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Bumper stickers 11/16/2016
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"Your may be an honor student but you're still
an ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
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Helping a blond lose weight 8/11/2016
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip
a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time
I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says.
"Did you follow my instructions?"
The ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Are You Really Sure? blonde 8/11/2016
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna
hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before
you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm
a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to
me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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I Want To Buy That 5/26/2016
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can
buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve
blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing,
and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Idiots on the computer 1/31/2016
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press
Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because
of the many calls asking where the "Any" key
is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that
her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The
cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged
in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Dumb Wisconsin Laws 1/31/2016
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Wisconsin: Land of funny accents. You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state
prisons. Citizens may not murder their enemies. Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks,
neither shall proceed until the other has. As people used to smuggle ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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South Carolina Crazy Law 2/18/2015
Dumb South Carolina Laws
It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.
Performing a U-turn within 1, 000 feet of an intersection
is illegal.
Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com! All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis
Willard Day.
Dance halls may not operate on Sundays.
Horses may not be ...
1 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Having a very bad day 10/12/2014
You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...
1.Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's
Angels motorcyclists.
2.You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that
your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
3.Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
4.Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Santa must be drinking 10/12/2014
1.While your is on his lap, he tells them they're
not getting his Bud Light.
2.You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathlyzer.
3.Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack
Daniels does!
4.You don't remember getting a request for venison
in your stocking.
5.Betty Ford releases him on December ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Drink too much coffee 8/21/2014
You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .
1.Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
2.You ski uphill.
3.You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
4.You speed walk in your sleep.
5.You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers
are good in the sack."
6.You answer the door ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
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Good to be American 3/10/2014
1.You can have a woman president without electing her
2.You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3.You can call Budweiser beer
4.You can be a crook and still be president
5.If you've got enough money you can get elected to
do anything
6.If you can breathe you can get a gun
7.You can invent a new public holiday every year
8.You ...
1 Comments, 4 Views,
0 Votes
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Don't say this to a cop The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 3/8/2014
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this
44 magnum.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my
gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and
the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
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TRUCKER JOKE 1/8/2014
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi,
my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When
the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Top Ten Reasons For Being Canadian 12/7/2013
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water
in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
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Dirty Joke about Little Billy 12/5/2013
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet
rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and
it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad
came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his
legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in
the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, ", that's
so God can reach down from the clouds and ...
1 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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How To Stop Being Needy In A Relationship 10/9/2013
1.Determine what is causing you to feel needy.
2.Spend time with your friends.
3.Find something that you can do for yourself.
4.Agree to spend more time together.
5.Find ways to better yourself.
6.Reevaluate your relationship.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Top 10 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus 10/9/2013
10. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
9. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
8. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think
for themselves.
7. Beer has never caused a major war.
6. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged,
or tortured for his brand of Beer.
5. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's
doors trying to give ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
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Top 10 Reasons Why Homer Simpson Should Be the Next President 10/9/2013
10. I'm smarter than the last guy.
9. With an oval office, I can't bump into anything.
8. Fox News is already on my side.
7. I will take full advantage of the free food that comes
with the job.
6. I have enormous experience apologizing for failed decisions.
5. I will appoint a Secretary of Donuts.
4. I will be the Secretary of Donuts. ...
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
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TALKING TURKEY 11/1/2012
What does … A jewelry-lovin’ turkey say? “Bauble, bauble, bauble”
A dyslexic turkey say? “Boggle, Boggle, Boggle” A turkey in the shoe repair shop say? “Cobble, cobble,
cobble” A turkey who was an old-time movie fan say? “Gable, Gable,
Gable!” A turkey with a sore throat say? “Gargle, Gargle, Gargle”
A turkey with a sore leg say? “Hobble, hobble, ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
0 Votes
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IRANIAN MINISTER SACKED OVER FAKE OXFORD UNIVERSITY DEGREE 11/1/2012
Parliament in Iran has voted to sack Interior Minister
Ali Kordan after he admitted a degree he said he obtained
from Oxford University was a forgery.
Mr Kordan said he had received the doctoral certificate
in good faith, but it was later revealed as a crude fake.
MPs have accused the president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of
grave naivety for having been taken in by the lies of his ...
1 Comments, 7 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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prehistoric 10/30/2012
What do you call a lesbian dinosaurs
A LICKOLOTAPUS
1 Comments, 18 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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looks like me 5/13/2012
do you know a joke give me a joke
0 Comments, 9 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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ALAN , CHARLIE , JAKE , EVELYN 'S jokes 11/1/2011
Alan: Why don't you just get snipped?
Charlie: You mean a vasectomy?
Alan: Yeah.
Charlie: Well, then, say "vasectomy". Don't
say "snipped"!
Alan: What's wrong with "snipped"?
Charlie: It's demeaning. "Snipped" is
what you get for twelve bucks at Supercuts.
Jake: My doctor has a cow puppet.
Evelyn: Really? MD or Ph.D? ...
1 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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The Bird 11/1/2011
A man is sunbathing nude at the beach A little girl comes up to him so he covers his penis with a
news paper.Thw little girl asks, "What's under
there?"The man says "A bird ."The little
girl walks away and the man falls asleep . He wakes up later
in the hospital and in great pain.A doctor and a policeman
is at his bed side.The doctor asks him "Do you remember
what happened ?" The man replies ' ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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here 2 of my jokes 7/28/2011
christmas joke
what do you called father christmas wife
answer marry christmas instead of merry christmas
joke 2 about beaches
what did the ocean say to the beach
answer nothing it only waved wave good bye
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
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Everyone has a photographic memory... 4/7/2011
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't
have film.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Blonde 4/7/2011
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving
all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're
here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was
a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there
was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
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The Gospel According to Saint Podge 5/31/2010
In the beginning, there was Word. And the Word was Coke.
And it was good.
Yea one day, God did look upon his garden, and He saw Coke
and Coke was sad, and He asked Coke, “why for thou art sad?
Is there not enough … glasses of plenty?” And Coke replied,
“verily Lord, this is a kitchen of most wondrous delight.
But there is no one to share this kitchen with ...
2 Comments, 68 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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good luck! 4/7/2010
What is a blonde girl looking for in a Ketchup bottle???
- Heinz -
0 Comments, 4 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Humorous story 2/6/2010
When my elementary school, I had a friend named Delvin.
We have agreements to the same cafeteria Monday, but instead
delayed.
Wednesday we had the same canteen, we sama.waktu road.
He even pretended to be blind.
"Del, I'll be damned if a blind person like that",
I said
"Ndak fine dif", he said.
Suddenly the sound of people .......... braaaaak ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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