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OOPS! Correction 7/19/2007
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole,
looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're
supposed to find the height of the flagpole, " said
Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts,
and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from
her pocket, took a measurement and announced, ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Women 6/23/2007
Two elderly women were sitting on a bench silently looking
at the ocean. Finally one turn to the other and asks, "Have you ever had an orgasm?"
The other was silent for a while, obviously thinking.
Finally she said, "No, I think we had Mutual
of Omaha."...
0 Comments, 330 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score
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two mice 2/21/2007
Two mice were drawing the cheese. Suddenly one mouse stopped.
?Run!? Front of us is one big black cat!? Since when are you
so superstitious??
1 Comments, 1122 Views,
14 Votes
,0.58 Score
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Da Lazy wife 12/30/2006
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon
was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying.
"But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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ShaRinG 12/19/2006
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold
winter's
evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young
couples
eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly
at
them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking. - "Look,
there is a
couple who has been through a lot together, probably for
60 years or
more!"
<br>
...
1 Comments, 210 Views,
27 Votes
,6.08 Score
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%0 years of wedded bliss 12/19/2006
After 50 years of married bliss, Harold and Mildred ventured
out on a second honeymoon, returning to the original hotel
they had visited half a century earlier.
As a treat Harold had bought Mildred a $400 see through silk
negligee. Mildred discreetly undressed in the bathroom
but was horrified to realize she left the expensive item
in her case next to the bed. Not wanting to spoil the ...
1 Comments, 274 Views,
34 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Birthday Surprise 12/16/2006
Boss: Today is my birthday, & my wife & childrens
are ignoring me. They didn't ask if I had breakfast
this morning.
Secretary: Hm... hmm… hmm…
Boss: Damn, even my secretary can't hear me.
Secretary: are u talking 2 me sir?
Boss: Oh no! I'm talking 2 that chair.
Secretary: U shoudn't work too hard sir. I would like
2 invite u 2 a dinner f u have time tonight.
...
1 Comments, 154 Views,
33 Votes
,6.45 Score
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Types Of Women ------------------------------------------- 12/16/2006
Types Of Women -------------------------------------------
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
<br>
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her
off.
<br>
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing
right, but no one can live without her.
<br>
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly
use ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
44 Votes
,4.42 Score
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A very painful B J 12/16/2006
A Newly Wed couple was on their first night of their honeymoon.
The hubby asked her to give him a
BJ. She says to him she will after she gets into something
a little more comfy and leaves the room. She goes to the phone
and calls her mom and tells her she is in big trouble, and
the mom asks "why on earth would you be on trouble on
your honeymoon?" the girls answers " Mom my
hubby just ...
1 Comments, 310 Views,
66 Votes
,1.89 Score
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Muder Case 12/16/2006
Defence Attorney: "Will you please state your age."
Little Old Lady: "I am 87 years old."
<br>
Defence Attorney: "Will you tell us, in your own words,
what happened the night of April 1st?"
Little Old Lady: "There I was, sitting there in my
swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young
man comes creeping upon the porch and sat down beside me."
...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
23 Votes
,6.16 Score
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First Date Horrors 12/16/2006
What one thing could someone do on a first date that would
make you want to scream and run for the hills?
<br>
Be wearing a wedding dress when I picked her up.
1 Comments, 211 Views,
18 Votes
,2.72 Score
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The Three Samurais 12/16/2006
There were three Samurais, A Japanese Samurai, an Italian
Samurai, and a Jewish Samurai. They were having a contest
to see who was the best. A fly was let loose and the Italian
Samurai's sword went whoosh, the fly split in two and
fell to ground. The Japanese samurai was next, a fly was
let loose and whoosh, wisk, the fly fell in four parts. Lastly
the Jewish Samurai went a fly was let ...
1 Comments, 368 Views,
237 Votes
,7.74 Score
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Personal Ad 12/16/2006
DM: Physician, 35
<br>
Desires to meet that special woman with real inner beauty.
Send latest X-rays.
1 Comments, 122 Views,
26 Votes
,2.38 Score
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Turnabout 12/16/2006
When I was younger I hated going to weddings ...it seemed
that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to
come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling
me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that saying that after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals....
1 Comments, 260 Views,
31 Votes
,7.07 Score
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Bush or Kerry 12/16/2006
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her
class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked
by the teacher, all the raise their hands except one
boy--Johnny.
<br>
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
<br>
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a ...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
66 Votes
,6.88 Score
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Other Things Mama Told Me & Mr. Phillard's Twin 12/16/2006
Not to cuss.
<br>
Not to cohabitate.
<br>
Not to use that language.
<br>
Not to go in the first place.
<br>
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
<br>
Not to date sluts.
<br>
Not to eat with my hands.
<br>
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
<br>
Not to train octopi.
<br>
Not to beat myself ...
1 Comments, 230 Views,
34 Votes
,3.60 Score
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FRIENDFINDERS OF THE 1900'S 12/16/2006
In the 1900's there was no Friendfinder.com and people
of the west had to resort to Mail-order brides. The people
of the west thought that they were tough and this may or may
not be true. This is one story of that time. This farmer was
lonely and he had worked very hard to build up his farm, train
his horses and dogs, clear his land, etc. He decided to send
in his money and order one ...
1 Comments, 240 Views,
24 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Pre-Paid Plan 12/16/2006
A guy goes to a house of . He selects a girl,
pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's
about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire
alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's
searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so
he runs outside looking for her.
<br> ...
1 Comments, 160 Views,
16 Votes
,3.42 Score
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Don't Eat the Yellow Snow 12/16/2006
Once there were two farmers. One had a and the other
had a . When thier were teenagers they started dating,
and the two farmers encouraged it. One day the girl's
father went over to the other farmer's house and said
that he didn't want thier dating anymore.
The boy's father asked, "Why not?"
The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show
you." In his yard was the girl's name written ...
1 Comments, 211 Views,
34 Votes
,6.66 Score
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Bad Case of the Stutters 12/16/2006
A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors
over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally
one doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason
for your stuttering".
The man asked, "Wha.. wha.. wha..what is my pro..
pro.. problem."
<br>
The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large.
The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, ...
1 Comments, 169 Views,
19 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Ancient Chinese Torture 12/16/2006
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon
a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an
ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm
lost, " said the man. "Can you put me up for the
night?"
"Certainly, " the Chinese man said, "but
on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my ,
I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures
known ...
1 Comments, 137 Views,
33 Votes
,6.73 Score
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The bear and the rabbit 12/16/2006
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other.
One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant
them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said, "I
wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And
he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet."
And he got his wish.
<br>
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male ...
1 Comments, 362 Views,
235 Votes
,6.86 Score
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Please pass the mayo 12/16/2006
A came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad,
I heard some talking about a thing called a vagina.
What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, , before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened
rose."
<br>
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, , have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
1 Comments, 217 Views,
17 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Picture perfect 12/16/2006
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your
breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of
your penis and enlarge it."
1 Comments, 185 Views,
39 Votes
,6.66 Score
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A little boy wrote to Santa ... 12/16/2006
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please
send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
1 Comments, 268 Views,
38 Votes
,6.31 Score
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Hole in One 12/16/2006
There was an American man that had an meeting in France.
He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting.
While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU
FAUX, TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant,
but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting
with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU ...
1 Comments, 231 Views,
90 Votes
,7.28 Score
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Witch Panties 12/16/2006
Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.
1 Comments, 413 Views,
54 Votes
,3.28 Score
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Tales From The Shire 12/16/2006
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly.
They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into
the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door
closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises
through the door, "I can't do it, I can't
do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How
did it go?" The first one ...
1 Comments, 309 Views,
30 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Bastard 12/16/2006
GIRL : I have sinned a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to
call anyone, so
what did he do to deserve that?
<br>
GIRL : Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
<br>
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
<br>
GIRL : But, he put his ...
1 Comments, 247 Views,
68 Votes
,7.69 Score
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Three fools animals 12/16/2006
Rabbit, Bear and Mole: they wanted to go to foreign country.
They put themselfes nicknames:
Rabbit-Raby
Bear-Beary
Mole-?I don?t want to go to foreign country!?
1 Comments, 258 Views,
13 Votes
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