| Hamish T |
Feb 14, 2008 9:07 am
1136 Views |  | When the going gets tough the tough eat haggis. |
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5 Comments | |
| Big Val's a pxeudogyn. |
Feb 14, 2008 3:36 am
1136 Views | Pxeudogyny is the use of a wumman’s pen name by a male writer. When a female writer uses a man’s name it’s pseudandry.Now isn't that hinteresting? Nah, i didn't think so either.
So it's big Val's day and it's a leap year so laydees i am expecting proposals. Don't be disappointing me now.lol | |
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13 Comments | |
| Stimpy Impy. |
Feb 13, 2008 2:33 am
1287 Views | So the hounds name is Impy. Bit of a disappointment huh?lol Well i met another of me neighbours on me mornin walk with the mutt and she greeted the little fecker by name lol.Seemingly Impy has never walked on the lead before (but i daren't take him off in case he makes a bid fer freedom and his owner comes home to me saying "I'm really sorry but i lost yer hound") and it shows. The first day i took him out fer a walk he tried to pull me arm out of the socket but i've been training him (by pulling back and barking heel every time he tries to sprint in front of me lol) and slowly he's getting the message. Now he walks to heel for about 30 seconds before reverting to his old behaviour, quick tug, "HEEL" and 30 seconds of obedience follows lol. By Saturday when his master returns i expect we'll be up to 2 minutes, sadly all my work will go to waste as i can't train the master how to control his pet can i?lol I am terribly strict huh? but i've always believed (and i'm right so don't say nuffin or else!) with pets and children you need to be completely consistant. So my offspring and my furry friends never ever get away with misbehaving.
Now SIT!!!!!
Catch yer laters me good boys and girls. | |
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22 Comments | |
| Ding dong |
Feb 12, 2008 1:39 am
1187 Views | One of my neighbours is off "to see the pyramids along the Nile" and whilst he's off galivanting with the pharoahs i'm lookin after his hound. Unfortunately my neighbour is kinda deaf and though i did ask a few times he just prattled on and so i have no idea now what this hound is called. So i'm calling him Dingbat T Dawg (Ding to his friends) He's a squat little mongrel with quite a bit of spaniel (He's got ears and he knows how to use them) and i suspect a bit o daschund cos he's long-torsoed with lickle legs.Fern T hates him! Jack and her spent the first day he arrived sitting either side of the living room with him in the middle and them just giving him the evil eye.lol Jack pretty much decided he wasn't worth worrying about after a while and has ignored his presence since (Though if the dawg gets too close the back goes up and it's hissy fit time) but Fern keeps coming to the living room door, popping her head round (Though the rest of her body stays resolutely in the hall) and just staring hate at the poor fecker.
Anyhoo.
Coincidently my brother is also cruising the Nile as i write and what's more his name is Niles (James Russel Niles- Posh or what? They'd run out of names when they got to me and said Ahh feck let's just call 'im Jack.lol).Now isn't that fascinating.
lol Fern just popped her head round the door to remind Ding how much she hates him .lol
Catch yer laters me terrapins. | |
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12 Comments | |
| Immune to criticism. |
Feb 10, 2008 5:51 am
1274 Views | | Okay so how come i can write a post that pretty much insults half the world and no fecker takes exception to it?lol Are you guys so used to me ranting that you just read my posts and say to yerself "Oh it's just Jake off on one as usual, just indulge the silly old fecker" Or is it that you've become accustomed to the fact that i never say anything in here i don't think i could defend and you just don't want to cross swords with me?lol It's really okay to disagree with me you know.lol Most people do at some point or another. | |
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22 Comments | |
| I've got no nuts it's true. |
Feb 10, 2008 5:46 am
1080 Views | | I do my grocery shopping on line mostly cos i'm lazy and don't mind at all paying 4 squid fer some poor sucker to do all me shopping and tote it to me hovel but also cos i do get really a little excitable when it arrives cos i purposely order 4 or 5 days in advance so i've pretty much forgotten whit it is i ordered and it's like opening pressies at Chrimbo so it is.Now, i am adicted to nuts, any kind will do but i usually get salty peanuts and cashews (the noo). I know, haggis, nuts and toe-cheese i'm just a weirdo. Anyhoo this time i'd neglected to order my usual 6 packets o cheapo salty nutties and so i added them to my list at the last moment. Well something went awry and instead of peanuts i've ended up with 7 packs of strawberry desserts. Each pack contains 4 so i have actually got 28 of the feckers. Anybody want a couple? I'm more than willing to barter. | |
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11 Comments | |
| Premature Sunday rant. |
Feb 9, 2008 2:48 am
1053 Views | America is so driven by the need to be seen as politically correct that if you don't belong to a minority group you have no chance of being considered for President (Forget the Republicans even Americans aren't stupid enough to vote McCain (and unable) into office) So that now they must decide who they wish to be seen as less offended by. Are you a racist or a sexist?lol My money is on Bambam, i think it's just slightly more P.C. to vote for a black man than a woman. It's a shame the American people didn't consider the policies these people represent rather than their gender or race. Bambam is a used car salesman with an eye for the main chance and a tendency to sell you snake oil and Hilary is so rabidly ambitious you can actually taste it if you get within 500 miles of her (Tastes a bit like chicken oddly enough) with no idea other than to glorify herself. I gaurantee you the woman will take America to war with someone just so she can be a "war leader" just as Thatcher did with the Falklands she'll manufacture a greivance with some small defenceless country.lol But don't think i favour Bambam simply because the history of the world shows that wimmen in power are a recipe for national disaster, no i think any man that publicly professes a strong belief in Gawd aught to be barred forever from political office.If you are so lacking in rational thought as to believe in fairy stories you really shouldn't be given any chance of holding power over other more reasonable people (or even utter dummies fer that matter lol).
lol Me cats distracted me and i've lost me train o thought behind the sofa and now i just can't be bothered blethering on.
Catch yer laters me commentators.
Kissys!!!!!! | |
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14 Comments | |
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| Baggy bits. |
Feb 6, 2008 3:54 am
1298 Views | Elouise oh Elouise
Princess of the 7 seas
Elouise my Elouise
Mistress of the southern breeze
Elouise sweet Elouise
Godess of the plants and trees
Elouise strange Elouise
You fill me with an odd dis-ease.
Place your precious hand
Gentle on my simple brow
Take my rising temperature
As only you know how.
In our search for easy dollars
We have made what's good turn bad
We have squandered all the glory
of the blessings that we had
In the forsaking of our nature,
In denying who we are
We have cut away our beauty
and left a weeping scar.
As you can see it's bag cleaning day.lol Scraps of crap is how i describe these left-overs but i always think "there's a poem in there somewhere" i'm just too lazy to go find the missing words.
Anyhoo.
On my travels today i saw a little girl on her way to school slip and fall on her buttski on an icy puddle. She got up unperturbed, smiled at me and proceed to slide back and forth with glee.
How your attitude to life alters with age huh?lol As a child each disaster is an adventure in disguise, as an adult, each disaster is Gawd taking the piss (the fecker).
C'est la vie.
Kissys to all you grown up feckers. | |
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23 Comments | |
| Lazy lazy Jake. |
Feb 4, 2008 4:17 am
1430 Views | I am so lazy i haven't done any housework in days and my lounge carpet has started to crunch when i walk over it. It desperately needs a dang good sucking from the Hoover but i just can't be bovvered. The dishes in my sink have been piling up since last Thursday and me garden is so overgrown you need a machete to negotiate the garden path.Still i sit resolutely uninterested.I have no energy at all.I just wanna wallow in me baff or snooze on me sofa.I've decided it's my diet that's the problem.Too much haggis not enough veg' but i just can't summon up the enthusiasm to make myself the occassional salad, it's just too much work, all that peelin and choppin, when i can just ping something stodgy in the microwave.
I really need taking in hand so i do. Any volunteers laydees? | |
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20 Comments | |
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