Dear Angela,
My company is transferring me to Austin this fall, and ever since I found out I've fallen into total dating limbo. See, I'm not the kind of person who is interested in completely casual hookups–I wish, but they don't interest me much. And while I don't think something has to be forever in order for it to be worthwhile, I've learned the hard way that for me, no possibility of a future keeps me from getting invested enough to enjoy myself. Thus, the limbo.
On the one hand, I've got summer stretching before me–my favorite time of year–and I wouldn't mind having a summer of love. Or a lifetime of love! But everyone I know keeps saying I shouldn't bother dating now, since falling for someone before leaving would be the worst. And maybe it's unfair to keep my online profile up in my hometown, since I'm on my way out of town.
On the other hand, it seems weird to change my FriendFinder profile to Austin, since I don't live there yet. And four months of emailing feels kinda heavy, since it only takes five minutes in person to realize there's not a love connection. I don't want to get attached to someone with whom I end up not having any in-person chemistry.
I suppose I should put my love life on hold for four months, but every time I think about doing so, I feel unhappy. But maybe it's for the best. What do you think?
–Not Long for New Mexico
Dearest NLNM,
There's a lot of conventional wisdom about love that you want to consider before heeding it. For instance: you should never date someone with whom you work (even though plenty of happy matches have been made this way), or you can't love more than one person at once (while love is creamy and delicious, it's not a coconut cream pie), or you only get one great true love of your life (soul mate, schmol mate).
Truth is, love is as multifaceted and wondrous as life itself. You needn't seek out casual relationships because of your external circumstances. In fact, I'm going to recommend the opposite: admit what you're looking for, and open yourself up to finding it.
So if you're looking for a loving, lasting partnership that's nourishing to mind, body, and spirit, open your heart. Start looking at the FriendFinder profiles of people in both areas, without any particular attachment to the outcome. And state clearly what you're looking for in your profile, while being honest about your external circumstances. People who don't want complication need not apply, but those who feel drawn to you anyway will come forward.
If you're lucky enough to find a loving match, the rest will work itself out. You'll do long-distance, or they'll move to Austin, or you'll look for a new job, or you'll both move to some midpoint place, or some other creative solution will work itself out. Because the truth is, if you meet someone who matches you emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually, the rest is just logistics.
Travelin' Kisses,
Angela
P.S. Any stories of love on the move? Share them with The Naked Truth.
Angela is a semi-official love guru and the author of five books, including Talk to Me: Conversation Tips for the Small-Talk Challenged and Love Tune-Ups: 52 Ways to Open Your Heart and Make Sparks Fly.