MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION 21/7/2008|
While walking down the street one day a Minister is tragically
hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven, " says St. Peter. "Before
you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see
a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
dull headed 12/8/2007|
a general wins a battle.
media persons"congratulation general, for your
general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to
my fellow armymen"
a week later his wife gave birth to a child
mediapersons" congratulation general, you are
now a proud father"
general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to
my fellow armymen"
1 Comments, 42 Views,
Lamest joke contest winner. 22/3/2011|
Two men walk into a bar, third man ducks.
2 Comments, 56 Views,
Advise from father in law 12/8/2007|
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised
you for a
successful marriage. Would it be please possible for you
with me your secret?"
The father-in-law beamed and advised, "Yes, never
criticize your wife for
her shortcomings or when she has done something wrong.
Always bear in mind and thank God that because of her shortcomings
and weaknesses, she has you ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
Little Boy at the Nude Beach ! 23/5/2010|
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many
of the women Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so
he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier
the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean
but returns to tell his mother that many of ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
Bubba's hearing? 23/5/2010|
Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher.
After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come
forward and be prayed over.
Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line. When
it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what
you want me to pray about?"
Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
So the preacher puts his right ...
4 Comments, 75 Views,
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he
hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says,
"Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises
and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and
down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says,
"Oh..well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his
because he's fat and ...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger
He replies, “I used to live here years ago.”
“So, where were you all these years?”
“In prison, ” he says.
2 Comments, 63 Views,
No Speaky English 10/10/2012|
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was
not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had
to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken
legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request,
and in ...
6 Comments, 167 Views,
Medical Advances 10/10/2012|
A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced ...
3 Comments, 104 Views,
What do you call a lesbian dinosaurs
1 Comments, 16 Views,
Places of Hiding 12/8/2007|
Two women just arrived at Lord abode up in heaven, made friendship
and started talking their last moments on earth
First Woman said, "I froze to death"
Second Woman, "How did that happened?
First Woman, "Well, I was terribly cold and shivering,
then I quit shaking from the cold, began to get warm, sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death. What
1 Comments, 133 Views,
A man was looking to the sky, a flying crow shit in his eye, he
clean his eye with a tissue and once again look to the sky
"Thanks God cows can't fly."...
1 Comments, 177 Views,
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving
all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're
here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was
a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there
was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and ...
2 Comments, 49 Views,
The Husband Store 12/8/2007|
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions
at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may
choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except
to exit the
Building! So, a woman goes ...
1 Comments, 106 Views,
Match Made in Heaven 23/9/2013|
A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily,
deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly,
a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their
car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter.
"Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow.
Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"
2 Comments, 78 Views,
The cowboy and the Yuppie 12/8/2007|
A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the
cowboy, "If I
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at ...
1 Comments, 152 Views,
Always tell your wife the truth 12/8/2007|
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some vegetables.
He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes
into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he
sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have
a couple of beers and one thing lead to another and they end
up in her apartment. After a while, he realizes its 3 PM and
says, "Oh no, its so ...
1 Comments, 136 Views,
Dear Boss 10/9/2013|
People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
make less mistakes
2 Comments, 21 Views,
Two Hillbillies 12/8/2007|
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey,
they talk about their moonshine operation. A woman at a
nearby table, eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After
a minute or so, it is obvious that the woman is in distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "can
The woman shakes her head, no.
"Can yer breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue ...
1 Comments, 34 Views,
A woman awakes during the night to find that her
husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup
of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes
a sip of coffee.
1 Comments, 89 Views,
a man praying to his god- " o lord, give me sorrow, hard
afflictions, sleepless nights, restless days, incurable
god replies" my son, why don't you pray clearly
that you need a wife?"
2 Comments, 56 Views,
Both hands! 16/6/2008|
A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man in a
pickup on a lonely state highway that is driving erratic. The trooper had noticed that the
man driving had a woman passenger that was sitting nearly
on top of him as he drove and that she had one foot on the dash.
When the trooper walked up to the window of the pickup he
could see a beautiful blonde wearing a pink miniskirt with
2 Comments, 67 Views,
2 Comments, 44 Views,
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. 23/9/2013|
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married?
Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women
I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents,
my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've
got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just
like your mother."
A few ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
Son: Mom, hi. How are you? How's everything in Florida?
Mom: Not too good. I've been very weak.
Son: Why are you weak?
Mom: Never mind.
Son: What's wrong?
Mom: Never mind. It's okay.
Son: Why are you weak, Mom?
Mom: I haven't eaten in thirty-eight days.
Son: That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in ...
2 Comments, 34 Views,
Boy goes into pharmacy to buy condoms.... 12/8/2007|
He puts 1 single pack on the counter.........
The Pharmacist says, " That will be one dollar plus
The boy looks up, ,, eyes WIDE open...and says...
TAX !!!!!!! I thought you just ROLL them on !
1 Comments, 214 Views,
Me and my second wife were driving down a country road
one day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of
a battle we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give
As we passed a barnyard of mules and pigs my wife sarcastically
asked me, "Relatives of yours are they?"
"That's right Miss Tennessee! They're
my in-laws." ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
Old firefighters! 23/5/2010|
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside
the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into
flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from
When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene,
the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief
and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault
in the center of the plant. They ...
8 Comments, 79 Views,
My life 16/7/2011|
Not always possible to good translate a joke (like from
Hungarian), but I will try now...
The husband nicknamed his wife "my
life" One day the Death camp-out on the door, and he opens the door.
I came for your life, -says the Death. Just a moment, -say man -"my life",
someone are looking for you...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
polce jokes 12/8/2007|
a thief was running away.... behind him chased by a constable
and behind him a polce officer.
thief finally ran away...
the officer stormed at constable " rubbish, could
not grab him?"
"but sir i took his finger print for future
"where it is"- officer
"on my cheeks"- constable
1 Comments, 65 Views,
the expiry date 21/8/2014|
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage
certificate 4 an hour ?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
0 Comments, 6 Views,
Greed pays atimes!! 1/2/2009|
A friend in a company of a lady saw another one passing and
had to abandon the later in the name of trying luck.He talked
to her and to his amazement the lady agreed saying she has
been wishing to get such a confident man!
1 Comments, 25 Views,
You just never know! 11/4/2013
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw
out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay
at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down
the following day. The husband ...
9 Comments, 92 Views,