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Mommie Dearest?
Dear Josey,
I’ve been dating this wonderful man for a couple months now. He has a teenage daughter who stays with him every other weekend. I haven’t met her yet and I’m really nervous about it. His last relationship lasted four years and his daughter became very close to the woman and was fairly devastated when they broke up. I don’t want to complicate her feelings. I also can’t decide whether it’s better for me to try and be her friend, or more of a mother figure. I also have to admit that, as someone who has never had kids, I feel a little selfish about sharing this man’s time with his daughter. I’m afraid this will show and create problems. Help.
Mommie Not So Dearest
Dear Mommie,
Well, unless you and this guy spend every other weekend apart, his daughter’s going to eventually have to face the facts that her father is seeing someone new. Though, I suppose you could try and keep if from her. “Good Morning dear, oh me, no I’m the new maid and I was just cleaning your father’s bedroom….What?
Oh yes, I always clean in my pyjamas…”
As for whether to be mother or friend to this young woman, well, at 20, I’m guessing she’s probably got the basics down ‒ you know, feeding herself, dressing herself, wiping her own bum ‒ so you’re off the hook there. On the other hand, don’t go overboard trying to be her bud. I can still vaguely remember how annoying adults can be when they try to pretend they’re all “jiggy with it” you know? For a young woman who’s bound to be a little guarded, given her past experience, she’ll resent it even more. So don’t try to win her over. She’ll be on to you. Let the relationship evolve as naturally as possible. She’s no doubt feeling a little selfish herself about sharing her father with you. If everyone plays nice and respects that there is enough of Dad to go around, you all should be okay.
If the Shoe Fits...
Dear Josey,
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after he betrayed me by making out with another woman. I made a big deal about his betrayal at the time and told him I never wanted to see him again, that he didn’t deserve me etc. Then I ran into him at a party last week and we ended up going home together at the end of the night. I can’t believe I did this and worse, that it actually stirred up my feelings and is making me think about getting back together with this guy. Am I a total idiot who needs to have my head examined or do you think there is any chance this relationship could work?
Relapsed Feeling Remorseful
Dear Relapsed,
You’d think they’d have a twelve-step program for this kind of thing by now -- Exes-Anonymous or something. Don’t beat yourself up too much about this honey. We’ve all done it. Why break in a new pair of shoes when you can still get a few good wearings out of the old pair, right? They’re comfy and molded to you feet. So what if they smell a little? You can live with that for one night. Come to think about it, maybe you were being a little hasty when you thought about throwing them out. I have no idea if this relationship can work but I’d spend a little more time thinking about it before you do anything. Sleeping with someone can stir up a lot of emotions and I’d let the dust settle before you make any rash decisions. Also you don’t say how he feels after this happened. Did you guys talk about it? Because it’s not going to matter much what you think if he’s not into getting back together. In the meantime, I’d put a couple Band-Aids on my feet and think about trying to break in some new shoes.
"But You're Beautiful, Baby"
Dear Josey,
My girlfriend is super self-conscious about her body. I think she’s beautiful and I wish she would too. I get tired of having to tell her all the time. I feel like she doesn’t believe me and it’s starting to irritate me. How can I make her believe that I like her body? It’d be nice to make love with the lights on at least once in a while.
In the Dark
Dear In the Dark,
We women can be such a pain about this can’t we? Even I tire of it. What can I say, it’s tough with so much emphasis on our looks in this society and magazines full of 14-year-old girls with hips as wide as most of our thighs.
I trust you have done everything…compliment her, reassure her when she’s feeling bad about herself, made love to every part of her body and showered it with love and affection in order to make her feel like the beautiful goddess that she is? If so, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s something she has to deal with. The only thing you can do is to try and gently explain to her that it makes you feel bad when she doesn’t believe you when you tell her you love her body. Tell her that it’s difficult to keep saying that you think she’s beautiful when she won’t accept the compliment. Maybe if you make her see how miserable you are (the emphasis here being on you, because if you make her feel like she’s the problem, it’ll backfire), she’ll be able to take the focus off making herself miserable for one minute and focus on you. It’s the best you can do. Oh, and I presume when you say, “with the lights on,” you mean, low, soft, flattering lights, preferably candle light.
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