
13 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 7:41 pm |
|
|
turn to...
Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one
day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink.
He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll
gradually get smaller and ... |
0 |
13 |
4 |
3.63 |
8/11/2007 7:40 pm |
|
|
West Point Jokes
West Point Jokes
Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from
the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicap parking.
Q: Do you know why the Army football team should ... |
0 |
13 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 6:34 pm |
|
|
Benny the horse...
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep
ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened
by with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The ... |
0 |
11 |
3 |
2.94 |
8/11/2007 7:41 pm |
|
|
Skippy's List (partial)
Skippy's List
SPC Schwarz aka "Skippy" has assembled "213
things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army."
Who is Skippy? We don't know but he is definitely ... |
0 |
10 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/11/2007 6:39 pm |
|
|
The Power of Sergeants
The Power of Sergeants
Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope.
There were ten Air Force Officers and one Sergeant. Since
the rope was not strong enough to hold all the ... |
0 |
10 |
3 |
2.94 |
8/11/2007 6:37 pm |
|
|
IRANIAN MINISTER SACKED OVER FAKE OXFORD UNIVERSITY DEGREE
Parliament in Iran has voted to sack Interior Minister
Ali Kordan after he admitted a degree he said he obtained
from Oxford University was a forgery.
Mr Kordan said he had received the ... |
1 |
6 |
3 |
2.94 |
3/27/2013 9:01 am |
