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Voice of the Whirlwind
  
Thought, like all potent weapons, is exceedingly dangerous if mishandled. Clear thinking is therefore desirable not only in order to develop the full potentialities of the mind, but also to avoid disaster.
— Giles St. Aubyn
It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
-- Dean William Inge

Enjoy my blog! If you don't, then try my wife's. I met her here on FF and am still amazingly happy after all this time. Meet her at cruiser387
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Some jokes on a theme Aug 7, 2008 12:38 pm
Mood: amused, 170 Views
A friend from across the pond has e-mailed several jokes that are quite good, all similarly themed . . .

I.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

II.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

III.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly
the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started... .

IV.

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started . . . .
0 Comments
Politically Correct Pickup Lines Aug 6, 2008 3:12 pm
Mood: amused, 199 Views
Politically Correct Pickup Lines
By Propaganda Department
8/5/2008, 7:28 pm


The recently surfaced pictures of Senator John Kerry partying with a group of underage intoxicated female voters underscored the urgent need for Party-approved pickup lines, so that progressive leaders would no longer embarrass the movement with lame offers to "play socialized medicine," or brag about their "really small carbon footprint." If applied correctly, such pickup lines would save the working people and the middle class of this country innumerable hours they would rather devote to advancing progress in their communities.

Below are some of our suggestions, broken down by categories. Feel free to add your own.
~
Metrosexual:

1. They say I have animal attraction because I'm attracted to animals.
2. Do you dance? Then go dance and let me have a word with your boyfriend.
3. If you were half as pretty as I am I might continue this conversation.
4. Wait till I show you my gigantic ego!
5. You are so metrosexual that I would marry your toaster just to get into your family.
6. Want to come up to my loft and play socialized medicine?



Environmentalist:

1. Hi, can I offer you a carbon offset?
2. Are you always this hot - or did you just release a cloud of global warming gases?
3. Would you come to my place and help me recycle some rubber?
4. Baby, you so hot, you should be banned under the Kyoto Accords!
5. Let's go back to your place and cut back on your carbon imprint.
6. If we share our body heat, we can lower the thermostat by another ten degrees. You do want to save the polar bears, don't you?

Bush hater:

1. I'm lonely tonight and it's Bush's fault!
2. Bush lied, and now I'm about to die! Will you take pity on me?
3. Can I interest you in a discussion about Bush, Dick, and Colin?
4. Want to see an interpretive dance about impeaching Bush?
5. Did you know that HBO also stands for Hate Bush Orgasm? Want to find out why?
6. Let's go down to my Mom's basement and defeat Bush together.

Leftist professor:

1. Has anyone told you that you look like Socialism with a human face?
2. They call me Mao Tse Dong.
3. Want to practice some diversity after classes?
4. Is your father Bill Ayers? 'Cause you're a bomb!
5. Didn't I see you in the library - on the cover of Communist Manifesto?
6. It's the Che way or the highway.

Democrat Party Strategist:

1. I'd like your opinion on my poll.
2. What is your favorite position in the energy crisis debate?
3. Damn baby, you have more curves than the Democrat Party line.
4. I promise not to gusher when I drill. I'll pull out like a good Democrat Party plan for Iraq.
5. Want to go see the Donkey Show in Denver this month?
6. Turn out the lights and lets play "Find the Speaker."

Obama supporter:

1. I'm always the one I've been waiting for, but tonight I'm hoping to change that!
2. How'd you like to feel a thrill up your leg?
3. Why won't you go out with me? Is it because I don't look like all those other guys you see on dollar bills?
4. So you're looking for a guy just like Barack? Stinky feet, snores, can't remember to fold the laundry or put the butter away, or close the bread so it doesn't dry out? I'm your man!
5. Let me show you my pressure gauge and we'll see if it gives you more mileage.
6. Free moustache rides with every tuneup. Lift your hood and let's get started.

Socialist:

1. Let's get hammered and I'll show you my sickle
2. I'm the comrade who puts the "pro" into progressive.
3. Are you up for a few revolutions? 'Cause I'm up for a massive uprising!
4. Has Nader won the elections? Cause this must be workers' paradise!
5. If I say you have a beautiful subsidy would you hold it against me?
6. I have a five year plan and it includes you. It doesn't have to be five years, one night works for me.

Collectivist:

1. Would you like to be a mote in our vast collective?
2. It is our duty closely to examine all Party Organs.
3. We strive for the collective ownership of the means of reproduction.
4. I'll show you my collective farm if you bring a girlfriend.
5. Let's join efforts and work together for the common good.
6. Put your hands behind your back and stand still, so we can pick you up!

Old School (Bolshevik):

1. Do you ride in this box car often?
2. Is this the Lubyanka? You have my heart locked up.
3. Care to come to my dacha and plant some turnips?
4. I've got an All-Russia Congress of the Workers' and Soldiers' Soviets in my pants, and you've just been nominated to the Central Committee!
5. I'm a Commissar, I can make good things happen for you or I can have bad things happen. Which shall it be?
6. The State said we have to... Is required.
1 comment
I am greatly obliged to you, Aug 6, 2008 11:54 am
Mood: contemplative, 196 Views
"I am greatly obliged to you, and to all who have come forward at the call of their country."
-- Abraham Lincoln, August 22, 1864
2 Comments
Quote Aug 4, 2008 1:05 pm
Mood: peaceful, 161 Views
"No people in history have ever survived who thought they could protect their freedom by making themselves inoffensive to their enemies."

Dean Acheson, Secretary of State under President Truman
0 Comments
Crutch, Meet Crotch Aug 3, 2008 3:04 pm
Mood: handsome, 204 Views
Crutch, Meet Crotch
2007 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(November 2007, Russia) Late one night, Eduard entered the apartment of a 30-year-old handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up.

"I couldn't believe my eyes! The dark shape of some goon was standing next to my nightstand!" recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out and he attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit him between the legs with my crutch, and he leapt out the window. Thank God I live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall.

"I didn't understand at first what had fallen out of his pants. When I looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone." The handicapped man dialed the emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!"

Half an hour later, the blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who called the police. "An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," said the police investigator. "When the medics revived him, he started screaming hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'"

Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, the burglar filed a complaint against his victim. He said, "I will never forgive him!"
1 comment
MUSLIMS vs JIHAD? Aug 3, 2008 2:42 pm
Mood: contemplative, 168 Views
Saw this writing by a former Muslim and thought I would see if people here, mainly pacifists and liberals, would agree with the two quotes that the author provides. Anyone want to contradict?

MUSLIMS vs JIHAD?
Who would you want on your side if gang members from the religion of peace surrounded you in a dead end alleyway?
A 'Moderate' Muslim?

The same people who tell us that Islam is a religion of peace tell us that Muslims are 'our greatest allies' against jihad. That there exists a world of evidence proving both of these assumptions to be empirically false hasn't yet mattered to those in Washington P.C.
To call Washington's refusal to know what makes the enemy tick a dereliction of duty is an understatement.
In a sane world, after suffering through George 'Islam means peace' Bush’s quarter-assed response to jihad, the current crop of candidates would be publicly quizzed about their knowledge of Islam and the Enemy as being a clear prerequisite to becoming commander in chief. As of today, only Romney has been willing to use the word Jihad.

As to 'our greatest allies': Muslims have proven themselves to be mere sheep to their jihadist wolves. While we never hear a peep from Muslims when Infidels are murdered by one of their own, they get jolted from their moral coma only when Islam is slighted by a non-Muslim. And they run to Islam’s rescue as if it were a damsel in distress Muslim brother in distress. They have shown themselves to be not only irrelevant against Jihad, but also sympathetic towards it. It's something we're going to have to come to grips with and that they’re going to have to answer for. Muslims as a group are not on our side and, according to Islam, shouldn't be on our side in any context. I'm speaking mainly about the Muslim Collective, the submitted Muslims who aren't quite jihadists, but sure as hell are not rooting against Jihad either. Which brings me to a great quote from George Orwell that is relevant here, even though it’s about pacifism in wartime, 1942:

"Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist. This is elementary common sense. If you hamper the war effort of one side you automatically help out that of the other. Nor is there any real way of remaining outside such a war as the present one. In practice, 'he that is not with me is against me.' "

[The next two paragraphs are a continuation of Orwell's line of thought, published 9/26/01 and written by Michael Kelly, the first journalist to be killed in Iraq in April 2003]

“England's pacifists howled, but Orwell's logic was implacable. The Nazis wished the British to not fight. If the British did not fight, the Nazis would conquer Britain. The British pacifists also wished the British to not fight. The British pacifists, therefore, were on the side of a Nazi victory over Britain. They were objectively pro-Fascist.

An essentially identical logic obtains now. Organized terrorist groups have attacked America. These groups wish the Americans to not fight. The American pacifists wish the Americans to not fight. If the Americans do not fight, the terrorists will attack America again. And now we know such attacks can kill many thousands of Americans. The American pacifists, therefore, are on the side of future mass murders of Americans. They are objectively pro-terrorist.”

To further make this important point: Muslim’s haven’t done anything against Jihad and they sure as hell don’t want us to do anything against their 'sacred' Jihad, objectively making them on the side of Jihadists. If Muslims aren’t for the defeat of Jihad, then they’re objectively for its victory and will not lift a finger to challenge it. They need not necessarily act against us to be against us, since some Muslims simply aren’t built to be jihadists, but instead are meant to stand by passively as the Jihad has its way with the world.
The only way we can fully defend ourselves and give Muslims an incentive to proactively reject Jihad is to ruthlessly crush it and bury it once and for all, whatever it takes. In doing so, 'moderate' Muslims will magically pop up all over the world, glad to be alive and having avoided the fate of the jihadists. It’s a start.
Only when the enemy is crushed will the non-Mohammed Muslims be able to take the stage of Islam that the jihadists owned for a thousand years. Then Muslims will be given a chance to join the civilized world and begin making the case for a pacified Islam, or scrap the whole mess entirely. Islam’s fate will be up to them at that point, unless they pull a jihad revival, and then it’ll be up to us, because we cannot allow ourselves to be at the mercy of an enemy for whom Nukes are the answer.
Posted by Bosch Fawstin at 8:53 AM
0 Comments
Super restraining order Aug 2, 2008 6:57 pm
Mood: contemplative, 199 Views
MACON, GA—Citing Emily Holman's right to feel safe traversing vast open spaces, especially when within visual range of clock towers, parking structures, and tall buildings, a judge awarded the 28-year-old a 3,000-yard restraining order yesterday against her former boyfriend, retired Marine sniper Gordon Lee Blackwood. "When we broke up he started calling me 10 times a day from his job," said Holman, who realized Blackwood's office building, which had an open, flat roof, was only 1,800 yards away. "He had me flinching every time I saw sunlight glinting off any surface within two and a half miles." Blackwood would not comment on the judge's decision, saying only that he still loved Holman and was trying to understand the distance and crosswinds that separated them.
2 Comments
Correct Tire Pressure: The Key to American Energy Independence Aug 1, 2008 8:24 am
Mood: adventurous, 143 Views
Correct Tire Pressure: The Key to American Energy Independence

A Burge-Goldstein 2008 Campaign Policy Brief

With the 2008 Presidential campaign heating up, the Burge-Goldstein rapid response team will be releasing online position papers on the pressing issues of the day. Today, nominee Dave Burge outlines his views on two emerging questions: tire inflation and nude dancing in Iowa.

KNOW YOUR RUBBER

As many of you know, one of my opponents is now touting proper tire inflation as the solution to our national energy crisis. I suppose I should be flattered that this gearhead Johnny-come-lately is finally coming around to seeing things my way, because as a longtime automotive enthusiast I have always understood the benefits of proper tire pressure. Unfortunately, my opponent and his energy advisors have grossly oversimplified this important issue - often the real problem is over-inflation, not under-inflation.

Sure, keeping 30-32 p.s.i. of pressure may help the average motorist get marginal mileage gains on the highway, but what about the dragstrip? All too often I have been at the local track and witnessed frustrated inexperienced drivers making pass after gas-guzzling pass, trying to get their Camaros and Dusters into the 10's. If only they realized they could shave a couple tenths ET right off the top by simply dropping the air pressure in their rear slicks down to 12-15 psi -- that way they could call it a day and join me at the trackside bar for a few ice cold Leinies.

But that's just the tip of the energy-saving iceberg. A careful analysis of the statistics reveals significant national gas savings can be achieved through adjusting tire pressure on America's growing fleet of Toyota Priuses. And that's where this little baby comes in: the valve stem core remover.

Available at any NAPA or Pep Boys for a few bucks, this ingenious energy-saving device has long been an indispensable part of the high school prankster's toolbox. Now, with an estimated 500,000 Priuses menacing our roadways -- each consuming 300 gallons of Earth-raping gasoline per year -- it is a key weapon in our battle for energy independence. Here's how it works:

1. Locate nearby Priuses, starting with the one with the thickest layer of bumper stickers.
2. Make sure Prius is not moving, and the area is free of police and surveillance cameras.
3. Remove valve cap, starting with passenger side rear.
4. Insert brass end of core remover tool into center of valve.
5. Turn counterclockwise until core is removed. You should hear a loud "wooshing" sound and within a few seconds Prius tire pressure should be at its correct 0 p.s.i.
6. Repeat steps 3-5 on each tire until Prius is completely inoperable, taking care to keep valve stem cores in safe place such as pocket or nearby ravine bushes.

Just think -- if we all remain vigilant and do our part, we can save America up to 150,000,000 gallons of gasoline per year! Not to mention reduced slow-moving retard congestion in America's HOV lanes.

And that's just one of the ideas that our campaign has for getting us back on the track to national energy sustainability. In future policy briefs, I'll be discussing my ideas for increased domestic energy exploration on America's inoperable Priuses, using simple tools such as pry bars and siphoning tubes.
0 Comments
Congress Apologizes to Blacks for Affirmative Action Jul 30, 2008 4:58 pm
Mood: annoyed, 164 Views
Congress Apologizes to Blacks for Affirmative Action
Posted by Harvey at 12:00 PM

WASHINGTON (AP) - Immediately after issuing an unprecedented apology to black Americans for the wrongs committed against them and their ancestors who suffered under slavery and Jim Crow segregation laws, the House of Representatives issue another apology to black Americans for the wrongs committed against them by Affirmative Action laws.

Justice Thomas says, "Be a qualifier, not a quota-filler."

Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, (D-Mich.), chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, called it "long overdue".

"No matter how hard I've worked for the positions I've earned," said Cheeks, "people automatically assume that I'm not really qualified, that I've been promoted over more-qualified whites to fulfill an Affirmative Action quota. It's insulting and degrading."

Both resolutions, passed by voice vote, were the work of Tennessee Democrat Steve Cohen, the only white lawmaker to represent a majority black district. "Slavery & Jim Crow were bad enough," said Cohen, "but at least you knew they were out there. They were solid barriers you could fight against. Affirmative Action is more ethereal and insidious. It's the soft bigotry of low expectations. It's saying 'Hey Negro, since you're too inferior to ever make anything of yourself on your own, Whitey will just have to hand it to you, because you could NEVER earn it.' It's reprehensible and demeaning. It cheapens the American Dream by saying 'all men are created equal, except for worthless, inept colored folk'".

The Affirmative Action apology states in part that African-Americans forced into the system "were brutalized, humiliated, dehumanized and subjected to the indignity of being stripped of their pride and reputations" and that black Americans today continue to suffer from the consequences of Affirmative Action and racial quotas.

As a positive example of shrugging off Affirmative Action's stain, Cohen pointed to the Congressional Black Caucus. "I represent a majority-black district in Tennessee, but when I asked to join the CBC, they told me I 'wasn't black enough'. Some of my friends thought I should be angry about that, but, you know what? If I'm not qualified, then I'm not qualified. Frankly, I'd rather be honestly rejected than taken in as a quota-filling token honky."
1 comment
Obama Skips Wounded Troops in Germany, "Not Photogenic Enough". Jul 29, 2008 6:42 am
Mood: angry, 181 Views
Obama Skips Wounded Troops in Germany, "Not Photogenic Enough".
Posted by Harvey at 12:00 PM
When wounded troops look like this, Obama will be seen in public with them, too.

WASHINGTON (AP) - Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama came under fire from the McCain campaign for cancelling a planned trip to visit wounded American troops while in Germany. Obama's team has responded to the criticism by pointing out that injured soldiers are "not photogenic enough" to be pictured next to the Illinois Senator.

"While Obama was photographed with troops in Afghanistan in Iraq and now has more foreign policy experience than John McCain," said Obama campaign spokesman Tommy Vietor, "that was a different situation from Germany. During the Middle East portion of the trip, he was part of an official congressional fact-finding delegation. The Germany portion was funded by the Obama campaign, and as such, we're only spending our precious money on pictures that make him look good. Frankly, wounded soldiers are ugly and depressing, rather than hopey and changing."

"This campaign has worked hard to ensure that Obama is only photographed next to young, happy, healthy people," said Obama image consultant Sandy Dumont. "No uglies, no Muslims, no fat chicks. Being seen with wounded troops would associate our candidate with pain, suffering, and President Bush. We might as well show pictures of him kissing a road-kill raccoon."
2 Comments
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