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ADVANCED BABY 8/12/2007
A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk.
He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
<br>
"Are you my doctor?", he asked.
<br>
"Yes, I am." <br>
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such
good care of me during birth." <br>
He looked at his mother and asked,
"Are you my mother?" <br>
"Yes, I am, " she said.
...
1 Comments, 145 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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goodbye daddy 8/12/2007
Goodbye Daddy
<br>
<br>
One night a father overheard his saying his prayers
"God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
<br>
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
about
it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
two
later the father heard his saying his prayers again
"God
bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye ...
2 Comments, 237 Views,
14 Votes
,5.86 Score
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Father John 8/12/2007
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and
young
Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and
towels
just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene
Edwards
was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness
if she
could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
<br>
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how
the
...
2 Comments, 214 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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i swear... 8/12/2007
we make love till morning, now somebody tell me what, how
am i suppose to be fit for working the next morning...
2 Comments, 258 Views,
14 Votes
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Joke 8/12/2007
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is
carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens." "Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if
I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"
"Heck, " says the guy with the bag, "iffin
you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."
The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um...
five?"
1 Comments, 116 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Joke 8/12/2007
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The
man agreed and told her that ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Joke 8/12/2007
Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization
had never received a from the town's most
successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions
called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of
at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't
you like to give back to the community in some way?" ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Joke 8/12/2007
Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and
had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized
they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard
and one of them suggested they do their business behind
a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to
wipe with so she took off her ...
1 Comments, 151 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Joke 8/12/2007
Glad to be drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street
with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop
pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal.
You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely
sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure, " said the copper.
"Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, ...
1 Comments, 150 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Joke 8/12/2007
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess.
The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess
the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay
overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for
the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was
missing. He ...
1 Comments, 175 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Chuck Norris 8/12/2007
Why Chuck don't like going by ascensor?
Cuz it is very hard to aim with leg floor
1 Comments, 148 Views,
9 Votes
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Silly, Clean Joke 8/12/2007
What do you call a dinosaur who is good with synonyms?
A Thesaurus.
1 Comments, 231 Views,
10 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Thirtenn, Thirteen, Thirteen 8/12/2007
A young man was strolling down a street in south London.
As he
passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard
a group
of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen,
thirteen" over
and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't.
Then he
spotted a knot in the wood, and put his eye to the hole. He
just
managed to spy some old people sitting ...
1 Comments, 228 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score
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Hitchhicker 8/12/2007
What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg?
Hop in.
1 Comments, 193 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
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"OH GOD" 8/12/2007
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular
day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the
body
went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and
said,
"I think your mind goes to heaven first because you
have to have
a mind in order to believe in God".
The teacher praised the little girl, as a little boy raised
his
hand. The little ...
2 Comments, 307 Views,
23 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Super Man 8/12/2007
This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State
Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes
a seat at the bar.
"This is a nice place. I've never been here before, "
he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It
is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well,
do you see that ...
2 Comments, 285 Views,
17 Votes
,3.97 Score
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Marketing 8/12/2007
Buzz word called "Marketing"
The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
Many people often
ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing"
Well, here it is
You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.
You walk over to him and say, "I'm fantastic in
bed." That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with ...
2 Comments, 206 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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Biker Bullies 8/12/2007
A cheerful truck driver pulled up at a roadside cafe in the
middle of the night for a dinner stop. Halfway through his
meal, three wild- looking motorcyclists roared up--bearded,
leather-jacketed, filthy.
For no reason at all, the selected the truck driver as a target.
One poured pepper over his head, another stole his apple
pie, the third deliberately tipped his coffee over.
...
1 Comments, 173 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Big Date 8/12/2007
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that
he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he
do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her
flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked
meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date
for a week later. His mother called the day after the big
date to see ...
1 Comments, 174 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Bird gift 8/12/2007
A young zoologist sent a beautiful parrot from the jungle
as a gift to his elderly grandfather.
Grandpa wrote back and thanked him for such a delicious
meal.
The stunned grandson phoned him: "Grandpa, how could
you kill that bird and eat it? He could speak three languages!"
"Well, " replied Grandpa, "He should
have said something!"
2 Comments, 214 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Bull 8/12/2007
Man took his wife to the Rodeo:They went up to the first pen
and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50
times last year."The wife poked her husband in the
ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."They
walked a little further and saw another pen with a signthat
said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."The
wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than
twice a week! You ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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By My Side... 8/12/2007
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When
he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat
by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with
me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there
to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When
I got shot, you were by my side. When ...
1 Comments, 161 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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hi little boy 8/12/2007
After moving to the big city, Johnny had to walk to his new
school. Johnny hated it , not knowing any one and starting
off fresh. After a few weeks, he made a few friends, but they
all lived the other way from the school. So Johnny trudged
on .
One morning Johnny desided to go a different way to school.
It took him less time but it also took him thru the red light
district of town. One ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
8 Votes
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Afghanistan desert 8/12/2007
After the US invasion of Afghanistan, a fleeing Taliban
was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert, desperate for water, when he saw something
far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting
at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Taliban asked, "I'm dying of thirst, can
I have some ...
1 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Good news and bad news 8/12/2007
Moses came down from Mt Sinai with the two tablets. He addressed
the people assembled, pointing to the tablets.
"I have good news and I have bad news, " he said.
"The good news is I got Him down to ten. The bad news
is adultery is still in it."
1 Comments, 66 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Special 8/12/2007
There was a Rabbi who visited a Catholic Priest at the church
and asked, "How do you get the money to make your church
so beautiful?"
The Priest said, "We hear confessions; observe while
I demonstrate."
So the Priest went into his section of the confessional
compartment and motioned the Rabbi to join him there. "Just
sit here, be quiet, and see how it happend."
...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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The parrot 8/12/2007
A thief broke into a house one dark night when suddenly he
heard a strange voice say, ”Jesus is watching you."
After the thief’s eyes became accustomed to the darkness
he saw a parrot standing on a perch, saying, “Jesus is watching
you."
The thief asked, “Who the hell are you?”
The parrot answered, “My name's Moses."
...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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They're finally together 8/12/2007
Sadie was a beautiful girl. She could have been an actress
or a model, but instead she decided to get married young
and raise a large family. Within 16 years, She had ten .
Suddenly her husband passed away when Sadie was still only
36.
But it didn’t take Sadie long to find a new husband. She quickly
remarried and found happiness once more. She could have
decided that ten ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Psychologists 8/12/2007
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
1 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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The Jewish Dog 8/12/2007
Just before services at a synogogue, the Rabbi noticed
a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St.
Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, went to talk to Bernie.
"What are doing here with a dog?" asked the Rabbi.
Bernie replied, "The came here to pray."
"Oh, come on!" said the Rabbi.
"YES!" insisted Bernie.
The Rabbi protested, "I don't ...
1 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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