The traveller and the barn 31/3/2004|
A young guy is travelling in the country side. Soon it wil
be gettting dark and he needs aplace to stay.Seeing only
farms around he decides to knock on one of their doors. The
traveller explains to the farmer "i require a place
to sleep for the night Can you help me?"
The farmer replies "I can only let you sleEp in the
barn" "that is fine" says the traveller.
So the farmer shows him the ...
1 Comments, 51 Views,
what is the mathematical equation for Engineer Vs. Executives? 29/3/2004|
if you think there are difference between the Engineer
vs. executive. pls make an equation or postulates for that...
try to guess?//////
1 Comments, 130 Views,
Engineering vs Math Majors 29/3/2004|
Engineering vs Math Majors
A math and engineering convention was being held. On the
train to the convention, there were both math majors and
engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her
own train ticket. But the Engineers had only ONE ticket
for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snickering.
The engineers ignored the laughter.
1 Comments, 148 Views,
Man and woman 28/3/2004|
The man is running at home and :Wife!Our house is burning!What
we should do???Suddenly somebody say something:, ,Wardrobe!You
should go in wardrobe!??, ,But hwo is speakind?Wondering
the man.We the suits are speaking.??
1 Comments, 131 Views,
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up
north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn.
The wife liked to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours
of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although
she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided
take the boat. She rowed out a short distance,
anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along ...
1 Comments, 170 Views,
The off switch... 28/3/2004|
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters
the front door of an erotic sex shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles
the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support,
she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely ...
1 Comments, 206 Views,
Elephant and ant 27/3/2004|
Elephant and ant decided to change their eggs. Next day
they met and elephant said It wan?t so bad, I didn?t have
to do anything.? The ant said I was too really fun. But
they wanted to draw me out when we reached to the curve.?
1 Comments, 227 Views,
little moth 27/3/2004|
Little moth is sitting in the cupboard with his mom. ?Mom,
I want to go out.? ?You can?t, you mast sit in the cupboard
and eat the fur coat.? ?But I still want to go out.? ?You silly.If
you go out, then they will kill you.? ?No I don?t think so
because last time everybody were applauding.?
1 Comments, 160 Views,
Three fools animals 27/3/2004|
Rabbit, Bear and Mole: they wanted to go to foreign country.
They put themselfes nicknames:
Mole-?I don?t want to go to foreign country!?
1 Comments, 258 Views,
two mice 27/3/2004|
Two mice were drawing the cheese. Suddenly one mouse stopped.
?Run!? Front of us is one big black cat!? Since when are you
2 Comments, 1122 Views,
GIRL : I have sinned a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to
call anyone, so
what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL : Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL : But, he put his ...
1 Comments, 247 Views,
Be careful guys! 23/3/2004|
An American business man traveled throughout the Pacific
Rim on a 3 month business trip. He mixed business with pleasure
once too often and contracted a mysterious venereal disease.
His home physician informed him that his member would have
to be amputated. Shocked that his doctor would propose
such a radical procedure, the business man consulted numerous
other physicians, but they all ...
1 Comments, 195 Views,
Nursing Home 23/3/2004|
A man decides to finally put his father in a retirement home.
The fathers first night there, he gets a hard on. He pushes
the button to call a nurse and in comes this beautiful woman.
She sees the problem and start to give him head. When he's
done, she leaves. He immediatly calls his son and tells
him what happened. The son says "That's great
Dad, I'm glad you like the place." The ...
1 Comments, 281 Views,
change oil 22/3/2004|
This 80 year old man marries a 20 year old woman, the following
year she is in the hospital having their first child. The
nurse comes and says to the man "My sir how do you do
it at your age?" he replies "I just keep the motor
running. The following year she is in having their second
child and again the nurse says to him "Amazing how
do you do it?" he just looks at her and says “I ...
1 Comments, 244 Views,
Polish jokes. 20/3/2004|
A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Polack were arguing about
the purpose of the flange on the head of the penis! The Frenchman
says; "Ze flange on ze head of ze penis is for giving
ze woman pleasure." "Dat's nota so, "
says the Italian, "Da flange on da head o' de penis
is for giving da man pleasure!" "Idiots!"
Cries the Polack, "It's so you damn hand doesn't
1 Comments, 138 Views,
FRIENDFINDERS OF THE 1900'S 17/3/2004|
In the 1900's there was no Friendfinder.com and people
of the west had to resort to Mail-order brides. The people
of the west thought that they were tough and this may or may
not be true. This is one story of that time. This farmer was
lonely and he had worked very hard to build up his farm, train
his horses and dogs, clear his land, etc. He decided to send
in his money and order one ...
1 Comments, 240 Views,
Santa statistics 16/3/2004|
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are roughly
300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified.
While most of these are insects and germs, this does not
rule out flying reindeer - though Santa and my uncle Ralph,
in his drinking days, are the only people who've ever
There are two billion children (small people under the
age of 1 in the world. But ...
3 Comments, 71 Views,
Beer and Ice Cream Diet 16/3/2004|
Justification for beer and Ice cream! But stay away from
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1
degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms,
this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally
consisting of water in large part), the natural processes
which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during
the digestive ...
1 Comments, 161 Views,
One gloomy evening a broke-ass and wasted compadre sits
alone in the sleeziest bar in downtown Brownsville. Wishfully
longing for another drink in order to drown his sorrow,
he is abrupltly intervened by the vision of a well attired
and appealingly opulent man, in which holds a seemingly
familiar and old facade. Seeing the man with blurred vision
entering through the tilted swinging doors, ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
KNOW HOW TO TELL A JOKE? 15/3/2004|
In prison inmates number the jokes because they have heard
them so often. When they wish to tell a joke they just yell
out a number and all of the other inmates (because they know
the joke applied to that number) laugh.
One day a new prisoner comes in and knows nothing about the
system asks a fellow inmate about why everyone laughs when
a number is called out? The system is explained to ...
1 Comments, 194 Views,
$200 Bucks It Is... 15/3/2004|
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell,
and the wife answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you
have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give
you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
4 Sons 15/3/2004|
These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is
detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing
their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Kent, " says one, "has made quite
a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began
as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction
firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he
1 Comments, 256 Views,
A Bug 15/3/2004|
Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get
a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV.
One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang.
He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing
there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across
the room, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell ...
2 Comments, 274 Views,
A Case for More Beer 15/3/2004|
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo,
and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate ...
1 Comments, 197 Views,
A Cat's Diary 15/3/2004|
Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre
dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence
while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that,
and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some
piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a ...
5 Comments, 452 Views,
The bomb and the pilot 15/3/2004|
3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have
a glass bottle. What do I do with it?" The pilot told
him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same
question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window.
The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. What
do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the
window. When they landed they met a man ...
1 Comments, 98 Views,
Eve and adam 15/3/2004|
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord,
I have a problem!" "What's the problem,
Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and
have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful
animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm
just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came
the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm
sick to death of apples." "Well, ...
2 Comments, 206 Views,
Little Johnny 15/3/2004|
Little Johnny was sitting one day on a dock. Along came a
preacher and sat down beside him. Little Johnny had a mason
jar full of what looked like water and he was turning it over
and over, watching the bubbles float through it. The Preacher
asked, "What are you doing with that water?"
Little Johnny studied the contents of the jar for a moment,
then explained, "Preacher, this here is ...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
Italian Journey 15/3/2004|
"One day Ima go to No Fock, Virginia to a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast.
I tell the waitress I wanna two piss toast.
She branga me only onea piss, I tell her I wanna two piss,
she say go to the
I say you no understand.
I wanna two piss on my plate.
She say you better no piss on the plate you Sonna Ma Bitch.
I don't even know the lady ...
1 Comments, 150 Views,
Here's to the Woman who Drinks 12/3/2004|
Here's To The Woman,
In High Heeled Shoes.
Who Smokes Your Cigs,
And Drinks Your Booze.
You've Taken Her Cherry,
But That's No Sin.
Cause She 'Still' Has The Box,
That The Cherry Came In !!!
1 Comments, 190 Views,
a woman was singing. one of the guests turned to a man by his
side and criticised the singer.
" what a terrible voice!" he said. ' do you
know who she is?"
" yes." was the answer. "she is my wife."
"Oh, i beg your pardon." the man said, "
of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. i
wonder who wrote that awful song."
"i did." was the answer.
1 Comments, 340 Views,
donkey's father 8/3/2004|
a traffic accident happened in a samll town, and the place
is crowded by many people. a man , who liked watching very
much , came late . he could see nothing because he stood behind.
Suddenly he had a good idea and then he cried, " let
me in, please. i 'm his father!" the other people
were surprised, and stepped back in order to let him in.
when he entered in and saw clearly, he couldn't ...
1 Comments, 265 Views,
Mother and Daughter 8/3/2004|
Mommy, why do you have so many gray hairs?
I expect it's because you are so naughty and cause me
so much worry.
Oh-- you must have been terrible to Grandma.
1 Comments, 299 Views,
a guy who loves drinking so much , every afternoon the guy
goes into the bar and orders 4 shots of scotch at the same
time , then proceeds to drink them all . one day the bartender
asks him why he orders all 4 at once and the guy replies that
he has 3 brothers who do the same thing ever day at the same
time so that they can all have a drink together no matter
where they are. one day the ...
2 Comments, 303 Views,
i usually drive ahearse." 8/3/2004|
my nephew's bride-to-be and her father were in the
limousine on their way to the church and wanted to speak
to the driver.when the driver didn't hear them knock
on the glass partition, the bride's father pushed
it back and tapped the driver on the shoulder. heswerved
wildly before coming to a halt. " sorry to startle
you ." said the father.
" is's i who should be sorry , " apologized ...
1 Comments, 247 Views,
Marriage Crisis 7/3/2004|
It’s time to get married and the wedding bells are ringing
‒ the rings are ready but your not? The groom walks to the
alter and impatiently waits for his bride but meanwhile
his eye catches several beauties in the room.
The bride walks down the aisle smiling glade to meet the
groom but as she moves forward her eyes catch the sight of
two of her ex ‒ ...
1 Comments, 174 Views,
Ohhhhh Realllllly 4/3/2004|
If one must tell a bad joke, please use your grammar and spell
This is how “Lawyer” is spelled not “Laywer”. Also, despite
all the bad press that Priests have received lately the
bad ones as well as the good ones are very educated men and
would never say “Do you think we have got time”.
2 Comments, 259 Views,
The correct spelling 2/3/2004|
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she
listens in horror as one of the men says the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together.
I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come
again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
The businessman and the blonde 2/3/2004|
One day a blonde was sitting on a plane next to one of those
smart businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play
a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the
game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will
ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me
$5, and vice-versa." She said no again, and tried
to fall asleep.
The man begged and said, "I'll ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
He was the best... 2/3/2004|
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing
how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not
to put you down, ...
1 Comments, 131 Views,
He was good... 2/3/2004|
Four men went to play golf. Three of them headed to the first
tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of
the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder,
and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free.
Just gave it to him."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and
3 Comments, 810 Views,
Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide
the legs, and pray you dont multiply! Something good will
happen to you. get ready for the biggest stock of your life.
1 Comments, 307 Views,
How to Drive Other People Insane 1/3/2004|
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer
at passing cars
to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise
3) Insist that your e mail address be:
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they
want fries with
1 Comments, 170 Views,
There is a man who is going to get married for the first time.He
goes to see a doctor to get advice on what he should do with
his wife on their first night together.The doctor tells
him, "I want you to take a quarter and put it in your
right hand and then bump your right hip against it several
times."The man goes home and does what the doctor
says.Next day doctor tells the man, "Now, I want ...
1 Comments, 197 Views,
I need a Push! 29/2/2004|
There is a man who lives in a farmhouse and one night while
he and his wife are asleep, he hears a knock on the door.He
gets up and goes to the door.Outside there is a older man, very
drunk, standing there.The farmer ask's the man, "can
I help you?" and the drunk man say's"I need
The farmer tells him, "Oh, you are just drunk, why
don't you go home and sleep it off."The man then ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
I'm so sweet 28/2/2004|
A man and his wife fought, and the man ask his wife to pack
all her belongings and leave the house before he comes back
from work.The woman was so disturbed so she had a plan, about
20 minutes for the man to return from work, the woman went
to bath without wearing anything, she lied on the bed with
her legs opened.The man was so angry to here that his wife
is still in the house, but when he ...
2 Comments, 247 Views,
Khat boy 27/2/2004|
There was this young Kenyan young man who had been chewing
miraa(kHAT)all day long with friends.After the khat was
over he decided to go home.He was so tired that on reaching
his house he changed to his pyjamas didn't even put
on the light.The khat had made so high that instead of throwing
the khat outside the house he removed it from his mouth and
put it in the bed and threw himselt ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
Prof. Bihari Inside the Class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
1 Comments, 150 Views,
Oh, GOD, I'm coming! 25/2/2004|
John was in school when one day his teacher touching on spritual
topic. Teacher said : "When we die on day, our soul
will come out from our head and fly towards GOD in heaven."
John protest and said : "That's not true, teacher
!" The teacher is very angry and ask : "Why are
you say so ?!" John said seriously : "Because
I witnessed it ! Every night, when both mum's legs are
high with the ...
1 Comments, 211 Views,
Playing doctor 24/2/2004|
A little boy comes up to a little girl on the playground and
says he wants to show her something. They go behind the playground
and he drops his pants.
Pointing proudly he announces, "I have one of these,
and you don't!"
The little girl lifts her skirt and says "I have one
of these. And when I get older I can get as many of those as
I want with it."
1 Comments, 253 Views,
A boy at school was selling
smart pills for a dollar a
piece. Another boy bought
one but ot didn't seem to
have any effect. He then
bought another one and then
another. Finally he said,
" These smart pills don't
work. Besides, they taste
like rabbit droppings" The
first boy said, " You see,
you're getting smarter all
1 Comments, 204 Views,
A husband came home early only to find that her wife is in
bed with one of his friends. The husband gets the gun from
his drawer and kills his friend. The wife approaches the
husband and says " Dear, keep your cool, for if you
continue to react like this, one day you are surely going
to loose All your friends"
1 Comments, 142 Views,
Insect School... 23/2/2004|
A friendly grasshopper applied for a job as a crossing guard
at a flying insect school. He got an interview, and went
in to meet the superintendent, a stern bee.
"Your responsibilities on this job", the bee
said, "include making sure the little flies get to
school in the morning, and back to the bus in the afternoon.
You must also watch them on the playground, and keep track ...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
Tattoo Parlor 23/2/2004|
A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked the owner if he could
get a special tattoo with the words "yes" and
"no", on his manhood. The owner agreed and the
tattooing was underway.
When the job was complete, the man thought his new tattoo
looked great and he paid for the service.
That night when the man went home he approached his wife
in their bedroom. ...
1 Comments, 133 Views,
A bit naughty.... 23/2/2004|
[Author's note: I made this one myself. And the Insect
So there's this guy and his wife, rite?
And they love eachother very much and it's cute, and
they have this wonderful marraige and an awesome honeymoon
and the kinkiest relationship the world has ever seen.
Over time, however, in their relationship, he begins to
1 Comments, 46 Views,
Gimme a Brake... 23/2/2004|
[Translated from French] (At least, I hope this is what
the article said! My french isn't too good!)
An auto mechanic was working underneath a car one sunny
afternoon, when the main brake line sprouted a leak and
brake fluid sprayed out into his mouth. At first, he was
sickened and worried it might be toxic, but he quickly realized
that this brake fluid actually tasted ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
a man went to the 23/2/2004|
a man went to the docters with a steering wheel around his
penis and said doc this is driving my nuts
1 Comments, 183 Views,
i was in the grocery store the other day, in the produce
dept i over heard two arab women talking and one says, this
potatoe is like my husbands balls.
the other one said " that big"? her friend says
1 Comments, 212 Views,
That's nothing, you should see what I have 22/2/2004|
An Alabama sharecropper finally had a bumper crop one year.
He had enough money to purchase 100 acres of land. One day
he was sitting in his lawn chair when a truck pulled in the
driveway. A texan fellow got out to ask directions. He asked
what are you doing just sitting here. The Farmer answered
that he was just admiring his 100 acres he had recently purchased.
100 acres said the ...
3 Comments, 219 Views,
The Miracle of Toilet Paper 22/2/2004|
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER . . .
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining
to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes
up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take
a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a ...
1 Comments, 274 Views,
A husband and wife was on bed when the wife asked : "Darling,
tell me in truth, how many women have you been slept before
? I won't angry." The husband said : "Only
you, sweetheart ! With others, I was awake !"
1 Comments, 235 Views,
I Shot The Dog. 20/2/2004|
One day a lady who was pregnant with triplets went to the
bank. While she was there, there was a robbery. She got shot
3 times in the stomach. At the hospital, the doctor told
her that she and her 3 unborn babies were fine. Several years
later, she was making dinner when one of the little girls
walked up. The little girl pulled on her mothers dress and
said, "mommy, when i went pee-pee, a ...
1 Comments, 1185 Views,
Im having puppies! 20/2/2004|
There are 3 pregnant women in the waiting room at the doctors
office...a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were
all talking about what kind of babies they were going to
have. The brunette said, "well, im going to have a
girl because i was on top", then the redhead said,
well im going to have a boy because i was on bottom. Then the
blonde ran to the corner and started to cry. When the ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
The gentleman walked briskly into the drug store, strode
over to the pharmacist and said, "I would like a box
The pharmacist smiled and replied, "You must mean
"No, " the man responded, "I don't
have any trouble going."
1 Comments, 178 Views,
The future sex therapist 18/2/2004|
The teacher asked the children in her class, what they want
to be when they grow up.
"I want to be an actress, " Susie says.
"Good girl, Susie."
"I want to be an astronaut, " Cliff says.
"Good boy, Cliff."
"And I want to be a sex therapist, " Little Johnny
"Would you please tell the class how you ...
1 Comments, 262 Views,
The examination 18/2/2004|
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone,
entered the doctor's office. "We have come for
an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright, " said the doctor. "Go behind
that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me, " said the girl. "It's
my old aunt here."
"Very well, " said the doctor. "Madam,
stick out your tongue."
1 Comments, 241 Views,
little baby boy and a little baby girl 18/2/2004|
There was a little baby boy and a little baby girl. Then the
baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!"
Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the
little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse
leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves.
So the boy lifts up his gown and goes.........
"See I have Blue Booties, and you have Pink!
1 Comments, 271 Views,
Superman was flying past when he looked down and saw Wonderwoman
lying naked on a lawnchair sunbathing in her balcony. He
thought: "hey, given all my speed, who's to know
if i were to swoop down n "BANG!" her?"
So that's what he did......swooop......BANG!...and
off he flew at the speed of a bullet...
Stunned, Wonderwoman: "OMG! what was THAT?!"
Stunned, Invisibleman: "I dunno...I juz felt ...
1 Comments, 169 Views,
Wife and sex 6/2/2004|
Two young friends decided to visit a brothel and have a nice
time without the knoeledge of their wives. On getting there,
the first one entered and after 15 minutes, he came out hissing
and said "my wife is better than her".
The second one followed suit and after just five minutes,
he came out shaking his head and said "Yes it is true,
your wife is better than her."
1 Comments, 59 Views,
This women gets in a car crash 3/2/2004|
This women gets in a car crash and her husband goes to the
hospital when he finds out. When he gets there the docter
tells him, "I got some bad news, your wife has been
severly damaged from the crash. She lost both arms and both
legs. She can not move unless you help her. You need to feed
her, clean her, dress her, move her, give her several pills
daily, and worst of all, have to watch her ...
1 Comments, 206 Views,
ONE FROM TEXAS,ONE FROM ARKANSAS. 1/2/2004|
There's these two guys walking on the bridge, crossing
the river.They stop to take a leak with their peckers hanging
in the hand, peeing into the river.The one from Texas says:"hey, this
river is cold", the other one from Arkansas:"yeah, it's
cold, AND deep too!"
1 Comments, 224 Views,
what do you get? 30/1/2004|
what do you get when you put a bulldog and a shitsui daog together?
1 Comments, 139 Views,
Strong Medicine for the Nun 25/1/2004|
Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room,
a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very
ashen, drawn and haggard.
Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor:
"I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible.
I have never seen a woman look worse."
1 Comments, 184 Views,
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker: 25/1/2004|
Caution! I stop for gnomes, elves, pixies, unicorns, leprechauns,
faeries, dragons, and other mystical creatures only I
1 Comments, 124 Views,
the salesman 24/1/2004|
A woman walks into a clothing store, as she's looking
around a salesman comes up to her and asks if she needs help.
The woman asks him "which do you think would be better,
a sweater or a windbreaker?" "Well, "
says the salesman "that all depends on weather you're
gonna sweat or break wind...."
1 Comments, 122 Views,
"Wanna B Ur Lovr" by Weird Al Yankovic 23/1/2004|
Though this is technically not a joke, I thought it would
be appropriate to put the lyrics to this song here, since
I found it really funny.
"Wanna B Ur Lovr" by Weird Al Yankovic
I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check
I like your skeletal structure baby, you're an ectomorph,
Your face is real symmetrical, and your ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
kids these days 22/1/2004|
what is it with kids these days?, cut all their hair off,
have their eyebrows, nose, tongue, ecetera pierced with
a piece of metal in it?, tattoos, are they just trying to
go along with the crowd?, be cool?, are they all rock star
wannabes?, well at least rock stars let their hair grow,
i have a friend who would sell the farm for hair, guess i am
just getting old, i still listen to their ...
1 Comments, 242 Views,
Mushroom Fun 20/1/2004|
WHAT DO YOU CALL A 10 INCH MUSHROOM? Answer; A FUNGI.
1 Comments, 33 Views,
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a drive way?
1 Comments, 196 Views,
Priest, police and holy ghost 18/1/2004|
There was a priest who, any time he comes across Police checpoints
in his small volkswagen carat night and was asked "who
are you with in your vehicle, he replies "Oh, I am with
angel Gabriel, Angel Michael, Mary Mother of God, holy
spirit etc etc.
The policemen, who care nothing but for bribe from the priest,
get angry everytime until one night when one of them, anxious
to get something ...
1 Comments, 115 Views,
Think about it 17/1/2004|
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
1 Comments, 218 Views,
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a
convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding
so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them.
The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette.
The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on.
The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
1 Comments, 148 Views,
Another Blonde 17/1/2004|
A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening
to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted,
and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed,
just make sure that you do not take these headphones off."
The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she
was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair,
she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them
1 Comments, 125 Views,
what they have in common 17/1/2004|
What does driving in fog & muff diving have in common.
Ans- You can't see the cunt in the front
1 Comments, 151 Views,
CAN YOU LAUGH? 15/1/2004|
ONE DAY, A MAN ARRIVED HIS HOME AND SAW HIS WIFE BEATING THIER
SON.HE ASKED HER WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS.THE WIFE REPLIED
"I ASKED HIM WHAT IS THE ANSWER OF ONE PLUS FIVE AND
HE SAID SEVEN"
THE MAN ASKED HER, "WHAT IS THE ANSWER?"SHE
SAID "FOUR".THEN THE MAN SAID , "YOU
ARE RIGHT, IF NOT I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A SLAP ENOUGH TO
MAKE YOU CRY"
1 Comments, 315 Views,
Immigrants to America 9/1/2004|
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United
States by boat and one say to the other. I hear that the people
of this country actually eat dogs.
Odd, her companion replies, but if we shall live in America,
we might as well do as the Americans do.
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to
a hot dog vendor and they walk toward the cart. Two dogs,
please, she says.
1 Comments, 252 Views,
Love and the Redneck 9/1/2004|
A big old redneck walked into his local bar, with a big grin
on his face.
What are you so happy about? asked the bartender.
Well I'll tell you. he replied. You know I live by the
railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night I noticed
a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I , of
course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to cut a long story ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
a family of silence 8/1/2004|
A guy had just bought his first motorcycle at a local dealership
and before he left the salesman handed him a jar of vasoline
and said before it starts raining you need to lube up your
bike so it doesn't rust. He agreed and went to pick his
girlfriend up from work..when he got there she asked him
if he wanted to come over for dinner and meet her family.
The guy agrees and they take ...
1 Comments, 323 Views,
blonde joke for ya.. 5/1/2004|
Q. How are blondes and turtles alike?
A. Once their on their backs they are screwed.
1 Comments, 202 Views,
A friend of mine in the Air Force sent this to me:
Plane ticket to Jacobabad, Pakistan.........(Free for
Pack of cigarettes...........................$3.45
Magazine to help pass the time...............$4.99
Bottle of aspirin to get over the jet lag.....$3.95
Pack of pens ...
1 Comments, 243 Views,
Annual Check-up 4/1/2004|
This was sent to me by a friend:
An 85-year old man is having his annual check-up.
The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.
The old man says, "I've got an 18 year old bride
who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about
The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well,
let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an ...
1 Comments, 245 Views,
no charge 3/1/2004|
one day electron went to the wine bar and buyed one bottle
wine. but it didnt pay money for the bottle. do you know what
is the reason? answer below
because electron has no charge
2 Comments, 288 Views,
father to son : at your age nehru was a gold medalist
son to father : at your age he was the prime-minister of india
1 Comments, 160 Views,
The Kid and The Cop 1/1/2004|
This joke was sent to me by my best friend the other day.
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop
says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa
bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light
on that bike."
The cop ...
1 Comments, 172 Views,
A Salesman's Dillemma 21/12/2003|
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle
East assignment. A
friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the
Middle East, I was very
confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is
there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to
1 Comments, 229 Views,
Tyson One Liners 21/12/2003|
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off,
misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!
Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants
it to be held in ...
1 Comments, 296 Views,
What God Told The Businessman 21/12/2003|
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business
was failing, he had
put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody--
it was so bad he
was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went
to a priest and poured
out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, Here's what
I want you to do: Put a
beach chair and your ...
1 Comments, 283 Views,
What's time ;-)))) 17/12/2003|
Do u know what's time is it when an elephant sit on your
watch???? It's time to buy a new one LOL
1 Comments, 203 Views,
nice to be one at f.finder 15/12/2003|
Thank u so much for this program. i was first here 3 years
ago. i did not believe in love, and was on friendfinder just
to find friends to share stories. But i found somebody from
friendfinder. we are from very different backgrounds:
I'm asian and he is german. But after a long time we met
in my country and created some very beautiful memories.
we had 3-year love ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
There was this married couple, and so everytime when they
go to bed the man had to read his novel atleast a page.So this
time around the mad read his novel but it took him too long
to turn the page until his wife asked him, Why r u taking
too long to turn over the page today?`And the man answered
i need to wet my finger for me to be able to turn the page and
so he sticked the finger in his ...
1 Comments, 284 Views,
International relations 15/12/2003|
This is a transcript of a radio conversation between a US
naval ship and Canadian Authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadians: Please divert your course fifteen degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course fifteen degrees
to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have ...
2 Comments, 235 Views,
how many animals?????? 11/12/2003|
Q- How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A- 10 little piggys (toes), 2 calves, an ass, a beaver and
a fish no one can seem to find.
1 Comments, 524 Views,
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A
few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard
coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates
through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to
investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?"
he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
3 Comments, 181 Views,
A Touching Letter. 10/12/2003|
A Touching Letter
Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety
Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The
letter was sent to the principal's office after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it and
forward it to all those who could use a lift. It's a
Dear Safety Harbor Middle ...
1 Comments, 193 Views,
Grat Uncle George. 10/12/2003|
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition.
had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included
and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their
children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author.
problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George,
executed in the electric ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire
Building when the first man turns to the other and says,
last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the
are so intense that they carry you around the building and
1 Comments, 233 Views,
An old man wen in to the doctor's one day for one a checkup.
At the checkup, the doctor asked the man the routine questions
and then asked if anything interesting had been happening.
The old man replied, "Actually, yes. Every time I
go into the bathroom, God turns the light on for me, and when
I leave, he turns it back off". The doctor was puzzled
and decided to ask the old man's wife if ...
1 Comments, 146 Views,
What do you call a smart blonde 8/12/2003
?What do you call a smart blonde?
answer= A Golden retriever
1 Comments, 126 Views,