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woodlandcreatures
  
stories for old kids
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Catwummans imminent visit. Nov 14, 2006 6:32 am
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Well my "home visit" from the laydee from the Cat protection league is due in the next half hour. Seems a bit odd as i know the wumman that runs the place, Rhona, quite well (if'n you follow me) so why she needs to go through the formalities i'm not quite sure. Maybe she's gonna way-lay me?lol. Anyhoo i find out wether i'm deemed a suitable slave to one of her minions soon.Actually i might ask for 2 (just so i have one for spare lol) I thought seeing as nobody ever wants 'em i might ask for an older cat as well as a baby kitten. I'll wait and see what kinda mood she's in first lol.
I cleaned my living room to within an inch of it's life and hid all the junk in the kitchen. Bet you any money she wants to sit in the kitchen lol.
Wish me luck, though why i should need it i'm not sure.
18 Comments
Naming things. Nov 14, 2006 4:19 am
1614 Views
This is an old, early post i have just regurjitated cos i wanna post something but i can't be bothered thinking so i repeat meself shamelessly.
So there!.lol

I cannot remember names.
Because of this i give everyone i meet a nick-name as a sort of aide-memoir.
All the local squids have been re-christened by me.Mostly the nicknames stick and they are going through their lives with a silly monicker.
This is occassionally unfortunate. Banana Jan (was an appropriate name for a little blonde girl).You can imagine what all the boys think it refers to now she's an 18 year old. Likewise fer sticky Nicky (who was tall and thin as a child)Poor Scaley Caley (who was accident prone and always had scabby knees and elbows from falling off her bike or whatever).Lord knows what people make of her nick-name.
There's Eariwig Erin and frog-faced Amy, Nicky-big ears,Snickers and on and on.
I wonder if one day i'll be prosecuted fer child-abuse.
But the parents don't escape.
There's my neighbour who is 6 foot 7 (you'd love him laydees .Enormously tall , slim and dark) i call him Long Tall Sally (but never to his face) His wife , who i gossip with endlessly and who knows everybodies business, i call her "the oracle.
For years i lived next door to a woman called Charmagne (you'd think i could remember a name like that) I called her QE2 cause when she walked down the path away from you it was like watching a liner going oot to sea. (very big girl was Charmagne).
Even as a child i seemed to have been renaming people. I lived next door to a girl called Evelyn, i couldn't say Evelyn (i was only 3 or 4 at the time). Still to this day she is known to everyone as Yoyo.
You might be thinking "How come you escaped the nick naming".
Praise be to Rolf Harris.When i was a small boy he released a song called "Jake the peg" and from then on i was called Jake by my family and friends and now no-one even knows it's not my given name.(well obviously my parents do). Prior to the saintly Rolfs hit i was known as Jackie-duff Because my name is Jack and i was as a small boy shaped rather like a plum duff- round and squidgy.
I could have gone through life as Jackie-duff (i still have an uncle who calls me Jackie, i never know who he's talking to- oh yeah , that's me).
So i'd like you all to join me now in expressing a great big thank you to the saintly Rolf Harris.
Without whom i'd have been a very different man.
3 Comments
Jake's world view. Nov 13, 2006 5:08 am
1665 Views
Society is a glass of polluted water.
Left alone, the scum will rise to the top and the dross will sink to the bottom.
Communists think that it's somehow possible to levitate the dregs and sink the scum.
Capitalists want to add more dregs so that the scum overflows and becomes seperate from society.
Anarchists think you can pour society into another glass and somehow that will be an improvement.
Religions beleive that the best you can hope for is that their invisible friend Gawd will miraculously make the pollution go away and purify the glass but till then the best you can hope for is that you evaporate into the ether.
Realists know that the only clean place in society is the middle and that's all that is worth aspiring to.
I beleive that this is all bowlicks but i couldn't think of anything fun to write lol.
Tata fer noo me terrapins.
8 Comments
In Memorium. Nov 10, 2006 12:27 am
2096 Views
Early last evening, Willow T Fat Cat, my constant companion of these many years, meowed four or five times and departed from his gentle life.
He was a cat of enormous personality and will be as much missed as he was loved.
36 Comments
Poor me. Nov 8, 2006 1:18 am
1786 Views
All i said was i'd take her to the pictures if she weren't married, i didn't expect her to divorce the talentless gimp.
I'm gonna have to start securing my bedroom window again now that Britters is back on the prowl.
10 Comments
Poetry update (Just ignore it unless you like scrolling ferever lol) Nov 6, 2006 3:59 pm
1818 Views
Just updating me blog poems post.

DUMBFOUNDED T DAWGS LAMENT.

It wuzn't me wot ate yer meat.
I never moved from this here seat.
It weren't me, it were the cat.
I'd never do nuffin as bad as that.

I never peed in yer best dress shoes.
I di'n't do no big poo-poos.
I'd never do nuffin like that.
It weren't me, it were the cat.

Di'n't chew through yer video wire,
Di'n't have nuffin to do wit' that fire.
I could never be so mean as that.
It weren't me.
It were the cat!

BIG Girly

She has her own universe.
She has her own gravity.
The sun and the moon are hers
And she's made an asteroid of me.

She has her own border posts.
She has her own demarkation line.
Her circumference is uncharted coasts.
And she's annexed and occupied mine.

WHEN WORDS WON'T WORK

The words that should be said,
Withered, whitened on whisper-lips.
Fell to earth unuttered.
Secrets are saved in the spirals of their DNA.
There are tales of treasure hidden in this bed.
There is hope on the horizon where sunlight dips.
Communication started but sadly stuttered,
And now they speak with nothing left to say.

INVITATION TO VOYAGE

Will you sail with me?
Out beyond the sight of man,
Out upon the feral sea,
Out beyond chart or plan.
Will you sail with me?

DIFFERENT STARS.

Far away on a distant shore,
I tasted loneliness in the salt sea air.
Though my spirit sank lower and lower,
I did not concede to despair.
At night my thoughts travelled to your door,
And took up hopeful residence there.

POETRYS PURPOSE.

A pristine thought so uncorrupted.
A path of reason uninterrupted.
A phrase so beautifully crafted.
No other words suit, once it's drafted.

AN ANCIENT LULLABY

At night the desert sings an ancient lullaby.
Under a gibbous moon a campfire burns.
Below a canvas roof two lovers lie.
Selfish as they are they take their torture in turns.
In turns, in turns, they take their torture in turns.

The stars bless this union of man and mate.
They cling together in fear of seperation.
Hopeful that the unwished for dawn will wait.
Exhausted as they are they make their lovers pledge in perspiration.
In perspiration, in perspiration, they make their lovers pledge in perspiration.

LOVE-STRUCK!
Your Mercedes, sweetheart, swept me off my feet.
Your love left me in the hospital,
Counting my luckier teeth.
My segmented leg thanks you,
for the attention it received.
As for my missing fingers?
Well, i'm sure i had more than i need.
If you hadn't mown me down, darlin',
I never would have met you
And though i'd be a much wholer man,
My life would still be pooh.
Except,
Sweetheart,
The next time you want my attention.
(Though it's presumptious advice i barely dare mention)
Perhaps you could just say hi
and talk about the news?
Rather than counting your kind hello's
In every painful bruise.
After all,
Amour,
Hitting someone with yer big old car,
Is somehow taking flirting just a little bit too far.

P.T. Bar None

Oh Lorraine, my quiche Lorraine
You look a Perfect Treat,
Full of yummy calories
And good enough to eat.

Lorraine, oh my sweet Lorraine,
My French-Canadian dream,
I know you're really health-food
Made with precious cream.

Lorraine, my darling Lorraine,
With all your womanly power.
My living image of Venus
And as tall as the Eiffel Tower.

ENIGMATIC

When sleep will not have me,

I lie restless in my bed.

My woes will not let me be,

(But you my beloved Angel)

Hush the horrors in my head

ONLY JOKING
Only think of this.
My sweetheart and my Nemisis
Occupy one blessed shape.
What a kind and cruel jape.

FAREWELL FORBIDDEN

Put it off till tomorrow.
Let it wait another day.
Keep that thought in abeyance,
While there's other things to say.
Reveal not to me your feelings,
Though they want but for expression.
Say "what a day you've been having"
And stifle your confession.
I shall not hear of past love
And all your present sorrow.
If only you will keep those secrets,
For a happier tomorrow.
If you must bid farewell my darling.
Let it be on a kinder dawn.
Some time when i'm stronger
And can bear to know you're gone.
Though, certain. i should warn you
Such a day may not arrive.
For i find it unlikely i'll stop loving you
As long as i'm alive.

DECEIT.

In the room,lit now
As then by wax and wick.
Where light and love
played it's first-born trick.
Her luscious,
Lying tongue would lick
Till his sweat ran hot
and his blood ran quick.

Under this moon
and under this roof
She offered up lies,
He offered up truth.
She gave him her body
As misleading proof.
Promised an eye for an eye
and a tooth for crooked tooth.

Her heart was a secret
His...indiscreet.
Her lips were a poisonous
source of deceit.
She coupled her lies
to the stains on the sheet.
"I love you, I need you
And i never will cheat!".

EVER ALONE

Alone, ever alone
That word reminds the tears
dammed behind years
of building sea-walls.
Knowing, one small crack
Will bring that monumental edifice
Crumblin and tumbling
Into sand and stone.
I must shore up my defences.
But alone, ever alone
That cruel word betrays me.
What a sorrowful way
to start and end your day.
Alone,
Ever alone.

Bits o poems

You hold your anger so tight
When you're convinced you're right.
I wish you'd let it go
It does you no good at all you know.

Give me sand (lots of sand)
and i'll make a desert.
Give me se lots of se x)
and i'll make love.
Give me land (lots of land)
and i'll build an empire.
Give me fools (lots of fools))
and i'll found a faith.

Ophelia, Ophelia
I love your dark despair.
The feline way you barely seem to care.
Let the whole world gawp and stare.
It means blessed little
to my Ophelia fair.

It gives him such a thrill
To think a girl of 18 shocks
Finds him handsome still.

Eskimo girls, Eskimo girls
I wanna have your babies
I don't even mind if you bite a bit
and maybe give me rabies.

Old age crept into my bones
as i slept away my youth
and all those beautiful lies
were eaten by horrid truth.

I have known love so dark
It swallowed the light from my soul
I have known love so cold
It froze all the hopes of my youth.

A WORD IN YOUR SHELL-LIKE.

You left me
a shell upon the beach.
You struggled so thoughtlessly
beyond my reach.
I wonder
if you wonder at all?
Maybe think
then forget to call?
Here i remain
battered by the tide.
Far too far
distant from your side.
Pick me back up,
put me in your pocket.
Have me polished
and put me in a locket.
I'm just a shell discarded
it's true
But no-one can love you
quite like i do.



UNLOVED and UNWANTED

Never to be desired again
As i was in my youth.
Never again to be happily hoodwinked
'Cause i simply know the truth.
Never to see sleep as an enemy.
Never any less or more lonely
Never, oh never
To be loved as i was.
Never to see naked lust
In youthful, sweetheart eyes.
Never to swallow, unthinkingly
A parcel of obvious lies.
Never to be so terribly wanted
That she declares her soul is haunted
Never oh never
To be loved as i was.

another unfinished poem

I am uncertain of my place in life.
A family man without a wife.
A father in a childless home.
A constant friend but still alone.

FOUL-MOUTHED SEABIRDS.

The Tourettes afflicted seagulls,
Scream abuse as i near the sea.
Dirty little feckers swear worse than smoking Beagles.
And aim in my direction their choice obscenity.
"Feck you, you featherless fecker,
With yer shapeless wings and misplaced pecker.
I'll stick this beak right up yer bum
Then i'll peck yer friggin mum
You vile, obnoxious, human scum."

Seagulls hate people.
It's a fact o life.
Deal with it.

GROWING UP

In the solitude of moments,
I wish upon the moon
and curse my great good fortune
that brought me here too soon
i was destined for much lesser things
i strove and overcame
hark upon my heart-wrung voice
you can do the same.
Take every ounce of courage
expend all your lifes possessions
creep into some lovers arms
and treasure her confessions.
Think for a life-time on love.
Ponder the great unknown.
look back upon your tiny self
and marvel, at how you've grown.

LONESOME DAYS
Catch my incurable disease.
Suffer from my sad malaise.
Dally with my hearts unease,
Then yearn for your lonesome days

JENNY AMOUR.

Jenny amour how sweet your lips.
How gentle the sound of your voice.
You were by far my best,
most wonderful choice.
Jenny amour, the warmth in my bed.
My Christmas present each day.
I love the very damp spot,
Where you languorously lay.

ALL ABOUT THE S EX.

We barely know each other.
Our skins are imtimate friends.
We are enslaved to our naked selves.
But when we speak.
This passion ends.

JEALOUS SEA

The Ocean is jealous of the rivers affair with the land.
The way they kiss so lovingly is more than she can stand.
So she rages at the rocks.Crashes on the cliffs.
Tossing aside mans sailboat toys and flimsy little skiffs.

ORDINARY

Do you think me ordinary?
Do you think me plain?
Perhaps a little quirky
But ultimately sane?
Do you think me common?
Do you think me transparent?
Pure? Unsullied
and hardly ever errant?

DIANA, HUNTRESS OF MY INNOCENCE.

When the daylight sneaks into my room
And falls, light upon your skin.
Finds you weaving,lethargic,on loves loom.
Sweetest
of Dianas kin.
Oh huntress of these bedroom climes,
I am your willing prey.
Catch me with your unkempt rhymes
and have your wicked way.
Tether me to this island bed
With words and silken thongs.
Starve my heart
while it's well-fed
Don't limit to rights.
Do wrongs.
Blindfold your lover, under this cover,
Fire up your favourite toy.
Make a man of what was once
A shrinking little boy.
Take me places i'm too scared to go
Teach me things i really oughtn't know.
Make my intumescence, positively grow.
Make me squawk like a fricken crow.
Diana, sweet Diana.
I know you have plans for that banana.

FAITHLESS.

And so i sing along
To every lovely song
And wonder if her heart is breaking too?
Every sad old tune,
Reminds me, all too soon,
I'll count the cost of being so untrue.
Lonesome is my fate,
For remembering too late,
All i ever truely wanted was you.

SHARON KNOWS

Sharon knows
We are all children of the sun or the moon.
We are all playthings of the tides.
It is not emotion but gravity that makes us swoon.
The weather and the way we are simply co-incide.

We are (one and all) facsimiles of another,
Each one claiming their origonal sin.
But in truth, one is sister, one is brother.
Where one family ends a new one will begin.

God was invented to ease a childs tears.
Religion casts a shadow on the soul of man.
Jesus died on the cross to assuage mens fears.
Nothing does as much evil as idiot beleif can.

Sometimes love is neither kind nor gentle
There are places were thought cannot safely travel.
Logic and reason are not sentimental.
There are times when we all might simply unravel.

Words can cut much deeper than any knife.
The wound that's left may never heal.
We're commanded by our emotional life.
What we think is always slave to what we feel.

Beauty is not always easy on the eye.
Horror may have the face of Appollo.
The truth can be deceiving as a lie.
Eat till you're full, for hunger may follow.

She knows too much and not enough
The universe is made of Math's
Seas while seeming calm can suddenly turn rough
Time on earth is measured in laughs.

Sharon knows.

LOVE ME BECAUSE.

Throw your kisses on the fire.
Let love be judged and measured.
See what your smile inspires.
Each uttered word so treasured.
Catch me like the Asian flu.
Fear this heart-born infection.
Listen.
Every word is true.
You are my only object of affection.
Love me!
Because i love you.

ABSENT-MINDED LOVE

I forgot how to love you. I woke up one morning and it was gone.
The certainty, The surety, The guarantee.
No longer able to remember the words to an over-familiar song.

I forgot how to love you.
I'm lost, miserable, forlorn.
Where once you filled me completely,
Now I find, hollowness, emptyness, vacancy.
I forgot how to love you.

ALWAYS ON THE LIST
. .
The one thing I neglect,
The one thing I always forget.
No doubt it would end my sorrow,
So I must remember it tomorrow.

It's not like it's even small,
You'd think I couldn't miss it at all.
Every day returning empty-handed,
Forgetting what my heart demanded.

I'm sure one day I will acquire,
The one thing I truly desire.
I hope, dear reader, you get the gist,
Of, what is always on my list.

AFTERGLOW

Friction burned
and achey-backed
Yawning-tired
and empty sacked.
Dissipated
Sated
Used and abused.
You had your way with me.
Sleepy-eyed
and tousled hair
Unclad, naked
and utterly bare.
Unsuitable
but beautiful.
Sweet treat.
You found me full
and left me empty.

ARBOREAL EMOTIONS.

I am a tree, and when you touch me,
my human child,
it does horrible things to me.
Infects my bark, pollutes my sap
and for a decade I’m dizzy.
I am a tree, and you my human child,
are the wrong species for me.

Perhaps a lovely shrub or even a little Anemone,
Would be a passing comfort to me.
A little bird to roost snugly in my arms,
Has its undoubted charms.
But you my human child,
you are the wrong species for me.

Yet I yearn, over the century, so much for your company.
Though you, my human child,
are the wrong species for me.

BETTER TO GIVE.

I gave you a promise and a ring.
You gave me an itchy rash.
I gave you a big chocolate "thing".
You gave me the lash.

I gave you a nice new home.
You hoiked me out before the paint had dried.
I gave you a silver brush and a silver comb.
You gave me back my fish-fried
.
I gave you encouragement and optimism.
You gave me mockery and derision.
I gave you the future in a pretty vision.
You gave me a bloody big heart-shaped incision.

I gave you a car and a horse
You gave me a thank you note
I gave you a lucrative divorce
You laughed at the poetry I wrote.

I gave you diamonds and gold.
You gave me second-hand cake.
I gave you the profit from the soul that I sold.
You called me Jack but my name is Jake.

I gave you laughter and smiles.
You gave me grimaces and gurns.
I gave you forbearance measured in miles.
You gave me a winkler that burns.

I gave you unconditional love.
You gave me the instructions for the washing machine.
I gave you all I could reach, below and above.
You gave me a todger that's slowly turning green.

I gave you wisdom and sagacity.
You gave me the horoscope from the "Sun".
I gave you innocence and simplicity.
You gave me little joy and even less fun.

I gave you romance and passion.
You gave me boredom and tedium.
I gave you the latest fashion.
You gave me perfumed odium.

I gave you chips and crispy duck.
You gave me an opener and a tin of cat food.
I gave you bracelets and charms for good luck.
You gave me a coat with a ginormous hood.

I gave you lessons in English and Maths.
You gave me a course of Penicillin.
I helped you comprehend algebra and graphs.
You gave me a pie without the filling.

I gave you the beautiful words in my head.
You gave me the voice of the gutter.
I gave you the Sunday papers and brekkie in bed.
You gave me a twitch and a st-st-stutter.

I gave you all my attention
You gave me a nod and half a smile.
I gave you things I barely dare to mention.
You said my suggestions were vile.

I gave you my place in the sun,
You gave me extremely subdued lighting.
I filled your oven with a beautiful bun.
You said, you wished I’d stop writing!

CHRIS.

Chris is an adventurer.
Discovery is what his life is for.
Chris sees mystery in things life simply explains
Miracles are in every riddle that remains.

Chris's countenance is noble and brave.
There's not a damsel he wouldn't save.
Chris is forbearing and never complains
He suffers in silence all life’s' pains.

Chris is hopeful and optimistic.
No clouds of gloom will ever stick.
Chris is my hero but he's no handsome hunk.
Chris is a beautiful, furry-faced, white Chipmunk.

EAT, SLEEP, DREAM

She takes a rhyme
and tosses it ear to ear,
Juggling the words till the meaning comes clear.
She eats alphabetti spaghetti before she goes to bed
So when she wakes in the night,
there's poetry running through her head.

She lives her life in rhythm and rhyme,
Tries to make her whole life scan,
And it rankles her endlessly,
the asymmetrical nature of man.

She wants the world to be a poem
Not some vulgar piece of prose
And the fact that it isn't,
really gets up her nose.

HAVING HAVE HAD.

Having chosen the path of least resistance.
Having taken the road most traveled.
Having only heard the voice of most insistence.
Having seen all my mysteries unraveled.

I have lived a life of predictability.
I have lacked in talent and ability.
I have rested on what laurels I had.
Always last to follow the latest fad.

Had I chosen differently.
Had I chosen recklessly.
Had I only been able to see.
Safe, isn't how life is meant to be.

HOPELESS ADVICE TO THE HOPELESS.

Don't think, don’t ponder, don’t contemplate,
Don't find things to complicate.
Don't chase the moon or the stars.
Be content with the way things are.

Don't pine, don’t long, don’t yearn.
Don't hope for things you cannot earn.
Don't take risks, trust to luck or chance.
And don't even try to dance.

Don't strive for beauty, be happy with pretty.
Don't be a star, be a celebrity.
Don't try to compensate for things you lack.
Don't love anything that won't love you back.

JACKIE ANN LASHBROOK.

She shares a poetry page with me,
She shares my name.
She writes in a different style to me,
But, pretty much, the sentiment's the same.

I wonder how old she is?
Could be daughter, mother, sister, twin?
I wonder how tall she is?
Could be ginormous, fat as a bus, stick-insect thin.

What does she do with her time?
Does she have family or is she alone?
Is she planning the perfect crime?
Does she talk dirty on her telephone?

Is she a temptress or is she a mouse?
Is she some kind of right-wing nutter?
Is she an adventuress or bound to her house?
Does she prefer margarine to butter?

Is she all dots where I am dashes?
Is she an enigma or plain as paper?
Does she have incredibly long eyelashes?
If we met would I like her?

Is she a duchess or dowager?
Does she drive a big old truck?
Does she have lots of facial hair?
Does she believe in luck?

Is she my ally or my Nemesis?
Does she recognise the "Poets bond",
Will she know where I’m going with this?
And will she reply and respond?

LIMPET LOVE.

Shackled to you,
You know I am.
And you couldn't care less.
Your biddable slave
you know I am,
Just another dolly for you to dress.

Easily you take me,
Easier still, you leave
And I have no say.
One way or another,
you're not really bothered
whether you go or you stay.

Tethered to you,
you know I am.
Should I live or die,
you won't bat an eye.
Stuck with super-glue,
that's me to you.
Your loving, longing, limpet.

LUCIA'S LAMENT.

Lucia longs for love, (like I do).
She yearns for serenity.
She sees dark clouds on sunshine days.
She dismisses, offhand, serendipity.

Lucia sleeps alone (like I do).
She hopes for redemption.
She sees sorrow in every smile.
She calls love, delusion.

Lucia wishes for tranquility (like I do).
She's immersed in cynicism.
Romance is her deadly enemy.
Her closest ally, pessimism.

MATHEMATICAL LOVE.

I have proven
by algebraic calculation.
Should you and I,
simply disregard pi
X and Y
Equals elation

I'll disprove
E=MC squared
if the result is you and me paired.

I'll turn the world of math's
right on its over-sized head
If it means I and you
end up in my bed.

MY RASH DECISION.

You are the irritation just below my skin.
The odd sense of failure whenever I win.
You're high maintenance and low return.
You are the lesson I never learn.
You are the "special" in "special needs".
The destination where all roads lead.
You're all the wrong things I’ve desired.
You are prose when poetry is required.

PERFECTLY NICE.(Amy’s' poem)

From bud to blossom I’ve watched you grow.
I've tried to pass on a little I know.
You've been a joy in my darker days,
A solace in many, many ways.

You've been Jim Hawkins to my Ben Gunn.
I'm your Friday, you're my Robinson.
And though it's no surprise,
(with your beautiful, gentle eyes)
You've gone from chubby grub to butterfly.

I wish I could take some credit for your loveliness
But it's all your own doing, more or less.
So here's one more piece of paternal advice.
Always be what you are, Perfectly nice.

PUTNEY BRIDGE TEARS.

Crying on Putney Bridge.
Owls hoot along the Thames,
On the water are sparkly gems,
And she's as cold as a fridge.

Shrugging and removing her coat
Better to feel the cold
16 and already much too old
She'd like to dive in and just float.

Thoughts like ravens in the Tower
Pecking at her last reserves.
Hanging on for one more hour
Hoping for what she deserves.

Drunken song along the bank.
She tries to catch the words.
Stumbling along to a taxi rank.
The stench of vomit among the needles and condoms and turds

Pockets empty as a bankers heart.
She promises the driver a tip.
He calls her "a dirty little tart".
Knowing shy smile she bites her lip.

Bobbing her head she pays her fare.
Her stomach turns as she swallows hard.
Dreaming herself some-other-where.
Away from this bucket of lard.

She wanders, numbly, through the station,
Feeling quite lost and alone,
Searching the boards for inspiration,
She suddenly thinks of home.

Now it seems not so bad.
The place from where she fled.
Her uptight mother, her work-shy dad.
She wants to return to that life she led.

Boarding the train she sits in "First class",
Knowing only too well, where best to sell her \bass\b.
Just one more trick to take her home.
Back to the delights of Ilfracombe.

SIREN SONG TO SUZANNE.

Call me to you.
Lift your head and say my name.
Borrow a megaphone and wake the town.
Dub me your Prince and give me a crown.
Curse the day you met me, for breaking your heart,
and so easily mending the harm.
Call me beloved. The epitome of charm.

Call me sweetheart. Call me amour.
Say I’m a disease you have for which there is no cure.
Say my name out loud. Like it's never been said.
Say it till it slips,
moist,
into the mattress of your bed.

Say you love me utterly and really mean those words.
Say my voice is prettier than the singing of the birds.
Say you love me! Say you love me!!Damn it! Say it!!

SKIPPER.

I shared his joy.
Stubby, manic tail flicking above yellow waves of wheat.
Each summer morning, door-waiting, desperate for another day to greet.
Furry ball of happiness, adventure-bound.
My much missed, much loved, childhood hound.

SMALL FISH.

When I first caught my sweetheart,
She was a guppy, an elver, a stickleback.
And being too small
I threw her back.
Now.
Now she's a rainbow trout,
A sexy salmon, a dish of a fish.
And I,
Moral-boned idiot,
I threw her back!

UN-ANCHORED LOVE.

Love is not fixed,
anchored like a tall ship in a bay.
It infinitely changes day to day
And is as varied in flavour as ice-cream.
Sometimes it's bitter-lime and green
Sometimes sugary-lemon sweet
Others, a passionate strawberry treat.
Even vanilla-plain has its day.
Every conceivable confectionary
will fill your heart some day.
But no matter how you might pray
For unchanged diet and constancy,
Love is never, ever "the same".

UNCHARTED LOVER.

She wore little more than a Freudian slip
'round her slender waist a golden belt
Adorned with a butterfly on each hip.
She had wonderous, sparkling eyes of green
And few places on her body where a man hadn't been,
But she was unexplored to me,

A tropical, mystery-filled desert isle.
I yearned to surround her like the sea
And chart each part, every glorious mile.
I'm Columbus, DeGama, Livingstone.
I want to take her traveling
Just to bring her home.

UNFINISHED

I did not surrender I was captured,
But if I’m your prisoner, you are mine.
Bewitched, charmed, enraptured,
Your love broke my line.

I was not missing I was lost,
But if you found me, I found you.
Neither of us thought to count the cost,
Now we're imprisoned, What can we do?

I was neither drowning nor waving,
When you dived in to rescue me.
I really didn't need saving.
It was futile, don't you see?

UNLOVED DWARF.

In your presence
quiet is warm,
Comfortable.
In your absence
your silence
punishes.
By your side
I am inspired.
Alone,
I am utterly undesired.
By your side
I'm tall and lithe.
Away from you
I'm under-sized.
Your neglect
Diminishes me.
Come home sweetheart
and make me, Me!

WIMMEN!

For you I altered, re-arranged.
New friends made,
old estranged.
I thinned, I perfumed, I groomed.
With all your wants
I was consumed.
For you I improved, I studied.
Your enemy’s noses I bloodied.
For you I smiled, I wept.
All desire, for you I kept.
I kept myself complete for you
and what exactly did you do?
Ran off with some fat, prat!

WISHING FOR SPRING.

Oh to be thin again,
now that Spring is here.
Oh to be lithe and loverly
Slender, slim, unblubbery.

Oh to be gorgeous
before the summer flowers.
Without the need to exercise
for absolutely hours.

Oh to be miraculously muscled
Beautifully toned and buffed,
Sexily smooth-skinned
and fashionably roughed.

Oh to be desirable
Now that Spring is here.

TEN THINGS.(For Josephine)

Name me ten things you'd like to eat.
Chocolate, fudge, octopussy.
Little piggy-wiggies feet?
Name me ten celeb's you'd like to meet.
The Queen, the Pope, good ole Brucey,
Little pillock, Andre- Pete.

Name me ten places you'd like to go.
Anywhere that's not here,
Anywhere there's sunshine.....or snow.
Name me ten things you'd like to know.
Why sometimes things so far away seem so near,
Sometimes driving fast still feels slow.

Name me ten things that make you laugh.
Posh's fashion sense, Beckham's chameleon hair.
Ducks and frogs in your bath.
Name me ten records to play on the phonograph.
"It's a long way from here to Clare"
The Who, the Stones, Van der graph?

Name me ten things you’d like to do.
Cross the Sahara on horseback.
Ride your bike to Timbuctoo.
(Have lots of pets and tame a shrew)
Name me ten things you’d like to eschew.
Things you say and can’t take back
Having to use a public loo.

Name me ten reasons I love you.
The way you giggle ,goggle, smile.
The things you say, the things you do.
Name me ten things you know are true.
Big brother contestants are always vile.
Stinky cheese smells like pooh.

Name me ten reasons I really love you.
‘Cause ten times, ten times, ten
I DO!

BIG AMY'S BIRTHDAY POEM.

Prime-time Princess, walk out in the world,
Mingle in the crowd.
Have your straight hair curled.
Do all that’s legally allowed.

fall in and out of love.
Sail out beyond the shore.
Search for treasure, below and above.
Open every window and every door.

be free of all life’s woes,
But bound to earth by family ties.
Smile a lot and don’t pick your nose.
Don’t tell secrets and don’t tell lies.

be just as happy as you can.
Take and hold, the joy you acquire.
Remember there’s always, always, another man.
And don’t be a slave to your own desire.

BAD POETRY.

prostitute my thoughts,
Put them on your dinner plate.
Sell them off in separate lots.
Open my mind and leave it to fate.

Empty out the dark and the light.
Say it all out loud.
Don’t discriminate wrong from right.
Every belief and bigotry allowed.

Every childish, naïve notion.
(Climb beyond the well-known hills.)
Fill each line with mock emotion.
Immortalise your petty ills.

Have a drink. Pop a pill.
Elucidate something deeply trivial.
Find something precious to kill.
Say you can’t but I know you will.
Find something precious to kill!

MOTHERS MONSTER.

A thumping on the stairs.
A pounding in the hall.
Suddenly music blares.
(“Pink” I think)
But I couldn’t be sure at all.

I lie atrembling in my bed,
As the kitchen kettle switches on.
Preparing myself, in my head,
To be horribly leapt upon.

Silly, but I think of the things I should have cleaned.
All the tasks I left undone.
Then I’m smothered by my own Josey Fiend,
Calling me “her loverly mum”.

Monsters should be malicious.
Demons aren’t supposed to be sweet,
But mine can be delicious,
A wickedly naughty, mischievous treat.

Nose hair plucked, moustache trimmed.
Boots polished, jodhpurs cleaned.
Hair all primped and primmed.
My adorable little Josey Fiend.

Some Angels come in odd disguises.
Some keep thier sweet heart secret.
Some come with hidden prizes.
Some haven't quite flowered yet.

My monster manages me.
She copes with my hard times.
Her affection is the picture of constancy.
Whatever i am, she rhymes.

I wouldn't part with my monster for money.
Unless it was more than fifty p.
She's my sweetest, honey-bunny.
And precious as chocolate to me.

RUDE POEM.

Move closer and grab a cuddle.
Squeeze my bum and squeal.
Get confused, get in a muddle.
Choose another part of me to feel.

Let all your inhibitions melt.
Remove all your matrons’ attire.
Put on your tiniest skirt (or just a belt)
And tell me your rudest desires.

Purr for me pussycat,
Hiss and scratch and bite.
Squeak and say you are my lap-rat.
Do what you know is wrong (‘cause it feels so right!)

TATOOED FOR LOVE.

Inked her name on a friendly skin.
Laid claim to a new possession.
Victory when her hopes were thin.
Ensured the monogomous line of succession.

Her name should make his spine tingle.
He must love her right down to the bone.
She must never, ever be single.
She will not, she cannot, be alone.

SHE IS NOT WAS!

She is beaver honey.
She is pussycat milk.
She is monopoly money.
She is man-made silk.

She's not a genuine antique.
She's not my one true love.
She's not the mountain's peak.
She's not my matching glove.

She was this season's fashion.
She was a passing fad.
She was a momentary passion.
She was,
What made me,
Glad.

HER HAND.

Sorrow in the parting of her lips.
The tongue that licked my tongue.
Departed, my hand from her hips.
Silenced, the song that we sung.

I cannot let go of her hand.
My mind is still holding it now.
Like i'm facing some final demand.
I shan't pay.I don't know how.

I cannot let go of her hand
Her heart is long grown cold
And her smile no longer welcomes.
Ownership may change. She remains unsold.
She has lived in all of my homes.

Oh i cannot let go of her hand.

LAS PALABRES CAEN. (Words fall)

Las palabras caen.
Como piedras en el mar.
A lo lejos de usted a mí.
En el tiempo que lo toma para llorar.
Del nacimiento hasta que usted muera.
Las palabras caen.
Como el padre de días, la noche.
En bellezas amada vista.
En todo que está equivocado o correcto.
De la ignorancia oscurecida a la luz instruida.
Las palabras caen.

LES MOTS TOMBENT. (Words fall)

Les mots tombent.
Comme les pierres dans la mer.
Au loin de vous à moi.
Dans le temps qu'il prend pour pleurer.
De la naissance jusqu'à ce que vous mourez.
Les mots tombent.
Comme le parent de jours, la nuit.
Dans beautés bien-aimées aperçoit.
Dans tout qu'a tort ou bon.
De l'ignorance assombrie à savoir allume.
Les mots tombent.

NEW VISTA

I want a new perspective,
Some clearer point of view.
Wanna swap all my false Gods
For something wholly new.
Wanna eradicate my prejudice,
And the place from where it grew.
Wanna slough all the lies i've been wearing
And only don what's true.

HAPPY IN LOVE.

Happy in the dark, warm hours.
Happy though they know not why.
Happy 'mongst the shadowed bowers.
Happy is the lovers sigh.

FIRST TIMES.

She is stuck onto his body
Adhered by perspiration.
Movement causes rude eruptions
From in between their skins.
Announcing to the world
A lovers declaration.
This sodden, sweat-soaked bed
Is where this love begins.

POSITIVEL IN LOVE.

She is my positive thought.
She is my souls redemption.
What good-intentioned prayers brought,
My Heaven's gate exemption.

She is my unexpired hope.
She's atop my every list.
A problem with which i can cope.
The salve for my aching wrist.

She is my own Britney Spears.
My scarey Mariah Carey.
She's my racing bike with 28 gears.
A dangerous beast 'round which i'm unwary.

She's in every love song that i write.
She's all the sins i confess.
My comfort in the middle of the night.
The great good fortune that i bless.

TOUCHY TOUCHY..

I want to touch you where you've never been touched.
Bulgaria, or somewheres in that area?
I wanna be the favourite thing you ever clutched.
Love is such a leap but loving me is scarier.

DON'T CONFORM TO NON-CONFORMITY.(quit gazing at yer navel)

Never be different for the sake of being different.
Never be the same just to be the same.
Never swallow an idea like an abortifacient.
Never strip away yer idiosyncrasies to see what will remain.

EACH MAN FINDS HIS MOTHER.

The UmbilicalChord is never cut
It is simply grafted from one female to another
And so the nurture of man continues,But
Sometimes the host rejects,
The pre-ordained role
Of
Mother.

HER HESITANT VICTIM.

I am reluctantly in love
I resisted the urge to surrender
And the one who won my heart
Was the unlikeliest contender.
Five foot tall & built like a girl
She beat me senseless with ease.
Flipped my emotions to a gentle whirl
She does with me what she will please.

NUT CRUNCH?

You and i don't suit,
We are inappropriate.
We stradle, so precarious.
The line of love and hate.
And when, one day we topple,
Which side will it be?
Your hand upon my testicles
Or will it be your knee?

PRIMUS AMOUREUSE.

Ah ken't it in ma napper
Thon bonny lass sae fine,
Was never gonnae be
The first and last o' mine.
Though i ken't sae much
I ken't sae little too,
And efter a' these years
She's ben ma heart still noo.
A' other lasses came and went.
Nae ither maids did tarry
Except thon one i promised to
But never took tae marry

KISSYS

I counted all the kisses you gave me.
More than 7 and less than i million and five.
And each and every one of them
Made me glad to be alive.

HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG! GET YER HOT DAWG HERE!
!
I'm bulk-sized buying.
I'm an economy pack o' man.
Others you may not afford.
Me, you most certainly can.
Not so easy on the eye
But easy on the wallet.
A generous man-sized bargain
Whichever way you call it.
42 and growing.
Your rotund Romeo.
I may not be a salmon mousse
But i am your, "Dawg to go"!

LITTLE BALLERINA?

My little ballerina is a dancing pig.
She's a painted potato in a dreadful wig.
She's advertised as medium but really awful big.
Doesn't give good lurvin'.Doesn't give a frig.
My little ballerina is a dancing pig.

PRINCESS IN THE TOWER.

At a window, in a tower, is an angry face.
"men, bloody men!That primitive race.
Without them the world would be a gentler place.
Full of understanding empathy and charitable grace".

Ransommed for the riches she is certain to bring.
Sister to the princes, daughter of the King.
She has all the regal attributes of which the minstrels sing.
Guardian of the most precious, imperial ring.

Her many suitors will fight to win her back.
Will turn upon each other , with no enemy to attack.
Place innocents and unlucky upon the torture rack,
In pursuit of the intelligence they so obviously lack.

DADDY!

I am beautiful and profoundly desired.
I am \bsexo?\b on a stick.
with an interesting prick.
I'm all the masculinity you required.

I am Atlas, i'm a mountain.
I am livin', breathin',
Lovin' and squeezin'.
I'm the source of yer sexual fountain.

I'm the errant toy in yer bath foam.
I'm yer fantasy figure.
I'm a well-hung nigger.
Get NEKKID momma cos daddy's home.

LOVE LEFT ME ALONE.

All my idiot hopes denied by unforeseeable circumstance,
Kissed by the doom-laden lips of fate.
As my lonely soul searched for romance.
It always found love too late.

Always last to arrive at the party.
My eyes meet departing eyes.
Waved goodbye to my hearts liberty.
Discovered too late
As usual
Time isn't all that flies.

pissED ON AND OFF.

Love snuck up on me,
Cloaked and surreptitiously.
Knocked me down intentionally.
Positioned itself over me.
Exposed it's bits
And took a pee.

FUN HAS A NAME.

Where do i start to impart all that thou art?
Laughter on a seal-grey day.
The sound of a well-brewed fart.
A notion too naughty to say.
A fiesty dwarf with a big ole heart.
A smile in yer pocket, a joke to convey.
Beautifully educated, wonderously smart.
An all you can eat buffet.
Fun has a name
and it's name is Jane.

DON'T WORRY.

Dinnae fesh yer heed hen.
Dinnae grapple yer kecks in a knot.
It disnae matter noo or then
A' the baubles and bits that you've got.

Moulah's nae the answer to happiness
Possessions will no bring content
A' yer wealth winnae bring belovedness
Nae property will ca' yea
Heaven-sent.

DOLLOP OF LOVE.

How corpulent is my love.
Such a fat and cumbersome thing.
My slug-a-bed romance
Snoozing quiet and always abiding.
How lazy is my love.
Such a cat among the cushions.
Its length and depth and breadth
Of incalculable dimensions.

THE INTRODUCTION.

I said your name out loud
I liked the way it sounded
I liked the taste upon my tongue
Being with you made me proud
Your love had me confounded
Enamoured by the way, affection so simply begun.
A smile.
A smile and a name.
Started this.
Started this wonderful game.

33 YEARS AND COUNTING.

33 years and counting
my oak-aged lover.
We've had our ups and downs
but always we recover.
33 years and counting
My child-desired sweetheart.
When we think it's over
We're really just back at the start.
33 years and counting.

WORDS FALL.

Words fall.
Like stones into the sea.
In the distance from you to me.
In the time it takes to cry.
From birth until you die.
Words fall.

Like the days parent, night.
In beautys' beloved sight.
In all that's wrong or right.
From darkened ignorance to knowing light.
Words fall.

BIGOT.

The snail of your thoughts
Slithers to it's sad demise.
Wether you like it or not
What you beleive are just lies.

No purpose to reasoned debate.
No worthy point will sway you.
You're much too in love with your hate
To let honesty ever betray you.

UNHAPPY IN LOVE.

Being with you makes me lonely.
Sharing this bed makes me sad.
Makes me wish "If only",
I'd kept hold of the love that i had.

PYRUS COMMUNIS.

In her, dark eyes are promises.
Unsaid words are in her kisses.
Under pear tree shade among the Comices.
Love's the word for just what this is.

HUH?

Beloved in these naked hours.
Between the sheets and the twilight.
Hidden where loves' monster cowers.
The gravitational pull of delight.

EVERYTHING BUT YOU.

I have the moon in my tummy and the stars in my eyes.
Got the breasts of the mountains.Got the seas' thickened thighs.
Got every day in history
and days before that too.
Got a multitude of playmates
but all i want is you.

I have the fevered dreams of artists
I have where-ever it is your heart is.
Got everything to satiate my ever-growing greed.
But you and i both know, i ain't got what i need.

I have all the wishes in index files.
I have childrens laughter and babies smiles.
Got everything. You know it's true.
Everything
excepting You!

A LITTLE MELANCHOLY POEM.

Unexpressed, my love.
All the Angels think me lonely.
Unexplored, my love.
They kiss my brow affectionately.
Under-nourished, my love.
Those Angels hold me closely.
Unvalued, my love.
They mock at me exquisitely.
Unexpressed.
My love.

AN UNLOSEABLE GAME.

In candle-light i see her form.
In shadows she rises and falls.
Beloved in this blessed dorm'.
The masculine urge of nature calls.

Touches, on the point of pressure,
Whispered breath upon my skin.
Pleasure given, returned in pleasure.
A race in which we both shall win.

-----OLD FLAMES-----

All my old flames are burning still.
They flicker in a past i don't recall.
All the pictures on my window sill,
Of a time i know, not at all.

ARCS AND CURVES.

All the arcs and curves of her.
All the mounds and hollows.
Set my blood astir, astir
And what most naturally follows.

AUTUMNAL THOUGHTS.

When Autumn surrenders her ruby lips
to Winters cold embrace.
I sit by the fire and think of you,
and long to see your face.

UNDENIABLY IN LOVE.

My love is undeniable!
Like hope
Like the tides.
Like the stars and the sun.
(in whom the moon confides)
where-ever is my love,
There is where my heart resides.

My love is unbreakable!
Like a promise
Like courage.
Like the inevitable coming of age
(we cannot hide nor camouflage)
where-ever is my love,
lies my safe harborage.

HARLEY, ALISON, JASMINE HINDHALF.

You are my idiosyncrasies writ large and loopy.
You are Charlie Brown and i am Snoopy.
You're always talking in the class.
Yer a feller with a shapely \bass\b.
You're the laughter to my life's soundtrack.
You're the supplement fer what the others lack.

OOO (and i know it's contrived) but, incidentally,
You're dick Dastardly and i am Mutley.
You are a rhyme that actually fits.
you're lots o' bobs and other bits.
(see! You thought i would rhyme with tits)

I'd say you were a longed for letter,
But really you are so much better.
You are all my childish games.
You're a funny voice with funny names.

You're chicken stew and i'm a dumpling.
I'm rough diamonds, you are Bling.
You're all the words i want to sing.
Let's face it mate (in a Barry White styley),
"You're ma everything".

Alison, oh Alison
You and i shall have such fun.
Alison, oh Alison.
C'mere and let me bite yer bum

A NOTE TO KATE.

Kate?Kate?
Wait. What rhymes with Kate?
Anyway Kate, i went on a date.
This girl could have lost some weight, Kate.
I told her, "It's never too late", Kate.
She called me a reprobate, Kate.

I took her to the local fete, Kate
We talked & laughed & she ate, Kate.
We went to a gypsy and she told me my fate.
She said as a poet i'd never be great.
Till i thought of a rhyme for invigorate, Kate

Anyway it's getting late, Kate
and i have plans to formulate, mate
dogs to love and spiders to hate
Pillows to cuddle and dolls to inflate.
and i can't think of a rhyme for Kate, Kate.

What?
Yer name's Kelly?
Really?
Oh bow licks!

-----SOCIETY-----

They come from afar to catch the clouds
and sing to the cliffs and crevasses.
To rest in the hollow of a sea-made nest
All the individuals in feathered masses.

ADAM.

Adam had a brand new toy,
which wouldn't suit another boy.
So the Lord made Eve his play-mate

Eve put out on the very first date
But still Adam had to wait,
For the damn tree to pollinate.

LIFE.

Adam was born of love.
Eve was born of lust.
And it pleases the Lord above,
to return us each to dust.

BLIND DATE.

I have a date tonight who's never seen my face.
She hasn't got a Scooby 'bout my religion or my race.
For all intents and porpoises i could be any kind o' feller.
So i'm dressing as a walrus and head to toe in yeller.

POETRY COMPEtitIONS.

I won a months supply of yoghurt from the rabbits foot review.
I won my weight in goldfish at the Edinburgh tatoo.
I have two weeks in Basingstoke i'm looking forward to.
Got a beta-max video and a midden-load o pooh.
(old and well composted, not steamy fresh and new)
You can acheive this mighty miracle too.
sit quietly on yer botty and i'll tell yer what to do.
Believe that all your cliches are really something true
Then send them to these publishers and they'll believe it too.

INTERNET POOL.

-----A/S/L?-----

a/s/l/. a/s/l? You ask it all the time.
Never giving yours but always wanting mine.
Click upon my profile if you really have to know
and i'll just sit here quietly and wait fer you to go.

If yer still in yer seat when i recite chorus two
You're obviously over twenty-seven too.
Now perhaps we'll play & chat about the weather.
Talk of aches and pains & being old together.

-----FERAL AFFAIR-----

Their human skin abandoned and feral forms attired,
They speak in tongues the naming of secret wants desired.
In the moment of their coming cry out each others names.
For adulterous conjoining they list, least among their shames.

-----THE torture OF THE RACK.-----

The perspiration runs like window-pane rain
into the chocolate hollow of her back
Evidence to a beauteous torture and exquisite pain
and all of loves confessions made upon this rack.

-----THE LEAVING DOOR-----

Lust dances mischeiviously in the opaque of eyes.
Egyptian cotton stained and imprinted with sweet goodbyes.
Passionate parting has littered the clothes-strewn floor.
One long farewell precedes the lovers' leaving door

-----A LITTLE BETRAYAL-----

La petite mort tickles in the sweet,sweat-soaked sheets,
Welcome and warm in the space where love and lust meets.
Rising and writhing to a climax of intimate desires,
Love doesn't just make fools of us, it also makes us liars

YEAH WELL!

Don't want no ersatz sausage.
Don't want some faux cafe~.
Don't want some made up formula.
No powdered eggs today.
Don't wanna eat no ugli fruit.
No "healthy" twig nor leaf.
But mostly i don't want to,
Swallow your tasteless belief.

RE-USED.

She's alone on the bed,
Like soiled laundry.
She was used, now she knows it's true.
She listened to the words he said.
Fell for a childrens story.
Always predictable,This is what he'd do!

UNtitLED.

Well tickle my bum wih a feather.
Another day, another FF delay.
It's slightly annoying, wether
You have something or nothing to say.

BITS OF POEMS.

It's my beleif, (though stop me if i'm wrong)
That i am not the only man, who ever sang this song.

I shall be what-ever you ask of me.
I shall love you indiscriminately.
Say what you say and i will agree.
I shall love you constantly.

Jasmine blossoms amongst the weeds.
It thrives in competition with more common seeds.
Clings to skin, it's heady scent.
Blessed the wall on which it leant.

A' ma cares are feminine.
A' ma woes are male.
A' ma loves are fair sublime.
A' ma dreams- a jail.

BEING EQUAL.

All things being equal,
You should love me, like i love you.
All things being equal,
You should feel this longing too.
All things being fair and just,
You should want my body badly.
All things being fair and just,
You should need my booty madly.
All things being as they should,
You would drown deep in my eyes.
All things being as they should,
You would tell me perfect lies.

Love is the ultimate lie.

MUTUAL DESTRUCTION.

Firstlight kisses announce surrender,
In whisper-warmed ears.
The night of lustful war has passed,
With sweat and passionate tears.
Truce declared- The exchange,
Of prisoners, shall commence.
An arm for an arm, leg for leg,
And sense for sated sense.
Two lovers entered this arena,
Two lovers shall depart.
Souls once joined together,
Are never souls apart

KISSING TILL TOMORROW.

The sun is dying my love
And soon the night shall have us.
Enrapt in silver moonlight.
The sun is dying my love
And in it's perfect swoon
We'll inter ourselves in loving linen
And kiss till morning comes.

LOST LOVE.

A love that knew no consumation.
A constant heart is stilled.
No sweetheart kiss of celebration.
A promise left so unfulfilled.

You were my unrequited love.
And i shall greive your passing.
Hold hard what you were proud of.
In truth and unsurpassing

YEAH?

Lonely as the night sky.
Distant as forever.
Hopeless as the day goes by.
constant as "what-ever".

ABUSIVE POEM.

Just as i get interested
That's the moment when,
You display a lack of dignity
And woeful taste in men.

You thought this one would be different?
You thought he'd treat you kind?
But he's just the same as the other ones.
With the same thing on his mind.

You say you're just an optimist.
You say you're just confused.
But the sad and sorry fact is,
You like to be abused.

And as this one manipulates.
Tells you what's right and what's wrong.
Remember, silly sweetheart.
You're just where you belong.

WHO NEEDS drugS?lol

My father was an Oysterman.
My maw was a home-made Kazoo.
I know you think that's nonsense
But it's absolutely true.
My brother was a Bamford bun.
My sister, just a bike,
Though if she got a pair of spokes,
She'd call herself a Trike.
My uncle was an elephant.
My aunt was a pink gnu.
You think that's only slightly odd?
But she wore a tutu too.
My grandad was an army.
My granny was a soldier-girl too.
I know you beleive not a word of this,
But it's positively true!
I am just a child of words.
With the voice to speak them too.
Though sometimes what i whisper
Isn't altogether true.

LOONY TOONS.

It's not that i love you,
But all the words you said, i still recall.
It's not that i want to,
And though i try, i can't forget at all.
I see you, and all the things i want just disappear.
I'm near you, and suddenly i am filled with fear.
It's not that i need you,
But i can't smile if you are not nearby.
It's not what i agreed to,
And yet somehow, you still can make me cry.
I hear you , and everything else is just noise,
You speak to me, and i cannot discern another single voice
I'm saying i love you.

CHEERY LITTLE POEM.

The subject of today
and topic of tomorrow,
Is, how much you can beg or steal
or permanently borrow.
The future of the days to come
and days that surely follow,
Are full of cruel and empty lies
And vows that still ring hollow.

AUCHTERMUCHTY LASSES.

Night descends on Auchtermuchty.
The lights o' street do twinkle.
Ah'm goin' on the toon tinight
To exercise ma winkle.

Oh bonny lass o' Auchtermuchty,
Prepare yer dial and dress.
I'll gie ye such you've never had,
To which you can confess.

MORE BITS OF POEMS.

The start of the affair.

One thoughtless act of kindness.
One throw-away word of concern.
One promise of hope to the hopeless.
One prize you can't possibly earn.

Two souls upon collision course.
Two bodies that merge and mingle.
Two marriages precursive of divorce.
Two once wed, soon are single.

PAST LIFE.

If life had not passed you quietly by.
If love was not a distant memory
You would not sit by the fire and sigh
And long for different company.

When i was young i played with the stars.
The moon was my special friend
Days went on forever
And Summer would never end.

Now i'm old, the moon has turned her back
The stars know not my name.
Days and Summers lease
Play a very different game.

I yearn for youth
Like a starving man longs for food.
My time as a child was much too short
And nothing since, has been as good.

HAL ASLEEP POEM.

Sleepy head, come to bed.
Come to your lovers lair.
Leave behind those other kind,
And come where you will not care.

RINYS RIPOSTE.

Take my words and take offence.
Though your righteous outrage makes no sense.
Be upset by my demeanour.
Take umbrage at my household cleaner.
Call me names. Say i'm stupid,
Small and fat, a spastic Cupid.
Find fault with every thought i've had.
Twist my reasoned argument into something mad.
Dub me the epitome of evil, though i'm hardly even bad.
Say i'm a bounder and a dreadful cad.
Funny, silly man. I just think you're sad.

WAITING FOR A KINDER DAWN.

On a promintory,
By the ocean-side,
Lonely as a starfish,
Jeli dreams of salty love
And sings her perfect songs.
Her voice is lost
Among the pebbles and the sand-dunes,
But if you listen to a conch-shell
A whisper lingers still.
Her lovers send her messages
In semaphore and bottles.
Some-times she will answer
In waves and sea-spume kisses.
Still,
Still She sits upon her rock.
Burning in the sun.
An earth-bound star.
A love-lorn child of poetry.
Waiting.
Waiting for a kinder dawn.

UTOPIA.

Lost in Utopia
bereft of all your woes
counting all yer fingers
and counting all yer toes
Then you check yer visage
starting with yer nose
and find that even here
there are thorns on every rose.
7 Comments
A word in your shell-like. Nov 5, 2006 8:29 am
1839 Views
You left me
a shell upon the beach.
You struggled so thoughtlessly
beyond my reach.
I wonder
if you wonder at all?
Maybe think
then forget to call?
Here i remain
battered by the tide.
Far too far
distant from your side.
Pick me back up,
put me in your pocket.
Have me polished
and put me in a locket.
I'm just a shell discarded
it's true
But no-one can love you
quite like i do.
5 Comments
Hot or not. Nov 4, 2006 5:52 am
1830 Views
There is a site caled hot or not where if you upload a picture of yourself it is publicly rated by who-ever cares to vote.
I stuck what was a current piccy of myself on there a year or so ago and fergot all about it till about 3 months ago.I went and checked and my rating was a flattering 8.3 though mostly 6s and 7s i had received a few 9s and 10s from drunk wimmen. So i thought just to see the difference i'd post a piccy of me in my early 20s and i've just been to check my current rating.
7.1, with lots of 4s and 5s lol.
You might think one piccy was better than the other or that miraculously my looks have improved lol But i suspect that young wimmen (Which is the main group that use the site) are far crueller in their judgement of young men than they are in their judgement of old fellers.
Much more likely to give a not bad looking young feller a low score and give an old unthreatening cheery bloke a high score.
Or am i wrong?
I have to admit whenever i've rated wimmen i've always been generous to plain Janes and really stingy to any wumman that looks like she thinks she's hot. Blonde glamour girls get 2s and 3s. Mousey girls get 7s and 8s.lol
I'm just a git really huh?
Tata me terrapins.
15 Comments
Bag cleanin Nov 3, 2006 1:47 am
1531 Views
Bike bag cleaning day and here are all the bits of poems that never really got started or were too awful to continue with lol.

You hold your anger so tight
When you're convinced you're right.
I wish you'd let it go
It does you no good at all you know.

Give me sand (lots of sand)
and i'll make a desert.
Give me \bsexo?\b (lots of \bsexo?\b)
and i'll make love.
Give me land (lots of land)
and i'll build an empire.
Give me fools (lots of fools))
and i'll found a faith.

Ophelia, Ophelia
I love your dark despair.
The feline way you barely seem to care.
Let the whole world gawp and stare.
It means blessed little
to my Ophelia fair.

Eskimo girls, Eskimo girls
I wanna have your babies
I don't even mind if you bite a bit
and maybe give me rabies.

Old age crept into my bones
as i slept away my youth
and all those beautiful lies
were eaten by horrid truth.

I have known love so dark
It swallowed the light from my soul
I have known love so cold
It froze all the hopes of my youth.
6 Comments
Captain Jake and his dancing nipples. Nov 1, 2006 3:21 am
2019 Views
Excerpt from log entry dated 31st October in the year of our Lawd 2006.

Having navigated passage through the "Dire Straits" ("Oh Juliet when we made love you used to cry") of the cape o good lurve (Just west of cape horne?y) and the ships cat having seen much duty, we set the compass to nor' by nor'west and set sail eastward. This slight technical error put us in great jeopardy.We came upon a land of mists and melodies. A siren song was heard across the waves that was beyond beguiling and right into come hither. We could not but follow onwards to the source and found ourselves ashore on a pebble beech.Within moments a bevy of buxom belles emerged from the tree-line abutting the beech."Hello sailor.Wanna good time?" One of the nubiles purred. They seemed friendly and so we agreed to follow them to a place they called "the woodland woohoo".

I dunno where i'm going with this and it ain't that funny so i shall move on lol.

Winter is definitely in the air today. The light is almost painfully bright and the air as crisp as a soldiers salute but boy is it brrrrrrrrrrr. I went out as usual in just jeans and a t-shirt but i had to come back half way through me morning ride cos my tiny nipples were frozen. Got a nice big wooly jumper on (Not the magically alluring black one so don't rouse yerselves laydees) and went and finished me perambulations.
Jeebus but i'm dull tidday huh? I should just go read a book or someit aih?
Imagine talking about the weather. I am so danged British sometimes.
Catch yer laters me terrapins.
17 Comments
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