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life lesson 2 8/12/2007
Lesson Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY 8/12/2007
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like ...
1 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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ta-da 8/12/2007
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
1 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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should winess childbirth? 8/11/2007
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over
her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born. The paramedic lifted him by his ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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nuts 8/11/2007
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients
to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond
to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite
well. As the National
Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts",
and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Looking to buy a frog?!? 8/11/2007
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I
show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into
his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches,
cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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The Older We Get................ 8/11/2007
The Older We Get, the more we get like
COMPUTERS!
We start out with lots of MEMORY and DRIVE, then we become
outdated, CRASH at odd moments, and eventually have all
our PARTS replaced! 
2 Comments, 145 Views,
15 Votes
,3.13 Score
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Noy sure if you can call this a joke? 8/11/2007
I want to test your brain.
Farmer Brown had a hay (Corn) stack in his field but didnt
want it anymore! so he went to see Farmer Joe! to see if he
wanted it?
Farmer Joe said "Sure put it in my field with the other
one" so farmer Brown said "thankyou"
and put his hay (Corn) stack in with farmer Joe`s.
How many Hay (Corn) Stacks did farmer Joe now have?
1 Comments, 69 Views,
0 Votes
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Jack and Jill 8/11/2007
A man buys a small diner in Wisconsin. It's more of a
greasy spoon, truck stop deal.He starts off small and hires
a cook named Jack and a waitress named Jill to start off.
It's summertime, so business is ok and he hires a few
more parttime summer workers. Soon fall comes and then
winter. In the dead of winter business starts to drop off.
He can't afford to keep paying his help, so goes to ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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They say laughter is the best medicine 8/11/2007
A joke for the day
Superman was flying over a building and low and behold he
saw wonderwoman nude sunbathing on the top of a building......should
I he thought........I am faster than a speeding bullet......she
will never know......so he swoops down does the deed and
is off......wonderwoman says what was that and the invisible
man says I dont know but my bum ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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Walking on water 8/11/2007
There was a minister, a priest and a pastor in
a boat fishing. The ministor says Oh nooooooooo we forgot
the tackle box on land. The priest jumps up and says I will
get it so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water
gets the takcle box and comes back. The pastor says if he
can walk on water so can I ........he steps out of the boat
and quickly sinks to the bottom. The ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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a few more beers 8/11/2007
Tom and Dave are in a bar drinking. At about 9 pm Tom says to
his friend, "I'm off home". When Dave asks
why, Tom replies that if he doesn't go his wife will
go crazy, Stunned at how submissive his friend is, Dave
offers advice. "Why don't you do what i do. Stay, ...drink
as much as you want, then when you go home, sneak in through
the door, climb the stairs quietly, leave thelights out, ...
1 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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the only clean joke i know 8/11/2007
A railway worker, working in a secluded signal box wants
promotion to become a senior signalman. He applies to take
a test and weeks later an examiner arrives. He asks the signal
man, "If 2 trains are heading towards each other on
that track, what would you do?" Thats easy replies
the signal man, "I'd pull that red lever, stopping
the up train, and swithing the down train to the other ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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A smarter mom 8/11/2007
A six year old was fond of stealing candies from the
candy basket. One day her mom decided to put the candies
on top of the wardrobe. But he continued to steal them by
climbing unto a stool and reaching the candy basket.
His mom then put the candies in the fridge.
The returned from school the next day and went straight
for the stool, but this time there were no candies. while ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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IN the midst 8/11/2007
of Rugged's serious blog
on things......I decided to play a joke on him......here
it is and he even laughed about it. I have nothing agaist
smokers this is just a joke. So please, just look at it with
a sense of humor.
_______________________________________________
Did you hear about the woman in the news? She was a chain smoker
and since ...
1 Comments, 22 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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I have no idea if you will think this is funny or not 8/11/2007
Today while I waited at the pharmacy... one of the ladies
behind the counter ask the lady beside me if she was the lady
with the nuts........I was surprised and waited for the
older lady to answer and she said Yes.....so I waited a minute
and I said Did she just ask you if you were a nut with other
nuts? the little older lady started laughing, my step dad
was ...
3 Comments, 125 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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the next birthday 8/11/2007
the aunty : how old are you in the next birthday?
niece : i am gonna be 6!
aunty : how old were you last birthday?
niece : i was 4!
aunty : so, how come you gonna be 6 in the next birthday!?
niece : its simple! i am 5 years now!
1 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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GOD MORNING..! 8/11/2007
MR 'A' :GOOD MORNING!, THIS IS PEACE COMPANY?
'RECEPTIONIST:GOOD MORNING..!YES IT IS
MR 'A'  AN I SPEAK TO MR 'B'?
RECEPTIONIST :MAY I KNOW WHO IS SPEAKING?
MR 'A'  AM MR 'A' FROM HAPPY COMPANY
RECEPTIONIST  NE MOMENT, PLS?I WILL CONNECT YOU TO HIS
SECRETARY.
SECRETARY :GOOD MORNING MR A!I AM SECTRETARY OF MR 'B'.DO
YOU HAVE APPOINMENT WITH MR 'B' BEFORE?
...
1 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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STOP SMOKING! 8/11/2007
MR 'M' WANT TO STOP SMOKING NOW, BUT HOW?
MR 'B' :WHEN EVER YOU WANNA DO SMOKE, FIRST , FIRE
THE CIGARETTE ON BOTH SIDE.
1 Comments, 20 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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3 REASONS 8/11/2007
TEACHER :'dany, pls, give 3 reasons why people say
this earth is CIRCLE?
DANY :'its because my father said it so, my mother
told me so & you too just say it!
2 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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I HAVE AGREAT ! 8/11/2007
1ST MOTHER :'I HAVE VERY NICE .HE DOES NOT SMOKE, HE
DOES NOT DRINK, HE DOES NOT TOUCH drugS.HE ALWAYS HAPPY
AT HOME'
2ND MOTHER :'YES ..WHAT ALOVELY YOU HAVE.HOW OLD
IS HE? '
1ST MOTHER :HE IS 2 YEARS OLD
2ND MOTHER : OH COME ON..!ABSOLUTLY HE DOES!
1 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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About Doctors 8/11/2007
***
"Doctor!" complained the patient; "I
keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The doctor scratched his head. "Why have you come
to me? Have you seen an ophthalmologist?"
"No, " replied the patient, "just spots."
* * *
Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
He said; "I want you to eat regularly for two days,
then skip a day, and repeat ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Traffic Cops 8/11/2007
Question: Why policemen always walk the streets in teams
of three?
Answer: The partners in the police team are always chosen
in such a way that one of them knows how to read, the other
how to write, and the third one, naturally, has to keep watch
over those two intellectuals.
1 Comments, 44 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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So how did you break your arm? 8/11/2007
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate
the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper:
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah
with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's
heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when
we're having fun" kind of ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Ouch!!! 8/11/2007
Ouch!
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking
Vegas
catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks
the , "How much do you charge?"
replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap,
no hand-job is worth
that kind of money!"
The says, "Do you see that ...
1 Comments, 20 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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i am thirsty! 8/11/2007
theres a little boy names DONI.his daddy asking him to go
to sleep, but after 5 minutes the little boy shouting!
DONI  ADDY...!!
FATHER :WHAT HAPPEN DONI?
DONI AM THERSTY.., MAY I HAVE SOME WATER?
FATHER :NO!YOU HAD ALOT WATER ALREADY, COME ON JUST GET
SLEEP!
5 MINUTES GOES BY
DONI ADDY..!!
FATHER :WHATS UP DONI!?
...
1 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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25 year olds. 8/11/2007
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my
wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap
car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and
white TV,
but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old
blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen
TV,
but I'm ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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LEGACY LETTER 8/11/2007
lawyer of a rich man readoff a legacy letter to his family
after the man passaway in aweek.
"to my dearest faithful wife, who always been with
me in happy days & sad times, i giving you our house
& $2000.000.
to my miriam, who taken cares of me when i was sickness, help
me to runing the business, i giving you my yacht, my company
& $1.000.000.
to my cousins dona, who always hate me & ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Russian 8/11/2007
A russian who stayed in China for three years,
and when she went back home, she was still a virgin, you know
why,
The Chinese guy's cocks are too small.
1 Comments, 46 Views,
1 Votes
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Turtles 8/11/2007
10 turtles, 5 male and 5 female, went into a cave for a while,
and then only 5 males turtles went out of the cave, why?
The female turtles are upside down.
2 Comments, 74 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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