To Write or Not to Write
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Posted:Aug 12, 2008 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2009 12:17 pm 9441 Views
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So much of what I write seems negative to me, but it does give me a release at times.
My Weird Wolf and I went to a SCA event last weekend. That was nice, enjoyable. Neither of us felt very well, but getting out for the weekend in a campground with various activities going around - it was a nice tonic.
We watched the double elimination fights. The Fighters had such interesting armor. One was a woman.
Later the same fighters added fantasy costumes to their armor. A little silliness, but it was was fun. "Papa Smurf" won that fight.
Unfortunately the fighters were too worn out to fight again in the torchlight fight. But the bardic circle group had fun singing all sorts of celtic camp songs.
The weather had cooled a bit which was great. It did rain one night but that didn't bother anyone.
Reality set in again when I got home.
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What an insane family
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Posted:Jun 20, 2008 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2009 12:17 pm 8548 Views
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No wonder I'm demented.
#2 finally came, brought her boyfriend with her to get him off drugs. We liked him before but his behavior now is terrible. He would ask to use my computer, I'd reply that he could do a small job for the privilege. After all, he does pay rent, or do regular chores, and the computer is mine to do bookkeeping and tax work. He got mad, refused to do the job (finishing a hole I needed to plant a Rhody) but got on my computer after I went to sleep. I have a password but hubby hadn't gotten around to putting one on.
has finally learned that he is using her because she is the only one in their group who has a working car and cell phone. He just got a job but didn't bother going to work. He finally put the last nail in his coffin when he called her some crude names.
I really hope she's learned something.
number 2 and his wife have officially banned me from seeing the grandkids. They figure that since they have the "only grandkids" they can use that to force me to their will. Not likely. Their excuse for the ban was that I had not called them at Easter. Well, I was working - tax all day. Besides, a few weeks earlier they had rounded on me, calling me names because I didn't whole-heartedly agree with their idea that #2 was on drugs. Their "proof" was that "all teens" use drugs.
Well guess they don't need our occassional babysitting services, or the clothes/toys we get for the each time (They are always missing things in the over-night bag)
#3 has a new girlfriend. He is 19, she is 33 or so. His sister is having a fit about it.
#1 is in a group home and we haven't been seeing her much because it's a ways away and fuel is digustingly high. Besides, I visit, then before I get home she is calling and leaving messages - every 2 hours.
#1 is doing ok, considering his situation.
#2 is the youngest, and when she turns 18 hubby and I want to run away to the coast - no forwarding address.
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2nd verse, same as the 1st
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Posted:Mar 19, 2008 1:12 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2008 9:20 am 9070 Views
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Darling has decided to go her own way and wants to be emancipated. We really should have bought her the bumper sticker we saw "Parents, can't live with them, can't live without their money".
No sooner had she pushed the issue and supposedly moved out (her stuff is still where she left it at our house) but her car broke down and she called us to fix it. We reminded her that getting help from the parents kinda negates the emancipation process.
She came to get some of her stuff but then wanted gas money to get back to the place where she is staying.
The living situation is not good there, and I am pretty sure it won't last long. The last two young women who were there got kicked out. Her brother and also her boyfriend are part of the "household" but they will tire of her behavior.
If we were smart, hubby and I would move to the coast without giving out a forwarding address.
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Past reflections
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Posted:Sep 24, 2007 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2008 10:15 am 9057 Views
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I'll be honest. Lots of deep thinking made me realize some of the more pressing reasons I got married the first time.
1. At the time, women were still considered old maids if they didn't marry by the age of 19 or 20. It may not have been verbalized directly but lots of statements and questions were asked. Such as "why don't you have a boyfriend", "I'd thought you would be married by now", I even heard this one once "You know it's really not appropriate for your younger sister to get married before you, what's taking so long." Granted, my mother was brought up by people who still believed in the old southern (American) concepts. Concepts that had already died a slow death in the South.
2. My sisters were gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous. I couldn't compare (and I was NOT big back then. The few young men who came to visit me were generally captivated by my younger sisters.
3. Family life at home with my parents was miserable. My mother was a good part of the problem but my younger sister's scheming and screaming just drove me over the edge. I needed out and was working my way to those ends. Going to college, working, saving money, collecting stuff for an apartment.
4. My ex showed up, good looking, charming, had a decent job, and he actually paid attention to me. He ignored my sisters, and treated my parents with respect while avoiding my mother's manipulations. We got an apartment which got me away from my mother and sisters.
Eventually I found that my ex's desire to help his family turned out to be his wanting them living with us so he could control them. He also turned out to be a pedophile, but it was 20 years later when that became apparent.
I was too young based on what is known today, but too old based on the prevailing culture around me at the time.
Yes, maybe I should have been able to determine the direction my ex was going. Unfortunately he didn't show any of the traits given in my psychology books at the time. Later yes, psychologists noted he was the reason for the disharmony in the family but couldn't state why. 's Services accepted him completely when we started adoption proceedings.
Was I settling due to low self-esteem? I didn't think so. My ex was good looking, made a good wage, and was charming. People liked him, people deferred to him. He was intelligient enough to later take classes to increase his earnings.
I do know that my marriage to Dunkelwolf is based on love, trust, openness and on mutual interests, beliefs, thoughts, and on just feeling good when we are togther. I feel more alive than I ever have in the past.
It must be right that the Demented Dragon be with the insane Weird Wolf.
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Can't life settle down just for a few months????
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Posted:Sep 5, 2007 2:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2007 3:18 pm 8774 Views
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We still have a few boxes to unpack from the move but no great hurry, trying to take things easy.
I finally get a way to get medical insurance. It means working part time for the company I left but really need that insurance.
Just barely got a couple of things accomplished with the insurance - new glasses for work, two dental crowns installed, a medical test,
Now, that company just got sold! Insurance canceled without contacting those on the program.
It appears that the new owner may meet with me tomorrow to see if I can help out since the old owners deleted everything from the computer.
Of course the old owners thought nothing about calling me at my full-time job with questions.
One possible slight advantage with the new owner though. The company is located about 17 miles north of me. The new owner supposedly lives about 17 miles south of me. I may get lucky and get some of the work to do from home.
That is if everything works out for me. *crossing claws hopefully*
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Stigma of divorce, blame, failure - and wonderful 2nd marriage
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Posted:Jul 25, 2007 10:23 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2007 9:29 am 10489 Views
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Too often people consider a marriage a failure if it ends in divorce. It's possible, if the entire time was miserable.
If a person has been married several times, less than a couple of years on each marriage - well maybe that person is just infatuated with weddings.
There are many people out there who have been married for extended periods, but circumstances have changed causing the marriage to end.
My first marriage ended in disaster after 20 years. But I do try to remember the good times. The first probably 7 years were not bad even if not great. We were growing, improving our finances while having (2 planned, 1 ignored the IUD) He took welding classes and improved his earning capacity, I took business classes. We had arguments, and we had good times. We attended the boys' Little League games, Parent-Teacher conferences, and made sure the got their specialized medical and educational needs met.
My ex's need to be the uncontested ruling patriarch, of not just us but the extended family, created issues that could not be resolved and things spiraled downward. The pulled away from him and have since told me things that they were scared to tell me before because of his threats. I know of at least a few of his siblings, nieces and nephews who resent him.
Whose fault? Mine for catering to him when we first got married, trying to be the "wife"? Mine for getting married too young (20 yrs old)? My being Bi-Polar? His family for catering to him because he was the favored ? The fact that one has a learning disability and the is retarded? Too much stress? Cultural differences? My weight? (Most of our major difficults seemed to have been when my weight was down.) Combination of all of the above? Heck, maybe he was dropped on his head as a and nobody told me.
When my oldest was being diagnosed with this learning disability, we started recognizing that there were problems. My was going through therapy, I started going to therapy. My was already going through training due to her retardation. My ex attended a few group sessions but was not very cooperative (not just my opinion but also of the therapists).
The fact is, we did have years that were successful. I would never go back to him. I HATE what he has become, and I'm much happier without him. Yet those first seven years worked, maybe not according to tradition, but for the time. The rest of the time was spent, first in trying to "fix" the problem, and then just surviving it.
I could live a life of remorse over a "failed marriage", but what would that achieve? I've learned many things from that marriage - most of which are related to what I can or can't tolerate.
A first marriage can end in divorce, but in the process it can leave both parties more knowledgeable about themselves and what they want.
Dunkelwolf and I just celebrated our 5th aniversary and I've never been more in love with him than I am now. We think alike, we enjoy the same things, we back each other. We enjoy just being together. We are also comfortable and confident when apart.
If I had met Dunklewolf 30 years ago, would things have worked out for us then? I don't know, we were both different then (he would still have been a wolf pup). I like to think so. He's a wonderful man. I do think that having a marriage that ended in divorce allows me to appreciate Dunklewolf even more. He figures I'm the only one who could put up with him. He puts up with a lot from me.
It works for us.
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Looking to rip something to shreds
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Posted:Jul 11, 2007 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2007 10:34 am 9326 Views
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It's one of those days. One of those stinking days where I just want to rip something apart.
Why, oh I dunno, maybe the heat. It's been rather hot lately and I don't do well in the heat.
My meds could be out of order, but I don't think so.
Maybe it's work. Oh I have plenty of reasons for being agitated at work. Boss misreads something, yells at me, sees his mistake when I point it out carefully. No apology.
Then it looks like he may have blown off an appointment. Of course it's me who gets the nasty phone calls. I've been typing him a list of his appointments every day. I print out maps and directions as well as other information.
A 's work doesn't get done. Was it the manager's fault or the owner's fault since she described what she wanted to him carefully during a walk through the property. I'm the one who gets the phone calls though.
Maybe it's the second job. The woman they hired to replace me is very sweet, a lot of fun but she just doesn't seem to be able to learn things. The company is still a disaster but I don't see that getting any better.
Maybe it's my . My , the only one left at home, doesn't bother doing her chore and she demands all sorts of favors from us. Her chore is the kitchen and guess who messes it up the most? Dear . I love her, yes I do. Just could use some cooperation not all these promises that she "will" do it.
Of the other , one calls when he needs a babysitter, one calls constantly to demand we visit her so we can buy things for her, another calls when he wants something. The oldest is getting better but just doesn't understand that his 32 hours of work a week doesn't show him how I'm feeling with 51 hours a week plus other responsibilities. I am glad he is working.
It's not my hubby, without him I couldn't get through most days. Dunkelwolf can always get me to laughing. and he does so much for me. It's not fair to him if I go home crabby.
I'll just have to figure out what I can rip apart here at work.
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What do you see?
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Posted:Jul 5, 2007 11:06 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2007 8:19 am 9382 Views
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Close your eyes. Picture yourself standing at the edge of a tall cliff looking down. What do you see below?
I don't want to say, just yet, what I see because I don't want to influence anyone.
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Same silly thing bothers me
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Posted:May 30, 2007 3:34 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2007 8:33 am 9819 Views
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So much goes on about whether men are equal to women, and men do this and women do that.
Sorry, as far as I'm concerned men and women are equal. Different yes, although I have met men and women with characteristics most normally associated with the opposite gender.
People are individuals. I can't compare myself with my 5'1" ex sister in law from Mexico. We think completely different. My weird wolf hubby, Dunkelwolf, is so different from my ex-husband that they really don't seem to be of the same species.
Equality?
Is a rose superior to a cactus?
Is an elephant superior to a whale?
Is a construction worker superior to a nurse?
It doesn't matter what gender they are, reverse their environments. The rose wouldn't survive as well in the desert, cactus don't do as well in the heavy rain-fall areas of the Pacific NW.
Consider the elephant and the whale switching environments. Neither would survive.
The construction worker, male or female, would feel all thumbs in the hospital environment, an there aren't many nurses, male or female, who can be found welding six flights up on a newly framed building.
I've seen men who could type up a storm, and women mechanics. There are more and more of these so-called gender switches because preconceived ideas of what is proper for each gender are dissolving with each generation.
My request? Take each person as they are. So what if the person doesn't fit certain criteria, that doesn't make them inferior. So what if that person is of a gender, race, religion, creed, or whatever as someone who has hurt you. Everyone is different as seen in yes, gender, but also in race, religion, age, size, shape, education, upbringing, cultural beliefs, health, interests and other factors. If one person is too different from you for a relationship or even a friendship, they are a still human, treat them as you would wish to be treated by them.
Some women seem to hate all men because one hurt them. The same goes for men hating women. Even if 10 people hurt you, that doesn't have anything to do with the rest. If you tend to look for companionship in the same place and for the type type of people and keep getting hurt, please don't blast an entire gender. Evaluate where and how you are looking. Consider what attracted you to the ones who hurt you. Maybe avoidance of that personality trait should be considered.
Give love a chance as the cliche goes
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Pirates!
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Posted:May 22, 2007 2:28 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2007 7:58 am 9300 Views
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This weekend, the Pirates hold their annual gathering near our home. We are looking forward to it.
The Admiral always looks so dashing, of course so do many of his Captains.
We always have to admire the ships' masts set up around the park although some wind up being whipping posts for transgressors and others who just enjoy. We don't normally watch, being better entertained by the fire breathers.
The park becomes something like Tortuga with tents.
I hope it doesn't rain more than a few sprinkles this weekend, but I'm sure it will rain hard for a while. It did last year. We still had a lot of fun.
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