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Brucey's Semi Private Thoughts
  
Just random ramblings.
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Home From Two Jobs Early. :)) Woo hoo. :) Jan 5, 2006 5:15 pm
Mood: excited, 679 Views
Well okay the nice thing about having two jobs if there is anything nice about having two jobs is going to both and still getting home before 7:00 PM.

Pretty good day at school. My students are working on a poetry notebook so I actually wrote a couple poems myself to get in the swing of things. I'm not printing them HERE, but I DID write them. LOL!

This week has gone really fast and I just bought Green Day's American Idiot yesterday afternoon so I have been listening and singing along with some of my new CD.

Have been talking to some new friends and enjoying myself again. Can't wait for Brucey's karaoke Friday night which is already tomorrow. Woo hoo, here I come.
0 Comments
Woohoo 3rd blog tonight. :))LOL! Jan 4, 2006 10:11 pm
Mood: curious, 775 Views
Hey I'm bored what can I say. LOL! Okay this one is a little different. What do you do to relax, vent your frustrations or unwind or to relieve stress in your life?

For me that has changed over the years as my job situation, my financial and my marital situation have changed. I used to do chess as my main outlet for stress and frustration related to everything. I played chess, I organized chess, I discussed chess and I even became a chess politician (hahaha I'll bet most of you didn't know there WAS such a thing). In 1999 I started to burn out on chess and it no longer was providing me with an escape from stress but was rather adding to it.

In late 2003 and early 2004, some major changes occurred around here and I turned to FF to relieve the stress in my life. I was lonely, desperately starved for love and attention and FF served my needs, particularly the movie/television discussion board where I met many wonderful people a number of them lovely females. For the next year and a half FF was my haven. I really was addicted to it especially at first. I couldn't stand not being on here almost every waking moment of the day so I could get and receive as much love and attention as possible.

In June of 2004, I started posting less to FF and became more interested in one on one conversation via IM.

My situation has changed again and now I'm back to less IMing and more interest in going back to the message boards, but I also have tried to add a little more balance to my life by getting out, especially on Fridays to sing. I like socializing really well but didn't really know very many people that were my age that loved to party.

What do you do as a relief of stress or boredom in your life?
6 Comments
A Later Evening Blog. :) Jan 4, 2006 7:36 pm
Mood: bored, 706 Views
Heck I don't understand what's going on but blogs were backed up so far that when a whole slew of them came through about 10 minutes ago (9:15 PM CST 1/4/06), that it looked people had done three four or even five today and they all hadn't shown up. I did one at about 4:00 PM and it took until five hours later to show up.

Well what's new in my world. Mostly I'm just kinda relaxing tonight. This has been kind of a relaxing day. I was back to my old self today at school joking around and making wise cracks. My friend at school said, "That's the Bruce I know."

It was kind of an annoying day at my other job because they shut down every project I normally work on so I ended up working on stuff that I didn't do as well on. So I just left to come home early at about 7:00 PM. One good thing is that I did get pizza.
0 Comments
Feeling up today. :) Jan 4, 2006 1:53 pm
Mood: sleepy, 701 Views
I feel much better today than I did yesterday but I was overtired because I didn't go to bed when I said I would.

Just got off work and now have to go to my other job, but stopped at the university to check in on good old FF.

Will make some decisions by week's end about shutting down my discussion group. I've already started a new one and have also returned to good old television-movies where I used to be.

My main problem with the group is that no one is really there when I am and I'm also getting tired of having hundreds of members who have never posted one single time and don't even know where Omaha is.

Don't have the energy or the desire to keep something open when it's not being fully utilized anymore.

I haven't made the final decision but I've already applied to rename my new group OF II 2006. The only problem with television movies is that there is no moderator which is why I started OF in the first place.

I like the idea of running my own group again and being in charge of it, but my new group isn't attracting enough interest and a lot of my friends only post minimally on OF anymore. So maybe it's just time for a fresh start.
1 comment
Second Time Today. :) Jan 3, 2006 8:04 pm
Mood: calm, 737 Views
Well it just hit 10:01 here and I'm thinking I'm probably going to be heading to bed pretty soon.

It's been tough transitioning late night to getting up early again but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I talked to a couple of my friends tonight on the phone and online and it made me feel a lot better as I've been in a bit of a funk since the day after Christmas. I did have some really nice days like New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

No more tear bursts since last Saturday which is good, because it's not really NORMAL to cry when you purchase a refrigerator. LMAO!! Don't ask, you'd NEVER understand. LOL!

I hope all of my friends are doing well on this Tuesday night.
0 Comments
Hmmmm indescribable. Jan 3, 2006 2:14 pm
Mood: tired, 735 Views
I think I need to catch up on my sleep. I went to bed last night at about midnight, but I still feel kind of tired.

My life is changing and my feelings are too. 2006 ringing in caused something to click off in my heart and in my head.

I've got to move on, collect my thoughts and decide what I want to accomplish with the rest of my life. The next two months are critical to my future. I am carefully watching and waiting to see about a few things that HAVE to change. If they don't I will consider making a major change again and this time I will not be deterred.

I sometimes feel that spending a lot of time here these days is a bit of a waste. It used to be my sole means of entertainment and now it just seems kind of empty and it serves no real purpose anymore.

I'm really hooked on all of the attention I get, that's the reason I came here in the first place and that's the reason I keep coming here.

Ah well on from one job to another job. Sigggggghhhhhh!!!
1 comment
Back To School. Jan 2, 2006 7:54 pm
Mood: content, 679 Views
Well, unbelievably I went back to work today which is particularly ironic given that almost everyone else in the city had the day off because it's a national holiday since New Year's Day fell on a Sunday.

Kind of odd to be driving on the interstate practically alone for much of the way. It was cold here this morning, but it's January so that's to be expected. School day went pretty well.

It was nice to see the kids again after 16 days. Another annoying meeting after school took up a good 45 minutes of time. Then I headed off to my other job before coming home to have a yummy dinner of Italian sausages, french fries, lettuce salad and two slices of bread and butter.

My son is still home from college and has some girls over tonight along with his best friends. They are out playing games in the dining room right now.
1 comment
Woo Hoo 2 Blogs Today. :) Jan 1, 2006 7:50 pm
Mood: content, 778 Views
Well it IS a new year and there HAVE been days where I didn't DO any blogs so why not do two today.

I'll never catch up with some of you guys though who do two, three or even four every day.

Okay, today has been a lazy day. I got up around 8:30 AM this morning. I spent much of the AM chatting with a friend of mine. I am heading back to school tomorrow for a full week of work. It's been nice to have two full weeks off with the weekends that was 16 days, but it seems like it went kinda fast because 4 days were spent in St. Louis.

I had a yummy dinner this evening of roast beef, potatoes, and a soup with ham and blackeyed peas in it, homemade. ) Then I just had strawberry shortcake and a few minutes ago a banana split. LMAO !! You know I can't understand WHY I'm not losing any weight. Can anyone help me to understand?

Okay the best thing I did today was watch the Shawshank Redemption. What a fantastic movie. I can't believe that I had never seen it before. I reviewed it on my Omaha Friends group although the thread hasn't shown up yet.

I've been trying to sort of work on something for school tomorrow that I didn't have done and really need to GET done before classes start. It's annoying though to have to do school work rather than just sit around idly and have fun. LOL!

It is ironic that last night (New Years Eve), I actually went to bed EARLIER than I had been the past couple weeks LOL! Go figure.
2 Comments
Wow 2006 Woo Hoo :) Jan 1, 2006 10:11 am
Mood: optimistic, 854 Views
I'm just sitting here kind of trying to absorb what 2006 is going to be like. I feel like I turned a corner yesterday. Something finally just clicked and I think that I'm going to be alright from now on. My emotional batteries were tapped out I think and everything just kind of caught up with me this past week. Too much idle time perhaps?

Well can't fixate on what's past. Tomorrow I've got to go back to work (uggggghhh), but in a way I think that I NEED to go back to work because I've been kind of upset and had too much time on my hands lately to brood. I feel that 2005 issues are now 2005 issues and it's time for a fresh new start. Won't forget the past, but I just simply CANNOT live in it anymore. Regardless of where my life takes me in the next year, I can't second guess myself with a bunch of what ifs.

Oooo and I got my brand new refrigerator-freezer yesterday and I LOVE it. It's huge compared to my old one and it's stainless steel too and looks really sharp. It's also the first brand new major thing that I've purchased for my house in over 3 years.
5 Comments
Happy New Year To Everyone on FF. :) (LONG) Dec 31, 2005 8:10 pm
Mood: cheerful, 745 Views
Well it's actually only 9:07 PM here in OMaha as I write this but I wanted to thank all the wonderful, wonderful people that I've met in my nearly two years here on FF. FF has been not only a source of entertainment but a source of dear friends for me whom I'll never forget no matter what happens in the future.

I'm glad a lot of my friends have loving and forgiving hearts because I have had some rough moments this past year and I have had to hurt some people that I care deeply about.
Hmmmm let me give a month by month summary of what went on in Brucey's life in the calendar year 2005?

January-The Christmas Vacation was extended by an ice storm which hit the Sunday night after New Years. It was great to get to sleep in and I played lots of role playing games with my son and his friends. Further pleasure ensued when a blizzard hit later in the week wiping out two more days of school. Unfortunately that was the only days off from weather that we got the entire year. My final semester of classes for my Master's Degree began as well and I enrolled in both Student Teaching and Advanced Diagnosis and Assessment. I filed for divorce from my wife and we were officially separated although still living in the same house. I was heavily and deeply involved by this point in a wonderful romantic relationship online.

February-My birthday was the 19th. I thought for a time that my son was arranging a surprise party because he announced he was coming home for it even though there was no school vacation in Chadron. This coming year I am determined to HAVE a birthday party. I want to have at LEAST one birthday party before I'm too old to care. The day before my birthday I broke a tooth. It was very upsetting because I'm terrified of dentists. I began regularly going after school on Friday afternoons to the Dundee Dell with some teaching colleagues. I began student teaching, the final step before graduating with an M.S. in Special Education. My romance online continues to blossom. I long to have her come here to meet me. Dang I lost my voice with a cold that lingered for an entire month. The cough was so tight at one point I hurt my ribs, coughing.

March-Heathie turned 21. I can't believe it. I still remember the day the little guy was born. Hard to believe he's a grown man now. He makes me proud. Spring Break for him as he comes back for a week. He always keeps such weird hours though, sleeping late, going to bed late, staying up most of the night. March is a tough month for teaching in. IM ing online nearly every night is a regular thing for me. I sleep, breathe and live to be online with someone. I decided to drive out to Chadron to see Heathie and play in the Chadron State College Chess Championship. As it turns out, Heath and I tied for 1st place. Heath got the top trophy based on tie breaks which was wonderful since he's a student there. Oddly no CSC student had ever won the tournament before so Heath broke history.

April-Spring Break finally although it now doesn't even fall on Easter weekend. We got 5 full days off in late April. In school the kids are in the middle of their big writing portfolio project. I got pink eye the weekend I was supposed to take my comprehensive finals for my Master's Degree. Pink eye is truly annoying if you've never had it. Still I passed my comps. I am observed several times by my Student Teaching supervisor. He gives me great reviews for the most part. My other class is hard, because one of my students almost never shows up. It's a lab type class where we give and interpret tests to students with learning disabilities. My divorce is supposed to be finalizing this month but nothing happened.

May-Can't believe my first year of teaching Special Education is over at the end of this month. In mid May I graduate again from UNO with an M.S. in Special Education. It is the second Master's Degree I've earned but they are 20 years apart. I am now waiting impatiently to personally meet Emma who has made arrangements to visit me in June. Graduation. I was so proud of my Seniors for managing to earn the credits needed to graduate. It felt great to see a couple of them walk across the stage considering the obstacles they'll face anyway in their lives. What an experience, I was appointed to serve as jury foreman in Sarpy County for the first time ever. I had to miss three days of school when I was picked. It was a civil lawsuit. It was cool though to actually be a part of it. Last two weeks of school were easy because my Seniors were gone and so I spent it catching up with the paperwork. My advisor from UNO did his final observation and although it was my least impressive critique, I still got an A. I pulled an A- in my advanced diagnosis class but I was happy to get out of there with that. I am growing impatient. I have to wait a full month for June to get here. It seems like it will NEVER come.

June-A month I'll never, ever forget. Emma came to Omaha. I entertained her the entire week and we enjoyed going to restaurants, museums and cool places all over the area. Our longest road trip was on Thursday June 9th to the Kansas Border. We visited Nebraska City and saw Arbor Tree Farm and then went and ate a wonderful lunch at the Lied Conference Center where we got to eat as much cheesecake as our little tummies could hold. LOL! We went to 4 different museums, several parks and saw a river dredging boat. We ate at a number of good restaurants as well including an Italian one on the last day she was here calle Lo Sole Mios. We also took a trip to Lincoln to the history museum and UNL. Emmy even got to drive my car. (Spooky) LOL! I'll never forget Emmy's visit. She is a kind, sweet wonderful woman.

July-Hot, the 4th of July comes and goes as Heath and I fix the steps on our back deck so someone doesn't fall and kill themselves. On July 22-Heathie and take one of our biggest road trips together in years all the way to Yellowstone Park and the Grand Tetons. We camped in Chadron State Park twice, just outside the northeast gate and in the park one night as well as on Jackson Lake the final night before heading back to Chadron. Darn Cell Phone is a POS and works very poorly in Wyoming and Montana. Was able to call out a couple times on roaming. Seeing Yellowstone for the first time in 25 years had a profound effect on me. Divorce proceedings continue to be mired in delays over alimony, house and support issues.

August-Getting ready to return back to school in the 3rd week of the month. I'm excited because I have THREE Brit Lit Senior Classes instead of only two. My kids are wonderful this year as well as the new year starts. Call from the lawyer right before school begins saying we need to get divorce out of the way and settled. A September court date is set, but this is later pushed back to October 31st.

September-Labor Day, I travel out to see Heath in Chadron and stay for several days with him. It's a very enjoyable time for the most part as I can use the computers in the Student Center where Heath hangs out all of the time. School is going well though. Nebraska's football team begins a new season hoping to gain a winning record and a trip to a bowl this year. Late September everything starts to fall apart in my divorce.

October-Agony for me. Too painful to put down in print. My online relationship ends and my divorce case is dismissed. I still have a bill to pay though. Some people turn on me at this point and angrily end their friendship with me. Others are more understanding including the person I hurt the most who still remains one of my dearest sweetest friends.

November-Thanksgiving comes and goes way too quickly. I am beginning to adjust to life without online romance although I've been sorely tempted to try to seek it, I don't knowing I might cause more misery than anything else if I do. New school year is going well. A plan to go to St. Louis is scrapped so we can go over Christmas instead.

December-Wow has it been 12 months? It seems like a lifetime. What a year. School let out on December 16 and is out until January 2nd. Still trying to cope and deal with my feelings about everything. I go through stages where I'm content and other stages where I'm not. I still talk to my friends all of the time on FF but it's not quite the same when I'm not seeking a wife, girlfriend or lover. December 24-27 we drove to St. Louis to visit my daughter. December 23rd was a Friday, so my mom drove up here from Lincoln and we opened most of our gifts since we were leaving the next day. I got many wonderful gifts. Andrea spent a lot on me. She is trying very hard to show me she loves me. It will take time and I have my moments when I will lose my temper or get upset when I'm reminded of something from the past couple years that bothered me. December 24-25 in St. Louis were very pleasant but the 26-27 were depressing as I started to think about things too much and stayed up late and lonely on the computer. It's December 31st New Year's Eve as I type this. I had an emotional crisis last night and into today with someone I care about still. I think we have it worked out but we both cried quite a bit about it in the past 12 hours.
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