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A MAN SENT A FAX TO HIS WIFE..... 9/15/2005
A man sent a fax to his wife:
<br>
<br>
To my Dear Wife...You will surely understand that I have
certain
needs
which you, with your 54 years, can no longer supply. I am
very
happy
with you and value as a good wife. Therefore after reading
this
fax,
<br>
I
hope
that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will
be
spending
the
evening ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Insurance claims 9/14/2005
The following are actual statements found on insurance
forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident
in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm
that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
<br>
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with
a tree I don't have.
<br>
The other car ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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I Feel Sorry For The Guy Who Delivers My Pizza!!! 9/14/2005
Q: Why are pizza delivery guys like gynacologists?
<br>
Ans: Because they both get to see it, smell it and touch it
but they don't get to eat it!!! Poor guys!!!
0 Comments, 64 Views,
0 Votes
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Boring 9/11/2005
A guy feeling sorry for himself, was telling his friend;
" when I married my wife, I foud her very funny &
amuzing to be with. now she turned out to be very boring"
<br>
The friend was a bit surprised to her this, and said; I´m
sorry, but I can´t agree with you on this, cause I find her
still very funny.
<br>
I met your wife yesterday at the supermarket. She told me
a ...
0 Comments, 139 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Why I need to give up alcohol........ 9/10/2005
The other night I was invited for a night out with the girls;
I promised my husband that i'd be home by midnight.
Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
easy. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started
up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband
would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 ...
0 Comments, 199 Views,
19 Votes
,6.68 Score
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Hymn # 365 9/8/2005
A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance
sermon.
<br>
With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer
in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With
even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
<br>
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And
if I had all the ...
0 Comments, 180 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Army boys 9/7/2005
New unexperienced soldiers came to a camp in a foreign country.
As they were doing the training and seeing no women around,
one of the young soldiers asked a captain:
<br>
"Sir, what do you do when you are horny and you just
need to get laid?"
<br>
The captain looked at him and said:
<br>
"Go in the stable, there's some camels, use those"
<br>
Soldier was ...
0 Comments, 169 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Exchange of partners. 9/7/2005
Two couples meet and after a wonderful dinner at a great
restaurant decide that they could exchange their partners
for the night.
After 2 hours of continuous sex a man turns over and says:
"Wow this was such a great idea, I hope the girls are
also having fun"
0 Comments, 212 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
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popes and sardars 9/5/2005
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the
Sardars had to leave the country. Naturally there was a
big uproar from the Sardar community. So the Pope made a
deal.He would have a religious debate with a member of the
Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could
stay.
<br>
If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized
that they had no choice. ...
0 Comments, 299 Views,
17 Votes
,4.54 Score
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How much ? 9/5/2005
A man standing with a rabbit trying to sell it.
A drunker came by and asked.
"how much for the ape"?.
<br>
well this is a rabbit I´m selling, not an ape !! replied the
seller.
<br>
" I wasn´t talking to you !! I was asking the rabbit".
0 Comments, 249 Views,
9 Votes
,1.50 Score
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Motionless 9/4/2005
If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here,
So you’d always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I’m meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me.
<br>
A bond so strong, a hold so tight,
To know you’re the one; my ‘Mr. Right’.
A blessing sent from up above,
In you I’ve found my one true ...
0 Comments, 307 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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He would have continued 9/2/2005
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient
little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!)
leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her
shrill little girl voice,
0 Comments, 349 Views,
4 Votes
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Oops.. 8/31/2005
A man calls home.
<br>
The maid answers the phone."alo"
<br>
He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"
<br>
She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her
boyfriend."
<br>
He's Furiously mad--says, "Ok, go to the hall
closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them
both."
<br>
Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."
5 minutes ...
0 Comments, 368 Views,
10 Votes
,1.19 Score
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Man in Antartica on a job 8/29/2005
Man in Antartica on a job
<br>
A man moved to an Antarctica village because of his new job.
This village had many men, but no women. After a few days,
the man started getting horny. He asked his boss, “What
do you guys do when you’re horny here?”
<br>
The man told him, “We have a barrel with a hole in it. Here
I’ll show it to you.” ...
0 Comments, 271 Views,
13 Votes
,5.49 Score
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One person working !!!! 8/25/2005
You do know that The population of our country is 100 crores.
But did you know that....
19 crores are retired. That leaves 81 crores to do the work.
There are 25 crores in school, which leaves 56 crore to do
the work.
Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Government, leaving
34 crores to do the work.
4 crores are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 30 crores
to do ...
0 Comments, 220 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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How I understand the world 8/25/2005
How I understand the world
<br>
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung
cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home
drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame ...
0 Comments, 218 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet. 8/25/2005
A poodle, terrier & great dane at the vet.
<br>
A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all at the vet.
The terrier asked the poodle, “What are you in for?”
The poodle said, “Well, every time I see a car I just want
to chase it and one day I got a car in an accident and killed
the driver. My owner thought it best to put me down.”
All the dogs ...
0 Comments, 237 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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The goood one 8/25/2005
I’m sure you can imagine
As plain as can be
The place is Piccadilly
The players He and She.
She whispered “will it hurt me?”
“Of course not” answered he
“It’s a very simple process,
You can rely on me.”
She said “I’m very frightened,
I’ve not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said ...
0 Comments, 248 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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The woodcutter 8/25/2005
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree
above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was
deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was
too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to
poverty and starvation, he began to weep.
As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. ...
0 Comments, 285 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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Herman The Egg!!! (A Good, Clean Yolk!!!) 8/15/2005
Down at the henhouse today Police have charged Herman The
Egg with a salt. They grilled him for 4 hours until his testimony
became scrambled but he refused to crack. Herman knew he
was in hot water but he protested his innocence.
<br>
"I didn't do it!!!" he cried "I'm
yellow and a born chicken!!!"
<br>
Herman was so traumatized by the experience that he had
to see a ...
0 Comments, 307 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
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New Medication!!! 8/14/2005
There is a new Medication on the market which is a combination
of Viagra and Valium. You take it and if you don't get
laid you don't care!!!
0 Comments, 321 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!! 8/12/2005
Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said
" My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young
women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah,
my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to
do if he caught one!!!"
0 Comments, 315 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Some Guys Don't Know When To Quit!!! 8/12/2005
Buelah was complaining to her best friewnd Elsie. She said
" My 80 year old husband Fred keeps chasing after young
women". And Elsie said "Don't worry Buelah,
my chases after cars but he wouldn't knw what to
do if he caught one!!!"
0 Comments, 307 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Australian Premature Ejaculation!!! 8/12/2005
Q; Why do Australian men cum so quickly?
<br>
Ans: So they can run down to the Pub and tell their mates all
about it!!!
<br>
Being an Aussie myself I have found this to be so often sad
but true!!!
0 Comments, 379 Views,
14 Votes
,2.34 Score
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Penis Observation!!! Sad But True!!! 8/12/2005
Q; Why do so many guys give their penises a name?
<br>
Ans: Because they don't like taking orders from strangers!!!
<br>
<br>
Gee. Sometimes I am almost ashamed to be a man!!!
0 Comments, 385 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Cleetus -Zero. Coroner -One Point!!! 8/8/2005
I thought you might all be happy to learn that my favourite
character Cleetus recently graduated from Harvard Law
School. His first was accused of murder and he was
grilling the Coroner on the Witness stand. He said "Doctor,
are you absolutely positive that the victim was dead when
the Paramedics arrived?
<br>
"I'm positive" said the Coroner.
<br>
"Could the trip in ...
0 Comments, 295 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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The Mystery Of The Female Orgasm!!! 8/8/2005
Daisy Mae was listening to her two cousins arguing. Cleetus
said "Ahm tellin you Jim Bob that woman have the best
orgasm when they are on top"
<br>
"No way" said "Jim Bob. "Women have
the best orgasms when they are on the bottom"
<br>
Daisy Mae listened to these two guys arguing about it for
5 minutes and said "Guys , you are both wrong. Women
have the best orgasms when ...
0 Comments, 344 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Cleetus On His Wedding Night!!! 8/7/2005
Cleetus, my favourite country hick was about to make love
to his new wife on his wedding night. Then in a panic he called
his dad. He said 'Pa, I dunno what to do. She's a
virgin!!!"
<br>
And his father said "Come on home . If she ain't
good enough for her brothers then she ain't good enough
for you!!!"
<br>
I can almost hear the banjos a'pickinn' !!!
0 Comments, 304 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Advertisement For A Wife!!! 8/7/2005
This guy put an ad in the paper for a wife. It read" Nice
guy seeks nymphomanical woman with a fishing boat. Please
send photo of fishing boat!!!"
0 Comments, 254 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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The Farmer And His City Cousin!!! 8/6/2005
Cleetus the potato farmer was telling his city cousin Jim
Bob about how times were tough in the country. He said "Jim
Bob, I ain't hoed a row for three long years"
<br>
And Jim Bob Said "You think you got troubles , Cleetus.
I ain't rode a ho for three long years!!!"
0 Comments, 207 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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