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JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
You just never know!   11/4/2013

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband ...


9 Comments, 92 Views, 57 Votes ,0.40 Score
JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
Old firefighters!   23/5/2010

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They ...


8 Comments, 79 Views, 35 Votes ,1.74 Score
RandyTeacher 58 M
13  Articles
The Horse Race   11/8/2007

Horses Racing Today....
1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Smooth Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosom 10. Merry Cherry
Place Your Bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off ...


6 Comments, 94 Views, 21 Votes ,4.86 Score
Barry-UK 48 M
2  Articles
No Speaky English   10/10/2012

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in ...


5 Comments, 167 Views, 38 Votes ,3.32 Score
JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
Bubba's hearing?   23/5/2010

Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line. When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts his right ...


4 Comments, 75 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
Barry-UK 48 M
2  Articles
Medical Advances   10/10/2012

A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced ...


3 Comments, 104 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
RandyTeacher 58 M
13  Articles
Chinese Proverbs   11/8/2007

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
...


3 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Murder...   11/8/2007

Flakey Murder
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer.
"Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail."
"Good grief, " says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last ...


3 Comments, 72 Views, 11 Votes ,3.54 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
I will do .....   11/8/2007

A student comes to a professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam, " she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean, " she whispers, "I would do anything...
"He returns her gaze, "Anything?"
"Anything."
"His voice softens, ...


3 Comments, 88 Views, 17 Votes ,3.97 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel   11/8/2007

Subject: Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:


1. The next time you ...


3 Comments, 50 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Failed Al Qaeda Recruiting Posters   11/8/2007

Failed Al Qaeda Recruiting Posters
1. "Be Allah you can be"
2. "Aim Low"
3. "An Army of None"
4. "The Few..................................."
5. "Martyrs have more fun"
6. "Virgins....we got Virgins!!"
7. "Free Camouflage Turbans....sign up today!"
8. "Uncle oSAMa wants you"


3 Comments, 46 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Sergeants' Methods   11/8/2007

Sergeants' Methods
A group of Sergeants and a group of Air Force Officers take a train to a conference. Each Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of Sergeants has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant Sergeants will finally get what they deserve.
Suddenly one of the ...


3 Comments, 40 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
My rosary....   11/8/2007

A priest is sent to Alaska. The Archbishop goes up to visit him one year later. The Archbishop asks "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Archbishop, would you like a martini?"
"Yes."
"Rosary, get the Archbishop a martini!"


3 Comments, 96 Views, 15 Votes ,2.82 Score
liableluke 58 M
2  Articles
That's nothing, you should see what I have   8/2/2007

An Alabama sharecropper finally had a bumper crop one year. He had enough money to purchase 100 acres of land. One day he was sitting in his lawn chair when a truck pulled in the driveway. A texan fellow got out to ask directions. He asked what are you doing just sitting here. The Farmer answered that he was just admiring his 100 acres he had recently purchased. 100 acres said the ...


3 Comments, 219 Views, 23 Votes ,5.93 Score
awry_k 44 F
1  Article
hello   8/3/2014

hello


2 Comments, 44 Views, 12 Votes ,2.09 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Match Made in Heaven   23/9/2013

A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?" ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 13 Votes ,2.81 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Single   23/9/2013

A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger here?”
He replies, “I used to live here years ago.”
“So, where were you all these years?”
“In prison, ” he says.
“For ...


2 Comments, 63 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
lukman05 32 M
16  Articles
Dear Boss   10/9/2013

Dear Boss,

People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes





People who do less work...

make less mistakes


2 Comments, 21 Views, 15 Votes ,2.52 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
MOM...   7/3/2013

Son: Mom, hi. How are you? How's everything in Florida?
Mom: Not too good. I've been very weak.
Son: Why are you weak?
Mom: Never mind.
Son: What's wrong?
Mom: Never mind. It's okay.
Son: Why are you weak, Mom?
Mom: I haven't eaten in thirty-eight days.
Son: That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in ...


2 Comments, 34 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
goodmorning2011 53 M
2  Articles
Blonde   27/8/2012

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 14 Votes ,2.98 Score
CHINABLUE88 40 M
1  Article
Lamest joke contest winner.   22/3/2011

Two men walk into a bar, third man ducks.


2 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Flibberdigibit 44 F
1  Article
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION   21/7/2008

While walking down the street one day a Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven, " says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me ...


2 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
Both hands!   16/6/2008

A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man in a pickup on a lonely state highway that is driving erratic. The trooper had noticed that the man driving had a woman passenger that was sitting nearly on top of him as he drove and that she had one foot on the dash.

When the trooper walked up to the window of the pickup he could see a beautiful blonde wearing a pink miniskirt with no ...


2 Comments, 67 Views, 15 Votes ,2.37 Score
JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
"In-Laws!"   16/6/2008

Me and my second wife were driving down a country road one day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of a battle we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give it up.

As we passed a barnyard of mules and pigs my wife sarcastically asked me, "Relatives of yours are they?"

"That's right Miss Tennessee! They're my in-laws."
...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 20 Votes ,1.85 Score
placid5 40 M
4  Articles
prayer   12/8/2007

a man praying to his god- " o lord, give me sorrow, hard afflictions, sleepless nights, restless days, incurable pain"
god replies" my son, why don't you pray clearly that you need a wife?"


2 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
shopping....   11/8/2007

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat.
"This year, " she says, "I think that I will buy my own birthday present instead of making you and dad shop for me."
"But mom, " says the daughter, "some poor, helpless creature has to suffer so that you can have this coat. Don't you think that's kind of cruel?"
...


2 Comments, 61 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
EARRINGS..   11/8/2007

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Oh, yeah, sure, " says Bob sheepishly.
"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"
...


2 Comments, 72 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Hotline....   11/8/2007

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully ...


2 Comments, 63 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Bring out...   11/8/2007

Bring Out the Animal in You!
We work like a horse. We eat like a pig. We like to play chicken. You can get someone's goat. We can be as slippery as a snake. We get dog tired. We can be as quiet as a mouse. We can be as quick as a cat. Some of us are as strong as an ox. People try to buffalo others. We can be as gentle as a lamb. Sometimes we are as happy as a lark. Some of us ...


2 Comments, 57 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a test...have fun!! ;-)   11/8/2007

OK ALL OF YOU SCHOLARS AND TEACHERS......take your time figure out what these words have in common.
There is something unusual about these words, so see if you can figure it out.
Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
Are you peeking or have you already given up? ...


2 Comments, 65 Views, 13 Votes ,4.49 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Restroom....   11/8/2007

A guy is in a New York public restroom. He soon discovers that there is no toilet paper on the roll. He calls into the next stall, "Hey man do you have any toilet paper in there?"
"No, " comes the reply.
"Do you have any newspaper?" he asks.
"Sorry!" is the next reply.
"Ummm, do you have four fives for a twenty?"


2 Comments, 69 Views, 10 Votes ,1.99 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
The experimental...........   11/8/2007

The Experimental Drug
"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
...


2 Comments, 80 Views, 16 Votes ,4.01 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Which one...   11/8/2007

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity, "You are all part of our team now, " said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
A Marine In Hell   11/8/2007

A Marine In Hell
A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. " Looking up he sees that it is his ...


2 Comments, 47 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Dear Marine   11/8/2007

Dear Marine
There was a Marine deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up AND she wants her picture back.
So the Marine does what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the ...


2 Comments, 53 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
mickus981 35 M
1  Article
dirty jokes   11/8/2007

whats the difference between love, true love and showing off ?
spitting, swallowing and gargling
what have david beckham and a cartier watch got in commom?
both come in a posh box
why do farts smell so bad?
so the deaf can enjoy them too


2 Comments, 83 Views, 21 Votes ,2.51 Score
RandyTeacher 58 M
13  Articles
Sunburned!   11/8/2007

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 15 Votes ,4.82 Score
GODZILLA1970 41 M
1  Article
ABOUT mast.rbaTION   11/8/2007

A FATHER SAIDS TO HIS SON, SON, IF YOU mast.rbate, YOU'LL GO BLIND. SONS RESPONDS, DAD I'M OVER HERE!


2 Comments, 61 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
Gyuszi16 51 M
1  Article
My life   16/7/2011

Not always possible to good translate a joke (like from Hungarian), but I will try now...



The husband nicknamed his wife "my life" One day the Death camp-out on the door, and he opens the door. I came for your life, -says the Death. Just a moment, -say man -"my life", someone are looking for you...




1 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
JKH_54 60 M
13  Articles
Little Boy at the Nude Beach !   23/5/2010

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 11 Votes ,3.73 Score
mita78 30 M
2  Articles
Greed pays atimes!!   1/2/2009

A friend in a company of a lady saw another one passing and had to abandon the later in the name of trying luck.He talked to her and to his amazement the lady agreed saying she has been wishing to get such a confident man!


1 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Cows   12/8/2007

A man was looking to the sky, a flying crow shit in his eye, he clean his eye with a tissue and once again look to the sky and said "Thanks God cows can't fly."...


1 Comments, 177 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
The cowboy and the Yuppie   12/8/2007

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at ...


1 Comments, 152 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Places of Hiding   12/8/2007

Two women just arrived at Lord abode up in heaven, made friendship and started talking their last moments on earth . First Woman said, "I froze to death"
Second Woman, "How did that happened?
First Woman, "Well, I was terribly cold and shivering, then I quit shaking from the cold, began to get warm, sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?"
...


1 Comments, 133 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Always tell your wife the truth   12/8/2007

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some vegetables. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing lead to another and they end up in her apartment. After a while, he realizes its 3 PM and says, "Oh no, its so ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 10 Votes ,2.79 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
The Husband Store   12/8/2007

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building! So, a woman goes ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Advise from father in law   12/8/2007

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Would it be please possible for you to share with me your secret?"
. The father-in-law beamed and advised, "Yes, never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she has done something wrong. Always bear in mind and thank God that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she has you ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Jail   12/8/2007

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
warriorcity 42 M
12  Articles
Bouncing&bowling   12/8/2007

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh..well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and ...


1 Comments, 96 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
placid5 40 M
4  Articles
polce jokes   12/8/2007

a thief was running away.... behind him chased by a constable and behind him a polce officer. thief finally ran away... the officer stormed at constable " rubbish, could not grab him?" "but sir i took his finger print for future investigation" replied "where it is"- officer "on my cheeks"- constable


1 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
placid5 40 M
4  Articles
dull headed   12/8/2007

a general wins a battle. media persons"congratulation general, for your victory" general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to my fellow armymen" a week later his wife gave birth to a child mediapersons" congratulation general, you are now a proud father" general" nothing goes to my credit, all credit to my fellow armymen"


1 Comments, 42 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Exceller2 56 M
4  Articles
Two Hillbillies   12/8/2007

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. A woman at a nearby table, eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it is obvious that the woman is in distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "can yer swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Can yer breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue ...


1 Comments, 34 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
A well-planned life ??   11/8/2007

A WELL-PLANNED LIFE???
Two elderly women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well-planned life?"
"Yes, " said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
farmer   11/8/2007

An Iowa farmer was tired of hearing a Texas rancher brag how everything was the best on his spread. So the farmer invited the Texan out to his Iowa farm if he was ever in the vicinity. “What do you have on your farm that would interest me?” the rancher asked.
“I have a bull that can outrun the train that goes past my place, ” the farmer replied.
...


1 Comments, 60 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a bird   11/8/2007

A couple went into a pet store to buy a canary. They told the salesman the bird had to be a good singer. They heard a canary singing loudly and remarked, “It’s beautiful, and it sings great.”
But when the salesman took the bird from the cage, the couple said, “Hey, it’s got only one leg.”
“What do you want, ” the ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
fishing trick.....   11/8/2007

It was a cold winter day. An man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a large fish. The man couldn't believe ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
PRISON MAIL..   11/8/2007

Prison Mail
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
Dear Husband, "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
Dear Wife, "Whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
told you...   11/8/2007

A rich Beverly Hills woman got very angry at her maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
The maid couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam. He has told me himself."
"I suppose my husband told you that?"
"Yes, he ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Complain....   11/8/2007

A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his complaints rather loudly.
"Yes, Sir?"
"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and there are no window blinds so I can't sleep."
"Just shut up and land the plane, Captain."


1 Comments, 38 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
whose...   11/8/2007

Finished with canvassing all the stores in a town, a traveling salesman checked out of a hotel. On the way to the airport, he realized he'd left his hairbrush behind. He returned to the room, but it had just been given to a honeymoon couple. As he was about to knock, the heard, from inside, a nervous bridal voice say, "And whose pretty nosey-wosey is that?
The groom said, "Yours, ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
what do i look like???...   11/8/2007

What Do I Look Like?
There was a young couple living in an old run down house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, "Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?"
"Who do I look like? Michelangelo?" the man replies.
"I guess not", says the ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
letter...   11/8/2007

Dear God
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
14 things....   11/8/2007

14 THINGS THAT IT TOOK OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental ...


1 Comments, 49 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
open...   11/8/2007

Jack and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
Jack says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
play...   11/8/2007

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time, " Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
heaven...   11/8/2007

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to heaven. St. Peter was there, having a bad day because heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven: They each had to answer a single question. To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sunk ...


1 Comments, 42 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
panic...   11/8/2007

A teacher told the class to draw a picture on panic.
The teacher noticed little Johnny sitting in the front of class had apparently done his drawing and was sitting with his arms crossed in a matter of seconds.
After a while the teacher told the class to put down their pencils and then asked one of the students, Mary Lou to show her drawing. It was a drawing of a ship ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
dentist.......   11/8/2007

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.
"You're a brave woman, " said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."


1 Comments, 42 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a drunken...   11/8/2007

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
parking meter...   11/8/2007

A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight."
The man replies, "I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a dream...   11/8/2007

A woman was in her psychiatrist's office, terribly upset after a bad dream.
"Now", soothed the psychiatrist, "tell me about this dream you had."
"Well, " said the lady, "I dreamed I was walking down the street with nothing on but a hat."
"And, were you embarrassed?"
"Yes I was. It was last year's hat!"


1 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a word..   11/8/2007

At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"
The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?"
"From Uncle Charlie, " responds the son.
Dad charges off to confront his brother.
Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains ...


1 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
doc...   11/8/2007

An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
"I'm 98, " the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
tate...   11/8/2007

The Tate Family
You may have heard of the Tate Family. Members of this family attend every group.
There is Dic Tate who wants to run everything.
Ro Tate tries to change things...whether they need it or not.
Agi Tate stirs up trouble whenever possible.
She gets a helping hand from her brother, Irri Tate.
Devas Tate loves to ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
a child..   11/8/2007

The minister's little six-year-old boy had been such a terror and naughty all the previous week, that his mother decided to punish him by not allowing the boy to attend the up-coming school picnic.
Then, as the day approached, the mother, feelng she had been a bit too harsh, relented and changed her mind.
She told the little boy he could go to the picnic, but was ...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
be in love...   11/8/2007

Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times, " one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago, I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No, " he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
glasses...   11/8/2007

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
models...   11/8/2007

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe you other models let you kiss them, " she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before, " he swore.
"Really, " she said, softening. "How many models ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
hot water...   11/8/2007

"Bill, I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning, " the doctor ordered. "Hot water. Do you understand? A man your age needs help for his elimination."
"Of course, Doctor, I understand. That'll be easy. I've been doing it for years anyhow, only my wife has been calling it coffee."


1 Comments, 16 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
how could you....   11/8/2007

Maurice comes home one day to find his wife Hannah, an English teacher, in bed with his best friend.
"Darling, " Maurice cries, "how could you? After all the years we've been together, I come home from work to find you like this. I am surprised."
"No, no, my dear, " says Hannah, "you are amazed. I am surprised."


1 Comments, 26 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
tell...........   11/8/2007

Jill: C'mon, Mary, exactly how many men have you been with?
Mary: Now, Jill, I've taken the Army's policy on that information and adapted it for my own situation.
Jill: What do you mean?
Mary: Don't ask; don't tell; don't remember.


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
1Brazilianguy 55 M
4  Articles
THE AMAZING PHARMACOLOGY   11/8/2007

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call moxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
RandyTeacher 58 M
13  Articles
What's in a name?   11/8/2007

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. 'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'? 'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm', she said. Then he asked 'Why is my sister named Cornflower'? 'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her', she replied. He then asked 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild'? 'We were ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Judi & Jon...   11/8/2007

Judi spotted Jon across a crowded room at a convention in Las Vegas. Easing up next to him, Judi asked Jon if he would like to join her for a drink.
"I don't know, " said Jon. "I've got a wife and two kids at home..."
To which Judi replied, "I don't know you. You don't know me. They don't know us, and we don't know them." Jon thought about it for a second and then ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Leroy┬┤s joke...   11/8/2007

Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.'
"Leroy said, " Lady, I'm not smoking."
"But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said.
"'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts, too, but ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Benny the horse...   11/8/2007

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.
Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.
Then he ...


1 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
turn to...   11/8/2007

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink.
He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse."
This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
pets....   11/8/2007

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
2 boring....   11/8/2007

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall when a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars.
As fast as he could, the first ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
Well-endowed....   11/8/2007

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three doctors and one nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.
The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.
The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it." They ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
What did Eve say...   11/8/2007

One day, a guy's wife went to the doctor's office and said " My husband always falls asleep during the sermon." Upon hearing this, the doctor handed her a pointy stick and said " Whenever he falls asleep, poke him with it. That Sunday the couple are sitting in church and the man falls asleep. The wife gets out the stick and jabs him in the side with it. At the same time the preacher says " ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
too much....   11/8/2007

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective patient. He told her, "I'll install a special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw a little, ... and the wrinkles will disappear!"
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
King Solomon....   11/8/2007

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter, "said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter, " said the other.
And so they argued before the King until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword, " said Solomon, "and I shall cut the young attorney in half. ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
flea....   11/8/2007

Sitting at the bar where I was the bartender was an older men who looked like he had a long day. After two or three drinks he rested his head on the bar. I walked over to him and tapped my hand near his head to informed him that this was not permitted.
Slowly he lifted his head up to meet my eyes and asked me if I believed in reincarnation. Not wanting to get to involved in a ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
babypower7dk 43 F
76  Articles
barbers......   11/8/2007

Three barbers ran shops in the same street. The first barber put up a notice in his window stating, "I am the best barber in town." Seeing this, the second barber put up a notice, "I am the best barber in the world."
Not to be beaten, the third barber put up a notice which simply read, "I am the best barber in this street."


1 Comments, 41 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Fighter Pilot Jokes   11/8/2007

Fighter Pilot Jokes Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half over? A. He says "but enough about me - wanna hear about my plane?"
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Old Marine   11/8/2007

Old Marine
Shortly after President Bush took office, an old veteran approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave. where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."
The marine looked at the vet and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Skippy's List (partial)   11/8/2007

Skippy's List
SPC Schwarz aka "Skippy" has assembled "213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army."
Who is Skippy? We don't know but he is definitely "whacked". Skippy is also hilarious. However, we have no desire to ever meet Skippy in person.
Some of our favorites from Skippy's list are:
* Not allowed to play into the deluded ...


1 Comments, 10 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
The Power of Sergeants   11/8/2007

The Power of Sergeants
Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten Air Force Officers and one Sergeant. Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.
They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the Sergeant said he would let go of the rope since ...


1 Comments, 10 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Army Football Practice for Army/Navy Game Delayed   11/8/2007

Army Football Practice for Army/Navy Game Delayed West Point (NY) -- Army football practice was delayed nearly two hours yesterday after a player reported finding an unknown powdery white substance on the practice field. New head coach, John Mumford, immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate.
After a complete analysis by ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
West Point Jokes   11/8/2007

West Point Jokes Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror? A: To justify their handicap parking.
Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opposums"? A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games? A: The guy with the recipe ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!   11/8/2007

How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!
If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:
The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.
The MARINE CORPS would assault the ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
President Bush's Adopt a Detainee Program   11/8/2007

President Bush's Adopt a Detainee Program
Dear Liberal:
Thank you for your recent whiney letter criticizing the treatment of the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
As part of the Administration's Liberal Re-training Program, you'll be pleased to learn that the Administration has decided to place one detainee under your ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
A Lesson in Naval Logistics   11/8/2007

A Lesson in Naval Logistics
Discussion Board on this Military Joke
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48, 600 gallons of water, 74, 000 cannon shot, 115, 000 pounds of black powder and 79, 000 gallons of rum.
Her mission: to destroy and harass English Shipping
On 6 October, she made ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
quietman6706 46 M
16  Articles
Mordor War Protests   11/8/2007

Mordor War Protests
MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.
"We need more time for diplomacy, " said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
RandyTeacher 58 M
13  Articles
The Angry Preacher   11/8/2007

The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie! A God fearing decent Christian community cannot tolerate such slander. I am embarrassed and will not accept this. Now I want the individual who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!' No one moved. The preacher continued, ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
washing   11/8/2007

man has fit in bath . his m8 being a tightwad throws his washing in


1 Comments, 43 Views, 5 Votes ,0.21 Score
Duranie18 28 F
3  Articles
How to Drive Other People Insane   15/12/2006

At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. <br> 2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) <br> 3) Insist that your e mail address be: 'FriendFinder' or 'FriendFinder' <br> 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. ...


1 Comments, 170 Views, 83 Votes ,6.37 Score
ouss1992 21 M
10  Articles
the expiry date   21/8/2014

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
houari32 26 M
5  Articles
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.   23/9/2013

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score