I miss you, half dead You missed me, half-hearted
0 Comments, 5 Views,
Top Ten Excuses For Not Replying To An Email 12/24/2009|
Top Ten Excuses For Not
Replying To An Email 10.... My dog ate my hard drive. 9...... A sudden attack of arthritis prevented me from
writing to only you. 8...... I was on an extensive trip to Siam, Atlantis, and
Victorian England. 7...... I was busy ~ and that Was Not Me in that chat room!
6...... I was busy ~ .........and so what if I managed to ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
It's them Blondes ! 4/22/2009|
A man approached a beautiful blonde at a bar and says,
"I'd like to call you. What is your phone number?"
"It's in the phone book, " she replied.
"But I don't know your name, " he said.
She replied, "That's in the phone book too."...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
If is sounds too good to be true... 2/14/2007|
You may of heard of the expression warning, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." I am here to say that this is true with relationships! If you think I am being paranoid, best of luck with your relationship with that astronaut. At least you were warned!
4 Comments, 52 Views,
The big game hunter. 11/5/2006|
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone
about his hunting skills.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute
But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would
recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he
could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what
caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. ...
2 Comments, 84 Views,
The old lady and the bank president. 11/5/2006|
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
The president of ...
3 Comments, 111 Views,
The Diet 11/5/2006|
An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor's office
crying and claims that she has tried every possible way
to lose weight, all to no avail. She continues to sob,
"My husband won't make love to me any more. My
friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just
can't take it any more!"
The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet, ...
2 Comments, 80 Views,
Abbott and Costello Discover Computers 11/5/2006|
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate
this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our
computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's
on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
2 Comments, 65 Views,
Old guys have the hots too! 9/30/2006|
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl
in a bikini - "I want to feel your breasts" he
exclaimed. "Get away from me, you crazy old man"
she replied. "I want to feel your breasts, I will give
you twenty dollars, " he says. "Twenty dollars,
are you nuts!? Get away from me!" "I want to feel
your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS"
he stated. "NO! Get away from ...
9 Comments, 440 Views,
2 ways to be rich... 9/17/2006|
There are two ways to be rich. One is to have everything you
want, and the other is to be satisfied with what you have.
7 Comments, 86 Views,
Be always thanksful.... 9/3/2006|
"If you can't be thankful for what you receive,
be thankful for what you escape."
2 Comments, 49 Views,
O PADRE GAUCHO 8/28/2006|
A barriga do padre crescia cada vez mais.
Descartada a hipótese de cirrose, os médicos concluíram
que melhor seria realizar uma cirurgia exploratória,
já que não havia razão para aquilo.
A cirurgia mostrou que era um mero acúmulo de líquidos e
o problema foi sanado.
Alguns estudantes resolveram aprontar e, quando o padre
estava acordando da recuperação ...
2 Comments, 21 Views,
How I Entertain a New Date 8/25/2006|
How I Entertain a New Date:
I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone
the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her
something she's never had before" for dinner.
many minutes of scratching my head over what to make,
I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY
never eaten. I got out my trusty case of MRE's (Meal,
Ready-to-Eat). Field rations that ...
7 Comments, 243 Views,
first and last... 8/14/2006|
Men always want to be a woman's first love. We women
would like to be a man's last one.
4 Comments, 79 Views,
A great marriage is not when the "perfect couple"
comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to
enjoy their differences and stay together.
4 Comments, 57 Views,
A wife bought a whole range of cosmetics designed to knock
years off her age. After five hours applying the various
creams and potions, she asked her husband: "Tell
me honestly, darling, what age do you think I look?"
He said: "From your skin, 21; from your hair, 18; from
your figure, 23."
"Oh you flatterer, " she gushed.
"Wait a minute, " he said, "I haven't ...
1 Comments, 207 Views,
Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, the strings
are still attached.
4 Comments, 62 Views,
the prize.. 8/8/2006|
There was a lovely story in the press this month. A retired
lorry driver and his wife entered a competition where the
first prize was a holiday for two in Hong Kong. They always
wanted to go there. But they got the 2nd prize of "A
year of passion." When they received the prize, it
turned out to be 365 condoms.
He told a reporter, "I couldn't believe it. I'm
64 and I have a bad ...
1 Comments, 37 Views,
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE
3 Comments, 78 Views,
the secret.... 8/6/2006|
"Gramma, " asked Susie, "some of my friends
are in unhappy marriages. You always have such good advice
for me. Please tell me the secret to marrying the right man
so my marriage lasts."
"Never, " said Gramma, "marry anyone
you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip."
3 Comments, 151 Views,
Good Bars 8/4/2006|
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They
are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice
Then the Scotsman says, 'Aye, this is a nice bar, but
where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better
one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another
drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!'
The others agree that sounds like a good ...
2 Comments, 81 Views,
tell me more about... 7/10/2006|
The young man was attempting to worm his way into the affections
of this young lady. "I don't have as much as Donald
Trump, " he said. "I don't have expensive
houses or cars like Donald Trump. I can't afford to
buy you fancy diamonds and pearls like Donald Trump. But
I love you."
The young lady said, "That's nice. Now tell me
more about that Donald Trump."
1 Comments, 91 Views,
Do you remember how to use that? 12/30/2005|
One of my very dearest friends is often left at home alone
as her husband has to travel with his job. He is gone a week
or two and then back home. And Michelle is not the bravest
woman I know, but I think she may be the blondest brunette
I ever met.
Her husband was on one of his trips and she was upstairs curled
up in bed reading a book (ok, she's an unusual blonde)
7 Comments, 318 Views,
You do not! 12/30/2005|
Once upon a time I was married...and even happily for a while.
My husband had undergone several surgeries on his back
and was frequently to be found in bed, resting, because
his back hurt. And quite frankly, I sometimes liked to be
found in bed....not resting.
One evening, our daughter caught us...not resting...and
left in some shock and disgust, but I really don't think ...
6 Comments, 443 Views,
Man!how do u want to be treated 5/12/2005|
u are a man , how do u like to be treated
sometime u r like a big baby
, u like clowing and hide.if i treat like this always u will
either hate me or u will glow to be a sissie
sometime u r like a man ,
everybody have to recognize u.if u act like this u will become
sometime u r stupid, u will love to be told every thing, women
will eventually get tired of u in time.
0 Comments, 117 Views,
the 'men ' commandments 3/1/2004|
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
After wrecking your boss' car.
One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying
When she is using her teeth.
Any Man who brings a camera to ...
0 Comments, 240 Views,
reasons to go out with me 1/29/2004
1-you might actually enjoy it
2-i can usually eat spag boll without getting it all over
3-cats like me (and dogs)
4-i have never locked myself in a car or any other vehicle
5-i change my toothbrush every 3 months
6-i am not *that* much of an eyesore
7-i am usually able to find wally (for UK) or waldo (for USA)
8-i don't use 'pet names' for body parts
9-I don't drink and drive ...
0 Comments, 178 Views,