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Just Curious...
  
Curiousity running wild
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Conversations from a distance May 2, 2008 9:42 am
Mood: contemplative, 445 Views
I commute to work everyday via bus and often hear conversations between spouses, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends, and can't help but wonder about the lives that we share unintentionally with strangers.

The husband is yelling at the wife on the phone to just be there to get him. Doesn't sound very loving to me. Is it he is just tired or is this his personality all the time? As you continue to listen to the conversation, you wonder what life is like for that woman on the other end of the phone. Does she bow down out of fear or does she know this is just a bad day? He leaves the conversation with "just do it damn it." Doesn't make me feel all warm and cozy. Is this woman safe?

The girlfriend is talking to her boyfriend and is stating if you loved me you would go. What a joke. Love isn't about ifs, its about steadfast, strength and sharing. Not about demands or doubts. Does she know what she is doing to herself and the boyfriend? As you continue listening you hear her say "fine" whatever. What does that really mean? That the boyfriend decided he didn't love her or that she gave up? Or is it that we've taught children that buying things is more important than sharing your thoughts and dreams more important in relationships? Are they going to make I wonder?

The guy on the phone next to me is having a conversation with this son. He's obviously very small and doesn't talk much. The conversation sounded rehearsed. The father is talking "Hey son, are you a good boy today?" "Did you play outside today?" "Did you eat all your veggies?" "Did you take a nap today?" During the exchange, he is steadily writing on his blackberry a message to someone else. Watching and listening you can't help but wonder, does he ever just talk to his son without distractions? Does he love his son or is he an inconvenience?

Then you see the older gentleman calling his wife saying he is ten minutes from the stop. He tells his wife, I missed you today and I'll be home soon. End of conversation. Out of all the conversations I heard today, this is the one that put the smile on my face. In the middle of a bus load of strangers, the man declared his feelings for his wife proudly and without shame.

After getting off the bus, I'm left to my own thoughts and I realize that all it takes to put smile on someone's face is hearing kindness and warmth for another human being expressed in love and kindness. Wouldn't it be great if for just one day everyone expressed nothing but kindness to each other?

Now I'm back to reality again. I realize its a pleasant thought, but will never happen. We've all become too busy to really listen to each other or pay attention to each other's needs. We're so absorbed in "having it all" we end up forgetting that sometimes the best gifts to get or receive are not monetary in nature, but gifts from our hearts.
7 Comments
Saying ... I Love You Apr 30, 2008 11:30 am
Mood: happy, 371 Views
Have you ever noticed that there is never a good time in a relationship to say those three little words - we all wait to see if the other person feels it first. What ever happened to expressing how you truly feel about someone and sharing intimacy on a level past sex education alone?

Does it really matter who says it first or when? I mean if you feel it isn't it better to share it than to keep it inside hoping for someone to say it to you first?

Amazing how much those eight little letters and three words total can play in our lives.

Have you ever thought ...

What is it about those three little words, only eight letters total, that sends people into a different world?

What is it about those three little words that can make or break a relationship?

What is it about those three little words that can make your heart beat faster or give you the worst case of nausea?

What is it about those three little words that we all want to hear from someone that makes us act stupid or run?

What is it about those three little words that are suppose to be joyous in nature, yet they cause as much destruction as a F5 tornado?

So much power in those three little words.
4 Comments
Muddling Through... Apr 30, 2008 7:00 am
Mood: thoughtful, 444 Views
For those of you who don't know me, I have had a hard couple of years. I had four surgeries in three years, got sick from one of them and almost died. The others changed my life completely in that it made me take stock of what was really important in my life.

I had cancer and found out recently I am considered a survivor now. Just to hear the words was uplifting. I feel like I got a part of my life back. I went through a divorce in the middle of the whole ordeal so some things are not the same, but better.

The one thing I miss out of everything is the time I lost while sick and the confidence I had in my looks. Cancer drugs do wonderful things and if you get lucky they save your life, but they change your body too. Steriods are great to help you, but they pack on the weight and are hard to lose afterwards. I've done great so far, but the plateau I hit a few months ago, I'm not dealing with very well. It has caused my self confidence in my looks and ability to attract men to dwindle.

I hate it when people judge me because I need to lose another 30 pounds because they have predetermined I'm lazy and have no life other than sitting on the couch. Its so unfair. I am a very active person, always have been, was even trying to keep going when I was taking treatments. I have a tremendous drive to succeed and it hurts to hear people say things when they don't know I had cancer or anything about me. I didn't sit on a couch eating potatoe chips all day.

Now, I am getting closer to losing more weight and I know that my body will never be the same again, but I remain the beautiful woman inside. I'm not stupid, and probably not the most intelligent, but can carry on most conversations very well, and have a sense of humor that makes me laugh and others around me laugh. My body may have changed, but my heart is still the same, a loving heart, with concerns for others than myself. I live a life with goals that are realistic and I love deeply.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I can find a man to love me - cancer survivor, scars and all, and see me for who I am not what I look like?
9 Comments
Anyone Connected? Apr 29, 2008 2:02 pm
Mood: amused, 439 Views
Can anyone tell me if they have truly connected with a member on here or not? I was wondering if this online dating/friendship method worked better than trying old fashioned ways.

At 46, I never thought I would be single again. Dating has certainly changed, but I'm basically the same person I was before. Finding nice men who really want to have a friendship and get to know the real you is hard these days. Most of the men I've had the misfortune to meet start out the nice guy and then play games.

What ever happened to good old fashioned dating and getting to know someone for the right reasons?
6 Comments
UPDATED - Feeling Like a Huge Fool... Apr 23, 2008 9:39 am
Mood: and stupid, 444 Views
UPDATE TO BELOW:

Funny thing on top of all this happened. I got sick on Wednesday from some medication and missed the entire girls' thing anyway. Plus, I got a games player email from Drew0565. He was upset that I emailed him when I got his voice mail twice. Gave me a line about phones ring both ways.....

Thank you all for the support.

PREVIOUS:

I owe Drew0565 a huge apology. We had such a great connection and then when we were talking the next day, I misunderstood his change in mood/tone for being disinterested in me and blowing me off. He didn't call when I was expecting the call and several days passed, so I made plans for the weekend with girlfriends. As soon as I made the plans, he got back in touch with me and it turns out it was miscommunication on both parts. I can't cancel on the girlfriends because of the plans that were made.

I tried calling him and letting him know I couldn't cancel my plans afterall, but offered an alternative date to meet because I am truly interested, but I don't think he believes me.

Wouldn't you know I would meet a guy who is decent and I blow it by an honest mistake.

What should I do?
7 Comments
Forgiveness Apr 22, 2008 9:04 am
Mood: grateful, 428 Views
To forgive someone they say is the hardest, but most rewarding experience. I often wondered if that was true and now I know.

My ex and I had our first real conversation for the first time in over five years. When the conversation was over, I left feeling really sorry for him and grateful that I chose to forgive him. I'm also grateful that my forgiveness is real. To be able to say goodbye to someone after they have hurt you is a true blessing. It really does give you peace in your heart.

Time does heal and it is worth forgiveness if for no one else but yourself.
6 Comments
Just curious.... Apr 17, 2008 11:13 am
Mood: contemplative, 641 Views
What is about men who say they are looking for "a life partner," "a good woman," or "my soulmate," but when they date a good woman, they immediately find something wrong with her? Being a good woman, I am curious to know what is really wrong with those of us who truly detest drama, are honest to a fault, enjoy a healthy relationship, care, work hard, play hard, do all the things that men say they are looking for, but the men pass over us? What is really wrong with us if you are looking for all the things that we offer?
13 Comments
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