Living it, Throwing it, and Being it
2) The Sexy Bitch’s Book
of Doing it, Getting it, and Giving it
3) The Sexy Bitch’s Book
of Finding him, Doing him, and Dating him
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Available from Ulysses Press
http://www.ulyssespress.com/single.htm
Also online at Amazon.com, or ask at your favorite bookstore.
$9.95 each
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I’ve always considered myself a good girl. I write thank-you notes. I watch my mouth. I mind my manners. I wouldn’t dream of making a scene in public, and I’m agreeable to a fault: my own mother once accused me of being a “goody-two-shoes.” So when I came across the Sexy Bitch series, I was obviously a little skeptical. I’ve never been called a bitch in my life ‒ nor do I have any interest in adopting the label. What could these books possibly have to say that would interest me?
A lot, it turns out. This tiny trio, published by Ulysses Press, might have a bit of a mouth on it, but the mouth has some valuable advice.
First things first, though. As you can probably guess, I was a little shy about being seen with such a provocative stack of titles, and so I didn’t open them immediately. Eventually, though, my curiosity got the better of me. What is a sexy bitch? And why would I want to be one?
All three books are pretty clear: being a sexy bitch is a major plus. Being a bitch doesn’t mean being obnoxious; rather, it means adopting a brassy attitude and proclaiming your own worth. It means having fun and having fabulous friends. “To be a sexy bitch,” Lulu Davidson writes, “there are no age, hair color, salary, or weight requirements. Instead, it’s about confidence, a willingness to take calculated risks, and a fondness for good times.” This all sounded pretty good to me. The term ‘bitch’ might be a little aggressive, but it’s hard not to see the appeal of reclaiming a historically derogatory piece of language. If being a bitch is about a self-assured attitude, then count me in.
But how to go about obtaining this sassy moniker? How to go about maximizing my ‘sexy bitch’ vibe? While I’m not a complete social dwarf, I’ve never been described as particularly outgoing, and I have to confess I’ve always been a little jealous of those center-of-attention types. My friend Yvonne, for instance, personifies the sexy bitch: she’ll no sooner look at a bar than climb up on it. She’s as likely to whistle at a man as she is to be the subject of cat-calls. She’d have no trouble asking a man out on a date ‒ assuming, that is, that she’d ever need to. Usually guys are the ones begging for her number. I wouldn’t mind channeling a little of Yvonne’s sassy vibe, and this series seemed the way to learn.
The Sexy Bitch’s Party is the most accessible of the three. Itself divided into three parts, it tells you about “Being the Party,” “Living the Party,” and “Throwing the Party.” Out of the pastel shelves full of fluffy girly flair, this spicy title comes as a pleasant surprise: instead of pages of verbal platitudes about ‘being self-confident’ or ‘finding your inner flirt,’ it’s full of practical, and really FUN, suggestions. If a party appears to be running out of gas, why not whip out an old classic? Try playing spin-the-bottle, or truth-or-dare. You’re guaranteed, the author winks, to get SOMETHING happening. Or if you’re chatting with someone at a party, she recommends, don’t allow the conversation to dwindle; instead, leave your partner wanting more by excusing yourself to go check out the food ‒ or another friend ‒ before the chit chat starts to drag.
There’s no shortage of silliness ‒ “it’s been scientifically proven that men who wear pinky rings also tend to have extraordinarily hairy backs” ‒ but these sly comments just make the book all the more fun.
The Sexy Bitch’s Book of Finding him, Doing him, and Dating him sounded a bit more risqué. (What’s with the title, hm? Do him and THEN date him?) Still, I was pleasantly surprised: the book is as punchy and useful as its predecessor. There’s advice on where to find a guy. (Forget the gym; try a personal trainer! He or she is a valuable matchmaking resource. Or try taking the train to work; you never know what sort of available businessman you’ll run into.) There’re tips on what to wear. (Don’t be a fashion victim, but go for a classically sexy look. Use musky or vanilla scents, which tend to turn men on, rather than citrus-y or floral perfumes). There’s advice on when to kiss. (Make sure you get a taste before, and not after, you’re in the taxi on the way back to his place for coffee! If he doesn’t pass muster, you’ll be saved not just the trouble of avoiding him all evening, but the cab fare for the trip home.) What’s nice, too, is that the creative tips in this tome are the sort geared at increasing confidence: if you keep practicing the pick-up techniques showcased here, your attitude will definitely change for the positive.
The final book in the trio is the one that was the most out of my league. The Sexy Bitch’s Book of Doing it, Getting it, and Giving it might be fine for someone in a relationship, but all it got me was frustrated. If you’ve got a partner and are looking to please and be pleased, this lively manual might be more up your alley. As a single, though, who’s not really into the one-night-stand thing, I’m just not the one to ask. Right now I don’t have the opportunity to try out the tips.
That said, if following the suggestions of the other two titles leads to me finding a guy, I’ll definitely be checking back: “Doing it, Getting it, and Giving it” reads like advice from that wild big sister you always wish you had.
All in all, though, this brazen little collection had a lot to say, even to someone as far removed from the ‘bitch’ moniker title as me. While not all perfect (“Finding him, Doing him, and Dating him” mentions a ‘plutonic stage,’ which, I assume, should be Platonic), and might be a little salacious for your everyday dater, the books are indisputably a fun read, and I fully intend to unleash my own ‘bitchy’ side at the next opportunity.
And if you don’t like it? Well, go read your own damn book.