| I Won't Give Up |
Jul 13, 2007 2:39 am
Mood: peaceful, 1212 Views | Few days ago my mum made her first steps after the stroke, with her walker, and I showed her the world again. I put her to sit on the balcony and she managed to keep seated for half an hour. I was so happy and hopeful with my achievement, I had the feeling that I had given birth and life to somebody again !
Today she managed to go to the bathroom with the walker ( she can't move without a walker because of her broken hip )and washed by herself, instead of me washing her in bed.
And she can already hold the utensils and eat by herself. I sit next to her, caressing her hair and talking to her, and letting her talk to me regardless of the fact that she repeats one and the same story hundreds of times from beginning to end.
But in between, ah, in between.... she has dimentia fits and is aggresive, inappreciative and rude to me, and so difficult to cope with, she even doesn't recognize me being her daughter, and then, yes, my heart is heavy not only with the effort but with sadness as well, Dan. But I forgive her as she has been forgiving all my faults and follies that have caused her worries through the years.
The pros and cons of being an only child - yes, I have had all the love and care of my parents without having siblings as rivals. And yes,I have always been lonely as hell all my life, longing for a brother or a sister to share with.
And now, as in most cases in my life before, I have to manage all by myself, my sons working and living far from my city.
It was damn difficult to turn and lift her listless slackened body to change her, or give her water, food and medicine in the mouth. I still have to draw her out of bed and lift her while leaning on me so that she can step on her feet, and my multi-node thyroid suffers severely from that. My lymphs got swollen from the physical strain, constant undersleep and stress.
I know I can't do much more for my 80-year old mother than what I've done by now and things won't go for the better with her progressing dimentia and deteorating body. But I'll keep her alive by me as long as I can.
I won't give up, Eimee !
I, too, won't give my mum in a nursing home , Mindzei !
And I'll spend each day with her as if it were her last one, Fairgo !
Thank you again, all my blog friends, for reaching out to me ! I will say again that I love your posts and blogs and reading them and communicating with you through them saves me from loneliness, charges me with energy and hope, and makes me feel a member of a caring community.
I need you. Stick with me.
Thanks for reading.
Love, SL  | |
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34 Comments | |
| And Yet I Love Summer |
Jul 5, 2007 12:04 pm
Mood: courageous, 1137 Views | Summer is my freely breething skin,
fiery sunsets on burning horizon brims
Summer is the flirt of the breeze
with my hair and the leaves of the trees
Summer is my kiss with the sea
Summer is the core of me.
I still love summer in spite of what it caused to my family this year.
Enjoy what you love !
Follow your nature !
Love from me,
SL | |
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26 Comments | |
| Cross Your Fingers for Me ....Thank You |
Jul 1, 2007 4:41 am
Mood: exhausted, 1314 Views | My mum got a heat stroke during the second heat wave here on 27.06., +43*C, the highest temperature on record for the region from 100 years on.
I'm still fighting for her life.
I've always loved the sun, it's the first time it scares me. There will be another heat wave next week.
I'm very tired and downhearted. I lost my father last year, don't want to lose more lives. Don't want to feel a loser.
Please, send me your positive energy to endure, handle, and protect my disabled hypertonic mother from the coming heat, help her live.
I will continue reading your wonderful blogs and commenting on them - they help me survive during my 24-hour watch over my mum.
Thank you so much for being here, for existing.
Enjoy your time.
Love,
SL | |
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23 Comments | |
| HOT !!!!!! |
Jun 23, 2007 7:26 am
Mood: hyper, 1387 Views | 38*C here today in my place on the Black Sea, Bulgaria ( this must be about 110*F) !!!! And the temperatures will stay the same for the next week, too !
It's hot like in an oven !
It has never been like that in June, or even for the whole summer during my lifespan !
Scary ! I wanted it hot, and now what ?!...
We definitely feel an overall climatic warming here ! We even didn't have winter this year !
How is the weather with you, guys ?
Love,
SL  | |
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29 Comments | |
| Pictures from the Sea |
Jun 19, 2007 1:12 pm
Mood: sad, 1074 Views |  | 31*C at 7pm today. It showered ... didn't relieve the air.
Wet sand.... people wading in the shallows, others bathing, the water is warm.
Huskies jumping merrily in the sea, their blue eyes happily flashing....
Wet sand...Big-bellied men walking, big breasted women walking, couples walking hand in hand, others jogging, few singles like me, a boy carrying his girlfriend on his shoulders...a noisy party playing sand volleyball...
People seated on beach restaurants, their bare feet in the sand, smell of grilled meat...
The pink sunset above us all... the splash of the waves in my head...silence in my soul.
9pm. Dusk. People still swimming in the sea !
The first lights of the ships are on, then the lights of the seaside restaurants...life goes on.
Only the loneliness is mine. May be I'm just tired.
Nighty night. Sleep tight.
SL |
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8 Comments | |
| Summer Rain |
Jun 12, 2007 6:57 am
Mood: cheerful, 1210 Views | The sky shook off its burden,
with thunder of relief it rumbled,
then smiled at me again
content, and free of labour - pain 
I love summer rain !
There is always sun behind the clouds,
believe in this even in your darkest days...
Love,
SL  | |
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16 Comments | |
| Sweet Dreams to All !!! |
Jun 11, 2007 4:11 pm
Mood: sleepy, 1067 Views | We want to love
because we need to be good... SL
Nighty night!
Sleep tight !
And may your mornings be bright !
Love to all,
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6 Comments | |
| WOULD YOU ????? (Flitting Sunday Thoughts ) |
Jun 10, 2007 2:05 am
Mood: bored, 1106 Views | I don't ask for explanations if I have deduced the answer or expect it to be a lie - such waste of time !
I don't give explanations to my decisions and deeds to people who have lost my respect and trust - if they have mistreated me, they don't and won't understand me, we just are not a match.....
I prefer breaking my head over and over again trying out things by myself instead of having other other people hammer their views into my head...
IS THIS BAD , AGAIN ?....
Can people change ? Or our DNA is our Karma ?
And I'm doing a lot of reasoning while I'm cooking and cleaning, lol..! That's what I'm doing at the moment, have to make it up for yesterday's outing...
But you have a Sunday out, don't be stuck at home!
And if you give me your opinion on my thoughts, I will be grateful to you !
Love,
SL | |
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4 Comments | |
| Water |
Jun 9, 2007 3:14 pm
Mood: excited, 1111 Views |  | I had my first swim today ! Happy ! Happy !
Took these photos of the sea water for you !
Hope you like them. Don't you want to plunge in ?
Enjoy your weekend as I enjoyed mine !
And...how are you enjoying your weekend ? 
SL |
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7 Comments | |
| A Happy Post |
Jun 1, 2007 1:58 am
Mood: beautiful, 1348 Views |  | 1 June is the undeniable sign that summer is here, the happiest season for me.
Happy 1 June to you all !
Have a fabulous Summer Season ! Open your doors wide so that your children, beloved, relatives and friends come and visit you, and your home is full of friendly chatter, music and laughter ! Go hiking, enjoy swimming, travel worldwide and just Be Happy !
1 June is the Day of the Child here in Bulgaria - a lot of cultural and sporting events on this occasion, children and teenagers use public transport free today, the cafeterias are full of parents with children to entertain them and we, the teachers, don't evaluate our students today, lol!
I'll call my grown-up children to congratulate them on the Day,he-he !
It's a serene summer day here with a lot of blue sky and sunshine, I wish you much sun in your eyes and souls ! Have a merry day !
Have you already made your plans for the summer ?
Love,
SL |
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18 Comments | |
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