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Revenge On Your Boss Who Is An Asshole!!! 10/3/2005
Revenge is banging your bosse's wife.
<br>
SWEET Revenge is finding out she is a lousy lay!!!
1 Comments, 121 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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MONKEY.............. 10/3/2005
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink
and
while
he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.
<br>
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then
grabs
some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool
table, grabs one
of
the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's
amazement,
somehow swallows it ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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FLAT CHESTED.... 10/3/2005
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith to see about
enlarging her breasts.
<br>
Dr. Smith told her, "Everyday after your shower,
rub your nipples
and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked!
She grew great boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and realized
she
had forgotten her ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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8 WORDS WITH 2 MEANINGS........... 10/3/2005
Eight Words with two Meanings
<br>
<br>
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
<br>
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally
to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
<br>
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
0 Votes
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My Ausie Cobber and Mate "Wombat!!!" 9/30/2005
I have a friend who I have nicknamed 'Wombat"
because when he goes to a girl's place he eats roots
, shoots and leaves!!!
0 Comments, 80 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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They're finally together 9/28/2005
Sadie was a beautiful Jewish girl. She could have been an
actress but instead she decided to get married young and
raise a large family. In no time at all she has ten .
Then suddenly her husband passed away when Sadie was still
only 42. But it didn’t take our Sadie long to find a new husband.
She quickly remarried and found happiness once more. She
could have decided that ten was ...
0 Comments, 132 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score
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Something to talk about 9/28/2005
The old man in the confessional told the priest, "I'm
seventy-nine years old, and last night I made love to eighteen-years-old
twins." <br>
The priest asked, "When was your last confession?"
<br>
"What do you mean, confession?" the man said.
"I'm Jewish." <br>
"Then, why are you telling me this?" the priest
asked.
<br>
The man said, "I'm telling ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
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3 wishes 9/28/2005
A man finds a genie in a bottle, and is granted 3 wishes. Immediately,
he is banging 100 Playboy playmates. Later he opens a door
to a room and finds it is loaded with stacks of $100 bills,
everywhere. Soon after the KKK comes in, and lynches him.
An observer asks, "I can understand the women and
the money, but why did he want to be hung like a black man?"
0 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
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A Cunning Linguist!!! 9/27/2005
Cleetus was getting very frustrated at his lack of success
with women at the Singles Bar. Then he noticed that there
was a guy who seemed to be able to pick up women and take them
home without doing anything. So he asked the bartender"
How come that guy gets all of the women?"
<br>
And the bartender says" I dunno, he just sits there
and licks his eyebrows with his tongue every ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Australian Foreplay!!! 9/27/2005
Q: What is the definition of Australian Foreplay?
<br>
Ans: The guy says "Are you awake honey?"
0 Comments, 99 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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And God Created Man!!! (But There Was A Problem!!!) 9/27/2005
After God created the first man he said to him "Adam,
I have some Good News and some Bad News "
<br>
"Give me the Good News first please God"said
Adam.
<br>
And God said "The Good News is I have given you a dick
AND a brain"
<br>
"Wow" said Adam "I got a dick and a brain!!!
That's great!!! What's the Bad News God?'
<br>
And God said "The Bad News is ...
0 Comments, 138 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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What Is THe Sound Of One Hand Clapping? Masturbation Of Course!!!! 9/26/2005
The Priest was instructing his Altar Boys on the Evils Of
Masturbation. He said "Boys, Self Abuse can lead
to blindness, paralysis and difficulty in maintaining
Marital Relations with your future wife"
<br>
One boy spoke up and said 'Father, how come you know
so much about masturbation?" <br>
And the Priest said "Because my , I have a lot of
first hand knowledge on the ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Cost for a Lawyer 9/26/2005
LAWYEAR  k sir, do u want me to help
how much money do u have
to pay me so?
<br>
:i dont have money,
but i have a car, BMW
<br>
LAWYEAR :its ok, u can pay me by it
now tell me whats your case?
<br>
 STOLEN THAT CAR, BMW!
0 Comments, 162 Views,
5 Votes
,0.21 Score
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Little Johnny Strikes Again!!! 9/25/2005
Little Johnny was tired of his 8th Grade teacher always
asking difficult questions so he said "Miss, I have
a question for you".
<br>
"Go ahaed Little Johnny " said his teacher"
<br>
"I saw three ladies eating ice cream cones the other
day. One of them was licking the ice cream, the other was
taking small bites and the third one sucked it all down real
fast and swallowed ...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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Innocent minds.... 9/24/2005
little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog
for a
walk
Around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because
she is on heat."
"What's
that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father.
I think he's in
the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad,
may I take Fluffy for awalk around the block? I asked Mum,
but she said the was
on heat, and to come to you." Dad said, ...
0 Comments, 232 Views,
16 Votes
,4.74 Score
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I ASKED TO GOD 9/23/2005
I asked to God to make the world PEACE.God answered "
its difficult"
so I asked to God to make you CUTE.God answered "'ITS
BETTER I MAKE THE WORLD PEACE'' ..
0 Comments, 208 Views,
9 Votes
,0.86 Score
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Wedding test..... would you pass?? 9/23/2005
THE WEDDING TEST
<br>
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way,
and my
friends encouraged me.
<br>
My girlfriend? She was a dream!
<br>
There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was
her
younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age,
wore tight ...
0 Comments, 244 Views,
17 Votes
,5.95 Score
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Definition Of An Alcoholic!!! 9/18/2005
"An alcoholic is somebody who drinks more that his
doctor!!!"
0 Comments, 92 Views,
1 Votes
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What Women Want... 9/18/2005
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed
him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So,
the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could
answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year
to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had
no answer, he would be put to death.
...
0 Comments, 132 Views,
1 Votes
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Men. 9/18/2005
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
<br>
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
...
1 Comments, 111 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Explosion... 9/18/2005
A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old,
were
playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts,
causing a little sand between his legs to shift.
<br>
The little girl notices, and squeals with laughter, "How'd
you do
that?" she asks.
<br>
"Easy, " he exclaimed, "I just farted."
<br>
"Can I try it, " she asks?
<br>
"Sure, ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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The deaf book keeper... 9/18/2005
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed
him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was
considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the
job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper
would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to
testify about in court.
<br>
<br>
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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strangers in the night........ 9/18/2005
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves
assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing
a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the
upper bunk and she in the lower.
<br>
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying,
"Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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honest wife.... 9/18/2005
Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
"I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control
at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now
don't be silly
dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
<br>
As the officer writes out ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
0 Votes
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an old man...... 9/18/2005
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked
up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different
colours green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said 'sarcastically',
"What's the
matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life
?"
<br>
Without batting an eyelid, the old man ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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inquisitive minds.... 9/18/2005
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's
house for a
play date.
<br>
"Mummy, " the little girl asks, "how
old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, "
the mother
replied. "It's not polite." "OK",
the little girl says, "How
much do you weigh?"
"Now really, " the mother says, "those
are personal questions and are really none of your ...
0 Comments, 77 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Do you chew gum????? 9/18/2005
An Australian was having coffee and croissants with butter
and jam in a cafe, when an American tourist, chewing gum,
sat down next to him.
<br>
The Australian politely ignored the American who, nevertheless,
started up a conversation.
<br>
The American snapped the gum in his mouth and said, "Do
you Australian folk eat the whole bread?" The Australian
frowned, annoyed at ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Why i fired my secretary...... 9/18/2005
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling
too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife
would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!",
and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she
didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.
I thought, well, that's wives for you, the
will remember..The came in to breakfast and didn't
say a word. So ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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MIND READER....... 9/15/2005
Mind Reader
<br>
<br>
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday.
She spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
<br>
On her way home she stops at a news stand to buy a paper. Before
leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't
mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
<br>
"About 32, " the clerk replies.
...
1 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE? 9/15/2005
ARE WOMEN EVIL BY NATURE?
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet
rural pub...She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She
seductively signaled that he should bring his
face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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