|
roo shooting ! 1/9/2006
two men went roo shooting ! while theywere out & about
, one of the men collapsed !! the other man was frantic !!
he rung 000 & was absolutely hysterical ! the operator
told him to calm down !! he said to her that he thought his
mate was dead ! the operator said to him the 1st thing they
had to do was to makke sure that he was dead !! the phone went
silent , there was a bang in the ...
0 Comments, 134 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score |
|
~~ Totally Ghostly ~~ lol 1/6/2006
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when she lied???
<br>
<br>
I can see right through you..!!
<br>
<br>
Boom Boom.. haaaha
<br>
Simple but not too shabby...
1 Comments, 175 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score |
|
Women 12/29/2005
Two elderly women were sitting on a bench silently looking
at the ocean. Finally one turn to the other and asks, "Have you ever had an orgasm?"
The other was silent for a while, obviously thinking.
Finally she said, "No, I think we had Mutual
of Omaha."...
0 Comments, 330 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score |
|
In Training 12/18/2005
An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a
bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the bartender,
"Me want beer."
<br>
The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall draught beer and the Indian drinks
it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure
into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then he walks ...
1 Comments, 294 Views,
13 Votes
,3.31 Score |
|
At the Bar 12/18/2005
Two guys sitting in a bar one afternoon pouting over their
wives' getting after them.
<br>
First guy says, "I'm gonna start calling my wife
Encyclepedia Brittanica."
<br>
Second guy asks, "Why is that?"
<br>
First guy answers, "The bitch knows everything!"
1 Comments, 291 Views,
11 Votes
,3.35 Score |
|
Sick Day 12/18/2005
Hung Chow calls his boss and says, "Hey, Boss, I not
come work today. I really sick. I got headache, stomach
ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
<br>
The boss says, "You know, Hung Chow, I really need
you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her
to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work.
You should try that."
<br>
Two ...
0 Comments, 305 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score |
|
A Priority 12/18/2005
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf and
one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love
to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without
an arguement, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies
and play a round.
<br>
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do
it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet
here early Christmas ...
0 Comments, 850 Views,
75 Votes
,5.28 Score |
|
Coping With Advanced Senility 12/18/2005
PRAYER
<br>
Dear Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that
I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
<br>
As I've grown older, but refused to grow up...
<br>
I've discovered:
<br>
ONE - I started out with nothing,
and still have most of it.
<br>
TWO - My wild oats ...
1 Comments, 262 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score |
|
Cruising 12/18/2005
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in
the wind.
<br>
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me,
madam, I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
<br>
"Yes, I know, " said the lady, "I need
both hands to hold onto this hat."
...
1 Comments, 274 Views,
15 Votes
,4.97 Score |
|
Do You Ever...? 12/18/2005
Two elder ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
<br>
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
<br>
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
<br>
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
<br>
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
<br>
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who
drives you to the ...
1 Comments, 287 Views,
13 Votes
,4.32 Score |
|
2 compliments and..... 12/17/2005
Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to
compliment the men with something that was on the table.
<br>
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the
first gal.
<br>
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the
second.
<br>
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the
third.
0 Comments, 257 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score |
|
30 minute Org 12/16/2005
Apparently a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
<br>
In my next life, I want to be a pig!!
0 Comments, 256 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score |
|
Both of them 12/15/2005
A man stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg. His friend
says, "My feet are so cold. Can you go and get me my slippers
from upstairs please."
<br>
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's
gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters. "Hi, girls!
Your dad sent me up here to have wild sex with you."
<br>
The first says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll ...
0 Comments, 275 Views,
18 Votes
,6.40 Score |
|
No condoms 12/12/2005
A man bought some eggs and on getting home discovered they
had no yolks so he went back to the poultry so the farmer decided
to check what was wrong and on getting there saw that the
cocks were wearing condoms.
0 Comments, 313 Views,
11 Votes
,0.74 Score |
|
assigment 12/12/2005
a class teacher once told the students to draw a railway.the
next day she was checking she got to a boy named kelvin and
saw his drawing she asked
kelvin wee is ur drawing he brought it out she looked at it
and was suprised so she then said
''the railway line'' is here so were
is ur train
he replied ''u came late so the train left''
0 Comments, 288 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
shame 12/11/2005
a senior in schol was beating a junior so a teacher saw him
and what was wrong the f.f conversation ensured
teacher;why were u beating him
senior;becos he ruded
teacher;correct ursef
senior;he rudely
teacher;what
senior;he rudely ruded
teacher;infact get down on ur knees and say ur last prayer
...
0 Comments, 286 Views,
9 Votes
|
|
ur and my 12/11/2005
a divorcee with five married another divorcee
with five and then they gave birth to five .One
day the couple were watching tv in the parlour and they heard
a noise the wife went to check and when she came back her husband
asked her what the problem was she answered ur
and my are beating our
0 Comments, 316 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
Who Do You Want To Be? 12/7/2005
Three nuns riding in their jalopy truck suddenly get into
a horrible accident and died.
<br>
At the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them, "Sisters,
because you've been such faithful followers, I'll
give you a second chance at life." The sisters were
so excited over this.
<br>
St. Peter continued, "I'll let you be whoever
you want to be but only for an hour."
<br>
...
1 Comments, 351 Views,
16 Votes
,3.57 Score |
|
Use the Camel 12/7/2005
An Italian guy was drafted into the French Foreign Legion
of course against his will.
<br>
So the first day, he went up to the Sargent and said, "You
know, I don't think I'll survive here."
<br>
The Sargent asked, "Why is that?"
<br>
"Well", the Italian answered, "I have
a pretty high sex drive and there's no women here."
<br>
To this the Sargent said, "No ...
0 Comments, 323 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score |
|
DEAR MY GOD... 12/7/2005
DEAR GOD... THANKS TO MAKING ME HEALTHY.CAN YOU MAKE ME
SEXY TOO??IF YOU CAN , PLS MAKE MY ALL GIRL FRIENDS FAT, AMEN...
JUST JOKING ANYWAY!
0 Comments, 315 Views,
14 Votes
,0.10 Score |
|
Musicals 12/4/2005
I was talking to my friend the other day and I said, "I
miss the old musicals on tv."
<br>
"They took 'em off for a reason", he said.
<br>
"Why's that?" I asked.
<br>
"Too much saz and violins", he replied.
1 Comments, 399 Views,
11 Votes
,0.18 Score |
|
:) 12/3/2005
have a greater need for speed than classroom computers
can deliver. Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless
student kept clicking the "Print" command.
The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the 's
ten-page report. The topic? "Save Our Trees."
0 Comments, 263 Views,
13 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
~~ What is it about blonde jokes?? lol ~~ she couldve just as easily been a brunette 12/1/2005
ok...
<br>
A blonde calles her boyfriend and says, Please come over
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't
figure out how to get started.
<br>
The boyfriend asks, what is it supposed to be when it's
finished?.
<br>
The blonde says, On the box there's a picture of a rooster.
<br>
The boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. ...
5 Comments, 318 Views,
20 Votes
,5.04 Score |
|
~~ The Gender of Flies!!!! ~~ 12/1/2005
Ok here goes guya and gals,
<br>
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking
around with a fly swatter.
<br>
What are you doing? she asked.
<br>
Hunting flies, he repsonded.
<br>
Oh. Killing any? she asked.
<br>
Yep 3 males, 2 females, he replied.
<br>
Intrigued, she asked. How can you tell?
<br>
He ...
1 Comments, 273 Views,
20 Votes
,4.91 Score |
|
The thief and the old couple 11/28/2005
Once there was a thief, but he was a good thief. He didnt want
to kill people, just to take the valuable stuff and go away.....
So, he decided to steal an old man and his wife. It was very
easy, besides the old couple was sleeping very deeply during
the night and the thief knew that....
So, thats what his doing... he is stealing every valuable
thing from the house.... jewellery, money ...
0 Comments, 230 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score |
|
The russian and the american 11/28/2005
Once there was an american in a typical american bar and
he says to the barman:
"Give me a glass of whiskey...."
In the same time he says that a russian comes in the bar and
he sasys to the barman:
"Give me a glass of vodka...."
the american understood that he the man was russian so he
says.... :
"Are you ready for a competition?"
"Sure" says the russian.....
So the american ...
0 Comments, 258 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
predicament 11/27/2005
What does Iraq and Turkey have in common?
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
They both have Kurds in their way.
(Sounds better when you say it).
0 Comments, 219 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
Man's Best Friend 11/26/2005
A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle
turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a
mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair
with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat."
"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?"
asked the collie.
"I can't, " replied the poodle. "I'm
not allowed on the couch."
0 Comments, 235 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score |
|
Panda 11/26/2005
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey!
Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't
pay for the food."
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda.
Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing
mammal of Asian ...
0 Comments, 263 Views,
19 Votes
,3.65 Score |
|
Doctor, doctor... 11/26/2005
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at
the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St.
Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds
of ." St. Peter lets him enter.
The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped
thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter
tells him to go ahead.
The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless
families ...
2 Comments, 450 Views,
25 Votes
,5.23 Score |
|
Hockey 11/26/2005
Jim: Did you hear about the hockey game to benefit leprosy?
<br>
Steve: Yeah, I heard it was cancelled.
<br>
Jim: Yeah, they had a face off in the corner.
0 Comments, 173 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score |
|
Christmas 11/25/2005
Billy: I hear Santa will only have 7 reindeer this year.
<br>
Bobby: Why is that?
<br>
Billy: Comet has to stay home and clean the kitchen sink.
0 Comments, 216 Views,
4 Votes
|
|
A case of mistaken identity 11/25/2005
A Jewish man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. He sees
a Chinese man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!"
the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That
was for Pearl Harbor, " says the Jewish man. "But
I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's
the difference?" the Jewish man says. The Jewish
man sits back down. Later, the Chinese man walks up to the
Jewish man and punches him in the ...
0 Comments, 134 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score |
|
Flying lesson 11/25/2005
John had always wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.
One day he went down to the local airfield and hired an instructor.
His name was Joe. Joe took the helicopter up to 500 feet with
John and asked John how he was doing. "I'm doing
fine" said John. So Joe took the helicopter up to 1000
feet and asked John again. John gave the same reply. The
day finally came for John to fly solo. "Okay, ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Sermon 11/24/2005
Preacher giving a sermon:
<br>
Today we're gonna talk about the Garden of Eden. You
know Adam was the luckiest man that ever lived. He didn't
have a mother-in-law.
0 Comments, 80 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score |
|
snowmen and ladies :) 11/23/2005
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies
?
Snowballs.
0 Comments, 150 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score |
|
Joke 11/23/2005
The three wise men arrived to visit the lying in the
manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and
bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better
than Clyde!"
0 Comments, 106 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
The bunny and the snake 11/23/2005
Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind
little bunny and a blind little snake.
<br>
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the
snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny
tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked
the snake about quite a bit.
<br>
"Oh, my, " said the bunny, "I'm terribly
sorry. I ...
0 Comments, 118 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
Bills 11/23/2005
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their con-
versation was constantly interrupted by people describing
their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the
lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking
you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them, " replied the lawyer, "and
then I ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
Surgery 11/23/2005
A woman is having minor surgery. After the surgery, she
confronts the doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't
like that 4 letter word you used during surgery."
"What 4 letter word was that?" says the doctor.
She replies, "Oops!"
0 Comments, 93 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score |
|
food :) chocolate... 11/23/2005
An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other.
The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed
to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.
<br>
One day while the older man was away from his desk the young
man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar
and ate over half the peanuts.
<br>
When the old man returned the ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Fishing 11/21/2005
Two guys, Jim and Bob, go fishing on a boat and the fish are
hitting like crazy. Jim says, "We better mark this
spot so we know where to come next time." Good idea",
says Bob. Jim grabs something out of his tackle box and jumps
over the boat. "What in the heck are you doing, says
Bob?!" Jim says, "I'm gonna mark an X on
the bottom of the boat so we know where to come next time."
Bob says, ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
Lawyer Joke 11/20/2005
A lawyer dies, and he's at the gates of heaven, where
an angel greets him,
<br>
"hello Mr. Smith, welcome to heaven, we've been
expecting you for some years now" <br>
Mr. Smith: why's that I was only 45 when I passed away
<br>
Angel: Yes, but based on the number of hours you've
billed to your , we calculated that you must be well
over 100 years old.
0 Comments, 102 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score |
|
Just silly... 11/20/2005
what's the diference between sex and a hug?
<br>
If female, and you're reading on for the answer, please
reply to my ad!
0 Comments, 100 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Blonde Joke 11/20/2005
What do intelligent blondes and the tooth fairy have in
common?
<br>
They're both imaginary.
0 Comments, 87 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
3 wishes 11/20/2005
A man walks into a bar, and puts a small box down on the bar.
The bartender asks what's inside the box, and so the
man shows him that it's a tiny little man playing the
piano. The bartender is amazed, and asks the man where he
found this. The man says that he found a genie in a bottle
and made a wish, and offers the bar tender an opportunity
to make a wish of the genie.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score |
|
Movie Theatre Humour.... 11/20/2005
A rural farm boy takes his pet duck to the movies, but the
movie theater won't let the duck in, so the boy hides
the duck down his pants.
<br>
He finds a seat next to two older ladies.
<br>
The duck manages to squeeze it's head out through the
boy's zipper.
<br>
One old lady nudges the other and says "look at this,
I can't believe it", to which the other ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Blonde Joke 11/20/2005
Why'd the blonde bring an old car door with her into
the desert?
<br>
If it gets too hot, she'll roll the window down.
0 Comments, 85 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Blonde Joke 11/20/2005
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
<br>
<br>
...Artificial Intelligence
0 Comments, 75 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 11/18/2005
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
Kemosabe Waters the Bushes 11/18/2005
One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding
when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over
to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs
over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten
by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to
do." So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor,
Lone Ranger has been bit by a ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Red Sox Humor 11/18/2005
Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees
playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some
bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman.
One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast.
The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the
Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the
police.
The cop lifted up the ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
Top Reasons Eminem's Wife Filed for Divorce 11/18/2005
--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"
she ever was.
--Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
<br>
--Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
<br>
--Sure, he talks and like a black man, but when he takes
down his pants...
<br>
--Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON.
<br>
--Overheard ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
Famous People Say the Darndest Things 11/18/2005
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of
an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious
to meet people who do." Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My,
what an attractive scrotum!' Patricia Arquette
<br>
"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people
don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, ...
0 Comments, 65 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score |
|
Things Found Only in America 11/18/2005
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk
all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double ...
1 Comments, 224 Views,
17 Votes
,5.67 Score |
|
True Love 11/17/2005
She was just the bootlegger's but he loved
her still!
1 Comments, 90 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
i am so unlucky 11/16/2005
I am a college student from and now i am sophormore.from
the beginning of this summer holiday to nowi have not any
good luck .in the summer holiday , i lost 500yuanRMB, it
was part of my salary .i was a tutor at that time.A month ago, it
was my birthday , i held a party in my house , there were
many freinds and classmates came to my party . all of us had
to leave for school after the ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
DO YOU LOVE ME?? 11/16/2005
GIRL :"DO YOU LOVE ME?"
<br>
BOY :"YES MY DEAR"
<br>
GIRL :"WOULD YOU DIE FOR ME??"
<br>
BOY :"NO!, MINE IS UNDYING LOVE!"
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
|
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 11/12/2005
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
A day at the zoo 11/12/2005
A man went to the zoo
<br>
when he got there he found that they only had one dog.
<br>
It was a shitzu.
1 Comments, 73 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
|
Bullfight Buffet 11/11/2005
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards
he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty
of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge
plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again
orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very
big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score |
|
Britney Spears 'n' Pepsi 11/11/2005
What does Britney Spears and pepsi have in common?
They both come with plastic jugs
0 Comments, 49 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score |
|
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton... 11/9/2005
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees
game. Before the game began a secret service man came up
to him and whispered in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out
on the field.
<br>
The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr.
President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw
out the first pitch
0 Comments, 60 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
Genie and the Taliban 11/9/2005
Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are
out walking together one day. They come across a lantern
and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish. That's
three wishes total, " says the genie.
<br>
The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a
farmer, and my will also farm. I want the land to be forever
fertile in Canada." <br>
...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score |
|
Parking lots 11/1/2005
Women are like parking lots. All the good ones are taken;
the ones left are handicapped.
0 Comments, 83 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
|
45454 10/31/2005
Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
<br>
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
<br>
Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem
hogi
<br>
<br>
A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked
a question
<br>
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
<br>
Sardar - Thanks for giving me the ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
ha hah hahahhaa 10/31/2005
Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering
-
<br>
Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon
diya ?
0 Comments, 32 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
quastion 10/31/2005
Q: What has 4 wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck
0 Comments, 35 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
life befor the computer 10/31/2005
** An application was for employment
** A program was a TV show
** A cursor used profanity
** A keyboard was a piano!
** Memory was something that you lost with age
** A CD was a bank account!
** And if you had a broken disk, It would hurt when you found
out!
** Compress was something you did to garbage, Not something
you did to a file
** If you unzipped anything in public you'd ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score |
|
think to think about 10/31/2005
"Real friends are those who, when you feel you've
made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done
a permanent job."
<br>
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools
are on the same side."
<br>
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm
invited to."
<br>
"Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell
the family parrot to the town gossip."
...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
56 10/31/2005
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher
erases the board.
0 Comments, 28 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
123 10/31/2005
Q: Why did Banta Singh take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised 'free delivery'.
0 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
1 10/31/2005
Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue
you've broken.
Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
0 Comments, 26 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
marriag 10/31/2005
American: In our country, marriage even takes place with
email.
Banta Singh: In India, it is only with female.
0 Comments, 32 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
call 10/31/2005
Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything
0 Comments, 41 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
Just a Quick E-mail Note 10/19/2005
A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for
a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and
was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached
his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
<br>
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written
her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed ...
0 Comments, 174 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
The Sociologist And The Native American!!! 10/15/2005
The sociologist was interviewing the Native American
about the changes that the white man had brought to his Culture.
The Native American said "Before white man came buffalo
meat was free, Medicine Man was free too. Women did all the
work and men sat around all day telling stories and made
love all night to four different wives. Only the White Man
could ruin a great system like that!!!"
0 Comments, 36 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Jim Bob's Bisexual Girlfriend!!! 10/12/2005
Jim Bob was sitting sadly at the bar drinking and the bartender
said to him "Wasamatter buddy?"
<br>
And Jim Bob says "I just found out my girlfriend is
bisexual!"
<br>
And the bartender said to him "That's great!
You can watch her have fun with her girlfriends!'
<br>
And Jim Bob said "No, you don't get it. I have to
buy her something before she gets sexual!!!"
0 Comments, 210 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
Cleetus Ain't No Dummy!!! 10/12/2005
My favourite character Cleetus rings the Police and says
"I think there is a burglar in my house" and gives
them his address.
<br>
The Officer responds by saying"Gee. We are kind of
busy right now but give us about an hour and then we'll
be there. Just stay in your bedroom"
<br>
So the guy rings back 5 minutes later and says "Take
your time. I just shot and killed him"
...
0 Comments, 186 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
LOSE IT.. 10/12/2005
father :"where did u find this US$100?"
<br>
:"i found it close to post office dad"
<br>
father :"are u sure some one lose this money? "
<br>
:"yes dad, i am sure.i have 30 minutes seeing
that man looking for this money"
0 Comments, 206 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score |
|
ITS RIGHT! 10/12/2005
docter say :" after i seen the result of your X-RAY, its
nothing to worry about.you will live until 90 years old"
<br>
the patient:"but docter i am 90 now"
<br>
docter :"see..! i have the right prediction about
it!"
0 Comments, 220 Views,
7 Votes
,1.51 Score |
|
whos smarter? 10/10/2005
Abdul kalaam And George Bush
<br>
<br>
<br>
While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea
with Abdul Kalam.He asks President Abdul Kalam what his
leadership
philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with
intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions, "
says the
...
0 Comments, 216 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Cleetus' Grampa On His Wedding Night!!! 10/10/2005
Cleetus' Grampa Mr. Jim Bob was 86 years old and he was
marrying a 25 year old woman the next day. Cleetus was concerned
about his Grampa's health so he said to him "Gramps,
don't you know that a bout of strenuous lovemaking
could be fatal?"
<br>
And his Grampa said "Well Cleetus, if she dies then
I guess she dies!!!"
0 Comments, 172 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Women And Road Maps!!! 10/10/2005
Q: Why do women have trouble reading road maps?
<br>
Ans: Because only a man could look at an inch and see it as
a mile!!!
0 Comments, 172 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score |
|
NO ALWAYS! 10/10/2005
DIDI SAID :" HAVE U EVER KNOW THE STUPID PERSON WHO
WILL ALWAYS SAY NO TO EVERY QUETION?"
<br>
LILY :"NO"..
DIDI : ITS YOU!
1 Comments, 178 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score |
|
WAITING 10/9/2005
JEFFRI SAID :"HAY LISA, I WANT TO VISIT YOU THIS EVENING, DOES
YOUR MOTHER WAITING FOR ME TOO?"
<br>
LISA :" YES SHE IS""
JEFFRI :" GREAT SO.BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR MOTHER
ALSO WAITING FOR ME ?"
<br>
LISA :" BECAUSE SHE WILL GO OUT THEN"
1 Comments, 192 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score |
|
ARE YOU CONFUSE? 10/9/2005
1ST PERSON :" WILL YOU BE CONFUSE IN YOUR LIFE IF U HAVE
ALOT MONEY LIKE BILL GATE HAS?"
<br>
2ND PERSON :" OFF COURSE NOT, BUT BILL GATE WILL BE
VERY CONFUSE IF GOT MONEY JUST LIKE HOW MUCH I HAVE"
0 Comments, 170 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
I DONT KNOW.. 10/9/2005
MOSES SAID :"MY ALWAYS ASKING SOME MONEY TO ME
& BUY SOMETHING USELESS"
<br>
JOSEF SAID :"WHAT HE WANT TO BUY EXACTLY?"
<br>
MOSES SAID :"I DONT KNOW "
<br>
JOSEF SAID :"WHY U DONT KNOW ?"
<br>
MOSES SAID :"BECAUSE I NEVER GIVE HIM MONEY"..
1 Comments, 185 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
Losing Your Virginity!!! 10/8/2005
This 16 year old girl came home all excitd and she said to
her big sister Daisy Mae' I lost my virginity at school
today Daisy!!!"
<br>
Daisy Said "That's great little sister. Did
you enjoy it"
<br>
And her sister said "It really great but my ass still
hurts!!!"
1 Comments, 238 Views,
9 Votes
,0.43 Score |
|
Losing Your Virginity!!! 10/7/2005
The 16 year old came home very excited and said to his
father "Dad, I lost my virginity at school today!!!"
<br>
His father said "That's great . Here , have
a beer and tell me all about it. Was it good?"
<br>
"Oh yeah Dad, it was really great but my ass still hurts!!!"
0 Comments, 43 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score |
|
A GUY OR A GIRL?? 10/6/2005
1st person say : look at a over there, got very
short hair, old jeans, laughing so loud & carry on
2 dogs.do you think the a guy or girl ??
<br>
2nd person :she is a girl.she is my .
<br>
1st person : oh i am sorry, i really dont know you are a father
of her..
<br>
2nd person : hey! i am not her father! i am her mother!
2 Comments, 146 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score |
|
MICE & BAT 10/5/2005
Quetion :do u know what a mice said when it saw a bat?
<br>
Answer :Mom! i see an angel..
0 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
EASIER! 10/4/2005
QUETION :WHICH IS EASIER FOR A MAN TO LEAVE, THE WOMEN OR
WINE?
<br>
ANSWER : ITS DEPENDS ON THE AGE..
0 Comments, 99 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
Revenge On Your Boss Who Is An Asshole!!! 10/3/2005
Revenge is banging your bosse's wife.
<br>
SWEET Revenge is finding out she is a lousy lay!!!
1 Comments, 121 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
|
MONKEY.............. 10/3/2005
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink
and
while
he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.
<br>
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then
grabs
some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool
table, grabs one
of
the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's
amazement,
somehow swallows it ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
FLAT CHESTED.... 10/3/2005
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith to see about
enlarging her breasts.
<br>
Dr. Smith told her, "Everyday after your shower,
rub your nipples
and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked!
She grew great boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and realized
she
had forgotten her ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score |
|
8 WORDS WITH 2 MEANINGS........... 10/3/2005
Eight Words with two Meanings
<br>
<br>
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
<br>
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally
to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
<br>
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
My Ausie Cobber and Mate "Wombat!!!" 9/30/2005
I have a friend who I have nicknamed 'Wombat"
because when he goes to a girl's place he eats roots
, shoots and leaves!!!
0 Comments, 80 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
They're finally together 9/28/2005
Sadie was a beautiful Jewish girl. She could have been an
actress but instead she decided to get married young and
raise a large family. In no time at all she has ten .
Then suddenly her husband passed away when Sadie was still
only 42. But it didn’t take our Sadie long to find a new husband.
She quickly remarried and found happiness once more. She
could have decided that ten was ...
0 Comments, 132 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score |
|
Something to talk about 9/28/2005
The old man in the confessional told the priest, "I'm
seventy-nine years old, and last night I made love to eighteen-years-old
twins." <br>
The priest asked, "When was your last confession?"
<br>
"What do you mean, confession?" the man said.
"I'm Jewish." <br>
"Then, why are you telling me this?" the priest
asked.
<br>
The man said, "I'm telling ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score |
|
3 wishes 9/28/2005
A man finds a genie in a bottle, and is granted 3 wishes. Immediately,
he is banging 100 Playboy playmates. Later he opens a door
to a room and finds it is loaded with stacks of $100 bills,
everywhere. Soon after the KKK comes in, and lynches him.
An observer asks, "I can understand the women and
the money, but why did he want to be hung like a black man?"
0 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score |
|
A Cunning Linguist!!! 9/27/2005
Cleetus was getting very frustrated at his lack of success
with women at the Singles Bar. Then he noticed that there
was a guy who seemed to be able to pick up women and take them
home without doing anything. So he asked the bartender"
How come that guy gets all of the women?"
<br>
And the bartender says" I dunno, he just sits there
and licks his eyebrows with his tongue every ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score |
|
Australian Foreplay!!! 9/27/2005
Q: What is the definition of Australian Foreplay?
<br>
Ans: The guy says "Are you awake honey?"
0 Comments, 99 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score |
|
And God Created Man!!! (But There Was A Problem!!!) 9/27/2005
After God created the first man he said to him "Adam,
I have some Good News and some Bad News "
<br>
"Give me the Good News first please God"said
Adam.
<br>
And God said "The Good News is I have given you a dick
AND a brain"
<br>
"Wow" said Adam "I got a dick and a brain!!!
That's great!!! What's the Bad News God?'
<br>
And God said "The Bad News is ...
0 Comments, 138 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
What Is THe Sound Of One Hand Clapping? Masturbation Of Course!!!! 9/26/2005
The Priest was instructing his Altar Boys on the Evils Of
Masturbation. He said "Boys, Self Abuse can lead
to blindness, paralysis and difficulty in maintaining
Marital Relations with your future wife"
<br>
One boy spoke up and said 'Father, how come you know
so much about masturbation?" <br>
And the Priest said "Because my , I have a lot of
first hand knowledge on the ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
Cost for a Lawyer 9/26/2005
LAWYEAR k sir, do u want me to help
how much money do u have
to pay me so?
<br>
:i dont have money,
but i have a car, BMW
<br>
LAWYEAR :its ok, u can pay me by it
now tell me whats your case?
<br>
STOLEN THAT CAR, BMW!
0 Comments, 162 Views,
5 Votes
,0.21 Score |
|
Little Johnny Strikes Again!!! 9/25/2005
Little Johnny was tired of his 8th Grade teacher always
asking difficult questions so he said "Miss, I have
a question for you".
<br>
"Go ahaed Little Johnny " said his teacher"
<br>
"I saw three ladies eating ice cream cones the other
day. One of them was licking the ice cream, the other was
taking small bites and the third one sucked it all down real
fast and swallowed ...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score |
|
Innocent minds.... 9/24/2005
little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog
for a
walk
Around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because
she is on heat."
"What's
that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father.
I think he's in
the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad,
may I take Fluffy for awalk around the block? I asked Mum,
but she said the was
on heat, and to come to you." Dad said, ...
0 Comments, 232 Views,
16 Votes
,4.74 Score |
|
I ASKED TO GOD 9/23/2005
I asked to God to make the world PEACE.God answered "
its difficult"
so I asked to God to make you CUTE.God answered "'ITS
BETTER I MAKE THE WORLD PEACE''..
0 Comments, 208 Views,
9 Votes
,0.86 Score |
|
Wedding test..... would you pass?? 9/23/2005
THE WEDDING TEST
<br>
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way,
and my
friends encouraged me.
<br>
My girlfriend? She was a dream!
<br>
There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was
her
younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age,
wore tight ...
0 Comments, 244 Views,
17 Votes
,5.95 Score |
|
Definition Of An Alcoholic!!! 9/18/2005
"An alcoholic is somebody who drinks more that his
doctor!!!"
0 Comments, 92 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
What Women Want... 9/18/2005
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed
him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So,
the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could
answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year
to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had
no answer, he would be put to death.
...
0 Comments, 132 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Men. 9/18/2005
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
<br>
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
...
1 Comments, 111 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score |
|
Explosion... 9/18/2005
A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old,
were
playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts,
causing a little sand between his legs to shift.
<br>
The little girl notices, and squeals with laughter, "How'd
you do
that?" she asks.
<br>
"Easy, " he exclaimed, "I just farted."
<br>
"Can I try it, " she asks?
<br>
"Sure, ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
The deaf book keeper... 9/18/2005
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed
him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was
considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the
job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper
would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to
testify about in court.
<br>
<br>
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score |
|
strangers in the night........ 9/18/2005
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves
assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing
a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the
upper bunk and she in the lower.
<br>
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying,
"Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score |
|
honest wife.... 9/18/2005
Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
"I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control
at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now
don't be silly
dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
<br>
As the officer writes out ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
an old man...... 9/18/2005
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked
up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different
colours green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said 'sarcastically',
"What's the
matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life
?"
<br>
Without batting an eyelid, the old man ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score |
|
inquisitive minds.... 9/18/2005
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's
house for a
play date.
<br>
"Mummy, " the little girl asks, "how
old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, "
the mother
replied. "It's not polite." "OK",
the little girl says, "How
much do you weigh?"
"Now really, " the mother says, "those
are personal questions and are really none of your ...
0 Comments, 77 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score |
|
Do you chew gum????? 9/18/2005
An Australian was having coffee and croissants with butter
and jam in a cafe, when an American tourist, chewing gum,
sat down next to him.
<br>
The Australian politely ignored the American who, nevertheless,
started up a conversation.
<br>
The American snapped the gum in his mouth and said, "Do
you Australian folk eat the whole bread?" The Australian
frowned, annoyed at ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score |
|
Why i fired my secretary...... 9/18/2005
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling
too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife
would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!",
and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she
didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.
I thought, well, that's wives for you, the
will remember..The came in to breakfast and didn't
say a word. So ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
|
MIND READER....... 9/15/2005
Mind Reader
<br>
<br>
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday.
She spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
<br>
On her way home she stops at a news stand to buy a paper. Before
leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't
mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
<br>
"About 32, " the clerk replies.
...
1 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE? 9/15/2005
ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE?
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet
rural pub...She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She
seductively signaled that he should bring his
face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
A MAN SENT A FAX TO HIS WIFE..... 9/15/2005
A man sent a fax to his wife:
<br>
<br>
To my Dear Wife...You will surely understand that I have
certain
needs
which you, with your 54 years, can no longer supply. I am
very
happy
with you and value as a good wife. Therefore after reading
this
fax,
<br>
I
hope
that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will
be
spending
the
evening ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score |
|
Insurance claims 9/14/2005
The following are actual statements found on insurance
forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident
in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm
that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
<br>
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with
a tree I don't have.
<br>
The other car ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
I Feel Sorry For The Guy Who Delivers My Pizza!!! 9/14/2005
Q: Why are pizza delivery guys like gynacologists?
<br>
Ans: Because they both get to see it, smell it and touch it
but they don't get to eat it!!! Poor guys!!!
0 Comments, 64 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Boring 9/11/2005
A guy feeling sorry for himself, was telling his friend;
" when I married my wife, I foud her very funny &
amuzing to be with. now she turned out to be very boring"
<br>
The friend was a bit surprised to her this, and said; I´m
sorry, but I can´t agree with you on this, cause I find her
still very funny.
<br>
I met your wife yesterday at the supermarket. She told me
a ...
0 Comments, 139 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
Why I need to give up alcohol........ 9/10/2005
The other night I was invited for a night out with the girls;
I promised my husband that i'd be home by midnight.
Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
easy. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started
up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband
would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 ...
0 Comments, 199 Views,
19 Votes
,6.68 Score |
|
Hymn # 365 9/8/2005
A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance
sermon.
<br>
With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer
in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With
even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
<br>
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And
if I had all the ...
0 Comments, 180 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score |
|
Army boys 9/7/2005
New unexperienced soldiers came to a camp in a foreign country.
As they were doing the training and seeing no women around,
one of the young soldiers asked a captain:
<br>
"Sir, what do you do when you are horny and you just
need to get laid?"
<br>
The captain looked at him and said:
<br>
"Go in the stable, there's some camels, use those"
<br>
Soldier was ...
0 Comments, 169 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
Exchange of partners. 9/7/2005
Two couples meet and after a wonderful dinner at a great
restaurant decide that they could exchange their partners
for the night.
After 2 hours of continuous sex a man turns over and says:
"Wow this was such a great idea, I hope the girls are
also having fun"
0 Comments, 212 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score |
|
popes and sardars 9/5/2005
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the
Sardars had to leave the country. Naturally there was a
big uproar from the Sardar community. So the Pope made a
deal.He would have a religious debate with a member of the
Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could
stay.
<br>
If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized
that they had no choice. ...
0 Comments, 299 Views,
17 Votes
,4.54 Score |
|
How much ? 9/5/2005
A man standing with a rabbit trying to sell it.
A drunker came by and asked.
"how much for the ape"?.
<br>
well this is a rabbit I´m selling, not an ape !! replied the
seller.
<br>
" I wasn´t talking to you !! I was asking the rabbit".
0 Comments, 249 Views,
9 Votes
,1.50 Score |
|
Motionless 9/4/2005
If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here,
So you’d always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I’m meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me.
<br>
A bond so strong, a hold so tight,
To know you’re the one; my ‘Mr. Right’.
A blessing sent from up above,
In you I’ve found my one true ...
0 Comments, 307 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
He would have continued 9/2/2005
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient
little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!)
leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her
shrill little girl voice,
0 Comments, 349 Views,
4 Votes
|
|
Oops.. 8/31/2005
A man calls home.
<br>
The maid answers the phone."alo"
<br>
He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"
<br>
She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her
boyfriend."
<br>
He's Furiously mad--says, "Ok, go to the hall
closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them
both."
<br>
Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."
5 minutes ...
0 Comments, 368 Views,
10 Votes
,1.19 Score |
|
Man in Antartica on a job 8/29/2005
Man in Antartica on a job
<br>
A man moved to an Antarctica village because of his new job.
This village had many men, but no women. After a few days,
the man started getting horny. He asked his boss, “What
do you guys do when you’re horny here?”
<br>
The man told him, “We have a barrel with a hole in it. Here
I’ll show it to you.” ...
0 Comments, 271 Views,
13 Votes
,5.49 Score |
|
One person working !!!! 8/25/2005
You do know that The population of our country is 100 crores.
But did you know that....
19 crores are retired. That leaves 81 crores to do the work.
There are 25 crores in school, which leaves 56 crore to do
the work.
Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Government, leaving
34 crores to do the work.
4 crores are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 30 crores
to do ...
0 Comments, 220 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score |
|
How I understand the world 8/25/2005
How I understand the world
<br>
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung
cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home
drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame ...
0 Comments, 218 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score |
|
A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet. 8/25/2005
A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet.
<br>
A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all at the vet.
The terrier asked the poodle, “What are you in for?”
The poodle said, “Well, every time I see a car I just want
to chase it and one day I got a car in an accident and killed
the driver. My owner thought it best to put me down.”
All the dogs ...
0 Comments, 237 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score |
|
The goood one 8/25/2005
I’m sure you can imagine
As plain as can be
The place is Piccadilly
The players He and She.
She whispered “will it hurt me?”
“Of course not” answered he
“It’s a very simple process,
You can rely on me.”
She said “I’m very frightened,
I’ve not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said ...
0 Comments, 248 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score |
|
The woodcutter 8/25/2005
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree
above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was
deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was
too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to
poverty and starvation, he began to weep.
As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. ...
0 Comments, 285 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score |
|
Herman The Egg!!! (A Good, Clean Yolk!!!) 8/15/2005
Down at the henhouse today Police have charged Herman The
Egg with a salt. They grilled him for 4 hours until his testimony
became scrambled but he refused to crack. Herman knew he
was in hot water but he protested his innocence.
<br>
"I didn't do it!!!" he cried "I'm
yellow and a born chicken!!!"
<br>
Herman was so traumatized by the experience that he had
to see a ...
0 Comments, 307 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score |
|
New Medication!!! 8/14/2005
There is a new Medication on the market which is a combination
of Viagra and Valium. You take it and if you don't get
laid you don't care!!!
0 Comments, 321 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score |
|
Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!! 8/12/2005
Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said
" My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young
women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah,
my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to
do if he caught one!!!"
0 Comments, 315 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!! 8/12/2005
Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said
" My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young
women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah,
my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to
do if he caught one!!!"
0 Comments, 307 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score |
|
Australian Premature Ejaculation!!! 8/12/2005
Q; Why do Australian men cum so quickly?
<br>
Ans: So they can run down to the Pub and tell their mates all
about it!!!
<br>
Being an Aussie myself I have found this to be so often sad
but true!!!
0 Comments, 379 Views,
14 Votes
,2.34 Score |
|
Penis Observation!!! Sad But True!!! 8/12/2005
Q; Why do so many guys give their penises a name?
<br>
Ans: Because they don't like taking orders from strangers!!!
<br>
<br>
Gee. Sometimes I am almost ashamed to be a man!!!
0 Comments, 385 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score |
|
Cleetus -Zero. Coroner -One Point!!! 8/8/2005
I thought you might all be happy to learn that my favourite
character Cleetus recently graduated from Harvard Law
School. His first was accused of murder and he was
grilling the Coroner on the Witness stand. He said "Doctor,
are you absolutely positive that the victim was dead when
the Paramedics arrived?
<br>
"I'm positive" said the Coroner.
<br>
"Could the trip in ...
0 Comments, 295 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score |
|
The Mystery Of The Female Orgasm!!! 8/8/2005
Daisy Mae was listening to her two cousins arguing. Cleetus
said "Ahm tellin you Jim Bob that woman have the best
orgasm when they are on top"
<br>
"No way" said "Jim Bob. "Women have
the best orgasms when they are on the bottom"
<br>
Daisy Mae listened to these two guys arguing about it for
5 minutes and said "Guys , you are both wrong. Women
have the best orgasms when ...
0 Comments, 344 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score |
|
Cleetus On His Wedding Night!!! 8/7/2005
Cleetus, my favourite country hick was about to make love
to his new wife on his wedding night. Then in a panic he called
his dad. He said 'Pa, I dunno what to do. She's a
virgin!!!"
<br>
And his father said "Come on home . If she ain't
good enough for her brothers then she ain't good enough
for you!!!"
<br>
I can almost hear the banjos a'pickinn' !!!
0 Comments, 304 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
Advertisement For A Wife!!! 8/7/2005
This guy put an ad in the paper for a wife. It read" Nice
guy seeks nymphomanical woman with a fishing boat. Please
send photo of fishing boat!!!"
0 Comments, 254 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
The Farmer And His City Cousin!!! 8/6/2005
Cleetus the potato farmer was telling his city cousin Jim
Bob about how times were tough in the country. He said "Jim
Bob, I ain't hoed a row for three long years"
<br>
And Jim Bob Said "You think you got troubles , Cleetus.
I ain't rode a ho for three long years!!!"
0 Comments, 207 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score |
|
THE PRISONNERS (1) 8/6/2005
3 prisonners deciding to escape, but the camp have a alarm
sytem on the iron grillage, the first prisonner have a idea
it say to other "when the alarm ringing, we make the
cat meow and the warden don't shoot us ", the first
& the second prisonners trying and win to escaping
the third prisonner, gender of man like Goofy, try and make
ringing alarm, warden say "who's here?"
, and prisonner ...
0 Comments, 278 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score |
|
There's a student in medical school 8/6/2005
There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize
in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit
the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing
him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the
student sees a patient masturbating right there in the
hallway.
<br>
"What condition does he have?" the student
asks.
<br>
"He suffers from ...
0 Comments, 138 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
A man walks into a Pharmacy 8/6/2005
A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female
teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms
before, and I don't know what size to buy." <br>
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence
out in back." <br>
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as
he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful
teller sneaks over to ...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
Little Johnny was sitting in class 8/6/2005
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny,
if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one
with your gun, how many would be left?" <br>
"None, " replied Johnny, "cause the
rest would fly away." <br>
"Well, the answer is four, " said the teacher,
"but I like the way you're thinking."
...
0 Comments, 275 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score |
|
Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. 8/6/2005
Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day
about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw
a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving
Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They
were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were
researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could
partner switch. After talking it over ...
0 Comments, 207 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
A lawyer dies & meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates 8/6/2005
Stammering in incredulity at his untimely demise, he grabs
St Peter by the robes & insists there''s been
some kind of mistake.
<br>
"I''m too young to die!" he yells,
"I''m only 38 years old!" <br>
St. Peter takes the lawyer''s hands off him, straightens
his robe, & consults the Book of Life.
<br>
"I think I''ve found the problem, "
he says, "Judging by the ...
0 Comments, 263 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score |
|
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. 8/6/2005
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12
and asks which the young man wants. "Well, "
he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while
and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think
tonight's "the" night. We're having
dinner with her parents, and then we're going out.
And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after
that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all ...
0 Comments, 222 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score |
|
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: 8/6/2005
Show up naked,
Bring beer
0 Comments, 214 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score |
|
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: 8/6/2005
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
0 Comments, 230 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
|
3 Wishes 8/4/2005
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into
the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found
a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release
me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
> >The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to
your wishes - that whatever you wish ...
2 Comments, 283 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score |
|
Life In The Old Wild West!!! 8/4/2005
The Sherriff said to his Deputy "Cleetus, those goldurn
thieves have robbed the Bank. Go round up a posse"
<br>
So he walks out of his office an hour later and he sees 10 Dance
Hall Girls waiting for him. And he says" Cleetus,
what's this? I told you to round up a posse"
<br>
And Cleetus says "Posse? I thought you said Pussy!!!"
0 Comments, 82 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Definition Of Men!!! 8/4/2005
Q: Why are men like floor tiles?
<br>
Ans:Because if you lay them good you can walk all over them
for 30 years!!!
0 Comments, 169 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score |
|
The Village Idiot Strikes Out Again!!! 8/4/2005
The Village Idiot was at a party with his Harverd Educated
Phd. friend Cleetus and he saw this beautiful woman at the
other end of the room. Cleetus noticed that he was staring
at her and he said 'Don't try your luck with her.
She's a lesbian". So the Village Idiot walked
up to her and siad "Hey babe, what part of Lesbia are
you from"
<br>
That guy ain't never gonna get lucky!!!
0 Comments, 166 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score |
|
Country Discount!!! 8/1/2005
The potato farmer had a very good crop this year so he decided
to celebrate by buying himself a new Rolls Royce. So he went
to the dealership and picked out a blue Rolls Royce. The
salesman said "That will be $300, 000 Sir".
So the farmer opened his briefcase and there was $300, 000
cash in it!!! The salesman said "If I knew you were
paying cash Sir I would have given you a discount" ...
0 Comments, 174 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
Lost hunters 7/31/2005
Two friends were out hunting in the woods and got lost.
'Shoot, ' said the first, ' and maybe it will
help someone to find us.'
The second one followed this advice, but nothing happened.
'Shoot again, ' said the first.
Another shot, still no reaction.
'Shoot yet again, ' recommended the first.
'I'm sorry, ' responded his friend, 'I'm
out of arrows.'
1 Comments, 214 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score |
|
And God created the Swiss 7/31/2005
When God created the Swiss, the latter became quite dear
to God's heart. So He asked the Swiss:
'My dear Swiss, what can I still do for you?'
The Swiss asked for beautiful mountains with lush green
meadows and crystal clear mountain stream. God fulfilled
this wish and asked again, 'What more do you want?'
The Swiss answered: 'I would now like to have healthy,
happy cows on the meadows, ...
1 Comments, 192 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
ENIGMA (part2) 7/31/2005
Hi here are the solution of enigma, vote or make comments
i will read it, enjoy! If you don't find any differances betwin curtains
& toilet paper, i never visiting your home !!!! hahaha!
0 Comments, 141 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score |
|
The Search For Justice!!! 7/30/2005
If you want to get screwed go to Court. If you want Justice
go to a brothel!!!
0 Comments, 116 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
Vs Psychiatrist!!! 7/29/2005
Q: What's the difference between a and
a psychiatrist?
<br>
Ansne shrinks your big head while the other makes your
little head bigger!!!
0 Comments, 125 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score |
|
I Can Hear The Banjos Playing!!! 7/29/2005
Cleetus, the Country Hick was making out with his girlfriend
Daisy and he said "Daisy baby, I think there is something
very wrong with mah dick. It's alla swollen"
<br>
So Daisy says to him "Cleetus honey you better git
yourself down to the Doctor"
<br>
So Cleetus goes to the Doctor and the Doctor thinks it is
so funny and he sends him to the local brothel.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 186 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
|
A Warning About Oral Sex!!! 7/29/2005
This guy is performing Oral sex on a and he sees
all of this green gooey stuff coming out of her genitals.
So he asks her "Are you sick or something?" And
she says "No, but the last guy down there was!!!"
<br>
Don't perform Oral Sex on hookers!!!
0 Comments, 148 Views,
4 Votes
|
|
The parking ticket 7/28/2005
I went to the baker's this morning. I was only five minutes
in the shop, but, as I came out, I saw a traffic warden writing
out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said:
"Listen, I just went in quickly to the baker's."
He ignored me and continued writing up the ticket. I became
a little annoyed with that and lost some of my self-control.
"Hello? Are you deaf? I said I just went in ...
0 Comments, 170 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
Opening a bank account 7/28/2005
A man enters a bank in Zurich and steps up to a cashier to open
a bank account.
"How much money will you deposit initially?"
asks the cashier.
"Three million, " whispers the man.
"You can speak out normally without problem, "
responds the bank teller. "You know, in Switzerland,
being poor isn't something to be ashamed about."
2 Comments, 150 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
Lonely Farmer's Wife!!! 7/28/2005
The farmer was frustrated at the lack of productivity from
his animals and he grabbed his wife's tit and said "If
this thing worked I wouldn't need the cows!!!"
Then he grabbed his wife's ass and said "And if
this thing worked I wouldn't need the chickens"
<br>
So his wife grabbed his dick and said "And if this thing
worked I wouldn't need your brother!!!"
0 Comments, 111 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
A stamp with Bill Gates 7/27/2005
The US post office has issued a stamp to honour Bill Gates.
However, in everyday use it was discover that this stamp
did not stay on the envelopes. A quickly convened committee
spent several month to determine where the problem might
be and came up with the following report:
The stamp is all right and the glue is not to blame. The problem
is that the customers spit on the wrong side of the ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
|
European Heaven and Hell 7/27/2005
In the European heaven
the cooks would be French
the policemen British
the mechanics German
the lovers Italian
and the whole system would be run by the Swiss.
But in the European hell
the cooks would be British
the policemen German
the mechanics French
the lovers Swiss
and the system would be run by the ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
The annoying cell phones 7/26/2005
In a sauna, several men wearing only towels are chatting
when, all of the sudden, a cell phone starts ringing. After
a few rings, a man answers:
"Hi, honey? You're at the sauna?"
"Yes, dear."
"Honey, you won't believe me, I'm at the
store and they have a mink coat that's... magnificient!
So beautiful, and at such a ridiculously low price!"
"How much for the mink coat, honey?"
"It's ...
2 Comments, 167 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score |
|
The difference between Switzerland and Austria 7/26/2005
(With apologies to my present and future Austrian friends!)
<br>
An Austrian was discussing with his Swiss friend about
the differences between their countries.
The Austrian: 'I don't understand why Austria
is not so rich and good as Switzerland. Both countries are
around same size. They both have around the same population.
They both have the Alps crossing them. Even our flags our ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
Life In The U.S. Air Force!!! 7/26/2005
The Military Plane in Iceland was about to take off with
it's passengers when the Pilot realized that the toilet
was overflowing with crap. So he sent a message to the Control
Tower asking them to send somebody to empty the tank. So
the guy whose job was to empty the toilet discovered that
the outlet valve for the tank was frozen solid and it took
him twice the time it usually does to empty ...
0 Comments, 180 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
Female and Male Prayers 7/25/2005
FEMALE PRAYER:
<br>
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart, and strong,
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks
I pray he's gainfully employed,
when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more
...
0 Comments, 251 Views,
16 Votes
,5.19 Score |
|
Tasteless In More Ways Than One!!! 7/25/2005
These two guy were walking down the stret and the first one
said "Watch out for the dogshit"
<br>
And the second guy says" That ain't dogshit"
<br>
"It is too" said the first guy.
<br>
So the first guy says "Look , smell it"
<br>
"Nope, that ain't shit"
<br>
" Go ahead and feel it"
<br>
"Nope it ain't shit"
<br>
...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
Brothel Joke!!! 7/24/2005
This guy walks into his local brothel and he pays the madame
$100 and she says "We got three ladies working tonight.
Just walk down the coridor and go through any door".
<br>
So the guy walks down the corridor and he sees a sign on the
first door saying "Good screw". Then he walks
to the second door and the sign on it says "Hot screw".
Then he walks to the third door where it ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score |
|
Ray The Garbage Man's Birthday!!! 7/24/2005
It was Ray the Garbage Man's birthday and a pretty housewife
invited him in. Then she proceeded to have sex with him.
After a bout of lovemaking she said "Now Ray, here
is a cup of tea and then I want you to piss off"
<br>
Ray was dumfounded and he protested "But we have just
made beautiful love!!! What's the matter"
<br>
And she said "Well I was talking to my ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score |
|
The Institution Of Mariage!!! 7/24/2005
The siad to his father "Dad, I'm getting
married!!!"
<br>
The father said ",
let me ask you a few questions"
<br>
"Sure dad" said the .
<br>
"You like eating steak don't you?" said
the father.
<br>
"Sure dad" said the .
<br>
"Could you eat steak once a week?"
<br>
"No problem Dad"
<br>
"Could you eat steak three times a ...
0 Comments, 104 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Definition Of Love!!! 7/24/2005
"Love is a mental illness which is usually cured by
matrimony!!!"
0 Comments, 93 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
one more of St. Peter 7/24/2005
screamed S. Pedro - we will organize this in two lines. You,
men that they always dominated the women, make line of the
left side the men that they were always dominated by their
wives do line to the right. After a lot of confusion, finally
the men are in line. The men's line dominated by their
wives has more than 100 kilometers; The men's line
that were dominated their wives just has a ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
Short memory? 7/24/2005
Someone goes to the chemist and ask for Acetylsalicylic
Acid!
The pharmaceutical asked him: Why you don’t ask just for
an aspirin that is the same?
He replied: Because I easily forget the names.
0 Comments, 91 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score |
|
Why Aren?t You Running? 7/24/2005
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the
tiny town of Johnstown
got up early and went to the local church. Before the services
started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and
talking about their lives, their families, etc.Suddenly,
Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started
screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other
in a frantic effort ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score |
|
History of Lawyer recent 1st prize in a competition 7/24/2005
This is the lawyers' of the year best history, of the
decade and probably of the
century.
A lawyer of Charlotte, North Carolina, bought a box of cigars
very rare and expensive, and then it hired an insurance
policy against fire and other risks. Inside of one month,
having smoked all his stock of those big cigars and still
without to have at least paid the first portion of the ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Sip the Vodka! 7/24/2005
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
<br>
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
...
0 Comments, 146 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score |
|
ENIGMA 7/24/2005
Do you know the difference betwin a pair of curtains and
a toilet paper? i will give the answer of this enigma in few days !
0 Comments, 95 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Why is a 'Bra' Singular and 'Panties' Plural? 7/23/2005
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
<br>
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever
know?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
<br>
Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Percription for Cyanide 7/23/2005
A lady tells the pharmacist that she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need
cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, "Lord have
mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law!! Absolutely not!
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score |
|
[b]Drunk Decoy[/b] 7/23/2005
From the state where drinking and driving is considered
a sport, comes a true story from Houston, Texas.
Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a local
neighborhood bar. Late in the evening, the officer noticed
a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely
walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes
with the officer quietly observing.
After ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score |
|
And Rooster Joke!!! 7/23/2005
Q: What's the difference between a and
a rooster?
<br>
Ans: The rooster says "cock a doodle do" and
the says "Any cock will do!!!"
0 Comments, 84 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
A Joke For The Finacially Embarrased Owing Money!!! 7/23/2005
When you owe the Bank $60, 000 and you can't pay then
you can't sleep at night.
<br>
However if you owe the bank $60, 000, 000 and you can't
pay it then the Bank can't sleep at night!!!
0 Comments, 101 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
take my yoke upon u 7/23/2005
a teacher asked three students to make sentences with objects
one brought a bag of salt and said the salt of the world the
other brought a cup of water and said water is life the third
threw an egg at the teacher and said btake my yolk upon u
0 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score |
|
foolish men 7/23/2005
three men went to a wizard to make them rich he agreed but
on one condition that none should talk on their way home
on the wayone said remember they said we shouldnt talk the
second sai but u have talked the third then saed thank God
i did not talk.
0 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score |
|
clergy 7/23/2005
a priest went to the grocery store to buy groceries he told
the lady i wantg to buy apples but b4 then quote a bible verse
with apples for me she said u are d apple of my eyes he left
he went to the baker and told him to do the same thing with
bread he said man shall not leave by bread alone he then bought
it he went to the market and saw a man sellins yams he told
him to qoute with yams he ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Little Johnny Vs Bill Gates!!! 7/22/2005
Bill Gates was addressing Little Johnny's 8th Grade
class and he said "Now boys and girls, I want you to
remember that when you grow up and enter the workforce that
flipping burgers is not Teenage Exploitation but a Golden
Opportunity For Advancement. Does anybody have any questions?"
<br>
Little Johnny's hand shot up straight away and he said
"Mr. Gates , what is the name of your ...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
|
Lawyer Joke 7/22/2005
I have discovered that contary to the Old Saying in a Court
Of Law "Bullstuff talks and money ALWAYS walks!!!"
0 Comments, 89 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
The Elephant books 7/22/2005
Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
<br>
The French book - 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh
language and
culture
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Permissions and prohibitions 7/22/2005
In the US, everything that isn't prohibited by law
is permitted.
In Germany, everything that isn't permitted by law
is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted
by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited
by law.
In Switzerland, everything that isn't prohibited
by law is obligatory.
0 Comments, 81 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
Oil Change - Men vs Women (Read, it's true?) 7/21/2005
INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CHANGE THE OIL IN YOUR CAR - FOR
WOMAN
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
MONEY SPENT >Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 >TOTAL
$21.00 > >OIL CHANGE
INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN
1) ...
1 Comments, 364 Views,
36 Votes
,5.48 Score |
|
Blonde joke 7/16/2005
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney
World in Florida.
<br>
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway,
they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"
<br>
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh
well!" and started driving back home.
<br>
---------------------------
0 Comments, 215 Views,
18 Votes
,2.85 Score |
|
Another Joke For Our U.K. Readers!!! 7/16/2005
This drunk is walking down the street when he see a guy whose
car has broken down so he says' Wasammatter mate?"
And the guy says to him "Piston broke" And the
drunk says "Gee. So am I!!!"
0 Comments, 149 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
Two Blonde Jokes!!! 7/15/2005
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde
<br>
Ans: A Labrador!!!
<br>
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
<br>
Ans: Shine a torch into her ear!!!
0 Comments, 105 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score |
|
Tarzan Joke (For Our U.K .Readers!!!) 7/14/2005
Tarzan and Jane just got married and she baked him a roast
chimp pie for lunch.The she gave him braised finch for dinner.
Then she kept on serving the same two dishes to him for a whole
week until he finally said "Jane, can't you cook
anything beside finch and chimps?"
0 Comments, 164 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score |
|
Married People 7/11/2005
Q: Why are married people like the blades of scissors?
<br>
Ans: Because they are joined in the middle, they move in
opposite directions and will cut anybody who tries to come
between them!!!
0 Comments, 187 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
The Shallowness Of Men!!! 7/10/2005
The Human Resources Manager had narrowed down the postion
of Branch Secretary down to four applicants but he couldn't
decide which one to choose. So he discussed the matter with
his collegue. He said 'All of these of these women are
extremely computer literate an are skilled in Word Processing
so which one do I choose?" And his collegue replies
"I would go for the one with the biggest ...
0 Comments, 234 Views,
7 Votes
,0.49 Score |
|
Take Me To Your Leader!!! 7/9/2005
The Aliens arrive on Earth at a gas station and thinking
that the gas pump is an Earthling the Alien goes up to it and
says' Take me to your leader".Naturally the
gas pump doesn't say anything. So the Alien repeats
"Take me to your leader". And of course nothing
happens. So his Alien friend walks out of the spaceship
and says 'What's the problem?" And the first
Alien says " I keep on ...
0 Comments, 300 Views,
11 Votes
,2.42 Score |
|
Escaped Gorilla 7/7/2005
A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo
keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls
the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard.
The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has
a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Dachshund. The man
asks what the items are for.
<br>
He's told, "I'm gonna climb the tree and
hit the ...
0 Comments, 192 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score |
|
The Monkey 7/7/2005
A guy walks into a bar carrying a small monkey. As he sits
down, the monkey jumps off his shoulder and starts running
around, eating everything in sight. He eats the bar peanuts,
he gobbles the fruit garnish, he chows down the pretzels,
everything. Finally, he jumps onto the pool table and swallows
a cue ball - whole.
<br>
The bartender is a little more than pissed, and complains ...
0 Comments, 143 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
My Called Sex 7/7/2005
Everybody who has a calls him Rover or Spot or some other
common name. I called mine SEX. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing
to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license,
I told the clerk that I wanted a license for Sex. He said,
"I'd like to have one too!"
<br>
Then I said, "But this is a dog."
<br>
He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, ...
0 Comments, 136 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
The Guard Dog 7/7/2005
There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime.
After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed,
the couple decided to get a guard dog.
<br>
So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I
need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry,
we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie
dog. But, he does knows karate."
<br>
The wife ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
|
20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers... 7/7/2005
The 20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers...
<br>
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
<br>
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
<br>
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one
side.
<br>
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they
visit.
<br>
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've ...
0 Comments, 96 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score |
|
How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage? 7/7/2005
LOVE - - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your waist,
and you don't care.
<br>
LOVE - - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - - all other times.
MARRIAGE - - what's intercourse?
<br>
LOVE - - when you argue over how many to have.
LUST - - ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score |
|
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings.... 7/7/2005
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings....
<br>
There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless
Love, " and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony
Mony".
<br>
There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger"
Party.
<br>
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and
halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing
than not.
<br>
Tuxes ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score |
|
THE LOVE DRESS. 7/7/2005
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently
married couple's house.
She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.
She saw her -in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from
work, " the -in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law
exclaimed.
"This is my love dress, " the -in-law ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
the stink boy 7/6/2005
well, tell the story that there was a boy known by stink coz
of the stench of his mouth. one day he decided to camp with
his friends, however, there was a problems: stink could
not talk inside the tent coz if he does his breath would impregnate
the air. to solve this problems his friends told him that
every time he wanted to talk he should raise his hand, then
all the others could cover ...
0 Comments, 205 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score |
|
Where Babies Come From 7/6/2005
A blonde and her mother were talking, when the blonde asked,
"Mom, is it true that babies comes from the same place
where boys stick their thingies?" <br>
"Yes, dear, it's true, " her mother replied.
<br>
"But then, when I have a baby, won't my teeth get
knocked out?" asked the blonde.
0 Comments, 167 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score |
|
A Little Suspicious 7/6/2005
A woman is in her doctor's office getting undressed
for an examination.
<br>
She turns to a naked woman sitting next to her and says, "I
told the doctor that my ears are ringing and he told me to
strip. Does that seem a little suspicious to you?"
<br>
"Hey, don't ask me, " the naked woman replies.
"I'm only here to fix the fax machine."
0 Comments, 160 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
dont dare 7/6/2005
a boy was fond of going to swim in a nearby pool so his dad got
tired and told him not to go swimming again the next day he
went so his dad asked him why he went he said it was the work
of the devil so his dad told him next time the devil tells
u to do so tell him satan get behind me the next day he went
so his dad started yelling at him so he said dont blame me
dad i told him to get behind ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score |
|
blunders 7/6/2005
a boy wanted to tell his father i am going to school instead
he said i is going to school his father said look at u stupid
boy simple corrected english u cannot spoke his mother
came out of the room and
told the father u are the worstest
0 Comments, 77 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score |
|
the doctor and his patient 7/6/2005
a man who had just been operated on was on his bed when his
doctor came in and told him i was trying to reach u yesterday
why the patient asked because i only wanted to tell u that
u have 24hrs to live
0 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
Corporate lessons 7/5/2005
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens
the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
<br>
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel."
<br>
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score |
|
AIDS Or Alzheimer's??? 7/3/2005
The Doctor says to the guy 'I'm sorry but we seem
to have mixed up your wife's test results. She's
either got AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease"
<br>
"Gee Doc" said the guy "Can't you
be a little bit more specific?" <br>
And the Doctor says "Sure. Take her deep into the woods
and if she finds her way back home don't have sex with
her!!!"
0 Comments, 97 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
to tell the truth or....... 7/1/2005
the asks his father, dad how where u born, dad says, my
parents found me in the street, the again asks , and how
was mom born?, her parents bought her from hospital,
not satisfied asks again, and me , how was i born?, clever
father answers, a bird brought u.Finally embarased the
screams, " i don't understand no one's
normal in this family?" )
0 Comments, 151 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score |
|
the american, the brazilian and the PORTUGUESE guys 6/30/2005
THE WERE 3 MEN IN A PLANE WHICH FELL IN A LOST ISLAND. ONE THEM
WAS AMERICAN, ANOTHER ONE WAS BRAZILIAN AND THE LAST WAS
FROM PORTUGAL. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOME FOOD WHEN THE
NATIVES FOUND THEM. SO, THE TRIBE´S CHIEF SAID: "-
IF YOU WANNA LIVE, YOU´LL NEED TO FIND 2 FRUIT´S IN THE JUNGLE
AND BRING IT TO ME". THAT WAS EASY THEY THOUGHT.THE
AMERICAN WAS THE FIRST ONE TO ARRIVE.HE BROUGHT ...
3 Comments, 234 Views,
23 Votes
,3.60 Score |
|
All Alone 6/29/2005
A school teacher started his first job at a primary school
and was eager to make a good impression on the . So, when
he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess,
while the other were playing a game of soccer, he walked
up to him and asked "Are you alright ?" <br>
The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher
left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score |
|
Lottery Win 6/29/2005
An old guy and his had a one-mule farm where they eked
out a living. One day, the hit the lottery and won $50, 000.
He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried
back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed
him $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said,
", you know I've always been careful with
what little money we had. I didn't spend ...
0 Comments, 152 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score |
|
Presidential Advice 6/29/2005
One night, G.W. Bus h was awakened by George Washington's
ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing
I could do to
help the country?" <br>
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, "
advised George.
<br>
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through
the dark
bedroom.
<br>
"Tom, what is the best thing I could ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
Women's menu: 6/29/2005
Woman Shrimp: she only has shit in the head, but it is pleasant
and you eat even so.
Woman Crab: it is ugly and hairy, but you beat in her, it cleans
properly and he/she eats even so
Woman Bread: she always has the same taste, but you eat every
day.
Woman Appetizer: accompanied of a drink you eat and it still
finds good.
Woman Passion fruit: it is all ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score |
|
I only came to ask a favour 6/28/2005
The newly married couple had rented an apartment and were
hanging picutes. The husband was driving a nail in the living
room wall when there was a knock at the door.
<br>
"it's Mr. Johnson from next door." said
his wife, "your hammering must have bothered him."
<br>
Her husband started to apologize, but the neighbour cut
him short.
<br>
"oh, I don't mind ...
0 Comments, 286 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score |
|
maybe 6/28/2005
Sisqo was performing a concert in Nigeria
when he noticed his dragon necklace was missing so he sang
unleash the dragon as he was singing he pointed accusing
fingers at jlo so she sang get it right wyclef came and asked
what the matter was sisqo told him so he sang 911 aS police
was coming they bumped imto shaggy so he sang it wasn't
me
0 Comments, 141 Views,
9 Votes
|
|
Little Johnny In the 8th Grade!!! 6/25/2005
Little Johnny's teacher asked the class "Can
anybody give me a three syllable word?"
<br>
Litte Johnny's hand shot up straight away and said
"I know one Miss. MAS-TUR-BATE".
<br>
"Gee' Said Little Johnny's teacher"
That sure is a mouthfull"
<br>
And Little Johnny says "No Miss you're thinking
about a Blow Job!!!"
0 Comments, 266 Views,
13 Votes
,3.31 Score |
|
little john 6/24/2005
every day morning teacher carol goes through the door of
the class and ask the : - good morning!!! she always
listen: -hi uuuuuuuuuuu!!! and every single day the answer
is the same. but there was a time that she asked them: -good
morning!! however she listeni!! and in the next day
she listen: -hi!! just it. then she realised little john
had missed that 2 classes.that was funny. each time ...
1 Comments, 313 Views,
16 Votes
,1.51 Score |
|
In the classroom 6/24/2005
Ms. Perkins, " said the biology teacher, his eyes
pinning the daydreaming student, "would you please
tell the class which portion of the human anatomy swells
to ten times its normal size during periods of agitation
or emotional excitement?" Blushing, the woman stammered: "Professor, I-I
would r-rather n-not answer that q-question."
Arching a brow, the professor asked: "Oh? And why
not?" ...
0 Comments, 252 Views,
17 Votes
,5.53 Score |
|
The New Sargeant In The Foreign Legion!! 6/22/2005
The new Sargeant arrives at the islolatd outpost of the
Foreign Legion and he sees a camel tied near the Mess Tent
so he asks the Private what the camel is doing thee. The Private
replies "Well Sage, when the guys get all lonely and
hot for a woman they use the camel" The Sargeant replies
"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard".
<br>
However after a couple of months ...
0 Comments, 288 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
The Sadness Of Infidelity!!! 6/21/2005
This guy is drinking at a bar and he says to the bartender
"I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend".
So the barteneder says to him "So what did you do?"
And the guy says 'I kicked her out of the house and put
him back in his kennel!!!"
0 Comments, 146 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score |
|
LAPTOPS 6/19/2005
Marisa asked Luís:
--What is leptospirose?
And Luís answered:
--A disease that attacks the users of laptops.
It is transmitted by the contact with the urine of the Mouse.
0 Comments, 149 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score |
|
ROASTING PIGS AND BURNING FORESTS 6/19/2005
It is a little long but, it is worthwhile to be read.
Adapted text of an article originally published in "Juicio
of La Escuela Cirigliano", Forcane Tilich - Editorial
Humanitas, Buenos Aires, 1976
<br>
Certain time a fire happened at a forest where there were
some pigs, that they were roasted by the fire.
The men, accustomed to eat raw meat, they tried and they ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score |
|
Spanish people 6/19/2005
Which is the difference between the Spanish people and
the terrorists?
- The terrorists have sympathetic.
--------------------------------------
Which and the similarity between a humble Spanish and the
Super - Man?
- None of the two exists.
--------------------------------------
How is it done to recognize a Sapnish in a bookstore?
- He is what asks the world map of ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
PRAY OF STRESSED PEOPLE 6/19/2005
Feel serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
courage to change the things that I cannot accept, and wisdom
to hide those people's bodies to have to kill for they
be becoming full a lot the sack.
Also, help me to be careful with the calluses in that floor
today, because they can be directly connected to the sacks
that I will have to pull tomorrow.
Help me, always, to give ...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score |
|
THE DOCTOR 6/19/2005
Very depressed, the subject arrives to the doctor muttering:
–Oh, Doctor! I have a sharp case of genital herpes, syphilis,
bubonic plague, meningitis, asthma and positive and effective
HIV!
What can you make for me?
–Don't worry that we will intern you in a fourth matter,
with everything that you need and we will indicate for you
as diet a pizza!
...
0 Comments, 112 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score |
|
THE LETTER IN WHITE 6/19/2005
In the sanatorium, the lunatic receives a letter, he opens
the envelope, it removes a paper in white and it comments
on with his room mate:
- It from my brother! We are in bad relations, it has been
six months that we didn't speak to each other!
0 Comments, 97 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score |
|
PARADISE AND HELL 6/19/2005
WHAT IS THE PARADISE?
it is a place where:
- the police are British
- the cooks are French
- the mechanics are German
- the lovers are Portuguese
- and everything is organized for the Swisses
WHAT IS THE HELL?
it is a place where:
- the police are German
- the cooks are English
- the mechanics are French
- the lovers are Swiss
- and everything is ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score |
|
TO LEARN GERMAN 6/19/2005
People now doesn't have laziness that does to give
up on speaking German.
The German language is relatively easy. All those that
know the derived languages of Latin and they are habituated
to conjugate some verbs can learn her quickly. That is what
German's teachers say soon in the first lesson.
First, we caught a book in German, in this case, a magnificent
volume, with layer ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score |
|
GOING TO THE SKY 6/19/2005
In a school of nuns... the teacher asks:
- Which is the part of the body that arrives first to the sky?
Small Rita lifts the arm:
- The hands, sister.
- And reason?
- Because when we prayed elevated the hands to the sky.
In this, Jonh says:
- It is not anything, they are the feet!!
- Ah yes? And reason? - asks the nun.
- Well, this night, I went to my ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score |
|
THE USE OF MONEY 6/19/2005
Manoel and Joaquim leave to give a walk in the forest. Suddenly,
Manoel says:
- I am going home!
- Why? - heasked Joaquim.
- I need to go to the bathroom - Manoel says.
- Now, Manoel - Joaquim answers - it is going in the bush,
behind the track.
- I am not able to - it explains to Manoel - I didn't bring
paper.
- Be not for that - Joaquim says - it cleans with ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score |
|
GIFTS 6/19/2005
3 friends are seating in a bar, to speak of the birthday gifts
that gave to the wives...
says the first:
"The gift that I gave to my wife is going in 6 seconds
from 0 to 100" The other ones two didn't understand and he explained:
I "offered her a white Porsche, because it is well
with their blond hair" says the second:
"The gift that I gave to my wife is going in 4 ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS 6/19/2005
God asked the Greeks:
- Do you want a commandment?
- Which would the commandment be, Mister?
- You won't kill!
- No, thank you, that would interrupt our sequence of conquests.
Then God asked the Egyptians:
- Do you want a commandment?
- Which would the commandment be, Mister?
- You won't commit adultery!
- No thank you, that would ruin our weekends!
...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score |
|
THE WILL OF THE LATE HUSBAND 6/19/2005
THE WILL OF THE DECEASED
That lady takes a brilliant Ferrari to a collector.
After inspecting the car during a good stocking-hour,
the collector
he sees himself for the woman and he says:
- The car is great! How much are you asking for for him?
- A hundred USD! - the woman answers in high and good sound.
- A hundred thousand USD Reais, do you want to say?
- No, ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score |
|
Jane and Tarzan 6/18/2005
Due to innocence of Tarzan, that lived alone during a long
time, Jane
gave him classes about sexuality
She explained everything as if he was a :
* she lookeds at Tarzan, and said: What you have there among
your legs hunging is a clothes it is dirty and what I have
here among my legs is a washing machine
The one that you have to do is to catch your clothes to put
here in ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score |
|
YOU AND YOUR - THE DIFERENCE 6/18/2005
Do you know the difference between Your and Yours?
A small example, that illustrates that difference very
well proceeds:
The General Director of a Bank, was concerned with a youth
and diamond Diretor, that after having worked for some
time with him, without stopping nor to eat lunch, began
to be absent at noon.
Then the General Director of the Bank, called a detective ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
Golf Physio 6/16/2005
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of
men playing the next hole.
<br>
The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his
hands together between his legs, fell to the ground and
rolled backwards and forwards in agony.
<br>
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to
apologise. ...
0 Comments, 136 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score |
|
cheats 6/16/2005
a man was was throwing a company party so in d process his
secretary got drunk he decided to take her home but on getting
there noticed she was so drunk so he tucked her into bed it
was late so he went to bring her home when he got therre she
started shouting he was quiet when she got into the car he
noticed a ladys shoe he was afraid he wondered how he was
going to tell his wife what just ...
0 Comments, 152 Views,
12 Votes
,1.92 Score |
|
EASY UNDERSTANDING 6/14/2005
For the friends that always had difficulty in understanding
the theorems of the mathematics, here space some of easy
understanding:
Theorem of the Propensity Adhesive of the Materials:
- There are two adhesive plaster types: what doesn't
glue and what doesn't come out.
Law of the Aerial Mobility of the Solid Particles:
- Every particle that floats in the air always ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score |
|
AT LAST THE ANSWERS! 6/14/2005
A sociologist, formed by Harvard, made a thing that few
people imagine that a sociologist can be capable to do:
To answer questions!
Does he know, those stupid questions that some vacated
he made to circulate in Net? Because it is, another vacated,
or better, a sociologist decided to answer.
(BELIEVE)!!!
1. because orange calls orange and doesn't lemon call
green?
...
0 Comments, 130 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score |
|
Bill Gates meets St. Peter 6/14/2005
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory,
being sized up by St. Peter.
<br>
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call;
I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After
all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer
in almost every home in America, yet you also created that
ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something
I've never ...
1 Comments, 796 Views,
76 Votes
,5.57 Score |
|
Psychiatrist Joke 6/11/2005
This guy walks into the psychiatrist's office and
says "Doc, you gotta help me. Every thime I walk down
the street I shit my pants".
<br>
Afetr ten Therapy sessions he runs into an old drinking
buddy and says to him 'I'm mich better now"
<br>
And his friend says to him "So you're cured?'
<br>
And the guy says "I still shit my pants when I walk down
the ...
0 Comments, 217 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
blonde and her tailpipe 6/11/2005
After a bad hail storm this blonde takes her car to the dealership
to show the dents all over the car left by the hail storm..The
dealer seeing that this girl is a blonde says to her..You
have to blow real hard into the tail pipe to blow out the dents...The
blonde returns home to repair the damage..As the blonde
is kneeling on the ground blowing real hard into the tailpipe, her
room mate ...
0 Comments, 192 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
Psychiatrist Joke 6/10/2005
So this guy walks into the Headshrinker's Ofice and
says "Doc, you gotta help me. I can't sleep because
I think there is a monster under my bed"
<br>
So the psychiatrist says "This would indicate to
me to be a deep seated Nuerosis. I would suggest Medication
and some Intensive Therapy"
<br>
Two weeks later the guy meets a friend after work and he says
to him 'I'm ...
0 Comments, 186 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score |
|
A Christmas Poem!!! 6/10/2005
"It was the night before Christmas ,
And all through the house,
Everyone was hungover,
Including the mouse!!!
Momma's new nightie,
Made her tits look First Class,
So I settled in,
For some fine piece of ass!!!
Then all of a sudden,
I heard a din and a clatter,
So I pulled out early,
To see what was the ...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
Opening A Bank Account 6/10/2005
So this guy walks up to the female bank Cashier and says "Listen
up , I want to open an account"
<br>
So she says to him "You can't talk to me that way.
I'm going to get the Manager"
<br>
<br>
So the Manager walks up to the guy and says "What seems
to be the problem?"
<br>
And the guy says " I want to open an acoount and deposit
3 million dollars in it"
...
0 Comments, 178 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score |
|
What Do You Get When You Play A Country Song Backwards? 6/10/2005
Your wife stops having an affair, your comes back to
life and the Repo Man brings back your pickup truck!!!
0 Comments, 114 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
Why Did God Invent Men? 6/10/2005
Becaause vibrators can't wash the car or mow the lawn!!!
0 Comments, 102 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
I'll Do Anthing For 50 Bucks Baby!!!! 6/10/2005
There was this who decided she should lower her prices
to get more business. So she approaches this guy on the street
and said to him "Baby , I'll do anything for $50"
So he looked at her and said "Okay , you can paint my
house!!!"
0 Comments, 124 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
You just might be a Redneck if: 6/8/2005
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart
shoppers."
<br>
hmm... that one might be a little too close to home for me...
<br>
<br>
B.
0 Comments, 134 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
email? check the address before you hit send... 6/7/2005
Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went
on a business trip to Louisiana.
He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jean.
<br>
Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended
up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who
had just passed away.
<br>
The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and
promptly fainted.
...
0 Comments, 170 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score |
|
are you a geek? 6/7/2005
if you can find 3 or more matches below,
then welcome to geekdom!
<br>
<br>
1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
<br>
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".
<br>
3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
<br>
4. You have called out someone's screen name while
making love to
your significant other.
<br> ...
1 Comments, 260 Views,
19 Votes
,4.57 Score |
|
car trouble for geeks 6/7/2005
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer,
chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving
down the street in the same car when it broke down.
<br>
The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
<br>
The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered
at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."
<br>
The electrical engineer said, "I think ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
drive through atm's 6/7/2005
There actually IS a Drive Through ATM not far from here,
it was installed in 91/92.
The ODD thing about this Drive Through ATM is why do it have
brail markings on the buttons?
<br>
<br>
<br>
now though i find this joke amusing i got a belt behind the
ear from my flatmate (female) when i told it to her.
<br>
==========
Drive Through ATM Procedures
...
0 Comments, 160 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score |
|
speeding 6/7/2005
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate
road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze
was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
<br>
As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing
red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no
way they can catch a Mercedes, " he thought to himself
and opened her up further. The ...
0 Comments, 168 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
Turner Brown 6/6/2005
A skinny little white guy goes into an
elevator, looks up and sees this BIG African American guy
standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left
testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The
big guy kneels down and brings him to, ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
Texas Women 6/1/2005
A woman from Texas and a woman from the East Coast were seated
next to each other on an airplane.
The woman from Texas, being friendly and all, asks the woman
from the East Coast, "So, where ya from?". The
woman from the East Coast replies, "I am from a place
where we do NOT end sentences with prepositions!!".
So, the woman from Texas takes a deep breath, and asks the
woman, "So, ...
0 Comments, 219 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score |
|
Two business partners 5/27/2005
Two business partners were enjoying the sun on the beach.
Suddenly one clapped his hand to to his forehead. 'I
left the safe open.' he moaned.
'What's to worry?' his partner said.'We
are both here.'
0 Comments, 354 Views,
15 Votes
,3.28 Score |
|
Blonde joke - sorry ladies :-) 5/26/2005
A BLONDE, wanting to earn some money, decided to canvass
a wealthy neighborhood.
<br>
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
<br>
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
<br>
The blonde said: "How about 50 pounds?"
<br>
The man agreed and told her that the paint ...
0 Comments, 1140 Views,
107 Votes
,5.49 Score |
|
Bill_1229 : Selection of the Pope 5/24/2005
Bill, this was great. I do belive they don't understand
the ending. Maybe they are just to young.
0 Comments, 209 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score |
|
The Doctor 5/23/2005
In the midst of a physical examination, the doctor ask his
patient to face to open window and stick out his tongue.
<br>
'what can you tell from that?' asked the patient.
<br>
'Nothing, ' said the doctor, 'but I don't
like my neighbours.'
1 Comments, 393 Views,
21 Votes
,2.63 Score |
|
Man needs new brain 5/17/2005
A man is injuried in car crash and is taken to the hospital.
His family go to the hospital.
The doctor tell's them that he needs a new brain. His
family asks how much.
The doctor says "that depend on which one, a man's
or a woman's brian". One of the man's family
ask "I thought a brain was a brain that there was nothing
different?"
There doctor says "a ...
0 Comments, 326 Views,
19 Votes
,2.07 Score |
|
Selection of the Pope 5/16/2005
Seems that the Cardinals may have selected the wrong guy.
Here is a
viable candidate they overlooked:
Bishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the
Netherlands and emigrated to the US where he became a citizen
in 1939.
As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted
into the Army
during WW II. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot
until, ...
0 Comments, 279 Views,
15 Votes
,1.29 Score |
|
The Old Poodle 5/15/2005
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for
the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before
long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering
about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction
with the intention of having lunch.
<br>
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm ...
0 Comments, 212 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score |
|
A Palm Reader 5/15/2005
A Gypsy palm reader told a 'You will be poor until
you are forty.'
<br>
'And then what?' asked the expectantly.
<br>
<br>
'Nothing, ' said the fortune teller. 'By
that that time you will be used to it.'
0 Comments, 317 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
SHORTEST love story: 5/12/2005
ONCE upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry
me?"
<br>
She said "No."
<br>
And the guy lived happily ever after.
0 Comments, 194 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score |
|
Rabbit in a bar 5/12/2005
A RABBIT goes into a bar and asks for a drink with a ham and
tomato toasted sandwich.
<br>
After eating it he asks the barman for a cheese and onion
one.
<br>
"It's dangerous to have two sorts of toasted
sandwiches", replies the barman.
<br>
"I don't care about that, " says the rabbit.
"Give me my toasted sandwich now." <br>
"OK, " says the barman, and ...
0 Comments, 223 Views,
6 Votes
|
|
Jokes 5/12/2005
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
<br>
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried
to board the bus,
<br>
but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful
young girl came
<br>
under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took
the conductor to
<br>
the police station, who in turn ...
0 Comments, 244 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score |
|
missed call! 5/9/2005
once there were two men, they were extremely sick of technology
coz it was just devastating the beauty of thwe world...
Then, an idea poped up! they thought about using messenger
pigeons instead of telephones...
first guy, on the first day of their use of pigeons sent a
letter to the other guy..
when the other guy, opened the paper to read the message.....it
was blank!
as men are short ...
0 Comments, 256 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score |
|
Modes of communication 5/8/2005
Do you know three fastest modes of communication ?
- 1-telephone
- 2-television
- 3-tell-a-woman
0 Comments, 415 Views,
24 Votes
,3.58 Score |
|
Tarzan & Jane 5/4/2005
Jane asks Tarzan if he has had proper sex before, Tarzan
replies " yes " Jane, Tarzan finds "hole
" in tree- then gives tree good seeing too.
Jane says " nononononononoooooooooo " Jane
show Tarzan proprer way, as she lie's down & opens
her legs, she asks Tarzan to put his MANHOOD inside Jane,
just at that moment Tarzan strikes Jane in the Vagina with
his Foot ?. Why in gods ...
0 Comments, 265 Views,
15 Votes
,1.14 Score |
|
ELETRIC FENCE 5/4/2005
An old couple is at a birthday party in an old tavern of the
city.
The husband, speaks for you his wife:
- Do you remember the first time that we did sex 50 years ago?
<br>
We went back of that tavern, you lied back in the fence and
why we did love with you for behind!
- Clear, I remember well! - she says.
- Sure, then the one that you find of going there now, we ...
0 Comments, 216 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score |
|
DIESEASE 5/1/2005
The Husband found the wife in the motel and surprised she
asked: DAM, what are you making here in the motel?
And the wife, very calm, answered: now, I am visiting a sick
friend!
And the husband asked: what disease that he has?
And the wife answered: it is precocious ejaculation.
0 Comments, 234 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
A Really Bad Day 4/30/2005
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He
stays like that for half of an hour.
<br>
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all
down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says,
"Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy
you another drink. I just can't stand to see a ...
0 Comments, 919 Views,
106 Votes
,6.14 Score |
|
Money Talks! 4/30/2005
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with an unusual offer:
<br>
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change
the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm
supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that out."
<br>
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked ...
0 Comments, 204 Views,
16 Votes
,6.51 Score |
|
Great Writer 4/30/2005
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his
desire to become a great writer.
<br>
When asked to define "great" he said, "I
want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff
that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
<br>
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
0 Comments, 117 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score |
|
Computer Users 4/30/2005
Computer users are divided into three types:
<br>
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
<br>
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing
a key might break their computer.
<br>
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix
their computer after they've just pressed a key that
broke it.
<br>
Expert Users - People who press the keys ...
0 Comments, 114 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score |
|
New Viruses on the loose! 4/30/2005
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then
slowly expands back to 200MB.
<br>
AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
are getting.
<br>
MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
<br>
Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score |