| I put my lucky Rabbits foot in it again tonight! |
Apr 30, 2008 2:48 pm
1154 Views |  | Hello all you regular readers out there. (both of you). You will know that
Wednesday night is Bingo night so I went up the bar to check out all the
Zimmer frames. I got talking to this rabbit, (photo if FF lets it get shown).
Anyway me being in a feminine sensitive mood, asked this Bunny if they
were real or plastic? Well language I’ve never heard before. Tuts tits.
I said, I think you have misunderstood me... I was merely enquiring if
they were Gucci or a made in Hong Kong look alike sun glasses!
Help me here Boy’s, looking at the picture what do you see first?
Sun glasses or a plastic jacket. |
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16 Comments | |
| This one is for Eileen.lol |
Apr 28, 2008 2:25 pm
1037 Views |  | An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advise
in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's
when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired
as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was
horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect
was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye
and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!? With one swoop of his arm, he
sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and
took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!? It was a
nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn't good?"
"Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!? But sure as
I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
Thi |
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18 Comments | |
| I’m 21 years and 720 months old. Ok Yeah! |
Apr 28, 2008 2:10 pm
1175 Views |  | You girlie's stay out of here because this blog is not for you!!!
I’ve asked this question before, but because I’m a boring sort
of bloke, I’m asking it again.
When you are young and foolish, little boys and girls... teenagers.
You lie about your age, yeah it’s macho and good to be grown up
and get a beer in a Pub when you’re 16..
BUT I’ve noticed that as you get older people lie about their age....
BUT you subtract years instead of adding them on. WHY.
Delricardo used to be my headmaster, Gowerboy used to baby sit
looking after me. PP went to school with the Queen... God bless the
United Kingdom, (as Donald Hoppy would say), and ole fancy remembers
milking a cow to put milk on her cornflakes.
Hold on I’m loosing the plot here what am I supposed to be writing about...
hmm! Oh yeah.
I had it explained to me tonight by a Bulgarian woman, (God those Bulging
women have been breeding like rabbits, They are all over FF).
She said women in general lie about their age because. ho ho!
If you are 40 or 50 plus a it sounds a little bit OLD. Hey what’s wrong with being
old and crabby, some men like old and crabby, not a lot I admit. So if they only fib
just a little bit and say they are 39 or 49 it sounds much nicer and younger, and
that to them is ok logical and acceptable. (smiley with the boggling eyes here)
No wonder you Girlie's don’t know the difference between 9 inches and 6 inches.
Or maybe that should be the difference between 30 minutes and 5 seconds...
Get to point here Tone, Yep,
WHY DO MEN LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE???
By the way this blog was bought to you because of a Bulgarian beauty who eats rabbit
stew. Zdravey- Hello.... and dovijdane- goodbye, hey I can talk a load of languages. |
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30 Comments | |
| I’ve got Crabs!!!! And I’m pregnant. |
Apr 27, 2008 3:51 pm
1001 Views |  | Don't be silly I'm a MAN.
I’m PP’d off with writing poems so I’ve decided to do a day in the life of toneboney for a
change.
Well, I got up this morning, as one does in the morning. Side stepped the switch on the
computer, and plugged the kettle in. (what a stupid statement, I actually plugged the kettle
lead in not the kettle). I put two slices of bread in the toaster, and being a smart single
bloke (to save on washing up pots and pans) I put two eggs in the kettle so I could have
boiled eggs as well. Hey eggy soldiers. Who needs a woman. hu!
Yep, like all well thought out plans you’ve got to take into account “X” the unexpected.
One of the eggs broke and squished inside the kettle. Hey not a problem, eggy soldiers
and an egg sandwich. I did have to put in four spoons of coffee to take the taste of egg out
of my coffee, no real problem, I’m versatile.
Being Sunday I decided to go to church, so drove into Mazarron town and parked up.
I didn’t get as far as the church front door, because just to the right is a little cafe, and
who was working today, Yep Christine, so I had to go in for a coffee, (as I still had the
taste of coffee egg in my mouth). She has got the biggest “ears” I have ever seen. So I
decided I would help the Spanish economy and had two lots of “toast and tomatoes” and
six cups of coffee.
As I said in my previous blog, Saturday night I pulled this Dutch bird. So I was constantly
checking my phone to see if she had text’d or called me. If you’ve ever been in a Spanish
cafe, you’d know why I had to visually check the phone. (They don’t talk, they shout)
Anyway, there was no call or message from her, which didn’t surprise me, because she
didn’t have my phone number! Hey if she was that serious about me, she could have
asked a thousand people if they had my phone number. A long shot, hmm!
Anyway now that I’m sober I’m not really sure that I did pull.... I think she was probably
just in the same room as me on Saturday night, and I let my imagination run away. (That’s
my feminine side coming out again. Gollocks, I’m a man, I should have more control over
my emotions).
So back home again and I had a twitchy thingy, and succumbed and switched on my
computer. Craperoony, I spent the next five hours replying to emails from women. (With
the recent blogs exposing fake people, I've learnt a lot, good old cut and paste and send the
same old email to all of them....) Great, this is easy. I could cut and paste to all the Ugly
ones, “Sorry you misunderstood my profile I am gay” (thanks Scott, lol), and the sexy
ones with small firm ears, (deep intake of breath), I replied to. Again with cut and paste,
to my demise.
BUT, like the egg in the kettle thingy.. Gollocks again... I messed up again.. I cut and
pasted..... and now I’ve got sex of them... whoops sorry six of them, coming over to stay
with me all at the same time!
Hey all is not lost I can go on holiday when they come over... Smart move toneboney.
So I went to the beach for a few hours...(you might be an intellect and be adding up all
these hours, and say, how comes toneboney has 36 hours in a day? I have no answer, just
believe in miracles.
Well there was a lot more to my day, but to be honest, I have got to wake up to go to
sleep.
Good night bloggers, I don’t have crabs and I’m not pregnant, but I do enjoy practicing.... Making women pregnant, not getting crabs.
Tone. |
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14 Comments | |
| Part two. I |
Apr 26, 2008 5:14 pm
1056 Views |  | 10 cents if you identify the photo.
Well it’s now your turn Doggie Boos or Rachieanne,
Did I see you flip and touch Mr Delricardos frying pan,
Or maybe it was Miss Royal purple, who always moans,
I’ve been excluded, Oh! Ah! Eh! are they sexual groans.
Now Mrs PP (do you know that PP stands for Wee Wee)?
No more sandwiches with the queen or a cup of English tea,
Let’s not forget Mrs Beta, who shoots bunnies in the bum,
Hey she shoots lots of them and thinks it is so much fun.
Then there’s Ole Micky who is sooner or maybe later,
I can relate and understand why she is a woman hater,
Yeah an old Db is pushing his hair thing up and down,
Does he ever go out and have a night on the town?
Who is that wine’O who can’t map read and is lost,
Hey Uni you live in England, the land of rain and frost,
I’m stopping now cos I pulled a Dutch bird tonight,
Well I couldn’t understand a word she said so I assume she was Dutch.
Good night Sad people... to be continued. lol |
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30 Comments | |
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| OMG. I’M TAKEN. |
Apr 23, 2008 2:43 pm
1747 Views |  | I don’t believe it... What a small world this is.... I was down the beach the other day,
and saw this gorgeous attractive woman a few yards away. So I played it cool. After
5 seconds she asked me if I wanted a coffee... Yeah, ok, I suppose so. Anyway we went
and were chatting away, and you will never guess what!! We went to infant/Junior
school together, and we used to play kiss chase together. So we reminisced and chatted
and got on great, and arranged to meet the next day. Hey this is heaven.
We are getting married in October..!!! Do you want to come to the wedding? All are
welcome. So I guess I wont be around as much anymore. Take care bloggers. |
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44 Comments | |
| Good Idea! I think. |
Apr 22, 2008 2:36 pm
1248 Views | Ok so we have a good network of friends here on blogs...
AND some quite tenuous....Wow! no not really?
But I keep getting hit on by people who are obviously FAKE. i.e. they send you winks, or say they have read your profile, etc, and they have not viewed your profile. (you have to accept FF's limitations in software... nothing is perfect.) So please use this Blog to report people who "Hit" on you with no apparent reasons.
Please don't be derogatory. Just say that a certain handle has initiated contact with you
without any real sustenance. Some one who you have doubts about. And let us see if we can warn each other of suspect Nerds.
Please don't use this to just slag someone off.
Tone. | |
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26 Comments | |
| The headless lips don't like sad things. so here is a sad thing. lol |
Apr 22, 2008 2:05 pm
1149 Views |  | A headless young woman called Bellezia,
Had bright red lips and she would tease ya,
Kept having crushes, didn’t know what to do,
So went barefooted, and wore not any shoe.
Her best mate and friend was a sis Eimeebon,
She got taken and so from FF she was gone,
But in her photo her eyes were tightly closed,
So move on and pick on another, yeah, pantyhose.
Known here as Fancy Free, some handle her choice,
The only thing that is free, is her megaphone voice,
No really she ain’t all that bad, just a little bit mad,
I’ve got to say that ‘cos she eats bunnies, so sad.
So now an election for a builder with an erection,
Think he needs help here to make a small correction,
Swoons over a Bulgarian bird with dark black hair,
Hey I know a horse like that, Camilla, she’s not fair.
Who’s next on my hit list? well it’s got to be Cru,
She likes shaving Pussy’s, beware next could be you,
Why shave a pussy? that can’t be any God dam use,
Makes a note, this question is private just for Bruce.
I haven’t finished yet, no, next is the lover of the sun,
The Bulgarian red head, who really wants to be a nun,
She thinks there are seven wonders on this place, earth,
Hey I’ll show you a real wonder, it involves child birth.
Now it’s that Lady the fairy of course, know as “Harry”,
Whoops another typo here, sorry, should have been Ari,
But at last she has found someone, here on FF, a Man,
At least he doesn’t hide his private parts with a frying pan.
Wow I nearly forgot our Bulgarian/Slavic/Russian, TC,
Gives out advice to improve your blog/posts, yes, free,
She is Top Cat here, but beware Cru has a razor to hand,
Shaving Pussy, hmm! that’s good name for an all girl band.
There’s many others I would like to insult in rhyme,
But, Hey I just don’t have any more Bl**dy time,
Don’t take offence if I missed you, don’t be miffed,
I’ll continue next year..... WHO EVER RHYMED A WORD WITH MIFFED |
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22 Comments | |
| Poverty |
Apr 21, 2008 1:54 pm
1055 Views |  | The cry of a small boy child chills the air with his pain,
He is in a gutter of rotten vegetables he crawls, in vain,
Do we only have this to eat mother, as he looks above,
Sadly she has nothing to give this child only her love.
The father of the boy fought a brave war for his wife,
Now he is broken unable to earn or live a normal life,
Courageously in battle he fought lost not life but limb,
No pension to live on, returns to the singing of a hymn.
Mother and Father have so much love for each other,
They share this with their children, protection, a cover,
The boy sees the world as it is, and crawls up to the top,
His roots in the gutter tells him when he should stop.
But as with life they eventually pass on and they die,
Confused thoughts, no real reasons, only why oh why,
The world continues never learning from past wars,
Each generation has heartbreak, loss and open sores. |
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26 Comments | |
| To link to this blog (toneboney) use [blog toneboney] in your messages. |
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