I need a Push! 2/29/2004|
There is a man who lives in a farmhouse and one night while
he and his wife are asleep, he hears a knock on the door.He
gets up and goes to the door.Outside there is a older man, very
drunk, standing there.The farmer ask's the man, "can
I help you?" and the drunk man say's"I need
The farmer tells him, "Oh, you are just drunk, why
don't you go home and sleep it off."The man then ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
I'm so sweet 2/28/2004|
A man and his wife fought, and the man ask his wife to pack
all her belongings and leave the house before he comes back
from work.The woman was so disturbed so she had a plan, about
20 minutes for the man to return from work, the woman went
to bath without wearing anything, she lied on the bed with
her legs opened.The man was so angry to here that his wife
is still in the house, but when he ...
2 Comments, 247 Views,
Khat boy 2/27/2004|
There was this young Kenyan young man who had been chewing
miraa(kHAT)all day long with friends.After the khat was
over he decided to go home.He was so tired that on reaching
his house he changed to his pyjamas didn't even put
on the light.The khat had made so high that instead of throwing
the khat outside the house he removed it from his mouth and
put it in the bed and threw himselt ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
Prof. Bihari Inside the Class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
1 Comments, 150 Views,
Oh, GOD, I'm coming! 2/25/2004|
John was in school when one day his teacher touching on spritual
topic. Teacher said : "When we die on day, our soul
will come out from our head and fly towards GOD in heaven."
John protest and said : "That's not true, teacher
!" The teacher is very angry and ask : "Why are
you say so ?!" John said seriously : "Because
I witnessed it ! Every night, when both mum's legs are
high with the ...
1 Comments, 211 Views,
Playing doctor 2/24/2004|
A little boy comes up to a little girl on the playground and
says he wants to show her something. They go behind the playground
and he drops his pants.
Pointing proudly he announces, "I have one of these,
and you don't!"
The little girl lifts her skirt and says "I have one
of these. And when I get older I can get as many of those as
I want with it."
1 Comments, 253 Views,
A boy at school was selling
smart pills for a dollar a
piece. Another boy bought
one but ot didn't seem to
have any effect. He then
bought another one and then
another. Finally he said,
" These smart pills don't
work. Besides, they taste
like rabbit droppings" The
first boy said, " You see,
you're getting smarter all
1 Comments, 204 Views,
A husband came home early only to find that her wife is in
bed with one of his friends. The husband gets the gun from
his drawer and kills his friend. The wife approaches the
husband and says " Dear, keep your cool, for if you
continue to react like this, one day you are surely going
to loose All your friends"
1 Comments, 142 Views,
Insect School... 2/23/2004|
A friendly grasshopper applied for a job as a crossing guard
at a flying insect school. He got an interview, and went
in to meet the superintendent, a stern bee.
"Your responsibilities on this job", the bee
said, "include making sure the little flies get to
school in the morning, and back to the bus in the afternoon.
You must also watch them on the playground, and keep track ...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
Tattoo Parlor 2/23/2004|
A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked the owner if he could
get a special tattoo with the words "yes" and
"no", on his manhood. The owner agreed and the
tattooing was underway.
When the job was complete, the man thought his new tattoo
looked great and he paid for the service.
That night when the man went home he approached his wife
in their bedroom. ...
1 Comments, 133 Views,
A bit naughty.... 2/23/2004|
[Author's note: I made this one myself. And the Insect
So there's this guy and his wife, rite?
And they love eachother very much and it's cute, and
they have this wonderful marraige and an awesome honeymoon
and the kinkiest relationship the world has ever seen.
Over time, however, in their relationship, he begins to
1 Comments, 46 Views,
Gimme a Brake... 2/23/2004|
[Translated from French] (At least, I hope this is what
the article said! My french isn't too good!)
An auto mechanic was working underneath a car one sunny
afternoon, when the main brake line sprouted a leak and
brake fluid sprayed out into his mouth. At first, he was
sickened and worried it might be toxic, but he quickly realized
that this brake fluid actually tasted ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
a man went to the 2/23/2004|
a man went to the docters with a steering wheel around his
penis and said doc this is driving my nuts
1 Comments, 183 Views,
i was in the grocery store the other day, in the produce
dept i over heard two arab women talking and one says, this
potatoe is like my husbands balls.
the other one said " that big"? her friend says
1 Comments, 212 Views,
That's nothing, you should see what I have 2/22/2004|
An Alabama sharecropper finally had a bumper crop one year.
He had enough money to purchase 100 acres of land. One day
he was sitting in his lawn chair when a truck pulled in the
driveway. A texan fellow got out to ask directions. He asked
what are you doing just sitting here. The Farmer answered
that he was just admiring his 100 acres he had recently purchased.
100 acres said the ...
3 Comments, 219 Views,
The Miracle of Toilet Paper 2/22/2004|
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER . . .
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining
to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes
up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take
a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a ...
1 Comments, 274 Views,
A husband and wife was on bed when the wife asked : "Darling,
tell me in truth, how many women have you been slept before
? I won't angry." The husband said : "Only
you, sweetheart ! With others, I was awake !"
1 Comments, 235 Views,
I Shot The Dog. 2/20/2004|
One day a lady who was pregnant with triplets went to the
bank. While she was there, there was a robbery. She got shot
3 times in the stomach. At the hospital, the doctor told
her that she and her 3 unborn babies were fine. Several years
later, she was making dinner when one of the little girls
walked up. The little girl pulled on her mothers dress and
said, "mommy, when i went pee-pee, a ...
1 Comments, 1185 Views,
Im having puppies! 2/20/2004|
There are 3 pregnant women in the waiting room at the doctors
office...a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were
all talking about what kind of babies they were going to
have. The brunette said, "well, im going to have a
girl because i was on top", then the redhead said,
well im going to have a boy because i was on bottom. Then the
blonde ran to the corner and started to cry. When the ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
The gentleman walked briskly into the drug store, strode
over to the pharmacist and said, "I would like a box
The pharmacist smiled and replied, "You must mean
"No, " the man responded, "I don't
have any trouble going."
1 Comments, 178 Views,
The future sex therapist 2/18/2004|
The teacher asked the children in her class, what they want
to be when they grow up.
"I want to be an actress, " Susie says.
"Good girl, Susie."
"I want to be an astronaut, " Cliff says.
"Good boy, Cliff."
"And I want to be a sex therapist, " Little Johnny
"Would you please tell the class how you ...
1 Comments, 262 Views,
The examination 2/18/2004|
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone,
entered the doctor's office. "We have come for
an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright, " said the doctor. "Go behind
that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me, " said the girl. "It's
my old aunt here."
"Very well, " said the doctor. "Madam,
stick out your tongue."
1 Comments, 241 Views,
little baby boy and a little baby girl 2/18/2004|
There was a little baby boy and a little baby girl. Then the
baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!"
Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the
little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse
leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves.
So the boy lifts up his gown and goes.........
"See I have Blue Booties, and you have Pink!
1 Comments, 271 Views,
Superman was flying past when he looked down and saw Wonderwoman
lying naked on a lawnchair sunbathing in her balcony. He
thought: "hey, given all my speed, who's to know
if i were to swoop down n "BANG!" her?"
So that's what he did......swooop......BANG!...and
off he flew at the speed of a bullet...
Stunned, Wonderwoman: "OMG! what was THAT?!"
Stunned, Invisibleman: "I dunno...I juz felt ...
1 Comments, 169 Views,
Wife and sex 2/6/2004|
Two young friends decided to visit a brothel and have a nice
time without the knoeledge of their wives. On getting there,
the first one entered and after 15 minutes, he came out hissing
and said "my wife is better than her".
The second one followed suit and after just five minutes,
he came out shaking his head and said "Yes it is true,
your wife is better than her."
1 Comments, 59 Views,
This women gets in a car crash 2/3/2004|
This women gets in a car crash and her husband goes to the
hospital when he finds out. When he gets there the docter
tells him, "I got some bad news, your wife has been
severly damaged from the crash. She lost both arms and both
legs. She can not move unless you help her. You need to feed
her, clean her, dress her, move her, give her several pills
daily, and worst of all, have to watch her ...
1 Comments, 206 Views,
ONE FROM TEXAS,ONE FROM ARKANSAS. 2/1/2004|
There's these two guys walking on the bridge, crossing
the river.They stop to take a leak with their peckers hanging
in the hand, peeing into the river.The one from Texas says:"hey, this
river is cold", the other one from Arkansas:"yeah, it's
cold, AND deep too!"
1 Comments, 224 Views,
what do you get? 1/30/2004|
what do you get when you put a bulldog and a shitsui daog together?
1 Comments, 139 Views,
Strong Medicine for the Nun 1/25/2004|
Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room,
a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very
ashen, drawn and haggard.
Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor:
"I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible.
I have never seen a woman look worse."
1 Comments, 184 Views,
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker: 1/25/2004|
Caution! I stop for gnomes, elves, pixies, unicorns, leprechauns,
faeries, dragons, and other mystical creatures only I
1 Comments, 124 Views,
the salesman 1/24/2004|
A woman walks into a clothing store, as she's looking
around a salesman comes up to her and asks if she needs help.
The woman asks him "which do you think would be better,
a sweater or a windbreaker?" "Well, "
says the salesman "that all depends on weather you're
gonna sweat or break wind...."
1 Comments, 122 Views,
"Wanna B Ur Lovr" by Weird Al Yankovic 1/23/2004|
Though this is technically not a joke, I thought it would
be appropriate to put the lyrics to this song here, since
I found it really funny.
"Wanna B Ur Lovr" by Weird Al Yankovic
I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check
I like your skeletal structure baby, you're an ectomorph,
Your face is real symmetrical, and your ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
kids these days 1/22/2004|
what is it with kids these days?, cut all their hair off,
have their eyebrows, nose, tongue, ecetera pierced with
a piece of metal in it?, tattoos, are they just trying to
go along with the crowd?, be cool?, are they all rock star
wannabes?, well at least rock stars let their hair grow,
i have a friend who would sell the farm for hair, guess i am
just getting old, i still listen to their ...
1 Comments, 242 Views,
Mushroom Fun 1/20/2004|
WHAT DO YOU CALL A 10 INCH MUSHROOM? Answer; A FUNGI.
1 Comments, 33 Views,
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a drive way?
1 Comments, 196 Views,
Priest, police and holy ghost 1/18/2004|
There was a priest who, any time he comes across Police checpoints
in his small volkswagen carat night and was asked "who
are you with in your vehicle, he replies "Oh, I am with
angel Gabriel, Angel Michael, Mary Mother of God, holy
spirit etc etc.
The policemen, who care nothing but for bribe from the priest,
get angry everytime until one night when one of them, anxious
to get something ...
1 Comments, 115 Views,
Think about it 1/17/2004|
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
1 Comments, 218 Views,
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a
convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding
so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them.
The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette.
The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on.
The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
1 Comments, 148 Views,
Another Blonde 1/17/2004|
A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening
to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted,
and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed,
just make sure that you do not take these headphones off."
The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she
was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair,
she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them
1 Comments, 125 Views,
what they have in common 1/17/2004|
What does driving in fog & muff diving have in common.
Ans- You can't see the cunt in the front
1 Comments, 151 Views,
CAN YOU LAUGH? 1/15/2004|
ONE DAY, A MAN ARRIVED HIS HOME AND SAW HIS WIFE BEATING THIER
SON.HE ASKED HER WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS.THE WIFE REPLIED
"I ASKED HIM WHAT IS THE ANSWER OF ONE PLUS FIVE AND
HE SAID SEVEN"
THE MAN ASKED HER, "WHAT IS THE ANSWER?"SHE
SAID "FOUR".THEN THE MAN SAID , "YOU
ARE RIGHT, IF NOT I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A SLAP ENOUGH TO
MAKE YOU CRY"
1 Comments, 315 Views,
Immigrants to America 1/9/2004|
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United
States by boat and one say to the other. I hear that the people
of this country actually eat dogs.
Odd, her companion replies, but if we shall live in America,
we might as well do as the Americans do.
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to
a hot dog vendor and they walk toward the cart. Two dogs,
please, she says.
1 Comments, 252 Views,
Love and the Redneck 1/9/2004|
A big old redneck walked into his local bar, with a big grin
on his face.
What are you so happy about? asked the bartender.
Well I'll tell you. he replied. You know I live by the
railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night I noticed
a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I , of
course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to cut a long story ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
a family of silence 1/8/2004|
A guy had just bought his first motorcycle at a local dealership
and before he left the salesman handed him a jar of vasoline
and said before it starts raining you need to lube up your
bike so it doesn't rust. He agreed and went to pick his
girlfriend up from work..when he got there she asked him
if he wanted to come over for dinner and meet her family.
The guy agrees and they take ...
1 Comments, 323 Views,
blonde joke for ya.. 1/5/2004|
Q. How are blondes and turtles alike?
A. Once their on their backs they are screwed.
1 Comments, 202 Views,
A friend of mine in the Air Force sent this to me:
Plane ticket to Jacobabad, Pakistan.........(Free for
Pack of cigarettes...........................$3.45
Magazine to help pass the time...............$4.99
Bottle of aspirin to get over the jet lag.....$3.95
Pack of pens ...
1 Comments, 243 Views,
Annual Check-up 1/4/2004|
This was sent to me by a friend:
An 85-year old man is having his annual check-up.
The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.
The old man says, "I've got an 18 year old bride
who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about
The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well,
let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an ...
1 Comments, 245 Views,
no charge 1/3/2004|
one day electron went to the wine bar and buyed one bottle
wine. but it didnt pay money for the bottle. do you know what
is the reason? answer below
because electron has no charge
2 Comments, 288 Views,
father to son : at your age nehru was a gold medalist
son to father : at your age he was the prime-minister of india
1 Comments, 160 Views,
The Kid and The Cop 1/1/2004|
This joke was sent to me by my best friend the other day.
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop
says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa
bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light
on that bike."
The cop ...
1 Comments, 172 Views,
A Salesman's Dillemma 12/21/2003|
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle
East assignment. A
friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the
Middle East, I was very
confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is
there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to
1 Comments, 229 Views,
Tyson One Liners 12/21/2003|
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off,
misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!
Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants
it to be held in ...
1 Comments, 296 Views,
What God Told The Businessman 12/21/2003|
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business
was failing, he had
put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody--
it was so bad he
was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went
to a priest and poured
out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, Here's what
I want you to do: Put a
beach chair and your ...
1 Comments, 283 Views,
What's time ;-)))) 12/17/2003|
Do u know what's time is it when an elephant sit on your
watch???? It's time to buy a new one LOL
1 Comments, 203 Views,
nice to be one at f.finder 12/15/2003|
Thank u so much for this program. i was first here 3 years
ago. i did not believe in love, and was on friendfinder just
to find friends to share stories. But i found somebody from
friendfinder. we are from very different backgrounds:
I'm asian and he is german. But after a long time we met
in my country and created some very beautiful memories.
we had 3-year love ...
1 Comments, 159 Views,
There was this married couple, and so everytime when they
go to bed the man had to read his novel atleast a page.So this
time around the mad read his novel but it took him too long
to turn the page until his wife asked him, Why r u taking
too long to turn over the page today?`And the man answered
i need to wet my finger for me to be able to turn the page and
so he sticked the finger in his ...
1 Comments, 284 Views,
International relations 12/15/2003|
This is a transcript of a radio conversation between a US
naval ship and Canadian Authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadians: Please divert your course fifteen degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course fifteen degrees
to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have ...
2 Comments, 235 Views,
how many animals?????? 12/11/2003|
Q- How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A- 10 little piggys (toes), 2 calves, an ass, a beaver and
a fish no one can seem to find.
1 Comments, 524 Views,
A Touching Letter. 12/10/2003|
A Touching Letter
Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety
Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The
letter was sent to the principal's office after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it and
forward it to all those who could use a lift. It's a
Dear Safety Harbor Middle ...
1 Comments, 193 Views,
Grat Uncle George. 12/10/2003|
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition.
had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included
and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their
children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author.
problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George,
executed in the electric ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire
Building when the first man turns to the other and says,
last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the
are so intense that they carry you around the building and
1 Comments, 233 Views,
An old man wen in to the doctor's one day for one a checkup.
At the checkup, the doctor asked the man the routine questions
and then asked if anything interesting had been happening.
The old man replied, "Actually, yes. Every time I
go into the bathroom, God turns the light on for me, and when
I leave, he turns it back off". The doctor was puzzled
and decided to ask the old man's wife if ...
1 Comments, 146 Views,
What do you call a smart blonde 12/8/2003
?What do you call a smart blonde?
answer= A Golden retriever
1 Comments, 126 Views,