| Life After Cancer |
May 19, 2008 5:55 pm
Mood: courageous, 376 Views | Life after cancer. What is it really like? Well, you get up one morning and you realize that everything you ever knew had somehow changed. Nothing is ever the same again for you.
Even after losing all your hair, having ungodly tests and procedures, scary surgeries, and the scars left behind from it all. You realize that today your life is really just beginning. This is your chance to get things right. To find the love of your life, to live contentedly, to appreciate the beauty in simple pleasures,and to look at life with a new appreciation for how special it really is.
As the Tim McGraw songs says: "Live like you were dying..." Well, if you do, you will find yourself more accepting of people's differences, more forgiving, and more hopeful and grateful for a better future.
Maybe just for today, the sound of the birds chirping outside my bedroom window will make me feel content. They sing their songs of romance and feed my sense of awe. It is a magical sound I never really appreciated before.
Have you ever really look at the sky at night when it is full of stars. Wow, what an awesome sight. Some are brighter than others, but they all twinkle, like they know a secret. Ever wonder what their secret would be? Would it be they know who is meant to be together? Or do they lead star crossed lovers to each other? My how they twinkle and fill my heart with an awareness of how beautiful the night sky is.
Material possessions that once meant everything suddenly have little meaning in comparison to your being able to walk up to the top of a mountain and see the beautiful skyline of mountains, the clouds touching the tops of some of them, and the trees all standing tall. Even the simple walk down the beach with your toes in the sand can bring about sheer joy. The waves tickling your toes as they chase you in the sand.
Or maybe its just a moment you take to say thank you from the bottom of your heart to the people who kept you going from day one until your recovery.
And if you really get lucky, its the people you meet along the way who share their stories with you so that you can see you are not alone and that there are small blessings in our lives. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Still Single and Not Looking for ... |
May 12, 2008 9:26 am
Mood: content, 457 Views | I'm still single, but after receiving and exchanging emails lately on here, I am grateful to be single. I am not on here looking for a brief sexual encounter, as I am sure most women are not.
Anyone can have a sexual encounter with no meaning, but it is not for me. Sexual intimacy in my opinion is best shared by two people who have feelings for each other. A moment of "oh my god he's hot attraction" can lead to the least satisfying sexual experience or even regrets later. Not my thing.
Why is it that some men on here think sex is the ultimate goal... and that the only reason to date us is because if you get laid you have done us a favor?
If the only option I have is to date men who only go out with the mentality of I'm getting laid, then I'd rather stay single and have no regrets.
I expect harsh reaction to this from some bloggers, and that is fine. If you read this, it is based on my experience recently and my opinions. I am in no way saying all men on here are that way, just that there are men on here for that, and I'm sure that some women are okay with that. | |
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11 Comments | |
| Single at 46 and Feeling Lonely |
May 11, 2008 2:27 pm
Mood: blah, 470 Views | Somehow as I sit here today, this is not where I imagined my life would be at 46. Somewhere I must have turned left instead of right or something!
Single at 46 is fine, except sometimes I get lonely. It's not a sexual lonely (of course that is missing too), but a miss having someone to share things with. When I got divorced, it didn't dawn on me that my whole life would change so dramatically in such a short time, but it did.
Some times I need a hug and there's no one there to get one from. Other times, its a longing to have a conversation with someone about things, and no one is there. Sure, I have great friends, but they can't fill the void I have in my heart. It isn't the same thing.
Today was a hard day for me because I realized how often I am alone and want to do things, but don't have someone special to share them with.
I am beginning to wonder if I will ever find a nice man and have a meaningful relationship again. I miss the laughter, the shared intimacy, the exposing and sharing of one's heart, and most of all I miss the contentment of being with someone that you can be with and be yourself.
Where does one go when they need that companionship of someone special when there is no one there? | |
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13 Comments | |
| Happiness Poll |
May 8, 2008 10:10 am
Mood: curious, 427 Views | Happiness. Simple word, hard to define. Everyone has a different definition for happiness and if you think about it, it could be a whole dictionary by itself.
So, I'm curious to know what each of you considers to be happiness. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Encouragement |
May 6, 2008 1:56 pm
Mood: contemplative, 464 Views | Encouragement. Simple word by definition, but a word that is so hard for many to act upon. Seems like people today are more in line with discouragement than encouragement. What is it about human nature that makes it so easy to point out something discouraging instead of encouraging?
All of us need encouragement at some point in our lives. Ever wonder what would have happened if someone hadn't encouraged you to take that first step and achieve something tremendous? Ever wonder what if you had received encouragement to try something, if you could have succeeded because someone else believed in you?
Do you ever think about the people who are alone in this world who could use a friendly dose of encouragement? Heck, they need just a friendly "hello, how are you" sometimes from a complete stranger.
What if everyone had someone who encouraged them to step out on that leap of faith of whatever it is you've been thinking of trying or doing? What if.... with a little encouragement, would you take that step?
Would you try a new relationship, a new job, a new meal, a new book, a new shoe, a new way to work? Would you try something you've thought about, but never had the nerve before? If someone gave you unconditional encouragement, what would you do?
I myself, I received encouragement to fight cancer and become a survivor. All it took was a few words of encouragement at tough times and the desire to live.
Who can you encourage today? A friend, a co-worker, a stranger? What if... | |
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7 Comments | |
| Daddy's LIttle Girl |
May 5, 2008 9:21 am
Mood: grateful, 432 Views | When I was growing up, my Father was the kind of man who always gave life lessons every opportunity he could. I remember how he would find a life lesson in just about anything we did. A trip to the grocery store would turn into "don't forget to help those who need it". A simple trip to the movies to watch some Disney classic would end up "Life is not like this Sweetie, some things just don't come that easy..." It really didn't matter what we were doing, but he always taught me something useful and thought provoking. He always told me he loved me and that love was the most important thing he could teach me because I was Daddy's Little Girl.
During my teens, I remember all the times he held my hand, wiped away tears, laughed with me, cried with me, even grounded me for the foolish things I did. Never once during all those crazy trying times did he ever fail to say, "I love you... Daddy's Little Girl."
Now years and years later, my childhood in the past, I realized I am still very much Daddy's Little Girl. Last night when I was speaking to my Father and we were having one of our heart to heart talks about what has been going on in my life and how I was handling things. My Father said, "don't forget, I taught you respect for yourself, for others, and to always be honest." We were having one of our long conversations and as I begin to shed a tear, my Father said the same thing he has said for years to me...at just the right time as always...
"I love you and time will ease the pain. Be strong as I have taught you and remember, you're still Daddy's Little Girl."
Funny, but being a Daddy's Little Girl never goes out of style and I realized how much his words of wisdom and love over the years has kept me going in times of crisis, fear, hurt, dread, facing the unknown of cancer, divorce, losing my hair, losing sight of what was important to me, all of life's hurdles.
Thank goodness for Daddy, he turned this Daddy's Little Girl into a woman of integrity, respect, honor, honesty and above all else, myself.
Thank you Daddy, I love you. | |
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4 Comments | |
| Thank you to my fellow bloggers.... |
May 2, 2008 1:48 pm
Mood: grateful, 422 Views | The weekend is here and I find myself thinking of all the wonderful people I've chatted with this week. Everyone who has shared a part of their life, their humor, their sadness, or a gift of finely written words with me.
I thank you for making my week better and for making me remember what is means to be kind and generous to others as we never know another person's circumstances or what they are facing, but with friends, you can get through anything.
Thank each and everyone of you who shared with me.
Have a great weekend and enjoy it to the fullest extent possible.
Ciao,
Cat | |
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5 Comments | |
| Conversations from a distance |
May 2, 2008 9:42 am
Mood: contemplative, 427 Views | I commute to work everyday via bus and often hear conversations between spouses, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends, and can't help but wonder about the lives that we share unintentionally with strangers.
The husband is yelling at the wife on the phone to just be there to get him. Doesn't sound very loving to me. Is it he is just tired or is this his personality all the time? As you continue to listen to the conversation, you wonder what life is like for that woman on the other end of the phone. Does she bow down out of fear or does she know this is just a bad day? He leaves the conversation with "just do it damn it." Doesn't make me feel all warm and cozy. Is this woman safe?
The girlfriend is talking to her boyfriend and is stating if you loved me you would go. What a joke. Love isn't about ifs, its about steadfast, strength and sharing. Not about demands or doubts. Does she know what she is doing to herself and the boyfriend? As you continue listening you hear her say "fine" whatever. What does that really mean? That the boyfriend decided he didn't love her or that she gave up? Or is it that we've taught children that buying things is more important than sharing your thoughts and dreams more important in relationships? Are they going to make I wonder?
The guy on the phone next to me is having a conversation with this son. He's obviously very small and doesn't talk much. The conversation sounded rehearsed. The father is talking "Hey son, are you a good boy today?" "Did you play outside today?" "Did you eat all your veggies?" "Did you take a nap today?" During the exchange, he is steadily writing on his blackberry a message to someone else. Watching and listening you can't help but wonder, does he ever just talk to his son without distractions? Does he love his son or is he an inconvenience?
Then you see the older gentleman calling his wife saying he is ten minutes from the stop. He tells his wife, I missed you today and I'll be home soon. End of conversation. Out of all the conversations I heard today, this is the one that put the smile on my face. In the middle of a bus load of strangers, the man declared his feelings for his wife proudly and without shame.
After getting off the bus, I'm left to my own thoughts and I realize that all it takes to put smile on someone's face is hearing kindness and warmth for another human being expressed in love and kindness. Wouldn't it be great if for just one day everyone expressed nothing but kindness to each other?
Now I'm back to reality again. I realize its a pleasant thought, but will never happen. We've all become too busy to really listen to each other or pay attention to each other's needs. We're so absorbed in "having it all" we end up forgetting that sometimes the best gifts to get or receive are not monetary in nature, but gifts from our hearts. | |
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7 Comments | |
| Saying ... I Love You |
Apr 30, 2008 11:30 am
Mood: happy, 357 Views | Have you ever noticed that there is never a good time in a relationship to say those three little words - we all wait to see if the other person feels it first. What ever happened to expressing how you truly feel about someone and sharing intimacy on a level past sex education alone?
Does it really matter who says it first or when? I mean if you feel it isn't it better to share it than to keep it inside hoping for someone to say it to you first?
Amazing how much those eight little letters and three words total can play in our lives.
Have you ever thought ...
What is it about those three little words, only eight letters total, that sends people into a different world?
What is it about those three little words that can make or break a relationship?
What is it about those three little words that can make your heart beat faster or give you the worst case of nausea?
What is it about those three little words that we all want to hear from someone that makes us act stupid or run?
What is it about those three little words that are suppose to be joyous in nature, yet they cause as much destruction as a F5 tornado?
So much power in those three little words. | |
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4 Comments | |
| Muddling Through... |
Apr 30, 2008 7:00 am
Mood: thoughtful, 429 Views | For those of you who don't know me, I have had a hard couple of years. I had four surgeries in three years, got sick from one of them and almost died. The others changed my life completely in that it made me take stock of what was really important in my life.
I had cancer and found out recently I am considered a survivor now. Just to hear the words was uplifting. I feel like I got a part of my life back. I went through a divorce in the middle of the whole ordeal so some things are not the same, but better.
The one thing I miss out of everything is the time I lost while sick and the confidence I had in my looks. Cancer drugs do wonderful things and if you get lucky they save your life, but they change your body too. Steriods are great to help you, but they pack on the weight and are hard to lose afterwards. I've done great so far, but the plateau I hit a few months ago, I'm not dealing with very well. It has caused my self confidence in my looks and ability to attract men to dwindle.
I hate it when people judge me because I need to lose another 30 pounds because they have predetermined I'm lazy and have no life other than sitting on the couch. Its so unfair. I am a very active person, always have been, was even trying to keep going when I was taking treatments. I have a tremendous drive to succeed and it hurts to hear people say things when they don't know I had cancer or anything about me. I didn't sit on a couch eating potatoe chips all day.
Now, I am getting closer to losing more weight and I know that my body will never be the same again, but I remain the beautiful woman inside. I'm not stupid, and probably not the most intelligent, but can carry on most conversations very well, and have a sense of humor that makes me laugh and others around me laugh. My body may have changed, but my heart is still the same, a loving heart, with concerns for others than myself. I live a life with goals that are realistic and I love deeply.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I can find a man to love me - cancer survivor, scars and all, and see me for who I am not what I look like? | |
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9 Comments | |
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