And so the next time her relationship status was questioned, she tried out a new a response. “I’m not single,” she said, “I’m quirkyalone.”
The term is still going strong. Now the title of a book (Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics) and the identifier-of-choice for countless unmarrieds, "quirkyalone" boasts a following that shows no sign of flagging. Cagan’s web site (http://www.quirkyalone.net ) attracts thousands of visitors every day, and the popular Meetup.com features quirkyalone groups nationwide. Not just an American phenomenon, the neologism leapt international borders, adopted by birds and blokes from Australia to the UK.
It’s easy to see why ‘quirkyalone’ has exploded. These on-their-own grown-ups are everywhere: if you aren’t a quirkyalone yourself, chances are you can count a few among your friends. That independent girl who’ll turn down dates if they don’t seem just right? She’s quirkyalone. That pal who refuses to get in a relationship just for the sake of being with someone? He’s one, too. It’s not that quirkyalones are anti-love, or that they have a problem with sex – or even with long-term-relationships! Rather, they’re of the belief that it’s possible to live a perfectly fulfilling life (or to spend a few perfectly fulfilling years) by oneself. A social life made up of good friends is enough, they feel, and is certainly preferable to subsisting in a dull relationship or enduring night-after-night of unsatisfying dates. There’s much more to life, they’ll tell you, than securing a partnership with the One, and even if they do intend to eventually settle down with someone, they have no intention of allowing life to pass them by in the interim. They’ll eschew, as Cagan puts it, a significant other for significant OTHERS.
This is not to say the quirkyalone is a terminally chipper character. He’s different from the serial dater, the man or woman who flips rapidly through partners, moving on to the next before one disappoints. And she’s not necessarily the coordinator of vast social outings; in fact, she’s more likely to be found with a few close friends than at the center of some outrageous party. The quirkyalone is generally a pensive sort. She understands the value of a night spent by herself. And she’s oftentimes a romantic; a bit of an idealist: she’d rather nurture a secret desire for that one-in-a-million miracle than settle for something that might not be true. He’s eccentric. He’s happy losing himself in his art, his writing, or his collection of antique bottle caps, and until he finds someone who appreciates his need and love for these eclecticisms, he’s content spending weekends alone. For the quirkyalone, solitude is not to be feared, but embraced.
The large numbers who've adopted the quirkyalone designation give all of us a little breathing room. They expand our understanding of life choices. They allow us to slow down, to say that ‘single’ is not the same as ‘seeking.’ They showcase conscious independence and demonstrate that it’s possible to be whole on one’s own. Most importantly, they inject an air of self-sufficiency and pride back into the single lifestyle. The term itself arms the unattached against those friends and relatives who might be trying to strong-arm a relationship, and who might not seem capable of understanding why some of us don’t want to focus the whole of our resources on finding that potential someone.
It’s time for the paired world to recognize that the quirkyalone is here to stay. So the next time you’re at that holiday party, and you’re asked whether you’ve found someone yet, you might want to try Cagan’s response. “I’m not single. I’m quirkyalone.”
And who knows? You might find there’s more than one of you at the place.
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For more information on ‘quirkyalone,’ try Sasha Cagan’s book, “Quirkyalone: A Guide for Uncompromising Romantics,” or check out her web site at www.quirkyalone.net.
