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Have fun, meet people & find love.
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These are the results of a 200-foot fall off the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. This is the search to re-educate myself after suffering total amnesia and starting off again as a 21 year old infant. Please keep this in mind. I am telling truths. I promised to be honest and will not even spare myself some embarrassing truths. Throughout, I am just waking up to a new world, life again as this occurred. I am young, inexperience and very gullible at all times this occurred and then written!
What this blog is all about:
Basically, this is the view of a child, a boy a young man...evolving in a world that was brand new to him. As he is expanding in thought and growing, being shaped by the conditions and influenced by certain people and of the scenarios they involved him in and of the critical surroundings. While facing the challenges of an unfamilar, an alien social structure and the cultural forces that shaped the life of this individual.
msalchemy2"...i.e...CAT I personally could not have said this better!
Please keep that last statement in mind at all times while reading this. I am literally a child, growing up and not understanding why things are happening the way they are.
Your best bet, if you have joined late, is to start out on the highest page found at the bottom of this page and from bottom of page, read up. On all new pages go to the bottom of the page and read up. It will give continuity to this epic.
"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny!"
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| ...by the actions of others, its time I shape myself! |
May 13, 2008 3:30 pm
Mood: eager, 1 view |  | After I realized the results of these actions, (I was a little slow but to your, whoever’s, someone’s advantage you already knew that) it confused me. I couldn’t understand why someone would do such a thing, especially being “family” and sometimes friend.
Yes the “family” was not the one and only but primarily! But not Michael B., he was always there truthfully! Now instead of being shaped by the actions of others, its time I shape myself! |
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| ...did know better but did them anyway. |
May 13, 2008 3:26 pm
Mood: cold, 4 Views |  | Journal: Page 5A
When I first started writing this I did not expect to be around, or it to be read by anyone. I started writing this to clear my mind.
I am facing quite a bit of time behind bars and don’t plan on doing it. Some of the happenings throughout my new beginning were things that happened because of my lack of knowledge and/or experience.
The other portion of events, it being 10% or 90% was the most influential. The most influential because they were events that the person or persons involved should have known, did know better but did them anyway. |
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| ...my dreams, they are not as empty as my conscience seemed to be. |
May 13, 2008 7:30 am
Mood: drained, 41 Views | Now I hope to share this with all involved hoping for understanding, this has not been an easy 26 years, and the future does not look all that bright! Future?
There are no lies or exaggerations within this testimonial. There was no way that I could lie to myself. All must realize that my dreams, they are not as empty as my conscience seemed to be. | |
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5 Comments | |
| ......ignored or told I don’t know what I‘m talking about. |
May 13, 2008 7:22 am
Mood: Eyes wide open!, 31 Views |  | A lot of my past 24 years has to do of what I am today. I needed to write this “testimonial” for my own sake. Nobody in the past would listen to me.
This is part of the reason I speak so fast and interrupt the way I know I do. I want to make sure I am able to say what is needed to be said before I’m ignored or told I don’t know what I‘m talking about.
I have had to get this off my mind; it has been weighing me down for along time. I wrote this hoping someone would listen, somebody did, me. I realize now what has happened. |
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3 Comments | |
| ...a big brother to lead, protect, guide and HELP me. |
May 12, 2008 9:20 pm
Mood: angry, 35 Views | ”Family” it is very important that you read the mail you received from the Brain Injury Association of America before reading this. It is the mail that I sent all of that contains the copy. It will help you all to understand better.
jon, forget it! All you understand is what is best for yourself. Yes, you cared for me in the hospital, so I was told. You wiped my butt and/or whatever, thank-you. I’m sure it was all for show and at the time I’m sure I was also the ‘butt’ of your jokes. It’s not what mattered; there were aides who would of done the same.
What mattered is when I was somewhat aware of other people’s actions, but could not defend myself and needed a big brother to lead, protect, guide and HELP me. Not a brother to make a fool out me at every opportunity. | |
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| ....never rested so well and I am very relaxed. |
May 12, 2008 9:15 pm
33 Views | As they were taking me back to the office I waited, hoping for it to happen again, it didn’t. Boy I wish I could get my hands on that stuff. It wasn’t a high, it wasn’t a body tingle, it was a complete brain sensation only, and a sensation of total relaxation and contentment, and it was so pure.
The last few weeks I had not been sleeping well at all. My roommate tells me that I toss and turn, grunt, moan and beat myself up against the wall all night long. I do wake up every morning feeling like I have not rested but a minute.
I wasn’t aware of this “battle” I put on every night. Since this recent caper I have never rested so well and I am very relaxed. | |
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| ...that tremendous rush to the crown of my head happens again. |
May 12, 2008 9:11 pm
35 Views | I get just past the cashier desk when I turn and for the first time ever tried to escape, I didn’t, and it wasn’t much of an effort. Now I know I’m busted as I start thinking prison and the very ruff time I’m in for.
Then all of a sudden that tremendous rush to the crown of my head happens again, in the same manner as before but this one was so over whelming and intense. I’m looking at quite a few years behind bars, my college degree is finished and this means more then likely death, but that’s okay, I didn’t care. I’m not letting anything ruin this very serene felling, this sense of total relaxation I have not felt in along time. It was such a tremendous rush that no matter what I’m in for, I don’t care.
It was unlike the first but so similar. The first one was a feeling of complacency an “I fell good, I’m okay” sensation. The one I experienced lately was overwhelming. I had not stolen in quite awhile before this and I think there was a need for a big release of something. This feeling in my head was so powerful; I had not felt that relaxed and content in a long time. | |
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| ...away to the security office. |
May 12, 2008 9:05 pm
Mood: depressed, 33 Views | | I see an opportunity in the men’s department to obtain some shorts, underwear, socks and a t-shirt; it’s the final summer sales layout. Why I don’t know, but I have about 15 t-shirts at home along with 8 pairs of socks, and 6 pairs of shorts. I situate myself in the men’s department and put on these items and planned on walking out the door. I walk to the first exit and the door girl stops me and tells me to return the items. I said okay and proceeded to walk straight down the isle, in front of the numerous cashiers to the next exit without taking off a thing. The security guards were waiting just outside the doors as I tried to leave the second time. I am now being hauled away to the security office. | |
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| ...because that is my drug. |
May 12, 2008 9:04 pm
34 Views | Journal: Page 4A
Time passes at the rehab talking about why I shouldn’t drink or do drugs. I’m basically serving my time in an alcohol and drug rehab class. I had told the Cognitive Change class leader Lisa, that my addiction is to neither one of these substances and that I am a certified kleptomaniac. Please treat me for that because that is my drug.
For almost six months I was told why I should not drink or use illegal drugs and for six months I told her again that I don’t, I’m a thief that’s my drug. I was constantly forgetting to go to this class and facing probation violation.
This class just didn’t stick with me it was of no help. Time went on and I’m about 5 weeks from the finish of the class. I had went to Meijers to purchase my Big Game lotto tickets and get some dog biscuits for Buffy and Bootsy, my two new dog friends. I entered the store and not realizing it at the time my eyes are wondering. | |
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| ...really don’t care, it’s all right. |
May 12, 2008 9:00 pm
38 Views |  | (Now jumping ahead to the present 3/1/02.)
The last time, prior to this date, I committed retail fraud and I had an experience, a sensation.
I had a very strange, satisfying sensation. I remember, as I was being caught and hauled off to the security office of a Meijers Superstore, for a split second a fantastic rush struck my brain. On the very crown of my head in a perfect circle I had this sensation. The feeling it left was contentment. I realize I’m in some very big trouble and I’ll probably being going to jail but I really don’t care, it’s all right.
I was, because of a controlled substance, ordered to a drug rehab, they call it self-medication…whatever! A controlled substance that you'll find very shocking how it was and when it was introduced to me and by whom. |
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| To link to this blog (svsucardinal) use [blog svsucardinal] in your messages. |
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