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My Magazine > Editors Archive > cat1 > Dumb Things Guys Do to Ruin a First Date
Dumb Things Guys Do to Ruin a First Date   by Cole Carson

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When guys go on a first date, they face a certain issue: what should they do? Should they wait and let the girl make the move, or take initiative and dive right in? It's no secret that guys have a hard time knowing what girls want ‒ we communicate in very different ways, and we just always seem to be on different frequencies when it comes to picking up on what the other sex is feeling. So to figure out what women want on their first date, let's take a little look at women themselves.

First you need to recognize the fact that girls need to be shown that you are interested in them. That's what a girl is looking for in a first date ‒ interest. Girls are terrible guessers, and if you don't give her a good reason to feel like you are into her, she's naturally going to assume you must not be. The problem? When we do express our interest, we make a lot of mistakes. Girls and guys communicate on totally different levels, and while you may be sincerely trying to show her that you like her, it's easy to forget her perspective and come across completely different from how we really feel.

We've established that girls want to be shown interest, but not just any kind will do. The first mistake a lot of guys make is to express that interest physically. Men are physical creatures, and sometimes we can forget that women are different. Look at it from her perspective: She wants to know that you genuinely have interest in her. Now, most all guys have some interest in her body, and if she gave them a chance, they'd express that. So if that's all you're doing, then she has no reason to believe that you have any more interest in her than any other guy, does she? As a general rule, girls aren't looking to get physical on a first date. Some, if the date is going very well, may decide that they would like to, but they'll generally drop you some hints if that's the case.

While we're on the topic of being physically oriented, it should also be mentioned that, as odd is it may sound, you can pay a girl too many compliments on the way she looks. You may love it if a girl constantly swooned over your body, your hair, and your clothes, but girls don't. Don't get me wrong. ‒ Your date will appreciate it if you show her that you think she looks good by telling her this a time or two, and by keeping your eyes on her and off other ladies. But, if you go over-board, you're going to seem very physical, and she's going to get the impression that all you're noticing about her is her body.

I've never understood why, but a lot of guys seem to like bringing up their ex-girlfriends at some point during the first date. Some men out there seem to think that if they spell out a sob story where their mean, awfully cruel ex's just broke their hearts, they will seem so sensitive, and their date will shower with sympathy. You know what you really come across as? A whiner. No joke. You're also steering the conversation way in the wrong direction ‒ she's getting the impressions that you've still got emotional attachments to another girl, and that's the last thing she wants to get involved with. Save the personal heartbreakers for later in the relationship, and keep yourself involved in the here and now.

This should be common sense, but a lot of people seem to overlook it. Like everyone else in the world, girls are not attracted to a negative personality. Don't complain, don't whine, and don't try to come off as cool and rough by looking at the bad side of things. It's easy to be caught in those moments where you're trying to be funny and think of anything to say to get conversation going, so you fill in the void with an attempt at witty humor about how bad the music is, or how poor the service is, or how long the car ride was. Girls don't like this, and to be honest, neither does anyone else. Want to impress her? Focus a little more on the positives. If you're having to wait forever on your food, keep her entertained and make it a good experience.

Keep all of this in mind, and don't forget that it's up to you to take the initiative on the first date and let the girl know you're into her. Don't let her go back inside her house questioning if you want to see her again. Just make sure that, above all, you remember that men and women see things differently, and make sure that whatever you're doing to show her your interest is something that will actually make a positive impression on her.

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About the Author:
Cole Carson is a successful network marketer and entrepreneur. He specializes in the fields of nutrition and health, motivational literature, and marketing and business topics.