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are you a geek? 6/7/2005
if you can find 3 or more matches below,
then welcome to geekdom!
<br>
<br>
1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
<br>
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".
<br>
3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
<br>
4. You have called out someone's screen name while
making love to
your significant other.
<br> ...
1 Comments, 260 Views,
19 Votes
,4.57 Score
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car trouble for geeks 6/7/2005
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer,
chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving
down the street in the same car when it broke down.
<br>
The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
<br>
The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered
at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."
<br>
The electrical engineer said, "I think ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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drive through atm's 6/7/2005
There actually IS a Drive Through ATM not far from here,
it was installed in 91/92.
The ODD thing about this Drive Through ATM is why do it have
brail markings on the buttons?
<br>
<br>
<br>
now though i find this joke amusing i got a belt behind the
ear from my flatmate (female) when i told it to her.
<br>
==========
Drive Through ATM Procedures
...
0 Comments, 160 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
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speeding 6/7/2005
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate
road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze
was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
<br>
As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing
red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no
way they can catch a Mercedes, " he thought to himself
and opened her up further. The ...
0 Comments, 168 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Turner Brown 6/6/2005
A skinny little white guy goes into an
elevator, looks up and sees this BIG African American guy
standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left
testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The
big guy kneels down and brings him to, ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Texas Women 6/1/2005
A woman from Texas and a woman from the East Coast were seated
next to each other on an airplane.
The woman from Texas, being friendly and all, asks the woman
from the East Coast, "So, where ya from?". The
woman from the East Coast replies, "I am from a place
where we do NOT end sentences with prepositions!!".
So, the woman from Texas takes a deep breath, and asks the
woman, "So, ...
0 Comments, 219 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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Two business partners 5/27/2005
Two business partners were enjoying the sun on the beach.
Suddenly one clapped his hand to to his forehead. 'I
left the safe open.' he moaned.
'What's to worry?' his partner said.'We
are both here.'
0 Comments, 354 Views,
15 Votes
,3.28 Score
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Blonde joke - sorry ladies :-) 5/26/2005
A BLONDE, wanting to earn some money, decided to canvass
a wealthy neighborhood.
<br>
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
<br>
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
<br>
The blonde said: "How about 50 pounds?"
<br>
The man agreed and told her that the paint ...
0 Comments, 1140 Views,
107 Votes
,5.49 Score
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Bill_1229 : Selection of the Pope 5/24/2005
Bill, this was great. I do belive they don't understand
the ending. Maybe they are just to young.
0 Comments, 209 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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The Doctor 5/23/2005
In the midst of a physical examination, the doctor ask his
patient to face to open window and stick out his tongue.
<br>
'what can you tell from that?' asked the patient.
<br>
'Nothing, ' said the doctor, 'but I don't
like my neighbours.'
1 Comments, 393 Views,
21 Votes
,2.63 Score
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Man needs new brain 5/17/2005
A man is injuried in car crash and is taken to the hospital.
His family go to the hospital.
The doctor tell's them that he needs a new brain. His
family asks how much.
The doctor says "that depend on which one, a man's
or a woman's brian". One of the man's family
ask "I thought a brain was a brain that there was nothing
different?"
There doctor says "a ...
0 Comments, 326 Views,
19 Votes
,2.07 Score
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Selection of the Pope 5/16/2005
Seems that the Cardinals may have selected the wrong guy.
Here is a
viable candidate they overlooked:
Bishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the
Netherlands and emigrated to the US where he became a citizen
in 1939.
As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted
into the Army
during WW II. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot
until, ...
0 Comments, 279 Views,
15 Votes
,1.29 Score
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The Old Poodle 5/15/2005
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for
the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before
long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering
about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction
with the intention of having lunch.
<br>
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm ...
0 Comments, 212 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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A Palm Reader 5/15/2005
A Gypsy palm reader told a 'You will be poor until
you are forty.'
<br>
'And then what?' asked the expectantly.
<br>
<br>
'Nothing, ' said the fortune teller. 'By
that that time you will be used to it.'
0 Comments, 317 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score
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SHORTEST love story: 5/12/2005
ONCE upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry
me?"
<br>
She said "No."
<br>
And the guy lived happily ever after.
0 Comments, 194 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Rabbit in a bar 5/12/2005
A RABBIT goes into a bar and asks for a drink with a ham and
tomato toasted sandwich.
<br>
After eating it he asks the barman for a cheese and onion
one.
<br>
"It's dangerous to have two sorts of toasted
sandwiches", replies the barman.
<br>
"I don't care about that, " says the rabbit.
"Give me my toasted sandwich now." <br>
"OK, " says the barman, and ...
0 Comments, 223 Views,
6 Votes
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Jokes 5/12/2005
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
<br>
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried
to board the bus,
<br>
but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful
young girl came
<br>
under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took
the conductor to
<br>
the police station, who in turn ...
0 Comments, 244 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score
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missed call! 5/9/2005
once there were two men, they were extremely sick of technology
coz it was just devastating the beauty of thwe world...
Then, an idea poped up! they thought about using messenger
pigeons instead of telephones...
first guy, on the first day of their use of pigeons sent a
letter to the other guy..
when the other guy, opened the paper to read the message.....it
was blank!
as men are short ...
0 Comments, 256 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score
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Modes of communication 5/8/2005
Do you know three fastest modes of communication ?
- 1-telephone
- 2-television
- 3-tell-a-woman
0 Comments, 415 Views,
24 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Tarzan & Jane 5/4/2005
Jane asks Tarzan if he has had proper sex before, Tarzan
replies " yes " Jane, Tarzan finds "hole
" in tree- then gives tree good seeing too.
Jane says " nononononononoooooooooo " Jane
show Tarzan proprer way, as she lie's down & opens
her legs, she asks Tarzan to put his MANHOOD inside Jane,
just at that moment Tarzan strikes Jane in the Vagina with
his Foot ?. Why in gods ...
0 Comments, 265 Views,
15 Votes
,1.14 Score
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ELETRIC FENCE 5/4/2005
An old couple is at a birthday party in an old tavern of the
city.
The husband, speaks for you his wife:
- Do you remember the first time that we did sex 50 years ago?
<br>
We went back of that tavern, you lied back in the fence and
why we did love with you for behind!
- Clear, I remember well! - she says.
- Sure, then the one that you find of going there now, we ...
0 Comments, 216 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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DIESEASE 5/1/2005
The Husband found the wife in the motel and surprised she
asked: DAM, what are you making here in the motel?
And the wife, very calm, answered: now, I am visiting a sick
friend!
And the husband asked: what disease that he has?
And the wife answered: it is precocious ejaculation.
0 Comments, 234 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score
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A Really Bad Day 4/30/2005
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He
stays like that for half of an hour.
<br>
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all
down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says,
"Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy
you another drink. I just can't stand to see a ...
0 Comments, 919 Views,
106 Votes
,6.14 Score
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Money Talks! 4/30/2005
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with an unusual offer:
<br>
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change
the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm
supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that out."
<br>
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked ...
0 Comments, 204 Views,
16 Votes
,6.51 Score
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Great Writer 4/30/2005
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his
desire to become a great writer.
<br>
When asked to define "great" he said, "I
want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff
that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
<br>
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
0 Comments, 117 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Computer Users 4/30/2005
Computer users are divided into three types:
<br>
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
<br>
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing
a key might break their computer.
<br>
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix
their computer after they've just pressed a key that
broke it.
<br>
Expert Users - People who press the keys ...
0 Comments, 114 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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New Viruses on the loose! 4/30/2005
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then
slowly expands back to 200MB.
<br>
AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
are getting.
<br>
MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
<br>
Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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DEAR DIARY: 4/30/2005
Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited.
It's beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic.
Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
<br>
Oct. 14 - Canada: It is the most beautiful place on earth.
The leaves have turned all colours and shades of red and
orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside
and saw some deer. They are so ...
0 Comments, 155 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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A Few Famous Quotes by Albert Einstein 4/28/2005
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
<br>
Imagination is more important than knowledge...
<br>
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man
of value.
0 Comments, 79 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Stupid Joke 4/28/2005
Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
<br>
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over"
written on both sides.
0 Comments, 71 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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