Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
My Magazine > Editors Archive > cat4 > 7 Myths About Creating a Better Relationship
7 Myths About Creating a Better Relationship   by Cecil McIntosh

Member Votes

2 votes
3 votes
4 votes
6 votes
40 votes
Don't like So so Good Very Good Excellent
Members can vote on this response!

Editor Article Search

Text:  

In over 14 years of private practice, the most consistent and enduring question I encounter is: how do I better my relationship? In order to accomplish this goal, I have found that we must first recognize a few of the most pervasive and destructive relationship myths.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about what they believe a relationship "should" be. Following each myth, I have provided a rebuttal that will hopefully allow you to rethink and challenge these myths.


Myth
I have to love everything about my partner.

Reality Check
You were born pure and pristine. You then learned behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about the best kind of relationhip to have). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living, and inform how you think about your relationship.

To illustrate, consider a common behavior that can irritate the day to day smoothness of a relationship, such as leaving the toilet seat up. This is merely a behavior; it is not the essence of the person who commits the act. Remember this difference, because focusing on behaviors rather than the core of the person can lead to constant worry about your compatibility. Loving every last thing about your partner is simply unrealistic.



Myth
Love means that you can fix your partner.

Reality Check
You love your partner because of special qualities or characteristics that you admire and appreciate. You need to focus on those qualities--rather than on the things that need "fixing"--in order for the two of you to grow into a strong relationship.



Myth
I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a successful relationship.

Reality Check
Giving up the things you like to be in a relationship is like taking a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

A strong relationship is based on the unique qualities of you and your partner.

When you give up your unique qualities you rob yourself of the passions that comprise a creative and loving relationship.



Myth
I will be rescued by a knight in shining armor.

Reality Check
You may have been conditioned to expect someone to take care of you. But what happens if that person becomes ill and is no longer able to take care of you? Some days you will be the knight in shining armor and on other days your partner will be that knight. Both partners need to exhibit strength in order to achieve a balanced and caring relationship.



Myth
It costs a lot to be in a relationship.

Reality Check
In a material context, a relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car, or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not at the center of a strong relationship.

Love is always based on the simplest things in life--the things we share that we don't even notice, like holding hands and breaking bread together.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show the outside, but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.



Myth
Love is just a feeling.

Reality Check
Love is the action of doing. It is sharing life, and sharing tasks. When you make tea for yourself, make some for your partner too. In the strongest relationships, love is rooted in reality.



Myth
I shouldn't have to work at my relationship.

Reality Check
As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then became the way in which you communicated. Even though communication feels natural to you now, the young you had to work real hard to master it. Well a new relationship is at least as sophisticated as the language that helps keep it together. And just as you can always learn new words, you can always learn new things about your partner, yourself, and therefore your relationship.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning the basics, you fail to appreciate the ways in which your love can grow.


In summary:

  1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.
  2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.
  3. Giving up of your unique qualities limits a healthy relationship.
  4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.
  5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and material assets, but the simple things in life.
  6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.
  7. Lack of communication crushes your chances at achieving a strong partnership.


About the author:
Cecil McIntosh provides Relaxation Resources that will turbo charge your health, business and wealth. To receive your free 7 day Relaxation course. visit this site now:http://www.emptyyourcup.com