In Part I of this topic, I talked about how men and women have basically two different ranking systems. For men, there's a single ranking platform that says who he's willing to be friends with, and who he actually wants to score with at any given time. Women, on the other hand, basically have two scoring systems to rank guys. If you're a guy who's been categorized as a "friend," you might not even know it. But the question remains: is it possible to break through the friendship barrier? Part II here will guide you through the process of jumping the fence...

Finding out Where You Stand

Alright, this is probably the most important step to start out with. You gotta know where you're at to figure out what to do next. Basically, figuring out where you stand with a woman should be pretty obvious: she'll show you! The most important misstep that most men take comes in assuming that her being nice to you means she likes you. The classic example is a girl saying something like "... you're such a great friend!" and then bolting from the conversation to go make out with her asshole boyfriend. You may as well be her best girlfriend at that point. Sometimes things are less obvious though, and in that case, you've gotta look for other signs. Physical contact is a big deal ‒ women tend to express their sexual desires through touch and intimacy. If she's physically distant from you, or pulls away when you touch her at a party or at a bar ‒ you're probably "just a friend." Give up your hopes of nailing her ‒ those rules will probably stay in place even if she gets flirtatious with you.

Okay, so I'm "Just a Friend"

Here's the truth. Being “Just a Friend” isn't the worst thing in the world. She has female friends after all, doesn't she? And remember that women often make the best wingmen (er, wing-women). If you can stay friends with a cute girl and go out to bars with her, ask her to invite chicks to your table on your behalf, or make sure that she introduces you to a few of her female friends. A good looking wing-woman can also help you get into bars and clubs that would otherwise have you waiting in line with all the other XY chromosomes.

However, let's say, against all odds, you still want to be more than “just a friend.”


Getting off the Friendship Side

Making the leap from friend to lover is tough, and for probably three out of four attempts ‒ it ends badly. The process of becoming "more than friends" means that you literally have to re-wire her perception of you, and that can take a lot of effort on your part. The first thing that you have to do is stop talking to her, or take your conversations in a totally different direction than what she's used to. Remember, this is all part of a "re-invention" process to get her to stop thinking of you like a brother and more thinking about what you'd do to her in the sack! If she calls you up to discuss her current boy problems or other personal issues, start getting out of those conversations quickly. Offer her some advice, sure, but don't let her dominate the entire conversation.

The next thing that you'll need to do is change the settings that the two of you get together. For most "friends" it usually involves meeting with groups of friends for a night at the bar, or one-on-one at a venue like a coffee shop or a Sunday brunch. Try to set up dates at night, including plenty of one-on-one time, and make sure to always have a follow up to dinner, like going out for dancing or playing pool at a bar. Anything that clearly resonates as "we're on a date."

The final thing that you need to do to actually bridge the gap from friend to sexual partner is to just avoid her at all costs. Focus on work, focus on going out with a different group of friends, anything to avoid contact with her. This process can take a couple weeks or even months or years. During this time, the goal is that she'll realize that you were such a great support for her, or she really does want a guy just like you. That way, when you show back up in to her life, it's almost as if you're starting off fresh. The flipside is, though, that you may try to re-enter her life which has already gone in another direction, and you might have blown your chance by taking too long or trying too many different approaches.

The fact is, you have to change many aspects of yourself in her eyes in order for her to accept the idea of having sex with you rather than just using you as an emotional doormat. Figure out if you really want to be "more than friends" with her, and if you do, be prepared to face the fact she may never be able to think of you like that.

Good luck, now go get that friend!


And don't forget to check out Part I of this article if you missed it: Men, Women, and Friendship