| Hip update |
May 16, 2008 6:05 pm
1189 Views |  | It's all starting to feel like a bad dream now, the slow fall, the reality of true pain, even the anger that something so surprisingly unfair (how dare the universe) could happen to me. It seemed so endless for so long, not knowing what to expect, not believing that my body would ever be the same. How would I have flexible sex? How would I clip my toenails? And, how, tell me, would I ever get rid of my tummy if I couldn't do situps?(Oh, ok, I never did them before, it's true. But, what if I want to now?)
When it is unplanned, a hip replacement at a young age is quite confusing. Everyone who has ever had this surgery exclaims happily - oh, it was the end to all my pain. Um...'scuse me...I never had any pain prior to 2/29/08 approx 9:34 pm. NOW WHAT DO I DO? It changes everything about my life for the rest of my life. I will always have it somewhere in the back of my mind to be a little more careful, a little less carefree.
But, so be it. I am healing now in ways I never expected. Wednesday I mowed my own lawn and last Saturday I danced - really danced - to the Jackson 5 while cleaning the house. I was twirling and whirligigging just like normal. To protect the innocent (alright! he's not so innocent), I won't go into any other hip activities in which I may or may not have engaged recently.
I am ready to let go of my invalid-ness, although I do savor my sweet hours of convalescence, it is time to re-enter the zone, to leave the cane behind and to have the world see me as just me again, not the 'how are you getting along?, you look so great' girl. But there are some things I don't want to let go of.
Like the knowledge, call it epiphany, that time may be endless, but human bodies are not and all in all, not much in life is really worth getting worked up over. I don't want to forget that generosity of spirit towards others is where true beauty lies, and I hope I can someday be even half the person my mother is.
And...I hope I never forget that while oxycodone is a gift, it's not to be taken lightly. |
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19 Comments | |
| What Rilke Said. |
May 10, 2008 9:15 pm
1417 Views |  | Do not write love poems,
at least at first,
Rilke said.
They are the ends of caves
from which we must turn back,
and we the yielded novice
feckless with wonder,
bound
by the maze
to tunnel further.
Be aware, too,
of general themes
that crowd at the gate:
harbored geniuses
leering
their digger's disguise.
What then, do I know
to write about,
lost as I am?
Once chosen,
the entrance echoes
in goodbye,
light flickers
like words
upon the walls,
each time separate
and not the last. |
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25 Comments | |
| When is enough, enough? |
May 4, 2008 9:23 am
1444 Views | First in a series of columns about life, the universe, and little translator fish.
What is the extent of our responsibility to other human beings? Consider the following hypothetical situation. Someone you know has a communicable disease. Are you obligated to tell their lover?
It would seem that the resolution of most of life's problems, especially if they are someone else's, is clear. Black and, well, if not white, then just a few scattered shades of ecru and grey. But, as we grow older, it becomes obvious that this is not so. A rainbow of possible scenarios channel through our newly formed wisdom. Blame becomes less a burden for the other, and more one for the self.
Judgment - is it simply selfishness turned outward or an inability to compromise our own skewed yet highly developed sense of the external world? And when does the shift begin as we angle toward the "other person's shoes" direction? Hearts sink with knowledge and hindsight and how many regrets that we failed to see the circumstances that brought about such seemingly simple choices.
We find in life many chances at change, and if we are lucky there is someone beside us to illuminate the choices between heaven and hell. Or, luckier than that, the difference between dark blue and black. | |
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18 Comments | |
| 5 more |
Apr 29, 2008 7:35 pm
1424 Views |  | Is forgiveness enough
in the deep after-gloam
as night curls
in foments of smoke
and clings
to surround me?
What habits
I see
in your lair
of faithfulness
as it sleeps.
The breath edge
of dawn
seizes
and
awakens me. |
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14 Comments | |
| My 5 minutes on the machine |
Apr 29, 2008 2:18 pm
1229 Views |  | There is another way to get there.
Perhaps not in take out boxes
left half-full, curbside
and wanting
or in tequila urges
in numbers better left
uncounted...
there is a way,
where garbage
does not wait
for the sun
to do our work,
where food embodies
love
and we are reminded
that sex
is
not
sustenance. |
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5 Comments | |
| Blind man |
Apr 27, 2008 4:58 pm
1325 Views |  | Gotta get back to blogging, step back, take a kickback and marry him for the money don't think that don't think I think that it's my run away poetry mindset what makes me take back nearly everything I say but if I sideways walk back maybe you'll find me on a casted rack or even better shuffled with a six pack (it's not a think tank quit it) quit the racket talk quit the blind man's walk and leave the cane home.
girl. |
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19 Comments | |
| Best Friends |
Apr 23, 2008 3:53 pm
1341 Views |  | I was
not yet here with you,
but I remember wishing
(since I knew
what I was wishing for)
through the window.
All the windows.
My eye would find
the furthest point,
a woods
or maybe just
a clearing.
My wishes were so strong
I could see us
in vertical embrace
against the green
and brown periphery,
and me,
held straight
against you.
you. |
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19 Comments | |
| Just to say |
Apr 18, 2008 4:44 am
1271 Views | I'm ok and thank you to my friends for checking in with me to make sure. My daughter is keeping me busy this week with clothes shopping and movies and boggle and Uno and lots and lots of girl talk...I haven't had any time to write.
Oh, and lets not forget my all important naps!
I miss being here and seeing how everyone is doing. So, I shall return promptly! | |
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22 Comments | |
| 38 words - Challenge |
Apr 10, 2008 6:05 am
1352 Views | I am unsure who started this challenge (perhaps WHF?)...but I have finally had a chance to sit and think and write a bit. So. Here is my poem. With the 38 words.
We must begin with that which is not our own.
Thirty-eight words re-arranged
with learned administration:
an in-version,
a restatement
of the most punishing genetic elimination -
alphabetic reform.
The deed is done
and our punishment
is fought with
suicidal consummation,
a faulty politic
that only poetry
can enrage.
We have had enough
indications,
and glower in all concentration
as we battle to the door,
sistered hands
held
and then released
in shaky
(yet original)
proclamation.
Talk is split
and yet richest
when bordered by inaction -
and so the surprise
of our detachment
would establish us
as free -
like invented plots
that scratch at truth
but neglect
the most basic accident
of our mentality.
We explode in words
to be sorted later -
and, like history,
we wait
for what we have become. | |
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19 Comments | |
| The Last Time |
Apr 9, 2008 4:36 pm
1256 Views | The last time was the last time
and I didn't even know.
But it's like that
they say,
like that strangely hopeful summer day
that stretches on in promises
and plans
and beckons
the stand-still of time.
It was the last time
of my hips in full sway,
the last leg-split
and attempted lift
in the euphoric gyration of
our mother-daughter ballet.
It was the last time
I'll consider jogging
as a hobby
or my wrinkled stomach
as a project
I'll attend to someday.
Like to our summer
with one perfect moment,
we cling and relive
and think
oh - surely,
we will do this
again. | |
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17 Comments | |
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