|
goodbye daddy 3/3/2006
Goodbye Daddy
<br>
<br>
One night a father overheard his saying his prayers
"God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
<br>
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
about
it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
two
later the father heard his saying his prayers again
"God
bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye ...
2 Comments, 237 Views,
14 Votes
,5.86 Score
|
|
ADVANCED BABY 3/3/2006
A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk.
He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
<br>
"Are you my doctor?", he asked.
<br>
"Yes, I am." <br>
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such
good care of me during birth." <br>
He looked at his mother and asked,
"Are you my mother?" <br>
"Yes, I am, " she said.
...
1 Comments, 145 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
The Bullet 2/28/2006
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street
when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times
in the stomach. Luckily
the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets
in because it was too risky to operate.
She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy .
All was fine for 16 years, and then one walked into
the room in tears.
...
1 Comments, 238 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
tell jokes 2/27/2006
Why do walruses go to tupperware parties? Because they're
looking for a tight seal.
1 Comments, 168 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
|
|
Forrest Gump is wrong 2/26/2006
Forrest Gump is wrong,
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates,
it's like a jar of jalapenos.
You never know when it's going to burn your ass.
<br>
~~~~~
1 Comments, 165 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
misunderstanding 2/26/2006
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment"
stories
I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked
up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no
price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:
"Price check on lane thirteen, Tampax, ...
1 Comments, 240 Views,
13 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
The Best Sick Day Excuse 2/25/2006
A woman call her boss one morning and tells him that She is
staying home because she is not feeling well
<br>
"what's the matter?", he asks.
<br>
"I have a case of anal glaucoma", she says in
a weak voice.
<br>
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
<br>
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
2 Comments, 313 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
|
|
Pa's gonna be mad 2/24/2006
It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load
of
corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
<br>
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled, "Forget
your troubles. Come in
with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."
<br>
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered,
"but I don't think
Pa would like me to."
<br>
"Aw, come on, " the farmer ...
1 Comments, 193 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
lunch times blues .. redneck style 2/24/2006
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction
work
on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating
lunch
and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned
beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going
to jump off
this building."
<br>
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos
again!
If I get burritos one more ...
1 Comments, 186 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
|
|
A computer is owned bye a redneck if... 2/24/2006
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
<br>
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
<br>
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
<br>
4. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
<br>
5. The password is, "bubba."
<br>
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
<br>
7. Outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.
<br>
8. The printer ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
|
|
Random thoughts 2/22/2006
A Woman's Random Thoughts
<br>
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things
like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat, now I've
forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and
my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to
be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat." <br>
They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead
unless it's good. He's ...
2 Comments, 243 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
DESERT 2/22/2006
Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying
a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door
said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying
that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the
desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies,
"Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why
are you carrying around that car door, you ...
1 Comments, 196 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
Top Ten Reasons God Created Eve.... 2/22/2006
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden,
because he wouldn't ask for directions.
<br>
9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand
him the TV
remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't
want to see
what's ON TV. They want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.)
<br>
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's ...
1 Comments, 217 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
WHY IT SUCKS TO BE A PENIS 2/21/2006
10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
...
1 Comments, 192 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
THE BUM 2/21/2006
A bum, who obviously has seen more than
his share of hard times, approaches a
well-dressed gentleman on the street.
"Hey buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
<br>
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are
not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
<br>
"No, sir, I don't drink, " retorts the
bum.
<br>
<br>
You are not going to throw it away ...
1 Comments, 183 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
City workers 2/20/2006
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a
hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill,
fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging
a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe
how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand
what they were doing. Finally ...
1 Comments, 196 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
PENIS WATS A RAISE.. 2/19/2006
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
<br>
1. I do physical labour
2. I work in great depths
3. I have to go in head first
4. I do not get days off, weekends or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I work in high temperatures
7. My work exposes me to contagious diseases
<br>
Response from Management:
...
2 Comments, 242 Views,
17 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
The Sesame Street Bus 2/19/2006
This guy starts a new job as a bus driver for the Sesame Street
Route. His boss tells him he doesn't have a whole lot
of as they all are very special , with individual
needs.
<br>
The first stop 2 very large little girls get on and their
mother introduces them as Patty Lou, and Patty Sue, she
tells the bus driver that they require their own seat because
of their size.
...
2 Comments, 261 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
|
HOT LINE .. 2/19/2006
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
<br>
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
<br>
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
<br>
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
<br>
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
...
2 Comments, 224 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
bra shopping 2/19/2006
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a
bra and
set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered
an
upscale department store and approached the saleslady
in
lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
<br>
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left
the
store and proceeded to another department store where
she is
rebuffed in much the ...
2 Comments, 273 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
|
a ghost! 1/28/2006
a man was in hospital for stomach problems the medication
was causing him uncomfort which resulted in dioherea all
over the sheets so he panicked what to do with them, while
he was panicking a local drunk was walking roung the hospital
hiding from the police. the hospital patient decides to
chuck his sheets out the window, and just the drunks luck
the sheets fall on him he screams and ...
2 Comments, 275 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score
|
|
sex in marriage 1/26/2006
SEX IN MARRIAGE
<br>
What else can I say: Please share with your partner.
Good Luck.
<br>
Sex according to Pastor Khathide (Ugandan)
A lot of people don't associate sex with God - they associate
it with Satan and darkness, as if sex weren't holy.
The bible is explicit when it comes to sex. Sex is holy within
marriage, and there is no prescribed style.
Nowhere in the ...
0 Comments, 149 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
Chrysler car. 1/25/2006
Did you hear about the new Hemi??
It cost $52, 000 dollars and the sets give the driver a massage
as he drive thr car.
Now for a additional $50, 00 bucks, it will make you happy.
steve, adams friend.
3 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
Gasoline 1/23/2006
Hi friends.
<br>
Years ago, I use to work in a gas station.
I fixed the cars and pumped the gas.
They all called me "A REGULAR GUY PUMPING ETHAL."
Yhen form time to thim, they would run out of ethal, so I would
pump regular too.
Tehehe
0 Comments, 120 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Any Objections? 1/12/2006
Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and, as the
evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her
more and more. After some really passionate embracing,
he said, "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
<br>
"That's something I have never done before, "
Ashley replied.
<br>
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?"
Brad was amazed.
<br>
"No, ...
0 Comments, 142 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
The Hip Dad 1/12/2006
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his
date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he
goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and
invites him in.
<br>
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you
have a seat?, " he says.
<br>
"That's cool" says Bobby.
<br>
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning
to do. Bobby replies ...
0 Comments, 152 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
Grandma's Advice 1/12/2006
There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the
first time and she told her grandmother about it.
<br>
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you
about those . He is going to try to kiss you; you
are going to like that, but don't let him do that."
<br>
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast;
you are going to like that, but don't let ...
0 Comments, 137 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Cold Hands 1/12/2006
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter
vacation. After bringing in all the luggage, the guy says,
"Honey, my hands are freezing!" <br>
She says "Well put them between my legs and I will warm
them up." <br>
Later he goes out to catch a few fish for lunch and comes back
and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
<br>
She says again, ...
0 Comments, 139 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Men & Machines 1/10/2006
Why do men hate washing machines?
Cause they take the piss out of their underpants!
0 Comments, 142 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
cheating & heaven 1/9/2006
3 men died & went to heaven , st peter said to them that
before he could let them in , he had to ask them 2 questions
which would detirmine what car they drove in heaven !! he
asked the 1st man had he ever cheated on his wife & if
so , how many times ? the man said yes , about 9 or 10 times !!
st peter said right !! you get a used corolla !!! he then asked
the 2nd man the same questions & ...
1 Comments, 181 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
|
