| OVER HEARD |
Apr 10, 2008 5:21 pm
286 Views |  | ...
Over heard from a meeting at Pessimists Anonymous:
member 1: i have a face only a mother can love.
member 2: i was once an ugly duckling, now i'm just plain ugly. (sigh)
member 3: when i was delivered from my mother's womb, the doctor took a quick glimpse at me, then slapped my mother. |
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3 Comments | |
| SUNRISE, SUNSET |
Apr 10, 2008 7:50 am
341 Views |  | ...
If you happen to chance upon a Filipino, he will tell you in most certain terms that if you're looking for the perfect sunset, the Philippines is the place to be.
I don't know about you but, sunsets make me sad. it is for this reason that i cant stand to watch the sun gently vanish into the horizon. Do you know the feeling when someone very close to you is leaving and your not not sure whether or not your gong to see them again? thats how i feel. you may say, "oh silly, silly boy, you know the sun will come back tomorrow". of course, but can we say for sure that we will be around tomorrow?
My father, rest his soul, used to tell me... "live this day as if it was your last, you'll find that your every tomorrow would seem brighter".
I miss you mama and papa, I am happy that you're together now...
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6 Comments | |
| ITS A MIRACLE |
Apr 10, 2008 4:22 am
282 Views |  | ...
An outdoors man was so taken by the scenic view that he lost track of time. It was nearing dusk, so he decided to take a short cut into the woods to save time and reach the cabin before darkness sets in.
To his horror, he saw an 8ft. grizzly blocking his path and coming towards him. Feeling imminent danger, the man fell on his knees and started praying "...dear god, i implore you, save me from this beast, if you do me this favor, i promise to serve you all through my remaining life and be a living testament to your power and glory.
the bear suddenly stopped on its tracks, fell down on its knees, and bowed its head.
the man stood up and shouted.."Its a miracle...my lord, your powers are truly limitless, you truly are the king of kings..." the bear lifted its head, looked the man straight in the eye and said..."will you please shut your pie hole while i'm saying grace?"
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3 Comments | |
| A TALE OF TWO FRIENDS |
Apr 9, 2008 11:10 pm
276 Views |  | .
John was an honest and god-fearing man. He loved his wife and never looked at another woman. No vices, didn't smoke, didn't drink. the perfect son, husband, friend, the perfect everything.
James, well, he is almost the exact opposite of John. no regard for god whatsoever, always drunk, beats his wife silly, womanizes, gambles, do drugs etc.
but for some major cosmic fiasco, the two became friends. John would always tell James to mend his ways but each time, his advice fell on deaf ears. As fate would have it, the two met a fatal accident.
As what could be expected, when john opened his eyes, he was standing at the pearly gates before St. Peter. "come my son and enjoy your reward".
"i was with a friend...James.." john started to ask.
"i am sorry, but your friend is not welcome here, you very well know how he lived his life, and for that he must suffer the consequences."
"I understand" replied john.
" can i see him one last time?" john pleaded.
"of course"...with a single snap of St. Peter's fingers, a big forty-foot screen appeared, where john saw james holding a bottle of jack daniels, and a beautiful young woman in his arms.
John stared to cry.
"Why are you crying my son?"
"all my life i followed the rules, i loved my wife, i went to church regularly, i did no harm to any man. James did exactly the opposite, instead of being punished, he gets rewarded for it". came the reply.
"No, no...you don't understand." st peter answered.
"it is the slut who's being punished for killing her husband."... |
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3 Comments | |
| TOO MUCH SEX |
Apr 9, 2008 8:56 pm
310 Views |  | Inside a shrinks office...
Shrink : I an going to show you series of pictures. You will tell me the first thing that enters your mind.
Patient : Okay.
shrink : (shows a picture of a dog.)
Patient : I see a boy who has nothing better to do but to 'gratify' himself.
shrink : hmmmm...how about this (shows a picture of a butterfly).
Patient : I see a girl who loves to strip in front of a camera.
shrink : hmmmm...interesting. And this? (shows a picture of cherubims)
Patient : Sex orgy.
Shrink : well. it won't take a Ph.D to tell you that you are too pre-occupied with sex.
Patient : (indignant) whoa! me??? why you're the one who's showing me them pictures!!! |
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6 Comments | |
| COURT ROOM DRAMA |
Apr 9, 2008 8:35 pm
283 Views | .
Prosecutor : On the night of April 9, 2005,
What did you did?
Def. Counsel : Objection your honor!
Judge : What's the basis of your objection
counsel?
Def. Counsel : Wrong grammar your honor.
Judge : hmmm...objection sustained.
Prosecutor : Let me rephrase that your honor...
On the night of April 9, 2005,
where have you done?
Def. Counsel : same objection your honor!
Judge : same ruling
Prosecutor : (flustered) okay...okay...
(collects his bearing) On the night
of April 9, 2005, HOW DO YOU DO? | |
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2 Comments | |
| DON'T BE TOO HASTY WHEN OFFERING CONDOLENCES |
Apr 9, 2008 7:03 pm
305 Views |  | .I was reminded of this story when i read cruiser's blog about her "death"
We received news that the grandmother of one of our 'barkada' has died. She was a charming and gracious lady, who always went out of her way just to accommodate us whenever we visited their resort in Anilao,Batanggas.We tried to get hold of our friend to inquire about the services,but since we couldn't reach him, we just decided to go to Batanggas.
When we reached the place, it was so bright with all the lights.
"this is what 'nanay' would have wanted"
we thought. We also noticed that relatives and friends of the family were already there. Some even remembered us and greeted us
"oh, its nice of you to come"...
But every time we express our condolences, they gave us the "funny" look.
At last we saw our friend who seemed surprised to see us.
"Bro, we're so sorry to hear about 'nanay' (referring to his grandma)".
"Why?, what happened to nanay?...
"uhmm...we heard she has gone."
"and when was this?"...
"late this morning, we received message that she was...dead."
"but i just talked to her a while ago, and she's on her way here"
and as if on cue, a car pulled in from the drive way. and who alights from the car? Nanay of course. It was her 75th birthday, why wouldn't she be there.
Needless to say, we were happy the news of her demise was not true. we talked and laughed about it the whole evening ( at our expense of course)
As the night grew deeper, it was time for Nanay to take her leave and rest, but not before having the final say. "IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE NEWS OF MY EARLY DEMISE WAS HIGHLY EXAGGERATED..." |
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4 Comments | |
| GOODNIGHT BLOGGSVILLE |
Apr 9, 2008 8:35 am
278 Views |  | May tomorrow
be a perfect day.
May you find love
and laughter along the way.
May god keep you
in his tender care.
Till he brings us
together again.
- Donnie and Marie Osmond |
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3 Comments | |
| DICTIONARY FOR THE MODERN MAN BOOK I |
Apr 9, 2008 6:26 am
233 Views |  |
Acquaintance - A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
After-Dinner-Speaking - An occupation monopolized by men. The women can't wait that long
Alcohol - A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets.
Bank - An institution where you can borow money if you can present evidence to show that you don't need it.
Barber - A brilliant conversationalist who occassionally cuts and shave hair.
Bigamist - One who make the same mistake twice.
Broadway - A place where people spend money they haven't earned, buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't even like.
Chauffeur - A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.
Committee - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Committee-of-five - Consists of a man who does not work, three others to pat him on the back, and one to bring in a minority report.
Conscience - A voic e that tells you not to do something after you have done it.
Creditor - A man who has a better memory than a debtor.
criminal - One who gets caught.
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0 Comments | |
| OF ATENEANS, BEDANS, and LA SALLE-ITES |
Apr 8, 2008 11:29 pm
344 Views |  | THIS WAS THE PREVAILING SENTIMENT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. CIRCA....never mind. hehehe
How do you distinguish an Atenean,a Bedan, and a Lasalle-ite in a party:
(1) Group of guys, talking/dancing with the girls.
(a) Atenean
(b) Bedan
(c) La salle-ite
(2) Group of guys, outside the house talking about cars.
(a) Atenean
(b) Bedan
(c) la salle-ite
(3) Group of guys, gathered inside the kitchen, looking for something to eat.
(a) Atenean
(b) Bedan
(c) La salle-ite
GO SAN BEDA FIGHT!
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9 Comments | |
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