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Mechanic 11/15/2006
How do you know when a mechanic has just had s*x.
His 1 finger is clean.
3 Comments, 115 Views,
18 Votes
,2.72 Score
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Blonde joke 11/15/2006
How do you make a blonde laugh on a saturday..............
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
7 Comments, 884 Views,
56 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Oh yeah 11/15/2006
Paddy went to visit his mate Murphy who had just broken his
leg. "Nip upstairs and get me slippers will ya"
said murphy. "Sure no problem" said Paddy.Paddy
sees Murphys 2 stunning 19 yr old twin daughters sitting
on the bed. "Your dad has just sent me up here to FriendFinder
you both" "Fcuk off ya liar" they said."he
has" Paddy replied, "listen". "Both
of them Murphy" Paddy shouts down the ...
4 Comments, 82 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score
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yum yum 11/15/2006
Jack and Jill were playing hide n seek.Jill said to Jack
"if you find me you can lick my f#nny and FriendFinder
me up the arse", "if you can't i'll
be in the shed".
3 Comments, 66 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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tHE WISE dOG 11/15/2006
A butcher in his shop, and he's real busy, and he notices
a in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices
the dog
is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has
a note in his mouth.
He takes the note, and it reads "Can I have
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The has money in
his mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there ...
4 Comments, 84 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Da Lost Generation 11/15/2006
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and
with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later,
he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.
He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself
off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft,
dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom
of the tree and with a sigh started ...
3 Comments, 60 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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Da Lazy wife 11/15/2006
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon
was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying.
"But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Da war of Supremacy 11/15/2006
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are
the ...
3 Comments, 55 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Problem 101 11/15/2006
Dear Tech Support:
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected
processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs
and launches during system initialisation where it ...
3 Comments, 62 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP 11/7/2006
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke
any of them.
2. Having \bsexo?\b in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook
up" and "break up."
...
2 Comments, 60 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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Gross but funny 11/6/2006
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it
all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him
to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy
continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock
it off. You're going to break something." He
stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one
last ...
4 Comments, 95 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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hmmmm 11/5/2006
If god made the front of a womans body, who made the back?
The council.....who else would put a play area next to a
sh*t hole.
3 Comments, 64 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Trouble at Wal-Mart 11/5/2006
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that
he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to
browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot ...
2 Comments, 67 Views,
13 Votes
,4.15 Score
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Collectant 11/5/2006
there are a 4 years old little girl with go to the church with
her mother.this week is Holy Communion in the church.
when thewine and bread come ove them, the mother said to
her little girl, "Dont take it, you are still akid, you
stil dont understand about this thing"
and then its time for the collectant come over them, the
mother said to her little girl, "wheresgive some
money ...
2 Comments, 36 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Lucifer Cake! 11/5/2006
Husband :"honey...what is name of this cake?
Wife :"Lucifer Cake sweetheart..
Husband :"I thought you will say its angel cake..!"
Wife :"yeah...thats right, but before it felt of"
2 Comments, 38 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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Powdering Your nose... 10/30/2006
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little
boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always
be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.
At first he holds it in for a little while because he does
not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself.
Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant
to excuse herself from the ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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COUNTED MORE HIGH 10/30/2006
Teacher :'lets you doni show your friends how you count
start from 1 '
so Doni liftup his hand high, and start to count, one, two, three, four, five!
'
the teacher smiling..
Teacher : 'good doni, but can you count higher? '
doni :'sure i can '
then doni standup in his chair and liftup his hand, One, Two, Three, Four, Five...!
'
1 Comments, 34 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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The Monkey 10/29/2006
Little girl comes home from school...
Mommy guess what i got hair on my pussy..
Dont say that rather say that my monkey has got hair.
Girl waits for older sis to come home so she can break the
news to her...
hey sis guess what my monkey has got hair,
Thats fu[kcq]k all says the older sister.
My monkey eats banana's already...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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I'M THIRSTY...! 10/20/2006
THERE IS A LITTLE BOY NAMES'A'
HIS DADDY ASKING HIM TO GO SLEEP, BUT AFTER 5 MIMUTES HE
IS SHOUTING..!
A :' DADDY....!
FATHER :'WHAT HAPPEN 'A'?
A :'I AM THIRSTHY...! NAY IA HAVE SOME WATER?
FATHER :'NO 'A'..! YOU HAD ALOT WATER ALREADY!
COME ON..JUST SLEEP..!
AFTER 5 MINUTES THEN..
A :' DADDY...!
FATHER :'WHAT DO YOU WANT 'A'?
A :'I AM ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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Again about Doctors 10/18/2006
***
One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that
he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined
the man, left the room, and came back with three different
bottles of pills.
The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass
of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass
of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed,
take ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
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Turtles 10/16/2006
10 turtles, 5 male and 5 female, went into a cave for a while,
and then only 5 males turtles went out of the cave, why?
The female turtles are upside down.
2 Comments, 74 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Russian 10/16/2006
A russian who stayed in China for three years,
and when she went back home, she was still a virgin, you know
why,
The Chinese guy's cocks are too small.
1 Comments, 46 Views,
1 Votes
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LEGACY LETTER 10/11/2006
lawyer of a rich man readoff a legacy letter to his family
after the man passaway in aweek.
"to my dearest faithful wife, who always been with
me in happy days & sad times, i giving you our house
& $2000.000.
to my miriam, who taken cares of me when i was sickness, help
me to runing the business, i giving you my yacht, my company
& $1.000.000.
to my cousins dona, who always hate me & ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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25 year olds. 10/6/2006
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my
wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap
car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and
white TV,
but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old
blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen
TV,
but I'm ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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i am thirsty! 10/5/2006
theres a little boy names DONI.his daddy asking him to go
to sleep, but after 5 minutes the little boy shouting!
DONI  ADDY...!!
FATHER :WHAT HAPPEN DONI?
DONI  AM THERSTY.., MAY I HAVE SOME WATER?
FATHER :NO!YOU HAD ALOT WATER ALREADY, COME ON JUST GET
SLEEP!
5 MINUTES GOES BY
DONI ADDY..!!
FATHER :WHATS UP DONI!?
...
1 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Ouch!!! 10/4/2006
Ouch!
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking
Vegas
catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks
the , "How much do you charge?"
replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap,
no hand-job is worth
that kind of money!"
The says, "Do you see that ...
1 Comments, 20 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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So how did you break your arm? 10/4/2006
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate
the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper:
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah
with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's
heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when
we're having fun" kind of ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Traffic Cops 10/2/2006
Question: Why policemen always walk the streets in teams
of three?
Answer: The partners in the police team are always chosen
in such a way that one of them knows how to read, the other
how to write, and the third one, naturally, has to keep watch
over those two intellectuals.
1 Comments, 44 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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About Doctors 10/1/2006
***
"Doctor!" complained the patient; "I
keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The doctor scratched his head. "Why have you come
to me? Have you seen an ophthalmologist?"
"No, " replied the patient, "just spots."
* * *
Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
He said; "I want you to eat regularly for two days,
then skip a day, and repeat ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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I HAVE AGREAT ! 10/1/2006
1ST MOTHER :'I HAVE VERY NICE .HE DOES NOT SMOKE, HE
DOES NOT DRINK, HE DOES NOT TOUCH drugS.HE ALWAYS HAPPY
AT HOME'
2ND MOTHER :'YES ..WHAT ALOVELY YOU HAVE.HOW OLD
IS HE? '
1ST MOTHER :HE IS 2 YEARS OLD
2ND MOTHER : OH COME ON..!ABSOLUTLY HE DOES!
1 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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