Dear Angela,

All my life, I've dated people older than I am. When I was in high school, my first boyfriend was a senior and I was a freshman. My ex-husband was eight years older than I was. And I've had more than a few lovers with gray hair.

I never once thought about dating someone younger, until I entered the world of online dating. Now, suddenly, I keep getting inquiries from boys–I mean, men?–a decade or more younger.

At first, I just laughed and hit Delete. But recently, one of these young men caught my eye. His email was funny, as was his profile. If he were ten or even five years older, I'd email him back right away. But he's not–he's in his mid-twenties (and he looks younger than his age, not older), and I'm in my late thirties. I can't quite imagine how anything could work between us, but at the same time I can't quite put him out of my mind.

Am I crazy to think about responding to him? And although I really hate to ask this lame question: what will people think if I do?

–Of a Certain Age in Ohio


Dearest OCAO,

First, let's pan out for perspective: If we are all eternal beings (which is certainly as possible as any of the other options, right?), then this entire life is a mere blink. What's ten years, or twenty or thirty, in comparison to infinite existence?

This is my way of saying that in the grand scheme, age doesn't matter. What matters is how well a connection meets your needs to have a shared reality in life, to feel connected, comforted, understood, and appreciated, to have your passion and vitality ignited, to take pleasure in someone else and experience that pleasure in reciprocation.

Might you have that experience with someone younger? Of course! Could it be that some, if not many, people who are younger than you may not have the same interests or values or sensibilities? Sure, that's possible. But you're not dating a generation, you're dating a person. If this guy appeals to you, you should absolutely email him back.


Now, there is the question of what you're hoping for at this stage of your life. Given your age, there may be a longing for partnership and setting down roots. (Or there may not–and that's cool, too!) But it's important to be honest with yourself about what you're longing for, and see if the person you're dating can be honest with himself and you about that, too, and see if you have compatible longings. Which isn't to say that because of your age, you're going to be incompatible. There are plenty of 20-somethings longing to get married and have kids, and plenty of 30/40/50/60/70-somethings who simply want to enjoy a light and fun and passionate connection. It's all about compatibility, and in the end you have to take a risk and meet someone to see if your paths want to converge.

As for what other people think, the answer is that you know what they'll think: "What an interesting couple." Or "What is she doing with him?" Maybe "What is he doing with her?" "I wish I could do that…" "What am I gonna have for dinner tonight?" Or who knows what? People think about themselves, not about you, and what's so bad about giving people food for thought, anyway? Especially if you find yourself a little (or a lotta) love in the process?

Youthful Kisses,
Angela

P.S. How much does age matter? The Naked Truth wants to hear your stories about cross-decade love.