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I think you're the father of one of my 8/12/2007
A guy goes to a supermarket and notic3es a beautiful blonde
wave at him and say hello
He's rather taken back, because he can't place
where he knows her from, so he says,
" Do you know me?"
To which she replies, " I think you're the father
of one of my ."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Naked Jew 8/12/2007
A fully naked Jew with a boner runs into a wall. What hits
first?
His Nose
1 Comments, 46 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Some Childish jokes 8/12/2007
Ok..here are some of my favorite level jokes.
What kind of animal should you never play cards with?
A Cheetah
What is a cow's favorite friday night activity?
Go to the Mooooooovies
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to
1 Comments, 38 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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laughhhhhhhhhhhhh 8/12/2007
i forgot my pant in my boyfriend house.and am on
my way to work and i want to wear it!!!!! what can i do nowwwwwwwwwwww...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
1 Votes
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Old lady 8/12/2007
an old lady in church leaned over to her husband and whispering
asked for advice. She told him she had cut a silent fart and
wanted to know how to act.
He told her to change the battery in her hearing aid.
1 Comments, 49 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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On a Train (Sick Humor) 8/12/2007
A guy ran 2 miles to catch his train.
He arrived just in time and was able to get a seat. But he was
very thirsty and needed a drink real bad.
Up about 3 seats was a guy who tipped a jug every now and then.
He thought how can I ask him if I could have a swig? He wasn't
sure how to ask the stranger.
Just up ahead he noticed a tunnel in the distance. I know ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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broken spectacles 8/12/2007
student enters class with broken spectacles.
Teacher asks "how did you brake your spectacles?"
"I was kissing my girlfriend." the student
replies.
"but how did youe specs brake?"
"She closed LEGS!"...
1 Comments, 127 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Blind begger 8/12/2007
a lady gave some money to a blind begger, named Sudas, every
day. One day the begger disappered. The lady became worried
about him.
Many days later the begger returned. The lady was in the
shower then.
she asked, " who is it?"
The begger replied that it was Sudas the blind begger.
the lady realised that it would take time for her to get dressed.
so she came out naked, thinking as ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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naughty jokes for girls only 8/12/2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweatshirt. Seconds
after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use
on the washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Stop eating chicken! 8/12/2007
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat
their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken
sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
one
day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating ...
4 Comments, 132 Views,
11 Votes
,3.17 Score
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THE COMPUTER 8/12/2007
USER: deleting all the files.
COMPUTER: are you sure you want to delete the files?
User: yes
Computer: are you stupid?...
1 Comments, 94 Views,
10 Votes
,1.99 Score
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...and also with you 8/12/2007
At thhe start of every mass, the priest would make the sign
of the cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and
the blessing, after which the congregation responded, "And
also with you".
One sunday after making the sign of the cross our priest
seemed to be having difficulty with the sound syrtem during
the singing of the entrance hymn.At the conclusion of the
song, the priest said, ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Three topics 8/12/2007
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about
what to talk about.He asks his father for advice. The father
replies, " there are three subjects that always
work.
These are food, family, and philosophy.
Te boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.Ice
cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for
a long time
, as the boy's nervousness builds. He ...
2 Comments, 104 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score
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IN CLASS 8/12/2007
The grade school teacher: Use "I" in the sentence
Pupil: I is.....
Grade school teacher: No! When you use "I" it
must be followed by "am".
Pupil: I am pronoun...!
2 Comments, 66 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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Blonde jokes...Two for the price of one. 8/12/2007
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see
that the blonde
behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious
to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down
his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S
A SCARF!"
...
3 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Dumb fishermen. 8/12/2007
Two dumb men are out fishing and they are having great luck.
They are catching so fast, they have to go back early.
"This is so great, " says the first guy. "We
should mark the spot so we can come here again."
"You're right, " says the other guy who
dives over the side and paints a big X on the bottom of the
boat and they head back to shore.
Just as they're ...
3 Comments, 112 Views,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score
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Got Sexual Tension?? 8/12/2007
Sexual Tension Test
1.I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm
not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What Am
I?
2.I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets
me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?
3.I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?
...
3 Comments, 192 Views,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score
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Let Me Ask You a Question 8/12/2007
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The
teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting
on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!"
The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?"
The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will
fly away scared, ...
2 Comments, 96 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven 8/12/2007
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women
are gone and there are two lines. The line ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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doctor office 8/12/2007
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds
when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient
#1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood
in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The
patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing
this piece of wood in half?" The doctor ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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better relationships 8/12/2007
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very
depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't
go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck
with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare
them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just
need to work on your ...
2 Comments, 119 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Bar joke 8/12/2007
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at
the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After
he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket,
then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double
martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Bar joke number 2 8/12/2007
A guy walks into a bar and orders
a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't
want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a
few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to
his beer saying, "So did I!"
 Julliette...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Waiting on my house 8/12/2007
There's this drunk standing
out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What
do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I
heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm
waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my
neighbor."
 JUlliette
1 Comments, 38 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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2 drunk in a bar 8/12/2007
Two old drunks in a bar. The first
one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on,
I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time
I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really
hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20
degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and
now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" ...
1 Comments, 64 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Blonde joke 8/12/2007
Q. Why did the blonde stare at
the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.
JUlliette...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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BEN WHO? 8/12/2007
Decker wasn't the brightest guy in the world
and his co workers were continually ribbing
him at the factory. One in particular, is Jim
would greet him each morning and percipitate
this exchange:
"Say, Decker, you seen Ben?"
"Ben who?"
"Ben down and kiss my ass!"
Tired of falling for the same joke day after day. Decker
confided in his more wordly brot
her, who ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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LOTTO TICKET 8/12/2007
One day the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that reing?" her husband
asks.
"Well, " she replies, " my boss and i played
the lotto and we won, i bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
"Where did you get that coat?" her husband ask.
"My boss and i played the lotto ...
1 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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DONT LAUGH NOW ! 8/12/2007
An elderly farish priest became unhappy with the things
he was hearing during confessions. After his sermon one
Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, "Im
tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that
they have cheated. For thirty years people have been saying
to me "I have cheated with Marie...I have cheated
with Zeni..I have cheated with Marlene.Im sick and tired
of ...
1 Comments, 31 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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life lesson 8/12/2007
Lesson One:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A
small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also
sit on my ass like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered
"Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested.
Suddenly, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass and doing ...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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