|
Take Me To Your Leader!!! 7/9/2005
The Aliens arrive on Earth at a gas station and thinking
that the gas pump is an Earthling the Alien goes up to it and
says' Take me to your leader".Naturally the
gas pump doesn't say anything. So the Alien repeats
"Take me to your leader". And of course nothing
happens. So his Alien friend walks out of the spaceship
and says 'What's the problem?" And the first
Alien says " I keep on ...
0 Comments, 300 Views,
11 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Escaped Gorilla 7/7/2005
A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo
keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls
the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard.
The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has
a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Dachshund. The man
asks what the items are for.
<br>
He's told, "I'm gonna climb the tree and
hit the ...
0 Comments, 192 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
|
|
The Monkey 7/7/2005
A guy walks into a bar carrying a small monkey. As he sits
down, the monkey jumps off his shoulder and starts running
around, eating everything in sight. He eats the bar peanuts,
he gobbles the fruit garnish, he chows down the pretzels,
everything. Finally, he jumps onto the pool table and swallows
a cue ball - whole.
<br>
The bartender is a little more than pissed, and complains ...
0 Comments, 143 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
My Called Sex 7/7/2005
Everybody who has a calls him Rover or Spot or some other
common name. I called mine SEX. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing
to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license,
I told the clerk that I wanted a license for Sex. He said,
"I'd like to have one too!"
<br>
Then I said, "But this is a dog."
<br>
He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, ...
0 Comments, 136 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
The Guard Dog 7/7/2005
There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime.
After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed,
the couple decided to get a guard dog.
<br>
So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I
need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry,
we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie
dog. But, he does knows karate."
<br>
The wife ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers... 7/7/2005
The 20 reasons why Dogs don't use computers...
<br>
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
<br>
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
<br>
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one
side.
<br>
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they
visit.
<br>
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've ...
0 Comments, 96 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage? 7/7/2005
LOVE - - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your waist,
and you don't care.
<br>
LOVE - - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - - all other times.
MARRIAGE - - what's intercourse?
<br>
LOVE - - when you argue over how many to have.
LUST - - ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings.... 7/7/2005
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings....
<br>
There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless
Love, " and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony
Mony".
<br>
There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger"
Party.
<br>
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and
halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing
than not.
<br>
Tuxes ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
THE LOVE DRESS. 7/7/2005
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently
married couple's house.
She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.
She saw her -in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from
work, " the -in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law
exclaimed.
"This is my love dress, " the -in-law ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
the stink boy 7/6/2005
well, tell the story that there was a boy known by stink coz
of the stench of his mouth. one day he decided to camp with
his friends, however, there was a problems: stink could
not talk inside the tent coz if he does his breath would impregnate
the air. to solve this problems his friends told him that
every time he wanted to talk he should raise his hand, then
all the others could cover ...
0 Comments, 205 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score
|
|
Where Babies Come From 7/6/2005
A blonde and her mother were talking, when the blonde asked,
"Mom, is it true that babies comes from the same place
where boys stick their thingies?" <br>
"Yes, dear, it's true, " her mother replied.
<br>
"But then, when I have a baby, won't my teeth get
knocked out?" asked the blonde.
0 Comments, 167 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
A Little Suspicious 7/6/2005
A woman is in her doctor's office getting undressed
for an examination.
<br>
She turns to a naked woman sitting next to her and says, "I
told the doctor that my ears are ringing and he told me to
strip. Does that seem a little suspicious to you?"
<br>
"Hey, don't ask me, " the naked woman replies.
"I'm only here to fix the fax machine."
0 Comments, 160 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
dont dare 7/6/2005
a boy was fond of going to swim in a nearby pool so his dad got
tired and told him not to go swimming again the next day he
went so his dad asked him why he went he said it was the work
of the devil so his dad told him next time the devil tells
u to do so tell him satan get behind me the next day he went
so his dad started yelling at him so he said dont blame me
dad i told him to get behind ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score
|
|
blunders 7/6/2005
a boy wanted to tell his father i am going to school instead
he said i is going to school his father said look at u stupid
boy simple corrected english u cannot spoke his mother
came out of the room and
told the father u are the worstest
0 Comments, 77 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
the doctor and his patient 7/6/2005
a man who had just been operated on was on his bed when his
doctor came in and told him i was trying to reach u yesterday
why the patient asked because i only wanted to tell u that
u have 24hrs to live
0 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
Corporate lessons 7/5/2005
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens
the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
<br>
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel."
<br>
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
AIDS Or Alzheimer's??? 7/3/2005
The Doctor says to the guy 'I'm sorry but we seem
to have mixed up your wife's test results. She's
either got AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease"
<br>
"Gee Doc" said the guy "Can't you
be a little bit more specific?" <br>
And the Doctor says "Sure. Take her deep into the woods
and if she finds her way back home don't have sex with
her!!!"
0 Comments, 97 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
to tell the truth or....... 7/1/2005
the asks his father, dad how where u born, dad says, my
parents found me in the street, the again asks , and how
was mom born?, her parents bought her from hospital,
not satisfied asks again, and me , how was i born?, clever
father answers, a bird brought u.Finally embarased the
screams, " i don't understand no one's
normal in this family?"  )
0 Comments, 151 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
the american, the brazilian and the PORTUGUESE guys 6/30/2005
THE WERE 3 MEN IN A PLANE WHICH FELL IN A LOST ISLAND. ONE THEM
WAS AMERICAN, ANOTHER ONE WAS BRAZILIAN AND THE LAST WAS
FROM PORTUGAL. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOME FOOD WHEN THE
NATIVES FOUND THEM. SO, THE TRIBE´S CHIEF SAID: "-
IF YOU WANNA LIVE, YOU´LL NEED TO FIND 2 FRUIT´S IN THE JUNGLE
AND BRING IT TO ME". THAT WAS EASY THEY THOUGHT.THE
AMERICAN WAS THE FIRST ONE TO ARRIVE.HE BROUGHT ...
3 Comments, 234 Views,
23 Votes
,3.60 Score
|
|
All Alone 6/29/2005
A school teacher started his first job at a primary school
and was eager to make a good impression on the . So, when
he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess,
while the other were playing a game of soccer, he walked
up to him and asked "Are you alright ?" <br>
The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher
left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Lottery Win 6/29/2005
An old guy and his had a one-mule farm where they eked
out a living. One day, the hit the lottery and won $50, 000.
He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried
back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed
him $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said,
", you know I've always been careful with
what little money we had. I didn't spend ...
0 Comments, 152 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
Presidential Advice 6/29/2005
One night, G.W. Bus h was awakened by George Washington's
ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing
I could do to
help the country?" <br>
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, "
advised George.
<br>
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through
the dark
bedroom.
<br>
"Tom, what is the best thing I could ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Women's menu: 6/29/2005
Woman Shrimp: she only has shit in the head, but it is pleasant
and you eat even so.
Woman Crab: it is ugly and hairy, but you beat in her, it cleans
properly and he/she eats even so
Woman Bread: she always has the same taste, but you eat every
day.
Woman Appetizer: accompanied of a drink you eat and it still
finds good.
Woman Passion fruit: it is all ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
|
|
I only came to ask a favour 6/28/2005
The newly married couple had rented an apartment and were
hanging picutes. The husband was driving a nail in the living
room wall when there was a knock at the door.
<br>
"it's Mr. Johnson from next door." said
his wife, "your hammering must have bothered him."
<br>
Her husband started to apologize, but the neighbour cut
him short.
<br>
"oh, I don't mind ...
0 Comments, 286 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score
|
|
maybe 6/28/2005
Sisqo was performing a concert in Nigeria
when he noticed his dragon necklace was missing so he sang
unleash the dragon as he was singing he pointed accusing
fingers at jlo so she sang get it right wyclef came and asked
what the matter was sisqo told him so he sang 911 aS police
was coming they bumped imto shaggy so he sang it wasn't
me
0 Comments, 141 Views,
9 Votes
|
|
Little Johnny In the 8th Grade!!! 6/25/2005
Little Johnny's teacher asked the class "Can
anybody give me a three syllable word?"
<br>
Litte Johnny's hand shot up straight away and said
"I know one Miss. MAS-TUR-BATE".
<br>
"Gee' Said Little Johnny's teacher"
That sure is a mouthfull"
<br>
And Little Johnny says "No Miss you're thinking
about a Blow Job!!!"
0 Comments, 266 Views,
13 Votes
,3.31 Score
|
|
little john 6/24/2005
every day morning teacher carol goes through the door of
the class and ask the : - good morning!!! she always
listen: -hi uuuuuuuuuuu!!! and every single day the answer
is the same. but there was a time that she asked them: -good
morning!! however she listen i!! and in the next day
she listen: -hi!! just it. then she realised little john
had missed that 2 classes.that was funny. each time ...
1 Comments, 313 Views,
16 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
In the classroom 6/24/2005
Ms. Perkins, " said the biology teacher, his eyes
pinning the daydreaming student, "would you please
tell the class which portion of the human anatomy swells
to ten times its normal size during periods of agitation
or emotional excitement?" Blushing, the woman stammered: "Professor, I-I
would r-rather n-not answer that q-question."
Arching a brow, the professor asked: "Oh? And why
not?" ...
0 Comments, 252 Views,
17 Votes
,5.53 Score
|
|
The New Sargeant In The Foreign Legion!! 6/22/2005
The new Sargeant arrives at the islolatd outpost of the
Foreign Legion and he sees a camel tied near the Mess Tent
so he asks the Private what the camel is doing thee. The Private
replies "Well Sage, when the guys get all lonely and
hot for a woman they use the camel" The Sargeant replies
"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard".
<br>
However after a couple of months ...
0 Comments, 288 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
|
The Sadness Of Infidelity!!! 6/21/2005
This guy is drinking at a bar and he says to the bartender
"I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend".
So the barteneder says to him "So what did you do?"
And the guy says 'I kicked her out of the house and put
him back in his kennel!!!"
0 Comments, 146 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
|
