No Speaky English 10/10/2012|
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was
not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had
to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken
legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request,
and in ...
6 Comments, 169 Views,
Me and my second wife were driving down a country road
one day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of
a battle we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give
As we passed a barnyard of mules and pigs my wife sarcastically
asked me, "Relatives of yours are they?"
"That's right Miss Tennessee! They're
my in-laws." ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
Medical Advances 10/10/2012|
A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced ...
3 Comments, 105 Views,
You just never know! 4/11/2013|
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw
out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay
at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down
the following day. The husband ...
9 Comments, 93 Views,
Man and Monkey 5/10/2012|
The man descends from the monkey, and monkeys descend from
3 Comments, 84 Views,
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION 7/21/2008|
While walking down the street one day a Minister is tragically
hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven, " says St. Peter. "Before
you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see
a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me ...
2 Comments, 83 Views,
Old firefighters! 5/23/2010|
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside
the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into
flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from
When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene,
the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief
and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault
in the center of the plant. They ...
8 Comments, 80 Views,
Match Made in Heaven 9/23/2013|
A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily,
deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly,
a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their
car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter.
"Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow.
Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"
2 Comments, 78 Views,
Aging or something 9/14/2013|
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and sked, "How old was
your husband?" "98." she replied. "Two
years older than me."
"So you're 96, " the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
--Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter ...
3 Comments, 78 Views,
Bubba's hearing? 5/23/2010|
Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher.
After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come
forward and be prayed over.
Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line. When
it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what
you want me to pray about?"
Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
So the preacher puts his right ...
4 Comments, 76 Views,
a bird 8/11/2007|
A couple went into a pet store to buy a canary. They told the
salesman the bird had to be a good singer. They heard a canary
singing loudly and remarked, “It’s beautiful, and it sings
But when the salesman took the bird from the cage, the couple
said, “Hey, it’s got only one leg.”
“What do you want, ” the ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
Both hands! 6/16/2008|
A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man in a
pickup on a lonely state highway that is driving erratic. The trooper had noticed that the
man driving had a woman passenger that was sitting nearly
on top of him as he drove and that she had one foot on the dash.
When the trooper walked up to the window of the pickup he
could see a beautiful blonde wearing a pink miniskirt with
2 Comments, 68 Views,
polce jokes 8/12/2007|
a thief was running away.... behind him chased by a constable
and behind him a polce officer.
thief finally ran away...
the officer stormed at constable " rubbish, could
not grab him?"
"but sir i took his finger print for future
"where it is"- officer
"on my cheeks"- constable
1 Comments, 65 Views,
A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger
He replies, “I used to live here years ago.”
“So, where were you all these years?”
“In prison, ” he says.
2 Comments, 63 Views,
An Iowa farmer was tired of hearing a Texas rancher brag
how everything was the best on his spread. So the farmer
invited the Texan out to his Iowa farm if he was ever in the
vicinity. “What do you have on your farm that would interest
me?” the rancher asked.
“I have a bull that can outrun the train that goes past my
place, ” the farmer replied.
1 Comments, 60 Views,
Little Boy at the Nude Beach ! 5/23/2010|
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many
of the women Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so
he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier
the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean
but returns to tell his mother that many of ...
1 Comments, 57 Views,
NEW PHARMACOLOGY 7/5/2013|
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name
and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol
also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also
called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and
Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently ...
3 Comments, 56 Views,
Lamest joke contest winner. 3/22/2011|
Two men walk into a bar, third man ducks.
1 Comments, 56 Views,
a man praying to his god- " o lord, give me sorrow, hard
afflictions, sleepless nights, restless days, incurable
god replies" my son, why don't you pray clearly
that you need a wife?"
2 Comments, 56 Views,
College Student Vs Senior Citizen 1/15/2011|
College Student Vs Senior Citizen
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent
football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting
next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand
3 Comments, 52 Views,
A well-planned life ?? 8/11/2007|
A WELL-PLANNED LIFE???
Two elderly women met for the first time since graduating
from high school. One asked the other, "You were always
so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well-planned
"Yes, " said her friend. "My first marriage
was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married
to an ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving
all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're
here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was
a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there
was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and ...
2 Comments, 50 Views,
dull headed 8/12/2007|
a general wins a battle.
media persons"congratulation general, for your
general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to
my fellow armymen"
a week later his wife gave birth to a child
mediapersons" congratulation general, you are
now a proud father"
general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to
my fellow armymen"
1 Comments, 42 Views,
Son: Mom, hi. How are you? How's everything in Florida?
Mom: Not too good. I've been very weak.
Son: Why are you weak?
Mom: Never mind.
Son: What's wrong?
Mom: Never mind. It's okay.
Son: Why are you weak, Mom?
Mom: I haven't eaten in thirty-eight days.
Son: That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in ...
2 Comments, 34 Views,
Two Hillbillies 8/12/2007|
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey,
they talk about their moonshine operation. A woman at a
nearby table, eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After
a minute or so, it is obvious that the woman is in distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "can
The woman shakes her head, no.
"Can yer breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue ...
1 Comments, 34 Views,
My life 7/16/2011|
Not always possible to good translate a joke (like from
Hungarian), but I will try now...
The husband nicknamed his wife "my
life" One day the Death camp-out on the door, and he opens the door.
I came for your life, -says the Death. Just a moment, -say man -"my life",
someone are looking for you...
1 Comments, 27 Views,
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. 9/23/2013|
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married?
Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women
I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents,
my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've
got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just
like your mother."
A few ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
the expiry date 8/21/2014
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage
certificate 4 an hour ?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
0 Comments, 7 Views,