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stewy57 62 M
2  Articles
roo shooting !   1/9/2006

two men went roo shooting ! while theywere out & about , one of the men collapsed !! the other man was frantic !! he rung 000 & was absolutely hysterical ! the operator told him to calm down !! he said to her that he thought his mate was dead ! the operator said to him the 1st thing they had to do was to makke sure that he was dead !! the phone went silent , there was a bang in the ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
OzSummerBreeze 50 F
7  Articles
~~ Totally Ghostly ~~ lol   1/6/2006

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when she lied??? <br> <br> I can see right through you..!! <br> <br> Boom Boom.. haaaha <br> Simple but not too shabby...


1 Comments, 175 Views, 12 Votes ,3.15 Score
classylady80 76 F
1  Article
Women   12/29/2005

Two elderly women were sitting on a bench silently looking at the ocean. Finally one turn to the other and asks, "Have you ever had an orgasm?" The other was silent for a while, obviously thinking. Finally she said, "No, I think we had Mutual of Omaha."...


0 Comments, 330 Views, 10 Votes ,2.39 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
In Training   12/18/2005

An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the bartender, "Me want beer." <br> The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall draught beer and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then he walks ...


1 Comments, 294 Views, 13 Votes ,3.31 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
At the Bar   12/18/2005

Two guys sitting in a bar one afternoon pouting over their wives' getting after them. <br> First guy says, "I'm gonna start calling my wife Encyclepedia Brittanica." <br> Second guy asks, "Why is that?" <br> First guy answers, "The bitch knows everything!"


1 Comments, 291 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Sick Day   12/18/2005

Hung Chow calls his boss and says, "Hey, Boss, I not come work today. I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." <br> The boss says, "You know, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." <br> Two ...


0 Comments, 305 Views, 16 Votes ,5.04 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
A Priority   12/18/2005

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an arguement, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. <br> His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas ...


0 Comments, 850 Views, 75 Votes ,5.28 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Coping With Advanced Senility   12/18/2005

PRAYER <br> Dear Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. <br> As I've grown older, but refused to grow up... <br> I've discovered: <br> ONE - I started out with nothing, and still have most of it. <br> TWO - My wild oats ...


1 Comments, 262 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Cruising   12/18/2005

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. <br> A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" <br> "Yes, I know, " said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." ...


1 Comments, 274 Views, 15 Votes ,4.97 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Do You Ever...?   12/18/2005

Two elder ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. <br> One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" <br> The other replies, "Oh sure I do." <br> The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" <br> The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." <br> After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the ...


1 Comments, 287 Views, 13 Votes ,4.32 Score
x_mk_x 46 F
3  Articles
2 compliments and.....   12/17/2005

Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. <br> "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal. <br> "Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. <br> "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.


0 Comments, 257 Views, 9 Votes ,2.36 Score
x_mk_x 46 F
3  Articles
30 minute Org   12/16/2005

Apparently a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. <br> In my next life, I want to be a pig!!


0 Comments, 256 Views, 10 Votes ,2.59 Score
x_mk_x 46 F
3  Articles
Both of them   12/15/2005

A man stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg. His friend says, "My feet are so cold. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please." <br> The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters. "Hi, girls! Your dad sent me up here to have wild sex with you." <br> The first says, "That's not true." He says, "I'll ...


0 Comments, 275 Views, 18 Votes ,6.40 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
No condoms   12/12/2005

A man bought some eggs and on getting home discovered they had no yolks so he went back to the poultry so the farmer decided to check what was wrong and on getting there saw that the cocks were wearing condoms.


0 Comments, 313 Views, 11 Votes ,0.74 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
assigment   12/12/2005

a class teacher once told the students to draw a railway.the next day she was checking she got to a boy named kelvin and saw his drawing she asked kelvin wee is ur drawing he brought it out she looked at it and was suprised so she then said ''the railway line'' is here so were is ur train he replied ''u came late so the train left''


0 Comments, 288 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
shame   12/11/2005

a senior in schol was beating a junior so a teacher saw him and what was wrong the f.f conversation ensured teacher;why were u beating him senior;becos he ruded teacher;correct ursef senior;he rudely teacher;what senior;he rudely ruded teacher;infact get down on ur knees and say ur last prayer ...


0 Comments, 286 Views, 9 Votes
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
ur and my    12/11/2005

a divorcee with five married another divorcee with five and then they gave birth to five .One day the couple were watching tv in the parlour and they heard a noise the wife went to check and when she came back her husband asked her what the problem was she answered ur and my are beating our


0 Comments, 316 Views, 13 Votes ,3.14 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Who Do You Want To Be?   12/7/2005

Three nuns riding in their jalopy truck suddenly get into a horrible accident and died. <br> At the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them, "Sisters, because you've been such faithful followers, I'll give you a second chance at life." The sisters were so excited over this. <br> St. Peter continued, "I'll let you be whoever you want to be but only for an hour." <br> ...


1 Comments, 351 Views, 16 Votes ,3.57 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
Use the Camel   12/7/2005

An Italian guy was drafted into the French Foreign Legion of course against his will. <br> So the first day, he went up to the Sargent and said, "You know, I don't think I'll survive here." <br> The Sargent asked, "Why is that?" <br> "Well", the Italian answered, "I have a pretty high sex drive and there's no women here." <br> To this the Sargent said, "No ...


0 Comments, 323 Views, 22 Votes ,6.13 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
DEAR MY GOD...   12/7/2005

DEAR GOD... THANKS TO MAKING ME HEALTHY.CAN YOU MAKE ME SEXY TOO??IF YOU CAN , PLS MAKE MY ALL GIRL FRIENDS FAT, AMEN... JUST JOKING ANYWAY!


0 Comments, 315 Views, 14 Votes ,0.10 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Musicals   12/4/2005

I was talking to my friend the other day and I said, "I miss the old musicals on tv." <br> "They took 'em off for a reason", he said. <br> "Why's that?" I asked. <br> "Too much saz and violins", he replied.


1 Comments, 399 Views, 11 Votes ,0.18 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
:)   12/3/2005

have a greater need for speed than classroom computers can deliver. Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless student kept clicking the "Print" command. The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the 's ten-page report. The topic? "Save Our Trees."


0 Comments, 263 Views, 13 Votes ,2.47 Score
OzSummerBreeze 50 F
7  Articles
~~ What is it about blonde jokes?? lol ~~ she couldve just as easily been a brunette   12/1/2005

ok... <br> A blonde calles her boyfriend and says, Please come over and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started. <br> The boyfriend asks, what is it supposed to be when it's finished?. <br> The blonde says, On the box there's a picture of a rooster. <br> The boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. ...


5 Comments, 318 Views, 20 Votes ,5.04 Score
OzSummerBreeze 50 F
7  Articles
~~ The Gender of Flies!!!! ~~   12/1/2005

Ok here goes guya and gals, <br> A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter. <br> What are you doing? she asked. <br> Hunting flies, he repsonded. <br> Oh. Killing any? she asked. <br> Yep 3 males, 2 females, he replied. <br> Intrigued, she asked. How can you tell? <br> He ...


1 Comments, 273 Views, 20 Votes ,4.91 Score
useful23 34 M
2  Articles
The thief and the old couple   11/28/2005

Once there was a thief, but he was a good thief. He didnt want to kill people, just to take the valuable stuff and go away..... So, he decided to steal an old man and his wife. It was very easy, besides the old couple was sleeping very deeply during the night and the thief knew that.... So, thats what his doing... he is stealing every valuable thing from the house.... jewellery, money ...


0 Comments, 230 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
useful23 34 M
2  Articles
The russian and the american   11/28/2005

Once there was an american in a typical american bar and he says to the barman: "Give me a glass of whiskey...." In the same time he says that a russian comes in the bar and he sasys to the barman: "Give me a glass of vodka...." the american understood that he the man was russian so he says.... : "Are you ready for a competition?" "Sure" says the russian..... So the american ...


0 Comments, 258 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
predicament   11/27/2005

What does Iraq and Turkey have in common? <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> They both have Kurds in their way. (Sounds better when you say it).


0 Comments, 219 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
Man's Best Friend   11/26/2005

A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat." "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie. "I can't, " replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."


0 Comments, 235 Views, 9 Votes ,2.36 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
Panda   11/26/2005

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian ...


0 Comments, 263 Views, 19 Votes ,3.65 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
Doctor, doctor...   11/26/2005

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of ." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families ...


2 Comments, 450 Views, 25 Votes ,5.23 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Hockey   11/26/2005

Jim: Did you hear about the hockey game to benefit leprosy? <br> Steve: Yeah, I heard it was cancelled. <br> Jim: Yeah, they had a face off in the corner.


0 Comments, 173 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Christmas   11/25/2005

Billy: I hear Santa will only have 7 reindeer this year. <br> Bobby: Why is that? <br> Billy: Comet has to stay home and clean the kitchen sink.


0 Comments, 216 Views, 4 Votes
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
A case of mistaken identity   11/25/2005

A Jewish man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. He sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor, " says the Jewish man. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" the Jewish man says. The Jewish man sits back down. Later, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Flying lesson   11/25/2005

John had always wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. One day he went down to the local airfield and hired an instructor. His name was Joe. Joe took the helicopter up to 500 feet with John and asked John how he was doing. "I'm doing fine" said John. So Joe took the helicopter up to 1000 feet and asked John again. John gave the same reply. The day finally came for John to fly solo. "Okay, ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Sermon   11/24/2005

Preacher giving a sermon: <br> Today we're gonna talk about the Garden of Eden. You know Adam was the luckiest man that ever lived. He didn't have a mother-in-law.


0 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
snowmen and ladies :)   11/23/2005

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ? Snowballs.


0 Comments, 150 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
Joke   11/23/2005

The three wise men arrived to visit the lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he shouted. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"


0 Comments, 106 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
The bunny and the snake   11/23/2005

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake. <br> One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. <br> "Oh, my, " said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
Bills   11/23/2005

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their con- versation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them, " replied the lawyer, "and then I ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Surgery   11/23/2005

A woman is having minor surgery. After the surgery, she confronts the doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't like that 4 letter word you used during surgery." "What 4 letter word was that?" says the doctor. She replies, "Oops!"


0 Comments, 93 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Carmena 43 F
10  Articles
food :) chocolate...   11/23/2005

An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts. <br> One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts. <br> When the old man returned the ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
aviday 58 M
13  Articles
Fishing   11/21/2005

Two guys, Jim and Bob, go fishing on a boat and the fish are hitting like crazy. Jim says, "We better mark this spot so we know where to come next time." Good idea", says Bob. Jim grabs something out of his tackle box and jumps over the boat. "What in the heck are you doing, says Bob?!" Jim says, "I'm gonna mark an X on the bottom of the boat so we know where to come next time." Bob says, ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Lawyer Joke   11/20/2005

A lawyer dies, and he's at the gates of heaven, where an angel greets him, <br> "hello Mr. Smith, welcome to heaven, we've been expecting you for some years now" <br> Mr. Smith: why's that I was only 45 when I passed away <br> Angel: Yes, but based on the number of hours you've billed to your , we calculated that you must be well over 100 years old.


0 Comments, 102 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Just silly...   11/20/2005

what's the diference between sex and a hug? <br> If female, and you're reading on for the answer, please reply to my ad!


0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Blonde Joke   11/20/2005

What do intelligent blondes and the tooth fairy have in common? <br> They're both imaginary.


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
3 wishes   11/20/2005

A man walks into a bar, and puts a small box down on the bar. The bartender asks what's inside the box, and so the man shows him that it's a tiny little man playing the piano. The bartender is amazed, and asks the man where he found this. The man says that he found a genie in a bottle and made a wish, and offers the bar tender an opportunity to make a wish of the genie. <br> ...


0 Comments, 102 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Movie Theatre Humour....   11/20/2005

A rural farm boy takes his pet duck to the movies, but the movie theater won't let the duck in, so the boy hides the duck down his pants. <br> He finds a seat next to two older ladies. <br> The duck manages to squeeze it's head out through the boy's zipper. <br> One old lady nudges the other and says "look at this, I can't believe it", to which the other ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Blonde Joke   11/20/2005

Why'd the blonde bring an old car door with her into the desert? <br> If it gets too hot, she'll roll the window down.


0 Comments, 85 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
newtocali30m 43 M
10  Articles
Blonde Joke   11/20/2005

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown? <br> <br> ...Artificial Intelligence


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty   11/18/2005

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Kemosabe Waters the Bushes   11/18/2005

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do." So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Red Sox Humor   11/18/2005

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police. The cop lifted up the ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Top Reasons Eminem's Wife Filed for Divorce   11/18/2005

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was. --Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women. <br> --Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse. <br> --Sure, he talks and like a black man, but when he takes down his pants... <br> --Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON. <br> --Overheard ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Famous People Say the Darndest Things   11/18/2005

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State) "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!' Patricia Arquette <br> "And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Things Found Only in America   11/18/2005

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double ...


1 Comments, 224 Views, 17 Votes ,5.67 Score
msmrrightless 59 F
12  Articles
True Love   11/17/2005

She was just the bootlegger's but he loved her still!


1 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Amecoly 38 F
1  Article
i am so unlucky   11/16/2005

I am a college student from and now i am sophormore.from the beginning of this summer holiday to nowi have not any good luck .in the summer holiday , i lost 500yuanRMB, it was part of my salary .i was a tutor at that time.A month ago, it was my birthday , i held a party in my house , there were many freinds and classmates came to my party . all of us had to leave for school after the ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
DO YOU LOVE ME??   11/16/2005

GIRL :"DO YOU LOVE ME?" <br> BOY :"YES MY DEAR" <br> GIRL :"WOULD YOU DIE FOR ME??" <br> BOY :"NO!, MINE IS UNDYING LOVE!"


0 Comments, 59 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty   11/12/2005

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
jeff42 61 M
1  Article
A day at the zoo   11/12/2005

A man went to the zoo <br> when he got there he found that they only had one dog. <br> It was a shitzu.


1 Comments, 73 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Bullfight Buffet   11/11/2005

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more ...


1 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Britney Spears 'n' Pepsi   11/11/2005

What does Britney Spears and pepsi have in common? They both come with plastic jugs


0 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton...   11/9/2005

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. <br> The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
OcalaBoy1978 38 M
13  Articles
Genie and the Taliban   11/9/2005

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total, " says the genie. <br> The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." <br> ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
CanberraPlayer 33 M
1  Article
Parking lots   11/1/2005

Women are like parking lots. All the good ones are taken; the ones left are handicapped.


0 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
45454   10/31/2005

Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ... <br> Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ? <br> Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi <br> <br> A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question <br> Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ? <br> Sardar - Thanks for giving me the ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
ha hah hahahhaa   10/31/2005

Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering - <br> Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
quastion   10/31/2005

Q: What has 4 wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck


0 Comments, 35 Views, 3 Votes
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
life befor the computer   10/31/2005

** An application was for employment ** A program was a TV show ** A cursor used profanity ** A keyboard was a piano! ** Memory was something that you lost with age ** A CD was a bank account! ** And if you had a broken disk, It would hurt when you found out! ** Compress was something you did to garbage, Not something you did to a file ** If you unzipped anything in public you'd ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
think to think about   10/31/2005

"Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job." <br> "Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side." <br> "I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to." <br> "Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip." ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
56   10/31/2005

How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


0 Comments, 28 Views, 2 Votes
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
123   10/31/2005

Q: Why did Banta Singh take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut? A: Because they advertised 'free delivery'.


0 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
1   10/31/2005

Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken. Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!


0 Comments, 26 Views, 0 Votes
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
marriag   10/31/2005

American: In our country, marriage even takes place with email. Banta Singh: In India, it is only with female.


0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes
nice_person_2005 46 M
10  Articles
call   10/31/2005

Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
DeadPrincess 42 F
10  Articles
Just a Quick E-mail Note   10/19/2005

A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. <br> Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed ...


0 Comments, 174 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Sociologist And The Native American!!!   10/15/2005

The sociologist was interviewing the Native American about the changes that the white man had brought to his Culture. The Native American said "Before white man came buffalo meat was free, Medicine Man was free too. Women did all the work and men sat around all day telling stories and made love all night to four different wives. Only the White Man could ruin a great system like that!!!"


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Jim Bob's Bisexual Girlfriend!!!   10/12/2005

Jim Bob was sitting sadly at the bar drinking and the bartender said to him "Wasamatter buddy?" <br> And Jim Bob says "I just found out my girlfriend is bisexual!" <br> And the bartender said to him "That's great! You can watch her have fun with her girlfriends!' <br> And Jim Bob said "No, you don't get it. I have to buy her something before she gets sexual!!!"


0 Comments, 210 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Cleetus Ain't No Dummy!!!   10/12/2005

My favourite character Cleetus rings the Police and says "I think there is a burglar in my house" and gives them his address. <br> The Officer responds by saying"Gee. We are kind of busy right now but give us about an hour and then we'll be there. Just stay in your bedroom" <br> So the guy rings back 5 minutes later and says "Take your time. I just shot and killed him" ...


0 Comments, 186 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
LOSE IT..   10/12/2005

father :"where did u find this US$100?" <br> :"i found it close to post office dad" <br> father :"are u sure some one lose this money? " <br> :"yes dad, i am sure.i have 30 minutes seeing that man looking for this money"


0 Comments, 206 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
ITS RIGHT!   10/12/2005

docter say :" after i seen the result of your X-RAY, its nothing to worry about.you will live until 90 years old" <br> the patient:"but docter i am 90 now" <br> docter :"see..! i have the right prediction about it!"


0 Comments, 220 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
sexychic4jc 30 F
3  Articles
whos smarter?   10/10/2005

Abdul kalaam And George Bush <br> <br> <br> While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.He asks President Abdul Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions, " says the ...


0 Comments, 216 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Cleetus' Grampa On His Wedding Night!!!   10/10/2005

Cleetus' Grampa Mr. Jim Bob was 86 years old and he was marrying a 25 year old woman the next day. Cleetus was concerned about his Grampa's health so he said to him "Gramps, don't you know that a bout of strenuous lovemaking could be fatal?" <br> And his Grampa said "Well Cleetus, if she dies then I guess she dies!!!"


0 Comments, 172 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Women And Road Maps!!!   10/10/2005

Q: Why do women have trouble reading road maps? <br> Ans: Because only a man could look at an inch and see it as a mile!!!


0 Comments, 172 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
NO ALWAYS!   10/10/2005

DIDI SAID :" HAVE U EVER KNOW THE STUPID PERSON WHO WILL ALWAYS SAY NO TO EVERY QUETION?" <br> LILY :"NO".. DIDI : ITS YOU!


1 Comments, 178 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
WAITING   10/9/2005

JEFFRI SAID :"HAY LISA, I WANT TO VISIT YOU THIS EVENING, DOES YOUR MOTHER WAITING FOR ME TOO?" <br> LISA :" YES SHE IS"" JEFFRI :" GREAT SO.BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR MOTHER ALSO WAITING FOR ME ?" <br> LISA :" BECAUSE SHE WILL GO OUT THEN"


1 Comments, 192 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
ARE YOU CONFUSE?   10/9/2005

1ST PERSON :" WILL YOU BE CONFUSE IN YOUR LIFE IF U HAVE ALOT MONEY LIKE BILL GATE HAS?" <br> 2ND PERSON :" OFF COURSE NOT, BUT BILL GATE WILL BE VERY CONFUSE IF GOT MONEY JUST LIKE HOW MUCH I HAVE"


0 Comments, 170 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
I DONT KNOW..   10/9/2005

MOSES SAID :"MY ALWAYS ASKING SOME MONEY TO ME & BUY SOMETHING USELESS" <br> JOSEF SAID :"WHAT HE WANT TO BUY EXACTLY?" <br> MOSES SAID :"I DONT KNOW " <br> JOSEF SAID :"WHY U DONT KNOW ?" <br> MOSES SAID :"BECAUSE I NEVER GIVE HIM MONEY"..


1 Comments, 185 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Losing Your Virginity!!!   10/8/2005

This 16 year old girl came home all excitd and she said to her big sister Daisy Mae' I lost my virginity at school today Daisy!!!" <br> Daisy Said "That's great little sister. Did you enjoy it" <br> And her sister said "It really great but my ass still hurts!!!"


1 Comments, 238 Views, 9 Votes ,0.43 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Losing Your Virginity!!!   10/7/2005

The 16 year old came home very excited and said to his father "Dad, I lost my virginity at school today!!!" <br> His father said "That's great . Here , have a beer and tell me all about it. Was it good?" <br> "Oh yeah Dad, it was really great but my ass still hurts!!!"


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
A GUY OR A GIRL??   10/6/2005

1st person say : look at a over there, got very short hair, old jeans, laughing so loud & carry on 2 dogs.do you think the a guy or girl ?? <br> 2nd person :she is a girl.she is my . <br> 1st person : oh i am sorry, i really dont know you are a father of her.. <br> 2nd person : hey! i am not her father! i am her mother!


2 Comments, 146 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
MICE & BAT   10/5/2005

Quetion :do u know what a mice said when it saw a bat? <br> Answer :Mom! i see an angel..


0 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
EASIER!   10/4/2005

QUETION :WHICH IS EASIER FOR A MAN TO LEAVE, THE WOMEN OR WINE? <br> ANSWER : ITS DEPENDS ON THE AGE..


0 Comments, 99 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Revenge On Your Boss Who Is An Asshole!!!   10/3/2005

Revenge is banging your bosse's wife. <br> SWEET Revenge is finding out she is a lousy lay!!!


1 Comments, 121 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
MONKEY..............   10/3/2005

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. <br> The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
FLAT CHESTED....   10/3/2005

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith to see about enlarging her breasts. <br> Dr. Smith told her, "Everyday after your shower, rub your nipples and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and realized she had forgotten her ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
8 WORDS WITH 2 MEANINGS...........   10/3/2005

Eight Words with two Meanings <br> <br> 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. <br> 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing cricket without a box. <br> 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
My Ausie Cobber and Mate "Wombat!!!"   9/30/2005

I have a friend who I have nicknamed 'Wombat" because when he goes to a girl's place he eats roots , shoots and leaves!!!


0 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
RRRRComposer 55 M
25  Articles
They're finally together   9/28/2005

Sadie was a beautiful Jewish girl. She could have been an actress but instead she decided to get married young and raise a large family. In no time at all she has ten . Then suddenly her husband passed away when Sadie was still only 42. But it didn’t take our Sadie long to find a new husband. She quickly remarried and found happiness once more. She could have decided that ten was ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 8 Votes ,1.39 Score
RRRRComposer 55 M
25  Articles
Something to talk about   9/28/2005

The old man in the confessional told the priest, "I'm seventy-nine years old, and last night I made love to eighteen-years-old twins." <br> The priest asked, "When was your last confession?" <br> "What do you mean, confession?" the man said. "I'm Jewish." <br> "Then, why are you telling me this?" the priest asked. <br> The man said, "I'm telling ...


1 Comments, 125 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
RRRRComposer 55 M
25  Articles
3 wishes   9/28/2005

A man finds a genie in a bottle, and is granted 3 wishes. Immediately, he is banging 100 Playboy playmates. Later he opens a door to a room and finds it is loaded with stacks of $100 bills, everywhere. Soon after the KKK comes in, and lynches him. An observer asks, "I can understand the women and the money, but why did he want to be hung like a black man?"


0 Comments, 127 Views, 7 Votes ,1.00 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
A Cunning Linguist!!!   9/27/2005

Cleetus was getting very frustrated at his lack of success with women at the Singles Bar. Then he noticed that there was a guy who seemed to be able to pick up women and take them home without doing anything. So he asked the bartender" How come that guy gets all of the women?" <br> And the bartender says" I dunno, he just sits there and licks his eyebrows with his tongue every ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Australian Foreplay!!!   9/27/2005

Q: What is the definition of Australian Foreplay? <br> Ans: The guy says "Are you awake honey?"


0 Comments, 99 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
And God Created Man!!! (But There Was A Problem!!!)   9/27/2005

After God created the first man he said to him "Adam, I have some Good News and some Bad News " <br> "Give me the Good News first please God"said Adam. <br> And God said "The Good News is I have given you a dick AND a brain" <br> "Wow" said Adam "I got a dick and a brain!!! That's great!!! What's the Bad News God?' <br> And God said "The Bad News is ...


0 Comments, 138 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
What Is THe Sound Of One Hand Clapping? Masturbation Of Course!!!!   9/26/2005

The Priest was instructing his Altar Boys on the Evils Of Masturbation. He said "Boys, Self Abuse can lead to blindness, paralysis and difficulty in maintaining Marital Relations with your future wife" <br> One boy spoke up and said 'Father, how come you know so much about masturbation?" <br> And the Priest said "Because my , I have a lot of first hand knowledge on the ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
Cost for a Lawyer   9/26/2005

LAWYEAR k sir, do u want me to help how much money do u have to pay me so? <br> :i dont have money, but i have a car, BMW <br> LAWYEAR :its ok, u can pay me by it now tell me whats your case? <br> STOLEN THAT CAR, BMW!


0 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,0.21 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Little Johnny Strikes Again!!!   9/25/2005

Little Johnny was tired of his 8th Grade teacher always asking difficult questions so he said "Miss, I have a question for you". <br> "Go ahaed Little Johnny " said his teacher" <br> "I saw three ladies eating ice cream cones the other day. One of them was licking the ice cream, the other was taking small bites and the third one sucked it all down real fast and swallowed ...


0 Comments, 166 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Innocent minds....   9/24/2005

little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk Around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat." "What's that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fluffy for awalk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the was on heat, and to come to you." Dad said, ...


0 Comments, 232 Views, 16 Votes ,4.74 Score
evacalm 43 F
413  Articles
I ASKED TO GOD   9/23/2005

I asked to God to make the world PEACE.God answered " its difficult" so I asked to God to make you CUTE.God answered "'ITS BETTER I MAKE THE WORLD PEACE''..


0 Comments, 208 Views, 9 Votes ,0.86 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Wedding test..... would you pass??   9/23/2005

THE WEDDING TEST <br> My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. <br> My girlfriend? She was a dream! <br> There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight ...


0 Comments, 244 Views, 17 Votes ,5.95 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Definition Of An Alcoholic!!!   9/18/2005

"An alcoholic is somebody who drinks more that his doctor!!!"


0 Comments, 92 Views, 1 Votes
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
What Women Want...   9/18/2005

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 1 Votes
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Men.   9/18/2005

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? <br> (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Explosion...   9/18/2005

A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old, were playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little sand between his legs to shift. <br> The little girl notices, and squeals with laughter, "How'd you do that?" she asks. <br> "Easy, " he exclaimed, "I just farted." <br> "Can I try it, " she asks? <br> "Sure, ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
The deaf book keeper...   9/18/2005

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court. <br> <br> When the Godfather goes to shakedown the ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
strangers in the night........   9/18/2005

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. <br> At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
honest wife....   9/18/2005

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." <br> As the officer writes out ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
an old man......   9/18/2005

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up and sat down next to him. He had spiked hair in different colours green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him and said 'sarcastically', "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life ?" <br> Without batting an eyelid, the old man ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
inquisitive minds....   9/18/2005

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. <br> "Mummy, " the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, " the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really, " the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your ...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Do you chew gum?????   9/18/2005

An Australian was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. <br> The Australian politely ignored the American who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. <br> The American snapped the gum in his mouth and said, "Do you Australian folk eat the whole bread?" The Australian frowned, annoyed at ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Why i fired my secretary......   9/18/2005

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the will remember..The came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So ...


1 Comments, 81 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
MIND READER.......   9/15/2005

Mind Reader <br> <br> A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results. <br> On her way home she stops at a news stand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" <br> "About 32, " the clerk replies. ...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE?   9/15/2005

ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE? <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
A MAN SENT A FAX TO HIS WIFE.....   9/15/2005

A man sent a fax to his wife: <br> <br> To my Dear Wife...You will surely understand that I have certain needs which you, with your 54 years, can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, <br> I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
iibb66uubb99 40 M
1  Article
Insurance claims   9/14/2005

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining. <br> Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. <br> The other car ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
I Feel Sorry For The Guy Who Delivers My Pizza!!!   9/14/2005

Q: Why are pizza delivery guys like gynacologists? <br> Ans: Because they both get to see it, smell it and touch it but they don't get to eat it!!! Poor guys!!!


0 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes
Milsen 57 M
3  Articles
Boring   9/11/2005

A guy feeling sorry for himself, was telling his friend; " when I married my wife, I foud her very funny & amuzing to be with. now she turned out to be very boring" <br> The friend was a bit surprised to her this, and said; I´m sorry, but I can´t agree with you on this, cause I find her still very funny. <br> I met your wife yesterday at the supermarket. She told me a ...


0 Comments, 139 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
lovetoloveu35 51 F
25  Articles
Why I need to give up alcohol........   9/10/2005

The other night I was invited for a night out with the girls; I promised my husband that i'd be home by midnight. Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 ...


0 Comments, 199 Views, 19 Votes ,6.68 Score
sexychic4jc 30 F
3  Articles
Hymn # 365   9/8/2005

A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. <br> With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." <br> And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the ...


0 Comments, 180 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
EuropeMan1984 31 M
2  Articles
Army boys   9/7/2005

New unexperienced soldiers came to a camp in a foreign country. As they were doing the training and seeing no women around, one of the young soldiers asked a captain: <br> "Sir, what do you do when you are horny and you just need to get laid?" <br> The captain looked at him and said: <br> "Go in the stable, there's some camels, use those" <br> Soldier was ...


0 Comments, 169 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
EuropeMan1984 31 M
2  Articles
Exchange of partners.   9/7/2005

Two couples meet and after a wonderful dinner at a great restaurant decide that they could exchange their partners for the night. After 2 hours of continuous sex a man turns over and says: "Wow this was such a great idea, I hope the girls are also having fun"


0 Comments, 212 Views, 10 Votes ,2.19 Score
sexychic4jc 30 F
3  Articles
popes and sardars   9/5/2005

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave the country. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community. So the Pope made a deal.He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. <br> If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized that they had no choice. ...


0 Comments, 299 Views, 17 Votes ,4.54 Score
Milsen 57 M
3  Articles
How much ?   9/5/2005

A man standing with a rabbit trying to sell it. A drunker came by and asked. "how much for the ape"?. <br> well this is a rabbit I´m selling, not an ape !! replied the seller. <br> " I wasn´t talking to you !! I was asking the rabbit".


0 Comments, 249 Views, 9 Votes ,1.50 Score
mysura69 42 M
5  Articles
Motionless   9/4/2005

If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here, So you’d always hold me, close and near. In your arms, where I’m meant to be, Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me. <br> A bond so strong, a hold so tight, To know you’re the one; my ‘Mr. Right’. A blessing sent from up above, In you I’ve found my one true ...


0 Comments, 307 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
mysura69 42 M
5  Articles
He would have continued   9/2/2005

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,


0 Comments, 349 Views, 4 Votes
Milsen 57 M
3  Articles
Oops..   8/31/2005

A man calls home. <br> The maid answers the phone."alo" <br> He says, "Can I speak to my wife?" <br> She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." <br> He's Furiously mad--says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." <br> Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." 5 minutes ...


0 Comments, 368 Views, 10 Votes ,1.19 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
Man in Antartica on a job   8/29/2005

Man in Antartica on a job <br> A man moved to an Antarctica village because of his new job. This village had many men, but no women. After a few days, the man started getting horny. He asked his boss, “What do you guys do when you’re horny here?” <br> The man told him, “We have a barrel with a hole in it. Here I’ll show it to you.” ...


0 Comments, 271 Views, 13 Votes ,5.49 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
One person working !!!!   8/25/2005

You do know that The population of our country is 100 crores. But did you know that.... 19 crores are retired. That leaves 81 crores to do the work. There are 25 crores in school, which leaves 56 crore to do the work. Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Government, leaving 34 crores to do the work. 4 crores are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 30 crores to do ...


0 Comments, 220 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
How I understand the world   8/25/2005

How I understand the world <br> If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame ...


0 Comments, 218 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet.   8/25/2005

A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet. <br> A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all at the vet. The terrier asked the poodle, “What are you in for?” The poodle said, “Well, every time I see a car I just want to chase it and one day I got a car in an accident and killed the driver. My owner thought it best to put me down.” All the dogs ...


0 Comments, 237 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
The goood one   8/25/2005

I’m sure you can imagine As plain as can be The place is Piccadilly The players He and She. She whispered “will it hurt me?” “Of course not” answered he “It’s a very simple process, You can rely on me.” She said “I’m very frightened, I’ve not had this before. My friend has had it five times And said ...


0 Comments, 248 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
LifeBlood 36 M
16  Articles
The woodcutter   8/25/2005

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to poverty and starvation, he began to weep. As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. ...


0 Comments, 285 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Herman The Egg!!! (A Good, Clean Yolk!!!)   8/15/2005

Down at the henhouse today Police have charged Herman The Egg with a salt. They grilled him for 4 hours until his testimony became scrambled but he refused to crack. Herman knew he was in hot water but he protested his innocence. <br> "I didn't do it!!!" he cried "I'm yellow and a born chicken!!!" <br> Herman was so traumatized by the experience that he had to see a ...


0 Comments, 307 Views, 6 Votes ,0.23 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
New Medication!!!   8/14/2005

There is a new Medication on the market which is a combination of Viagra and Valium. You take it and if you don't get laid you don't care!!!


0 Comments, 321 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!!   8/12/2005

Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said " My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah, my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to do if he caught one!!!"


0 Comments, 315 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!!   8/12/2005

Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said " My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah, my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to do if he caught one!!!"


0 Comments, 307 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Australian Premature Ejaculation!!!   8/12/2005

Q; Why do Australian men cum so quickly? <br> Ans: So they can run down to the Pub and tell their mates all about it!!! <br> Being an Aussie myself I have found this to be so often sad but true!!!


0 Comments, 379 Views, 14 Votes ,2.34 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Penis Observation!!! Sad But True!!!   8/12/2005

Q; Why do so many guys give their penises a name? <br> Ans: Because they don't like taking orders from strangers!!! <br> <br> Gee. Sometimes I am almost ashamed to be a man!!!


0 Comments, 385 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Cleetus -Zero. Coroner -One Point!!!   8/8/2005

I thought you might all be happy to learn that my favourite character Cleetus recently graduated from Harvard Law School. His first was accused of murder and he was grilling the Coroner on the Witness stand. He said "Doctor, are you absolutely positive that the victim was dead when the Paramedics arrived? <br> "I'm positive" said the Coroner. <br> "Could the trip in ...


0 Comments, 295 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Mystery Of The Female Orgasm!!!   8/8/2005

Daisy Mae was listening to her two cousins arguing. Cleetus said "Ahm tellin you Jim Bob that woman have the best orgasm when they are on top" <br> "No way" said "Jim Bob. "Women have the best orgasms when they are on the bottom" <br> Daisy Mae listened to these two guys arguing about it for 5 minutes and said "Guys , you are both wrong. Women have the best orgasms when ...


0 Comments, 344 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Cleetus On His Wedding Night!!!   8/7/2005

Cleetus, my favourite country hick was about to make love to his new wife on his wedding night. Then in a panic he called his dad. He said 'Pa, I dunno what to do. She's a virgin!!!" <br> And his father said "Come on home . If she ain't good enough for her brothers then she ain't good enough for you!!!" <br> I can almost hear the banjos a'pickinn' !!!


0 Comments, 304 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Advertisement For A Wife!!!   8/7/2005

This guy put an ad in the paper for a wife. It read" Nice guy seeks nymphomanical woman with a fishing boat. Please send photo of fishing boat!!!"


0 Comments, 254 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Farmer And His City Cousin!!!   8/6/2005

Cleetus the potato farmer was telling his city cousin Jim Bob about how times were tough in the country. He said "Jim Bob, I ain't hoed a row for three long years" <br> And Jim Bob Said "You think you got troubles , Cleetus. I ain't rode a ho for three long years!!!"


0 Comments, 207 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
DONJACK 52 M
5  Articles
THE PRISONNERS (1)   8/6/2005

3 prisonners deciding to escape, but the camp have a alarm sytem on the iron grillage, the first prisonner have a idea it say to other "when the alarm ringing, we make the cat meow and the warden don't shoot us ", the first & the second prisonners trying and win to escaping the third prisonner, gender of man like Goofy, try and make ringing alarm, warden say "who's here?" , and prisonner ...


0 Comments, 278 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
There's a student in medical school   8/6/2005

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway. <br> "What condition does he have?" the student asks. <br> "He suffers from ...


0 Comments, 138 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
A man walks into a Pharmacy   8/6/2005

A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy." <br> "That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back." <br> So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
Little Johnny was sitting in class   8/6/2005

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" <br> "None, " replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." <br> "Well, the answer is four, " said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." ...


0 Comments, 275 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk.   8/6/2005

Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch. After talking it over ...


0 Comments, 207 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
A lawyer dies & meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates   8/6/2005

Stammering in incredulity at his untimely demise, he grabs St Peter by the robes & insists there''s been some kind of mistake. <br> "I''m too young to die!" he yells, "I''m only 38 years old!" <br> St. Peter takes the lawyer''s hands off him, straightens his robe, & consults the Book of Life. <br> "I think I''ve found the problem, " he says, "Judging by the ...


0 Comments, 263 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.   8/6/2005

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well, " he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all ...


0 Comments, 222 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:   8/6/2005

Show up naked, Bring beer


0 Comments, 214 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
DeliciousandJuicy 53 F
9  Articles
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:   8/6/2005

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....


0 Comments, 230 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
3 Wishes   8/4/2005

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." > >The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish ...


2 Comments, 283 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Life In The Old Wild West!!!   8/4/2005

The Sherriff said to his Deputy "Cleetus, those goldurn thieves have robbed the Bank. Go round up a posse" <br> So he walks out of his office an hour later and he sees 10 Dance Hall Girls waiting for him. And he says" Cleetus, what's this? I told you to round up a posse" <br> And Cleetus says "Posse? I thought you said Pussy!!!"


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Definition Of Men!!!   8/4/2005

Q: Why are men like floor tiles? <br> Ans:Because if you lay them good you can walk all over them for 30 years!!!


0 Comments, 169 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Village Idiot Strikes Out Again!!!   8/4/2005

The Village Idiot was at a party with his Harverd Educated Phd. friend Cleetus and he saw this beautiful woman at the other end of the room. Cleetus noticed that he was staring at her and he said 'Don't try your luck with her. She's a lesbian". So the Village Idiot walked up to her and siad "Hey babe, what part of Lesbia are you from" <br> That guy ain't never gonna get lucky!!!


0 Comments, 166 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Country Discount!!!   8/1/2005

The potato farmer had a very good crop this year so he decided to celebrate by buying himself a new Rolls Royce. So he went to the dealership and picked out a blue Rolls Royce. The salesman said "That will be $300, 000 Sir". So the farmer opened his briefcase and there was $300, 000 cash in it!!! The salesman said "If I knew you were paying cash Sir I would have given you a discount" ...


0 Comments, 174 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
Lost hunters   7/31/2005

Two friends were out hunting in the woods and got lost. 'Shoot, ' said the first, ' and maybe it will help someone to find us.' The second one followed this advice, but nothing happened. 'Shoot again, ' said the first. Another shot, still no reaction. 'Shoot yet again, ' recommended the first. 'I'm sorry, ' responded his friend, 'I'm out of arrows.'


1 Comments, 214 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
And God created the Swiss   7/31/2005

When God created the Swiss, the latter became quite dear to God's heart. So He asked the Swiss: 'My dear Swiss, what can I still do for you?' The Swiss asked for beautiful mountains with lush green meadows and crystal clear mountain stream. God fulfilled this wish and asked again, 'What more do you want?' The Swiss answered: 'I would now like to have healthy, happy cows on the meadows, ...


1 Comments, 192 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
DONJACK 52 M
5  Articles
ENIGMA (part2)   7/31/2005

Hi here are the solution of enigma, vote or make comments i will read it, enjoy! If you don't find any differances betwin curtains & toilet paper, i never visiting your home !!!! hahaha!


0 Comments, 141 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Search For Justice!!!   7/30/2005

If you want to get screwed go to Court. If you want Justice go to a brothel!!!


0 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Vs Psychiatrist!!!   7/29/2005

Q: What's the difference between a and a psychiatrist? <br> Ansne shrinks your big head while the other makes your little head bigger!!!


0 Comments, 125 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
I Can Hear The Banjos Playing!!!   7/29/2005

Cleetus, the Country Hick was making out with his girlfriend Daisy and he said "Daisy baby, I think there is something very wrong with mah dick. It's alla swollen" <br> So Daisy says to him "Cleetus honey you better git yourself down to the Doctor" <br> So Cleetus goes to the Doctor and the Doctor thinks it is so funny and he sends him to the local brothel. <br> ...


0 Comments, 186 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
A Warning About Oral Sex!!!   7/29/2005

This guy is performing Oral sex on a and he sees all of this green gooey stuff coming out of her genitals. So he asks her "Are you sick or something?" And she says "No, but the last guy down there was!!!" <br> Don't perform Oral Sex on hookers!!!


0 Comments, 148 Views, 4 Votes
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
The parking ticket   7/28/2005

I went to the baker's this morning. I was only five minutes in the shop, but, as I came out, I saw a traffic warden writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said: "Listen, I just went in quickly to the baker's." He ignored me and continued writing up the ticket. I became a little annoyed with that and lost some of my self-control. "Hello? Are you deaf? I said I just went in ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
Opening a bank account   7/28/2005

A man enters a bank in Zurich and steps up to a cashier to open a bank account. "How much money will you deposit initially?" asks the cashier. "Three million, " whispers the man. "You can speak out normally without problem, " responds the bank teller. "You know, in Switzerland, being poor isn't something to be ashamed about."


2 Comments, 150 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Lonely Farmer's Wife!!!   7/28/2005

The farmer was frustrated at the lack of productivity from his animals and he grabbed his wife's tit and said "If this thing worked I wouldn't need the cows!!!" Then he grabbed his wife's ass and said "And if this thing worked I wouldn't need the chickens" <br> So his wife grabbed his dick and said "And if this thing worked I wouldn't need your brother!!!"


0 Comments, 111 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
A stamp with Bill Gates   7/27/2005

The US post office has issued a stamp to honour Bill Gates. However, in everyday use it was discover that this stamp did not stay on the envelopes. A quickly convened committee spent several month to determine where the problem might be and came up with the following report: The stamp is all right and the glue is not to blame. The problem is that the customers spit on the wrong side of the ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
European Heaven and Hell   7/27/2005

In the European heaven the cooks would be French the policemen British the mechanics German the lovers Italian and the whole system would be run by the Swiss. But in the European hell the cooks would be British the policemen German the mechanics French the lovers Swiss and the system would be run by the ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
The annoying cell phones   7/26/2005

In a sauna, several men wearing only towels are chatting when, all of the sudden, a cell phone starts ringing. After a few rings, a man answers: "Hi, honey? You're at the sauna?" "Yes, dear." "Honey, you won't believe me, I'm at the store and they have a mink coat that's... magnificient! So beautiful, and at such a ridiculously low price!" "How much for the mink coat, honey?" "It's ...


2 Comments, 167 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
The difference between Switzerland and Austria   7/26/2005

(With apologies to my present and future Austrian friends!) <br> An Austrian was discussing with his Swiss friend about the differences between their countries. The Austrian: 'I don't understand why Austria is not so rich and good as Switzerland. Both countries are around same size. They both have around the same population. They both have the Alps crossing them. Even our flags our ...


0 Comments, 176 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Life In The U.S. Air Force!!!   7/26/2005

The Military Plane in Iceland was about to take off with it's passengers when the Pilot realized that the toilet was overflowing with crap. So he sent a message to the Control Tower asking them to send somebody to empty the tank. So the guy whose job was to empty the toilet discovered that the outlet valve for the tank was frozen solid and it took him twice the time it usually does to empty ...


0 Comments, 180 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
sxytxn 45 F
5  Articles
Female and Male Prayers   7/25/2005

FEMALE PRAYER: <br> Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep One who's handsome, smart, and strong, One who loves to listen long One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more ...


0 Comments, 251 Views, 16 Votes ,5.19 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Tasteless In More Ways Than One!!!   7/25/2005

These two guy were walking down the stret and the first one said "Watch out for the dogshit" <br> And the second guy says" That ain't dogshit" <br> "It is too" said the first guy. <br> So the first guy says "Look , smell it" <br> "Nope, that ain't shit" <br> " Go ahead and feel it" <br> "Nope it ain't shit" <br> ...


0 Comments, 102 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Brothel Joke!!!   7/24/2005

This guy walks into his local brothel and he pays the madame $100 and she says "We got three ladies working tonight. Just walk down the coridor and go through any door". <br> So the guy walks down the corridor and he sees a sign on the first door saying "Good screw". Then he walks to the second door and the sign on it says "Hot screw". Then he walks to the third door where it ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Ray The Garbage Man's Birthday!!!   7/24/2005

It was Ray the Garbage Man's birthday and a pretty housewife invited him in. Then she proceeded to have sex with him. After a bout of lovemaking she said "Now Ray, here is a cup of tea and then I want you to piss off" <br> Ray was dumfounded and he protested "But we have just made beautiful love!!! What's the matter" <br> And she said "Well I was talking to my ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Institution Of Mariage!!!   7/24/2005

The siad to his father "Dad, I'm getting married!!!" <br> The father said ", let me ask you a few questions" <br> "Sure dad" said the . <br> "You like eating steak don't you?" said the father. <br> "Sure dad" said the . <br> "Could you eat steak once a week?" <br> "No problem Dad" <br> "Could you eat steak three times a ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Definition Of Love!!!   7/24/2005

"Love is a mental illness which is usually cured by matrimony!!!"


0 Comments, 93 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
one more of St. Peter   7/24/2005

screamed S. Pedro - we will organize this in two lines. You, men that they always dominated the women, make line of the left side the men that they were always dominated by their wives do line to the right. After a lot of confusion, finally the men are in line. The men's line dominated by their wives has more than 100 kilometers; The men's line that were dominated their wives just has a ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Short memory?   7/24/2005

Someone goes to the chemist and ask for Acetylsalicylic Acid! The pharmaceutical asked him: Why you don’t ask just for an aspirin that is the same? He replied: Because I easily forget the names.


0 Comments, 91 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Why Aren?t You Running?   7/24/2005

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
History of Lawyer recent 1st prize in a competition   7/24/2005

This is the lawyers' of the year best history, of the decade and probably of the century. A lawyer of Charlotte, North Carolina, bought a box of cigars very rare and expensive, and then it hired an insurance policy against fire and other risks. Inside of one month, having smoked all his stock of those big cigars and still without to have at least paid the first portion of the ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
Sip the Vodka!   7/24/2005

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” <br> So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. ...


0 Comments, 146 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
DONJACK 52 M
5  Articles
ENIGMA   7/24/2005

Do you know the difference betwin a pair of curtains and a toilet paper? i will give the answer of this enigma in few days !


0 Comments, 95 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
Why is a 'Bra' Singular and 'Panties' Plural?   7/23/2005

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? <br> If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? <br> Why do "tug" boats push their barges? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ...


0 Comments, 176 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
Percription for Cyanide   7/23/2005

A lady tells the pharmacist that she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!! Absolutely not! Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled ...


1 Comments, 118 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
[b]Drunk Decoy[/b]   7/23/2005

From the state where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Houston, Texas. Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
And Rooster Joke!!!   7/23/2005

Q: What's the difference between a and a rooster? <br> Ans: The rooster says "cock a doodle do" and the says "Any cock will do!!!"


0 Comments, 84 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
A Joke For The Finacially Embarrased Owing Money!!!   7/23/2005

When you owe the Bank $60, 000 and you can't pay then you can't sleep at night. <br> However if you owe the bank $60, 000, 000 and you can't pay it then the Bank can't sleep at night!!!


0 Comments, 101 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
take my yoke upon u   7/23/2005

a teacher asked three students to make sentences with objects one brought a bag of salt and said the salt of the world the other brought a cup of water and said water is life the third threw an egg at the teacher and said btake my yolk upon u


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
foolish men   7/23/2005

three men went to a wizard to make them rich he agreed but on one condition that none should talk on their way home on the wayone said remember they said we shouldnt talk the second sai but u have talked the third then saed thank God i did not talk.


0 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
clergy   7/23/2005

a priest went to the grocery store to buy groceries he told the lady i wantg to buy apples but b4 then quote a bible verse with apples for me she said u are d apple of my eyes he left he went to the baker and told him to do the same thing with bread he said man shall not leave by bread alone he then bought it he went to the market and saw a man sellins yams he told him to qoute with yams he ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Little Johnny Vs Bill Gates!!!   7/22/2005

Bill Gates was addressing Little Johnny's 8th Grade class and he said "Now boys and girls, I want you to remember that when you grow up and enter the workforce that flipping burgers is not Teenage Exploitation but a Golden Opportunity For Advancement. Does anybody have any questions?" <br> Little Johnny's hand shot up straight away and he said "Mr. Gates , what is the name of your ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Lawyer Joke   7/22/2005

I have discovered that contary to the Old Saying in a Court Of Law "Bullstuff talks and money ALWAYS walks!!!"


0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
The Elephant books   7/22/2005

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant: <br> The French book - 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
osterhasepeter 49 M
10  Articles
Permissions and prohibitions   7/22/2005

In the US, everything that isn't prohibited by law is permitted. In Germany, everything that isn't permitted by law is prohibited. In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law. In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law. In Switzerland, everything that isn't prohibited by law is obligatory.


0 Comments, 81 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Curious502005 65 F
13  Articles
Oil Change - Men vs Women (Read, it's true?)   7/21/2005

INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CHANGE THE OIL IN YOUR CAR - FOR WOMAN 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. MONEY SPENT >Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 >TOTAL $21.00 > >OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN 1) ...


1 Comments, 364 Views, 36 Votes ,5.48 Score
rose1700 46 F
5  Articles
Blonde joke   7/16/2005

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. <br> As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!" <br> After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home. <br> ---------------------------


0 Comments, 215 Views, 18 Votes ,2.85 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Another Joke For Our U.K. Readers!!!   7/16/2005

This drunk is walking down the street when he see a guy whose car has broken down so he says' Wasammatter mate?" And the guy says to him "Piston broke" And the drunk says "Gee. So am I!!!"


0 Comments, 149 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Two Blonde Jokes!!!   7/15/2005

Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde <br> Ans: A Labrador!!! <br> Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? <br> Ans: Shine a torch into her ear!!!


0 Comments, 105 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Tarzan Joke (For Our U.K .Readers!!!)   7/14/2005

Tarzan and Jane just got married and she baked him a roast chimp pie for lunch.The she gave him braised finch for dinner. Then she kept on serving the same two dishes to him for a whole week until he finally said "Jane, can't you cook anything beside finch and chimps?"


0 Comments, 164 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Married People   7/11/2005

Q: Why are married people like the blades of scissors? <br> Ans: Because they are joined in the middle, they move in opposite directions and will cut anybody who tries to come between them!!!


0 Comments, 187 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Shallowness Of Men!!!   7/10/2005

The Human Resources Manager had narrowed down the postion of Branch Secretary down to four applicants but he couldn't decide which one to choose. So he discussed the matter with his collegue. He said 'All of these of these women are extremely computer literate an are skilled in Word Processing so which one do I choose?" And his collegue replies "I would go for the one with the biggest ...


0 Comments, 234 Views, 7 Votes ,0.49 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Take Me To Your Leader!!!   7/9/2005

The Aliens arrive on Earth at a gas station and thinking that the gas pump is an Earthling the Alien goes up to it and says' Take me to your leader".Naturally the gas pump doesn't say anything. So the Alien repeats "Take me to your leader". And of course nothing happens. So his Alien friend walks out of the spaceship and says 'What's the problem?" And the first Alien says " I keep on ...


0 Comments, 300 Views, 11 Votes ,2.42 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
Escaped Gorilla   7/7/2005

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard. The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Dachshund. The man asks what the items are for. <br> He's told, "I'm gonna climb the tree and hit the ...


0 Comments, 192 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
The Monkey   7/7/2005

A guy walks into a bar carrying a small monkey. As he sits down, the monkey jumps off his shoulder and starts running around, eating everything in sight. He eats the bar peanuts, he gobbles the fruit garnish, he chows down the pretzels, everything. Finally, he jumps onto the pool table and swallows a cue ball - whole. <br> The bartender is a little more than pissed, and complains ...


0 Comments, 143 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
My Called Sex   7/7/2005

Everybody who has a calls him Rover or Spot or some other common name. I called mine SEX. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk that I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too!" <br> Then I said, "But this is a dog." <br> He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, ...


0 Comments, 136 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
The Guard Dog   7/7/2005

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. <br> So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate." <br> The wife ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers...   7/7/2005

The 20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers... <br> 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. <br> 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. <br> 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. <br> 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. <br> 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?   7/7/2005

LOVE - - when your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care. <br> LOVE - - when intercourse is called making love. LUST - - all other times. MARRIAGE - - what's intercourse? <br> LOVE - - when you argue over how many to have. LUST - - ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings....   7/7/2005

If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings.... <br> There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless Love, " and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony Mony". <br> There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" Party. <br> Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. <br> Tuxes ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
bajaharleyrider 61 M
11  Articles
THE LOVE DRESS.   7/7/2005

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her -in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the -in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress, " the -in-law ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
tatapop 30 F
6  Articles
the stink boy   7/6/2005

well, tell the story that there was a boy known by stink coz of the stench of his mouth. one day he decided to camp with his friends, however, there was a problems: stink could not talk inside the tent coz if he does his breath would impregnate the air. to solve this problems his friends told him that every time he wanted to talk he should raise his hand, then all the others could cover ...


0 Comments, 205 Views, 8 Votes ,0.70 Score
friendlyman075 41 M
4  Articles
Where Babies Come From   7/6/2005

A blonde and her mother were talking, when the blonde asked, "Mom, is it true that babies comes from the same place where boys stick their thingies?" <br> "Yes, dear, it's true, " her mother replied. <br> "But then, when I have a baby, won't my teeth get knocked out?" asked the blonde.


0 Comments, 167 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
friendlyman075 41 M
4  Articles
A Little Suspicious   7/6/2005

A woman is in her doctor's office getting undressed for an examination. <br> She turns to a naked woman sitting next to her and says, "I told the doctor that my ears are ringing and he told me to strip. Does that seem a little suspicious to you?" <br> "Hey, don't ask me, " the naked woman replies. "I'm only here to fix the fax machine."


0 Comments, 160 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
dont dare   7/6/2005

a boy was fond of going to swim in a nearby pool so his dad got tired and told him not to go swimming again the next day he went so his dad asked him why he went he said it was the work of the devil so his dad told him next time the devil tells u to do so tell him satan get behind me the next day he went so his dad started yelling at him so he said dont blame me dad i told him to get behind ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 11 Votes ,2.61 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
blunders   7/6/2005

a boy wanted to tell his father i am going to school instead he said i is going to school his father said look at u stupid boy simple corrected english u cannot spoke his mother came out of the room and told the father u are the worstest


0 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
the doctor and his patient   7/6/2005

a man who had just been operated on was on his bed when his doctor came in and told him i was trying to reach u yesterday why the patient asked because i only wanted to tell u that u have 24hrs to live


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes
something2005 50 M
17  Articles
Corporate lessons   7/5/2005

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. <br> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." <br> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
AIDS Or Alzheimer's???   7/3/2005

The Doctor says to the guy 'I'm sorry but we seem to have mixed up your wife's test results. She's either got AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease" <br> "Gee Doc" said the guy "Can't you be a little bit more specific?" <br> And the Doctor says "Sure. Take her deep into the woods and if she finds her way back home don't have sex with her!!!"


0 Comments, 97 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
JULIE235 42 F
1  Article
to tell the truth or.......   7/1/2005

the asks his father, dad how where u born, dad says, my parents found me in the street, the again asks , and how was mom born?, her parents bought her from hospital, not satisfied asks again, and me , how was i born?, clever father answers, a bird brought u.Finally embarased the screams, " i don't understand no one's normal in this family?" )


0 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
tatapop 30 F
6  Articles
the american, the brazilian and the PORTUGUESE guys   6/30/2005

THE WERE 3 MEN IN A PLANE WHICH FELL IN A LOST ISLAND. ONE THEM WAS AMERICAN, ANOTHER ONE WAS BRAZILIAN AND THE LAST WAS FROM PORTUGAL. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOME FOOD WHEN THE NATIVES FOUND THEM. SO, THE TRIBE´S CHIEF SAID: "- IF YOU WANNA LIVE, YOU´LL NEED TO FIND 2 FRUIT´S IN THE JUNGLE AND BRING IT TO ME". THAT WAS EASY THEY THOUGHT.THE AMERICAN WAS THE FIRST ONE TO ARRIVE.HE BROUGHT ...


3 Comments, 234 Views, 23 Votes ,3.60 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
All Alone   6/29/2005

A school teacher started his first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the . So, when he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other were playing a game of soccer, he walked up to him and asked "Are you alright ?" <br> The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 14 Votes ,4.58 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Lottery Win   6/29/2005

An old guy and his had a one-mule farm where they eked out a living. One day, the hit the lottery and won $50, 000. He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed him $50 bill. The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, ", you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend ...


0 Comments, 152 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Presidential Advice   6/29/2005

One night, G.W. Bus h was awakened by George Washington's ghost. Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" <br> "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, " advised George. <br> The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. <br> "Tom, what is the best thing I could ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Women's menu:   6/29/2005

Woman Shrimp: she only has shit in the head, but it is pleasant and you eat even so. Woman Crab: it is ugly and hairy, but you beat in her, it cleans properly and he/she eats even so Woman Bread: she always has the same taste, but you eat every day. Woman Appetizer: accompanied of a drink you eat and it still finds good. Woman Passion fruit: it is all ...


0 Comments, 176 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
rose1700 46 F
5  Articles
I only came to ask a favour   6/28/2005

The newly married couple had rented an apartment and were hanging picutes. The husband was driving a nail in the living room wall when there was a knock at the door. <br> "it's Mr. Johnson from next door." said his wife, "your hammering must have bothered him." <br> Her husband started to apologize, but the neighbour cut him short. <br> "oh, I don't mind ...


0 Comments, 286 Views, 14 Votes ,2.66 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
maybe   6/28/2005

Sisqo was performing a concert in Nigeria when he noticed his dragon necklace was missing so he sang unleash the dragon as he was singing he pointed accusing fingers at jlo so she sang get it right wyclef came and asked what the matter was sisqo told him so he sang 911 aS police was coming they bumped imto shaggy so he sang it wasn't me


0 Comments, 141 Views, 9 Votes
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Little Johnny In the 8th Grade!!!   6/25/2005

Little Johnny's teacher asked the class "Can anybody give me a three syllable word?" <br> Litte Johnny's hand shot up straight away and said "I know one Miss. MAS-TUR-BATE". <br> "Gee' Said Little Johnny's teacher" That sure is a mouthfull" <br> And Little Johnny says "No Miss you're thinking about a Blow Job!!!"


0 Comments, 266 Views, 13 Votes ,3.31 Score
tatapop 30 F
6  Articles
little john   6/24/2005

every day morning teacher carol goes through the door of the class and ask the : - good morning!!! she always listen: -hi uuuuuuuuuuu!!! and every single day the answer is the same. but there was a time that she asked them: -good morning!! however she listeni!! and in the next day she listen: -hi!! just it. then she realised little john had missed that 2 classes.that was funny. each time ...


1 Comments, 313 Views, 16 Votes ,1.51 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
In the classroom   6/24/2005

Ms. Perkins, " said the biology teacher, his eyes pinning the daydreaming student, "would you please tell the class which portion of the human anatomy swells to ten times its normal size during periods of agitation or emotional excitement?" Blushing, the woman stammered: "Professor, I-I would r-rather n-not answer that q-question." Arching a brow, the professor asked: "Oh? And why not?" ...


0 Comments, 252 Views, 17 Votes ,5.53 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The New Sargeant In The Foreign Legion!!   6/22/2005

The new Sargeant arrives at the islolatd outpost of the Foreign Legion and he sees a camel tied near the Mess Tent so he asks the Private what the camel is doing thee. The Private replies "Well Sage, when the guys get all lonely and hot for a woman they use the camel" The Sargeant replies "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard". <br> However after a couple of months ...


0 Comments, 288 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
The Sadness Of Infidelity!!!   6/21/2005

This guy is drinking at a bar and he says to the bartender "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend". So the barteneder says to him "So what did you do?" And the guy says 'I kicked her out of the house and put him back in his kennel!!!"


0 Comments, 146 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
LAPTOPS   6/19/2005

Marisa asked Luís: --What is leptospirose? And Luís answered: --A disease that attacks the users of laptops. It is transmitted by the contact with the urine of the Mouse.


0 Comments, 149 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
ROASTING PIGS AND BURNING FORESTS   6/19/2005

It is a little long but, it is worthwhile to be read. Adapted text of an article originally published in "Juicio of La Escuela Cirigliano", Forcane Tilich - Editorial Humanitas, Buenos Aires, 1976 <br> Certain time a fire happened at a forest where there were some pigs, that they were roasted by the fire. The men, accustomed to eat raw meat, they tried and they ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Spanish people   6/19/2005

Which is the difference between the Spanish people and the terrorists? - The terrorists have sympathetic. -------------------------------------- Which and the similarity between a humble Spanish and the Super - Man? - None of the two exists. -------------------------------------- How is it done to recognize a Sapnish in a bookstore? - He is what asks the world map of ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
PRAY OF STRESSED PEOPLE   6/19/2005

Feel serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change the things that I cannot accept, and wisdom to hide those people's bodies to have to kill for they be becoming full a lot the sack. Also, help me to be careful with the calluses in that floor today, because they can be directly connected to the sacks that I will have to pull tomorrow. Help me, always, to give ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
THE DOCTOR   6/19/2005

Very depressed, the subject arrives to the doctor muttering: –Oh, Doctor! I have a sharp case of genital herpes, syphilis, bubonic plague, meningitis, asthma and positive and effective HIV! What can you make for me? –Don't worry that we will intern you in a fourth matter, with everything that you need and we will indicate for you as diet a pizza! ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
THE LETTER IN WHITE   6/19/2005

In the sanatorium, the lunatic receives a letter, he opens the envelope, it removes a paper in white and it comments on with his room mate: - It from my brother! We are in bad relations, it has been six months that we didn't speak to each other!


0 Comments, 97 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
PARADISE AND HELL   6/19/2005

WHAT IS THE PARADISE? it is a place where: - the police are British - the cooks are French - the mechanics are German - the lovers are Portuguese - and everything is organized for the Swisses WHAT IS THE HELL? it is a place where: - the police are German - the cooks are English - the mechanics are French - the lovers are Swiss - and everything is ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
TO LEARN GERMAN   6/19/2005

People now doesn't have laziness that does to give up on speaking German. The German language is relatively easy. All those that know the derived languages of Latin and they are habituated to conjugate some verbs can learn her quickly. That is what German's teachers say soon in the first lesson. First, we caught a book in German, in this case, a magnificent volume, with layer ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
GOING TO THE SKY   6/19/2005

In a school of nuns... the teacher asks: - Which is the part of the body that arrives first to the sky? Small Rita lifts the arm: - The hands, sister. - And reason? - Because when we prayed elevated the hands to the sky. In this, Jonh says: - It is not anything, they are the feet!! - Ah yes? And reason? - asks the nun. - Well, this night, I went to my ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
THE USE OF MONEY   6/19/2005

Manoel and Joaquim leave to give a walk in the forest. Suddenly, Manoel says: - I am going home! - Why? - heasked Joaquim. - I need to go to the bathroom - Manoel says. - Now, Manoel - Joaquim answers - it is going in the bush, behind the track. - I am not able to - it explains to Manoel - I didn't bring paper. - Be not for that - Joaquim says - it cleans with ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
GIFTS   6/19/2005

3 friends are seating in a bar, to speak of the birthday gifts that gave to the wives... says the first: "The gift that I gave to my wife is going in 6 seconds from 0 to 100" The other ones two didn't understand and he explained: I "offered her a white Porsche, because it is well with their blond hair" says the second: "The gift that I gave to my wife is going in 4 ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS   6/19/2005

God asked the Greeks: - Do you want a commandment? - Which would the commandment be, Mister? - You won't kill! - No, thank you, that would interrupt our sequence of conquests. Then God asked the Egyptians: - Do you want a commandment? - Which would the commandment be, Mister? - You won't commit adultery! - No thank you, that would ruin our weekends! ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
THE WILL OF THE LATE HUSBAND   6/19/2005

THE WILL OF THE DECEASED That lady takes a brilliant Ferrari to a collector. After inspecting the car during a good stocking-hour, the collector he sees himself for the woman and he says: - The car is great! How much are you asking for for him? - A hundred USD! - the woman answers in high and good sound. - A hundred thousand USD Reais, do you want to say? - No, ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
Jane and Tarzan   6/18/2005

Due to innocence of Tarzan, that lived alone during a long time, Jane gave him classes about sexuality She explained everything as if he was a : * she lookeds at Tarzan, and said: What you have there among your legs hunging is a clothes it is dirty and what I have here among my legs is a washing machine The one that you have to do is to catch your clothes to put here in ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
YOU AND YOUR - THE DIFERENCE   6/18/2005

Do you know the difference between Your and Yours? A small example, that illustrates that difference very well proceeds: The General Director of a Bank, was concerned with a youth and diamond Diretor, that after having worked for some time with him, without stopping nor to eat lunch, began to be absent at noon. Then the General Director of the Bank, called a detective ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
redcaps 54 M
11  Articles
Golf Physio   6/16/2005

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. <br> The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together between his legs, fell to the ground and rolled backwards and forwards in agony. <br> The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologise. ...


0 Comments, 136 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
brendie2 29 F
23  Articles
cheats   6/16/2005

a man was was throwing a company party so in d process his secretary got drunk he decided to take her home but on getting there noticed she was so drunk so he tucked her into bed it was late so he went to bring her home when he got therre she started shouting he was quiet when she got into the car he noticed a ladys shoe he was afraid he wondered how he was going to tell his wife what just ...


0 Comments, 152 Views, 12 Votes ,1.92 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
EASY UNDERSTANDING   6/14/2005

For the friends that always had difficulty in understanding the theorems of the mathematics, here space some of easy understanding: Theorem of the Propensity Adhesive of the Materials: - There are two adhesive plaster types: what doesn't glue and what doesn't come out. Law of the Aerial Mobility of the Solid Particles: - Every particle that floats in the air always ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
AT LAST THE ANSWERS!   6/14/2005

A sociologist, formed by Harvard, made a thing that few people imagine that a sociologist can be capable to do: To answer questions! Does he know, those stupid questions that some vacated he made to circulate in Net? Because it is, another vacated, or better, a sociologist decided to answer. (BELIEVE)!!! 1. because orange calls orange and doesn't lemon call green? ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
annie2622 39 F
1  Article
Bill Gates meets St. Peter   6/14/2005

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. <br> "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never ...


1 Comments, 796 Views, 76 Votes ,5.57 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Psychiatrist Joke   6/11/2005

This guy walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Doc, you gotta help me. Every thime I walk down the street I shit my pants". <br> Afetr ten Therapy sessions he runs into an old drinking buddy and says to him 'I'm mich better now" <br> And his friend says to him "So you're cured?' <br> And the guy says "I still shit my pants when I walk down the ...


0 Comments, 217 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
angelseekers60 68 M
1  Article
blonde and her tailpipe   6/11/2005

After a bad hail storm this blonde takes her car to the dealership to show the dents all over the car left by the hail storm..The dealer seeing that this girl is a blonde says to her..You have to blow real hard into the tail pipe to blow out the dents...The blonde returns home to repair the damage..As the blonde is kneeling on the ground blowing real hard into the tailpipe, her room mate ...


0 Comments, 192 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Psychiatrist Joke   6/10/2005

So this guy walks into the Headshrinker's Ofice and says "Doc, you gotta help me. I can't sleep because I think there is a monster under my bed" <br> So the psychiatrist says "This would indicate to me to be a deep seated Nuerosis. I would suggest Medication and some Intensive Therapy" <br> Two weeks later the guy meets a friend after work and he says to him 'I'm ...


0 Comments, 186 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
A Christmas Poem!!!   6/10/2005

"It was the night before Christmas , And all through the house, Everyone was hungover, Including the mouse!!! Momma's new nightie, Made her tits look First Class, So I settled in, For some fine piece of ass!!! Then all of a sudden, I heard a din and a clatter, So I pulled out early, To see what was the ...


0 Comments, 122 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Opening A Bank Account   6/10/2005

So this guy walks up to the female bank Cashier and says "Listen up , I want to open an account" <br> So she says to him "You can't talk to me that way. I'm going to get the Manager" <br> <br> So the Manager walks up to the guy and says "What seems to be the problem?" <br> And the guy says " I want to open an acoount and deposit 3 million dollars in it" ...


0 Comments, 178 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
What Do You Get When You Play A Country Song Backwards?   6/10/2005

Your wife stops having an affair, your comes back to life and the Repo Man brings back your pickup truck!!!


0 Comments, 114 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
Why Did God Invent Men?   6/10/2005

Becaause vibrators can't wash the car or mow the lawn!!!


0 Comments, 102 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
niceguy2039 63 M
78  Articles
I'll Do Anthing For 50 Bucks Baby!!!!   6/10/2005

There was this who decided she should lower her prices to get more business. So she approaches this guy on the street and said to him "Baby , I'll do anything for $50" So he looked at her and said "Okay , you can paint my house!!!"


0 Comments, 124 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
You just might be a Redneck if:   6/8/2005

Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers." <br> hmm... that one might be a little too close to home for me... <br> <br> B.


0 Comments, 134 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
email? check the address before you hit send...   6/7/2005

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jean. <br> Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. <br> The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
are you a geek?   6/7/2005

if you can find 3 or more matches below, then welcome to geekdom! <br> <br> 1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help. <br> 2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL". <br> 3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. <br> 4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other. <br> ...


1 Comments, 260 Views, 19 Votes ,4.57 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
car trouble for geeks   6/7/2005

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. <br> The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." <br> The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." <br> The electrical engineer said, "I think ...


0 Comments, 163 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
drive through atm's   6/7/2005

There actually IS a Drive Through ATM not far from here, it was installed in 91/92. The ODD thing about this Drive Through ATM is why do it have brail markings on the buttons? <br> <br> <br> now though i find this joke amusing i got a belt behind the ear from my flatmate (female) when i told it to her. <br> ========== Drive Through ATM Procedures ...


0 Comments, 160 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
baroccaB 59 M
10  Articles
speeding   6/7/2005

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. <br> As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes, " he thought to himself and opened her up further. The ...


0 Comments, 168 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
sxytxn 45 F
5  Articles
Turner Brown   6/6/2005

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this BIG African American guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 11 Votes ,2.79 Score
sxytxn 45 F
5  Articles
Texas Women   6/1/2005

A woman from Texas and a woman from the East Coast were seated next to each other on an airplane. The woman from Texas, being friendly and all, asks the woman from the East Coast, "So, where ya from?". The woman from the East Coast replies, "I am from a place where we do NOT end sentences with prepositions!!". So, the woman from Texas takes a deep breath, and asks the woman, "So, ...


0 Comments, 219 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
rose1700 46 F
5  Articles
Two business partners   5/27/2005

Two business partners were enjoying the sun on the beach. Suddenly one clapped his hand to to his forehead. 'I left the safe open.' he moaned. 'What's to worry?' his partner said.'We are both here.'


0 Comments, 354 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
redcaps 54 M
11  Articles
Blonde joke - sorry ladies :-)   5/26/2005

A BLONDE, wanting to earn some money, decided to canvass a wealthy neighborhood. <br> She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. <br> "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" <br> The blonde said: "How about 50 pounds?" <br> The man agreed and told her that the paint ...


0 Comments, 1140 Views, 107 Votes ,5.49 Score
SundaySam1947 72 M
1  Article
Bill_1229 : Selection of the Pope   5/24/2005

Bill, this was great. I do belive they don't understand the ending. Maybe they are just to young.


0 Comments, 209 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
rose1700 46 F
5  Articles
The Doctor   5/23/2005

In the midst of a physical examination, the doctor ask his patient to face to open window and stick out his tongue. <br> 'what can you tell from that?' asked the patient. <br> 'Nothing, ' said the doctor, 'but I don't like my neighbours.'


1 Comments, 393 Views, 21 Votes ,2.63 Score
Alexendrovna 42 F
4  Articles
Man needs new brain   5/17/2005

A man is injuried in car crash and is taken to the hospital. His family go to the hospital. The doctor tell's them that he needs a new brain. His family asks how much. The doctor says "that depend on which one, a man's or a woman's brian". One of the man's family ask "I thought a brain was a brain that there was nothing different?" There doctor says "a ...


0 Comments, 326 Views, 19 Votes ,2.07 Score
Bill_1228 49 M
1  Article
Selection of the Pope   5/16/2005

Seems that the Cardinals may have selected the wrong guy. Here is a viable candidate they overlooked: Bishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the Netherlands and emigrated to the US where he became a citizen in 1939. As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WW II. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, ...


0 Comments, 279 Views, 15 Votes ,1.29 Score
redcaps 54 M
11  Articles
The Old Poodle   5/15/2005

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. <br> The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm ...


0 Comments, 212 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
rose1700 46 F
5  Articles
A Palm Reader   5/15/2005

A Gypsy palm reader told a 'You will be poor until you are forty.' <br> 'And then what?' asked the expectantly. <br> <br> 'Nothing, ' said the fortune teller. 'By that that time you will be used to it.'


0 Comments, 317 Views, 12 Votes ,2.80 Score
redcaps 54 M
11  Articles
SHORTEST love story:   5/12/2005

ONCE upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?" <br> She said "No." <br> And the guy lived happily ever after.


0 Comments, 194 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
redcaps 54 M
11  Articles
Rabbit in a bar   5/12/2005

A RABBIT goes into a bar and asks for a drink with a ham and tomato toasted sandwich. <br> After eating it he asks the barman for a cheese and onion one. <br> "It's dangerous to have two sorts of toasted sandwiches", replies the barman. <br> "I don't care about that, " says the rabbit. "Give me my toasted sandwich now." <br> "OK, " says the barman, and ...


0 Comments, 223 Views, 6 Votes
febsubbu 43 M
10  Articles
Jokes   5/12/2005

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers. <br> One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, <br> but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came <br> under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to <br> the police station, who in turn ...


0 Comments, 244 Views, 9 Votes ,1.93 Score
superhot222 44 F
1  Article
missed call!   5/9/2005

once there were two men, they were extremely sick of technology coz it was just devastating the beauty of thwe world... Then, an idea poped up! they thought about using messenger pigeons instead of telephones... first guy, on the first day of their use of pigeons sent a letter to the other guy.. when the other guy, opened the paper to read the message.....it was blank! as men are short ...


0 Comments, 256 Views, 9 Votes ,1.72 Score
flanel 62 F
10  Articles
Modes of communication   5/8/2005

Do you know three fastest modes of communication ? - 1-telephone - 2-television - 3-tell-a-woman


0 Comments, 415 Views, 24 Votes ,3.58 Score
Genuinescot 55 M
2  Articles
Tarzan & Jane   5/4/2005

Jane asks Tarzan if he has had proper sex before, Tarzan replies " yes " Jane, Tarzan finds "hole " in tree- then gives tree good seeing too. Jane says " nononononononoooooooooo " Jane show Tarzan proprer way, as she lie's down & opens her legs, she asks Tarzan to put his MANHOOD inside Jane, just at that moment Tarzan strikes Jane in the Vagina with his Foot ?. Why in gods ...


0 Comments, 265 Views, 15 Votes ,1.14 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
ELETRIC FENCE   5/4/2005

An old couple is at a birthday party in an old tavern of the city. The husband, speaks for you his wife: - Do you remember the first time that we did sex 50 years ago? <br> We went back of that tavern, you lied back in the fence and why we did love with you for behind! - Clear, I remember well! - she says. - Sure, then the one that you find of going there now, we ...


0 Comments, 216 Views, 12 Votes ,3.86 Score
avalexa 61 M
298  Articles
DIESEASE   5/1/2005

The Husband found the wife in the motel and surprised she asked: DAM, what are you making here in the motel? And the wife, very calm, answered: now, I am visiting a sick friend! And the husband asked: what disease that he has? And the wife answered: it is precocious ejaculation.


0 Comments, 234 Views, 11 Votes ,2.79 Score
Msteri42 61 F
21  Articles
A Really Bad Day   4/30/2005

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. <br> Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a ...


0 Comments, 919 Views, 106 Votes ,6.14 Score
Msteri42 61 F
21  Articles
Money Talks!   4/30/2005

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: <br> "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." <br> He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked ...


0 Comments, 204 Views, 16 Votes ,6.51 Score
Msteri42 61 F
21  Articles
Great Writer   4/30/2005

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. <br> When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" <br> He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


0 Comments, 117 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
Msteri42 61 F
21  Articles
Computer Users   4/30/2005

Computer users are divided into three types: <br> Novice, Intermediate and Expert. <br> Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. <br> Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. <br> Expert Users - People who press the keys ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
Msteri42 61 F
21  Articles
New Viruses on the loose!   4/30/2005

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. <br> AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. <br> MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. <br> Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score