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Brucey's Semi Private Thoughts
  
Just random ramblings.
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Things Are All Good Dec 30, 2005 10:02 pm
Mood: drained, 691 Views
Okay, things are a-okay here now. I was very depressed yesterday about a number of things but everything is fine and I am now ready to face the new year in 2006.

I wish only the best to all of my friends, many of whom live all over the world. In particular I would like to say Happy New Year to Emmy, my dearest and sweetest friend. Also to Jannie, Snodger, Jeanne, Kelly, Jim, Paul, Kerry, Rob and Janie.

It is my friends who have gotten me through the last 2 years of my life. I have absolutely no intention of going anywhere or leaving as long as I've got friends to come here and talk to.
0 Comments
Hmmmm Beginning to Refocus On What's Most Important. Dec 29, 2005 10:06 pm
Mood: contemplative, 830 Views
Sometimes you have to know when the timing is right to move on with your life and start refocusing on what's going to happen in your own future. You can only do so much for people you care about that are your good friends, knowing that they have other friends they can turn to and do turn to when they have difficulties, so they don't need me there to guide them through the dark times or comfort them like they might have a couple months ago. In most ways this is very good for them as well as for me because it is very stressful to take on other people's problems and burdens but you do that when your friends need help or encouragement and they rely solely on you.

The last few months of this year for me have been filled with upheavel and turmoil as well as life altering decisions. The decisions were hard on me and on others as well. However time heals all and everyone including me is moving on and adjusting to the new situation.

Things seem to have settled down now and this is a good time to focus on what's important to my own future at this point. Remember the great times and don't dwell on decisions already made and whether they were good or bad.

FF is probably going to become less and less important to me this coming year, as I find less and less need to get love and attention from people I've met here. I'm no longer looking for a girlfriend, lover or wife like I have been the past two years.

I don't really come here anymore for love because I have that in my life now, but I definitely still crave attention.

When I reflected tonight on just how many hours this past year I spent on the computer or on the phone devoting myself to one person I realized that this is going to have to change. It already has changed in fact and I am finding I have lots of idle time on my hands, a true indication of how much time I was spending.

This is not a bad thing though because the fact that the dependence on me and my support is no longer essential frees me up to pursue my own dreams with what's left of the rest of my life.
2 Comments
How Much Sleep Do You Get? Dec 29, 2005 2:12 pm
Mood: curious, 826 Views
Interesting question. On the average night, how much sleep do you really get? The old adage is that you need at least 8 full hours of sleep but I hardly ever get a full eight hours.

On a worknight when I have to get up, I usually go to bed around midnight and get up around 6:30 AM. So I would say on a typical weekday I get about 6.5 hours of sleep.

On weekends I sometimes will stay up until 1:00 or 2:00 AM depending on how wound up or keyed up I am or whether I'm talking to someone. But usually I don't get up the next day until 9:00 or 10:00 AM, so I'd say on a typical weekend day like Saturday or Sunday, so I'm getting closer to 7-8 hours of sleep.

I think it's more a matter of routine and what your body's used to than it is some absolute number that tells you when you feel good and feel rested. I will say that if I start skimping that it does eventually catch up with me.

Sorry this blog is sooooooo exciting. LOL
3 Comments
Looking for new members. :) Dec 28, 2005 11:54 pm
Mood: adventurous, 859 Views
Hello to anyone who reads my blogs. I currently moderate one of the most popular moderated groups on FF called Omaha Friends. We have over 340 members presently most of whom have never even posted one message. We also have some very caring and lovely people.

I would like to invite anyone reading this blog who likes to have fun and discuss almost anything and everything as long as it's not political or religious to join my group.

We are really not like any other group except that my rules are that we always treat each other with respect and that we have fun.

Come on over and check us out. You don't even have to join to read our messages. If you like us, I know you'll stay and I would love to welcome you if you're not already a member.

As you can see I am not above shameless personal plugging for my own group. LOL!
5 Comments
Feeling Much Much Better This Evening About Everything. Dec 27, 2005 10:21 pm
Mood: relieved, 816 Views
I have been emotionally down the past couple days. Things were especially bad this afternoon when I arrived home from St. Louis at about 3:00 PM.

It's amazing though because instead of holding it inside of me and going into work without saying anything I emoted and talked about it and things turned out really great this evening and at the end of the day. I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Passivity and the suppression of emotions is a foolish and unhealthy thing. If I have learned anything since 2003, it is that the surest way to destroy or damage a relationship is to passively suppress one's feelings, and just assuming the other person understands or knows exactly how you feel.
4 Comments
Hmmmm I go back home tomorrow. :) Dec 26, 2005 4:30 pm
Mood: naughty, 762 Views
Well it's been a nice holiday but I'm looking forward to going back home tomorrow. We will leave St. Louis and return to Omaha tomorrow morning.

I went and saw the Chronicles of Narnia today with my son. I am in a weird mood right now. Before anyone says, "So Brucie, how is that different from normal?" just let me say that I feel more open and confrontational about my personal feelings and emotions than I have in months. I have been secretly hiding some of my true emotions since October and they are finally coming out even if it doesn't do any good to say them.

I am also feeling very flirtatious right now. One of my old friends from the good old days on FF just came back to my group today and started posting. She is SUCH a character AND she's a redhead too.

Still she is in a relationship and lives in Northern Ireland so I think she's pretty safe. LOL!

Also I have had a chance to talk with another person who means a huge amount to me as well and that always puts me in a great mood.

Christmas has been nice but I miss my own room, my own house and my own computer.
0 Comments
It was a nice Christmas for me. :) Dec 25, 2005 9:26 pm
Mood: beautiful, 800 Views
Well it went fast but I must say that 2005 Christmas day was nice. We ate roast turkey breast, played games, watched two movies and played games with the family.

I also had a chance to get online and visit with my closest friends and find out how they were doing as well.

I do not know where my life goes from here into the future, but for now I'm content with the love I'm getting from the people I care about.
2 Comments
Christmas Eve from the Home of the Blues. Dec 24, 2005 7:45 pm
Mood: content, 796 Views
I'm writing this at 9:40 PM on Christmas Eve. I am not at home but in St. Louis Missouri. We arrived here this afternoon around 4:30 PM. I was hungry as I didn't eat anything much all day except a few cookies that my mom brought along, so after touring my daughter's new house which is beautiful, I had a ham sandwich, some potato salad and a yummy piece of pecan pie.

My daughter and her husband had only just gotten back from his family's big get together and she still had her coat on when we arrived. Fortunately they had brought back all the yummies we feasted on.

Once I had eaten something we decided to play some party games as a family. We played Apples to Apples which I got as a gift and brought with me and then we played a game called Cranium which is kind of cool that I'd never played before. At about 9:00 PM we decided to open one gift each and save the rest for tomorrow. About 9:30 PM I came up to go online and others are chatting or playing games on the X-box or watching movies downstairs.

I am having a very nice Christmas. I do miss all my friends and hope they're having a nice Christmas too.
2 Comments
An Early But Nice Christmas. :) Dec 23, 2005 9:48 pm
Mood: cheerful, 851 Views
Okay even though it's only December 23rd, today was really Christmas in my household. I worked until about 7:30 PM but after I got off work my mom had come up and we all opened our gifts this evening because we are going to St. Louis tomorrow morning.

I received many nice gifts including 4 movies. I got Shawshank Redemption, Saving Private Ryan, Memphis Belle and Shaun of the Dead. In addition I got Jonathon Kozol's new book about the inner city schools and the shame of education in America. I also got a beautiful suede long sleeved shirt as well as a beautiful red fleece and another nice sweater from Andrea. Heath gave me a couple games I really like for my computer and my mom gave me a nice tie to wear to work.

Then this evening to cap off a nearly perfect day, I went over to my favorite hangout had one beer and song one song in karaoke.

I am at peace and happy tonight and I even got something that was bothering me straightened out with a friend and I don't think there'll be anymore problems in that regard either.

I'm hoping 2006 will be a banner/turnaround year for me. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have decided I can no longer dwell on or live in the past or I'll just be unhappy wondering what might have been. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness and I'm seizing my chance and I'm going to make it.
1 comment
Can't Sleep Might as Well Blog :) Dec 23, 2005 12:16 am
Mood: okay, 824 Views
Hmmmmmm, it's now 2:11 AM here in Omaha and officially it's even Friday December 23rd in FF land.

I slept until noon today so I am finding myself not tired and kind of bored. I was on my board most of the night off and on, but there were very few people on there to talk to.

I wrote a couple blogs on another site to pass the time. I'm kind of anticipating an upcoming trip to St. Louis planned for Christmas. I don't like being away from home too much and this will only be the 2nd time in years I have been further than Lincoln in distance away at Christmas.

My daughter is excited about showing us her new home. Originally we were intending to go on Thanksgiving but we decided to wait when we had more time to drive there and then relax without having to rush back.

I'm still not completely done shopping. I also have wrapping and packing to do.
Merry Christmas to all my friends. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last three years without some of them.
0 Comments
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