The moron on the magazine
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Posted:Jan 30, 2008 1:17 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2010 4:09 pm 5912 Views
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I think even the mildest-natured of us has at least one blogger who rubs us up the wrong way. Someone who every time you see a comment or post of theirs you just find yourself thinking the word "twat". My bet noir resides on the magazine. He's an utter buffoon who has deluded himself into believing that because he has a vocabulary more extensive than most people for whom English is not their forte, this means he's intelligent. Being able to express your thoughts competently does not neccessarily mean those thoughts are anything but shallow and meaningless. I could express myself quite prettily on any given subject but that doesn't mean i am knowledgeable about everything. I could, with ease, write an impressive post about Keynsian economics but as i know next to nothing of any value on the topic my opinion could only ever be worthless.
In one of this idiots latest posts he opens with the statement that people fall in love with those whom they are attracted to. (Making blindingly obvious statements as though they are profound insights is a bit of a speciality of his)He goes on to claim that love is measured in your attraction to your partner.Find them very attractive-you lurve them lots, find them less so, you love them less. So should the person you love be disfigured in an accident then you will no longer love them as much as you once did (and of course if your not willing to admit he's right about this then you are just deceiving yourself lol). This is a measure of how shallow and hard of thinking this guy is.
I have loved the mother of my for 35 years and of course at nearing 50 she is no longer the gloriously beautiful woman she once was. Her face is a map of half a lifetime and more. Her prominent overbite which once made her look sexy now makes her look like goofy the dawg. Her breastickles, though tiny, have still succumbed to gravities insistance. Her once lusciously round botski has simply disapppeared over the years. Do i see all this and more? Yes of course i do but love does not just see with the eyes it also sees with the heart and when i look at her i still see in her eyes, in her smile, in a gesture, the 14 year old girl i fell in love with and i love her still.To me she will always be both who she is now and who she was then because i love her.Nothing can change that, neither age nor disfigurement.
Love is not selfishly asking "what can she provide me" but is in fact selflessly wishing "Let's share everything together".
Anyhoo.
I truely loathe stupid people who imagine themselves clever (i accept that people will come in all abilities from genius to brainfart-i have no problem with that and am happy to take people as they are and treat them with respect but something about someone who so obviously has trouble thinking at all, believing that they are intelectually gifted really annoys the feck out of me) The man really is a halfwit! lol
So.
The beeeeitch is back. (at least fer today lol)
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Bowing out gracefully
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Posted:Jan 21, 2008 5:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2008 7:05 pm 7048 Views
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puritanism is the sneaking suspicion that someone somewhere is having fun.
Only 16 comments (well 14 once i've responded to me current loverly commenters) to go for the first (unassisted 10000). Another record falls to the Jakester lol.
Do i get a gold watch on my retirement? A haggis and chocolate cake at least? Course i probably won't retire lol but 10000 seems an auspicious time to move on and get a life huh?lol
You could of course be mean feckers and just avoid ever commenting on me blog so i never quite make it to the peak o the bloggy mountain we're all climbing lol. You've all been my loverly Sherpa Tensings and i'd like to thank you all quite sincerely fer making the journey such fun.
Special slobbery kissies to all you laydee types and go on just this once any guys meandering by can have a snog too.lol
People will believe anything if you whisper it
Tata the nooooooooooo
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Really struggling to manage a Sunday rant.
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Posted:Jan 20, 2008 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2008 6:04 am 5419 Views
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Vegetarianism as an ethical or "health-conscious" choice is just simple-minded.(Sorry veggies but it is). Because it is possible to live on only vegetables as many veggies will claim somehow justifies their choice, does not mean it's in any way sensible. It's possible to live quite literally on bread and water but no-one is stupid enough to claim doing so is a wise or healthy choice. The arguement that meat production is inherently cruel is facetious too. You really might as well claim humans (And any other carnivore or omnivore) are inherently cruel.The idea that you can somehow stop the cruelty of nature by pretending it isn't real is childish. No wild animal ever died of old age in his bed at home with his family around him. Wild animals almost always die in what we sentimental humans would consider cruel and unkind ways. Farmed animals have comparatively stress free and cossetted lives and when they meet their maker it is swift and as humane as possible (Yes of course there are exceptions -particularly the vile religious slaughtering that certain fairy-story believers require before they'll eat their meat.
We are animals just like all other animals, just because yer capable of anthropomorphising yer dinner does not make you superior to it.lol
Vegetarians are simply adrift to lifes reality. You really aren't saving any poor little anibug by abstaining, your body isn't healthier by forcing yourself to find protein in low-protein foodstuffs.(Actually most long term veggies are overweight and tend towards anaemia and malnutrition and high cholesteral).The human body is designed to be omnivorous, we require a varied diet that most certainly includes predominantly high-protein foods (meat) anything less will inevitably lead to ill-health.
Vegetarianism is just another of mankinds "bad ideas". Rarely if ever thought through by the adherents and immune to simple logic for those who refuse to live in the real world.
I should admit here that my Angel is a veggie and no amount of reason or rational arguement can sway her. So i hardly expect to sway anyone else here.lol She'll grow out of it, she's a bright girl. And one day the penny will drop that she's depriving her body of an essential dietary requirement for no sensible reason. Then look oot all you piggies and moo-coos.(Obviously not chickens cos they're not real)
Tata the noo me hearties.
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Grannies old homilies.
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Posted:Jan 19, 2008 4:33 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2008 4:50 am 5732 Views
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My auld granny was a Cornishwumman who i loved with all my little boy heart and she had a saying for every occassion. Most didn't really make any sense to me but the one that really dumbfounded me and still does was "handsome is as handsome does". I have no idea what that means? Is it derogatory? Does it mean handsome people are vapid and vain?Is it complimentary? Does it mean that handsome people do things handsomely?
I just dunno.
Anybody got a clue?
Somebody once said of me "Jake wouldn't see green cheese". Any guesses?lol
She assured me it just meant i didn't like to see things go to waste but i suspect she meant i'll scavenge anything that looks less than worthless.lol (and it's true- i keep an eye out on dustybin day in case somebody's chucking out something interesting like a bike or an old telly i can fix lol)Hence i now have 18 Bertha T bikes and enough spares to make another half dozen.
Well anyhoo.
Don't i just get more and more interesting as each post goes by. Yer gonna misss me when i retire huh?lol
Kissys right at you loverly laydees. Big manly cuddles to any fellers lost and stumbling in here.lol
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15 squids on a bandits chest
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Posted:Jan 17, 2008 8:41 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2010 4:12 pm 5097 Views
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I just got off the phone with my squids maw. She'd just had the g'dotty fer a visit and the first thing she said was "Grannymaw chickens are real aren't they?"lol I have sown the seeds of doubt there lol Her grannymaw told her she shouldn't pay attention to her poppaJake cos he's just a big silly-pants. Spoilsport aih?lol
Poor little thing you have to pick her up by the feet and give her a good shake to get all the nonsense out after a visit with me.lol
Anyhoo.
Been to the pub and gathered some 15 squids profit up in me sporran courtesy o the loverly bandito.That machine does love me even if you lot don't lol
What else is gnu?
My toons o the week are,
Adele- Chasing pavements
Joss Stone- baby baby baby
Amy Winehouse- Love is a losing game.
Now wasn't that hinteresting stuff?
Tata the nooooooo to yoooooooose
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The burning bot.
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Posted:Jan 16, 2008 8:16 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2008 3:39 pm 4641 Views
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I have mentioned before that Fern T Feline likes to sit on me chest and take swipes at the rubber ducks whenever i bathe but when i wash my hair...... Okay i'll start that bit again. Whenever i wash the bit where my hair used to be, i submerge and fill an old shampoo bottle with water. The bubbles fascinate and frighten missus cat.She's all alert and poised to flee as though expecting some monster to rise from the deep (Maybe an octopussy? Okay so i have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy, sue me. His maw says i can keep it cos he weren't using it) but she daren't look away. I get the same feeling when i see Britney these days.
Anyhoo i've left her lying on her back in me bathroom sink having a fight to the death with my spare toothbrush.
Life would be very dull (and my blog would be empty lol) without furry-faced feckers in the world aih?
Two posts in one day. Woohoo i'm on fire. Knew i shouldn't have sat so close to the heater.
Tata the noo.
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Army dilloes are hinteresting. Yes they are.
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Posted:Jan 16, 2008 6:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2008 8:46 am 5038 Views
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A pound of armadillo meat contains 780 calories.Wish i could get some at the shops. Most armadillos seen dead on the road did not get hit by the wheels. When an armadillo is frightened it jumps straight into the air (and smack into yer radiator). Armadillos have four babies at a time, always all the same sex. They are perfect quadruplets, the fertilized cell split into quarters, resulting in four identical armadillos. Armadillos get an average of 18.5 hours of sleep per day. Armadillos can walk underwater.I'm thinking of changing my standing order fer reincarnation as a fat domestic cat.What d'yer think? Would i suit the armadillo look?
Catch yer laters commentators.
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Life is a bowl o chickens teeth.
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Posted:Jan 15, 2008 5:50 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2008 6:13 am 4953 Views
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My first born and his latest squeeze (he gets through wimmen like i get through pies- Dunno where he gets that from, must be his maw is a secret trollop huh?lol)) and the grandotty came to stay at the weekend. I told my g'dotty about the squirrel that doesn't believe in chickens, she turned to her paw and asked "chickens are real aren't they dad?" "Not sure sweetie, you'll have to ask yer poppa Jake."
"I went to the zoo and a chicken bit me so they must be real poppa Jake", says little Angel. "Oh but chickens are like yer grandpaw they don't have teeth so it must have been a dwarf turkey dressed as a chicken cos chickens are like unicorns and goblins they're just made up to frighten baby squirrels."
After a moments indecision she let out a guffaw that would melt a terrorists heart and declared "I think yer just being silly again poppa Jake". How quickly they learn huh?
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Honey i'm home.
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Posted:Jan 14, 2008 3:00 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 6:28 am 4865 Views
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Jeez you go away fer a few days and come back to a wrecked blog. There's squirrel poop in the corner and discarded nutshells all over me sofa and what looks suspiciously like a line of catnip on me coffee table. From now on i'm locking the doors whenever i go oot.
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Chickens aren't real!!!
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Posted:Jan 12, 2008 5:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2010 4:59 am 4531 Views
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Hi my name is Steven, Steven T Squirrel and the baldy Scots git is off galivanting and shaking his enormous booty as usual at weekends so i'm taking this opperchancity (and as no fecker ever pays any heed to me own wonderous blog) to get a few things off me furry chest.
There is a ludicrous idea in the bloggyverse that chickens are in fact real. Now normally i say whatever gets you through Sunday dinner with the family is okay by me but i have to tell you this fowl belief is just silly guys.I know poultryanity is a leap of faith but even the prophet Delia Smith says in her "good book" that chickens should be constantly basted, Now really guys if you have to get basted to believe in something surely common sense tells you it isn't real?
I despair of humanity so i do.
Anybody wanna see me nuts?
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