You may hear the book title Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either around the office or at the coffee shop, since it was based on a Sex and the City episode and written as an answer to a book called He's Not That Into You (by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo). The earlier book addressed women dating a waffler, who maybe put their lives on hold while they settled for or made excuses for the waffler. In short, the message was he's not that into you -- write him off and move on. Kerner addresses a similar target audience, a certain once-upon-a-time Cosmo readership after they've put in some down and out time on the relationship treadmill. Or as Kerner puts it, "You don't believe in happily ever after any more" (140). If this sounds like you, or you enjoyed the TV show, you'll probably like the book. Though Kerner is the Ph.D. kind of doctor, he's still a marital sex counselor in his day job, and he's also the same guy who wrote She Comes First, the peachy little handbook for men to get women right where they want them -- under their tongues. So it seems reasonable to expect the book to be personable, sexy and not overly research-oriented.

Still, one of the book's most interesting questions is rather researchy. Kerner asks can women really love like men -- that is, can they really do hot one-nighters, no strings, no turning back. As he explores the question, Kerner draws analogies from the vole (which mates for life) and the rat (which couples with anything that moves). Kerner suggests that women tend towards vole with an inner rat and men tend towards rat with an inner vole, carefully leaving room for statistical variation. Kerner tells us that 3% of mammals mate for life, which at least assures us that doing it with everything that moves isn't the only way to perpetuate a species, but it's certainly the most popular way. Then Kerner talks about how men and women have complementary chemical responses based on their different hormones. Long story short, biology seems to have wired things so that waiting until there is emotional attachment before having sex works in women's favor (is more aligned with their chemistry) while casual sex favors male chemistry. Or as Kerner puts it, "When you have sex for sex's sake with someone you're not really that into, you're tapping into your inner rat instead of seeking out the inner vole in your ideal rattish mate."

The book makes a few good points, and makes them rather often. The first is: ladies, be honest with yourselves when you're going out with "Mr. Meantime" -- make sure you know it, want it, and don't expect to make it something else. Point two: Don't settle for less than what you really want -- whether it be intimacy during sex or commitment the morning after. Point three: "trust your instincts."

You're Not that Into Him Either is not a how-to, nor does it offer a whole lot of factual data -- after the male and female sex lessons. What Kerner relies on, in his attempt to liberate women from the dating myth (I can date like a man), are mainly anecdotes from youngish, career-oriented women in publishing and marketing. It reads kind of loose, like a scrapbook (or is that the point?). And at times, Kerner can appear infatuated with his own cuteness. And yet, he does empower like the therapist he is, and concentrates his book more on insight. Most chapters have a section called "Be Honest" with insights like "maybe you became so into making him like you that you got into a relationship just so you could validate yourself." Some hard knocks of truth, that's what Kerner is good at. Though they can be lightweight at times and the book is not particularly dense with them, when they are good, they are good, for example: "magazines like Cosmo are created for women who view themselves through the male gaze. Women have internalized the male gaze and it follows them everywhere." Amen brother -- but what to do with that wisdom? The anecdotes and observations are less instructive and more pep talk for women recently knocked down in the dating ring who need a quick massage to the aches before stepping up for the next round. The book has attitude: let's be honest here, get real, "you know better than that," get over it, face the facts, and so forth. And it does have a happy ending.

Romance. Probably the best part of the book comes in the last chapters when Kerner and his wife each get to tell the story of how they met. It's a pretty romantic story, not because it happened at the Eiffel Tower or on the back of a llama in the Bolivian mountains, but because of the changes each of them had to go through before they could finally meet and fall in love and make a commitment.

Kerner is there to tell you that if you don't have a mate, there could be worse things (his example of the miserable Chloe who married "Mr. Meantime." According to Kerner, Chloe's situation is worse than being "home alone with the Rabbit. . . because in Chloe's situation you're never, yet always, alone.") So while looking for your LTR on FriendFinder, Kerner would probably say just enjoy staying at home, curling up, and self-improving with his chocolaty consolation of a book.