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AMAZINGLY ACCURATE "Whatever you do, don't cheat!" Nov 8, 2007 6:33 am
210 Views
CHINESE HOROSCOPE :
THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON,
WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE
CHINESE NEW YEAR
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS -
DO NOT CHEAT
OR IT WON'T WORK AND
YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN`T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES
TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.






THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO ME SAID
HER WISH CAME TRUE 10 MINUTES AFTER SHE FORWARDED THE EMAIL

NO CHEATING !!!!










THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.







DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.


IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY

1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th. SCROLL DOWN
ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD
otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.








1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.












2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2,
WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?













3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7,
WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.










CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT














4. WRITE ANYONE S NAME
(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6.












DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally,
MAKE A WISH
















ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE
KEY TO THE GAME












1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in
SPACE 2




2. THE PERSON IN SPACE
3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE





3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in
SPACE 7





4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in
SPACE 4






5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO
KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.






6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR
LUCKY STAR






7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE
PERSON IN NUMBER 3





8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE
PERSON IN 7






9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT
YOUR MIND





10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU
FEEL ABOUT LIFE


11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR
LUCKY NUMBER



SEND THIS TO A MINIMUM OF
10 PEOPLE
WITHIN AN HOUR OF READING THIS.

IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE.

IF YOU FAIL TO, IT WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE


STRANGE HOW IT SEEMS TO WORK.
1 comment
Chickens don’t fly... Nov 8, 2007 6:27 am
255 Views
The company you keep is important.

Think about it, If you leave your coat in a room where people
are smoking, pretty soon it will smell of smoke.

You can have on the best cologne or perfume, but enough
exposure to any different strong scent can overpower the beautiful
scent.
Such is the case with your mind.

Your "garment of thoughts" absorbs the thoughts of those with
whom you associate. Whose thoughts are you wearing? If your thoughts had a scent, what would it be? Is it stinking thinkig or beautiful thoughts of hope, peace, harmony, faith and love?

Who ever has a lot of your time...has your mind. Wherever you
live, work, pray and socialise, it is your environment shaping your
in-vironment.
Your external world shapes your internal world. Who shapes your thoughts?

Answer: parents, TV, friends, spouses, lovers, co-workers,
media, society, school, church, job, mosque, social organisations.

When you find yourself around
gossipy-critical-negative-complaining-little faith-much drama-reactive people, either you fit in and speak their language
OR you gravitate towards another kind of people and
conversation that is positive, productive, progressing, solution-orientated, loving, creative, hopeful, caring and proactive.

As you grow older and wiser, you'll soon realise there are some
people and some places you can't emotionally, spiritually or mentally
afford to hang around. This is a success law for living.
B.Kisuule, FAQ WBR18417 4,732kgs
Chickens Can't Fly

Don't spend major time with minor people. If there are people
in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp
On your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don't have your back during difficult times...that is not a friend.

To have a friend, be a friend.
Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or
go. Surround yourself with people who reflect your values,
goals, interests and lifestyle.

At first you think you're going to be alone, but after a while
new people show up in your life that make your life so much sweeter
and easier to endure.

Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together."

If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't
Fly!
3 Comments
What happens when you: Nov 8, 2007 6:04 am
193 Views
What happens when you:

1) have nothing to do

2) own a sharp knife

3) have a large lime

4) own a patient cat

5) drink too much tequila

6) and it's football season?
1 comment
THE BEST AND WORST CHAT-UP LINES OF ALL TIME Nov 8, 2007 3:27 am
289 Views
Smile and say ‘hello’
Do you believe in love at first sight…or shall I walk past again?
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
You're like a parking ticket. You've got fine written all over you....
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
My bed is broken, can I use yours?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
HIM: "You look just like my first wife"
HER: "How many times have you been married?"
HIM: "Never".
"My friends over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"
"Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?"
Help the homeless – take me home with you.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Do I know you? (No.) That's a shame, I'd like to.
So, tell me about yourself; your dreams, your ambitions, your phone number.
Do you see my friend over there? (Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar). He wants to know if you think I'm cute.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Guy: Are your parents terrorists?
Girl: No, why?
Guy: Because baby you're the BOMB!
Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Those are nice jeans you have on... but you know they'd look even better crumpled up on the floor beside my bed.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you
"Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!"
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Hi I'm Mr Right, I've heard that you've looking for me...
"Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend? "
What are your measurements? I need them for the lotto as I know you're a winner and I want to be one too...
10 ton polar bear. If that doesn't break the ice, nothing will.
Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
Hi, my name’s Fred Flintstone, and I’m gonna make your Bedrock!
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.
My face is leaving in 10 minutes, you'd better be on it?
Was your father a thief? Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Legs is the word of the day. Let's go back to your place and spread the word.
Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Do you mind if I do?
You don't sweat much for a fat lass
3 Comments
Classes for men at our local learning center for adults - Sign up by Nov 30th Nov 8, 2007 3:04 am
177 Views
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each
course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.

Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays.
Step by step, with slide presentation.

Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Do they grow on the holders?
Round table discussion.

Topic 3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting
the Seat Up and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.

Topic 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the
Floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 5: The After Dinner Dishes and Silverware. Can they levitate
and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.

Topic 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant
Other.
Helpline Support and Support Groups.

Topic 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the
right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open Forum

Topic 8: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your
health.
Graphics and Audio tape.

Topic 9: Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost.
Real life testimonials.

Topic 10: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly As She
Parallel Parks? Driving simulation.

Topic 11: Learning To Live - Basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role-playing.

Topic 12: How To Be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation
exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

Topic 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering birthdays,
anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going
to be late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

Upon completion of the course diplomas will be issued to the graduates
1 comment
Always Remember to forget Nov 8, 2007 2:21 am
153 Views
Always Remember to forget
The things that made you sad
But never forget to Remember
The things that made you glad
Always Remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue
But never forget to Remember
Those friends that have stuck by you
Always Remember to forget
The troubles that passed away
But never forget to Remember
The blessings that come each day
0 Comments
Age is just a number....... Nov 8, 2007 2:15 am
146 Views
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old
is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so
excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound
Like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now,
you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it,
you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a
day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT
lunch;
you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards;
"I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a
little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's
workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who
is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are
alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your
refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
0 Comments
How to survive with women – you treat them like your car! Nov 8, 2007 2:03 am
177 Views
Lift up the front and have a good hard look.

Check the spare tyre and any handles.

Make sure the top can come down and look good in the summer.

Are the bodywork and lines to your liking.

Ensure it response well when you are in the driving seat.

Fit a child lock.

Make sure any unusual noises can be safely ignored.

Ensure sole ownership.

If possible test drive several times before committing to ownership.

Make sure that there is a proper response when you put your foot down….

and that it is easy to control.

Ensure that no joy rider can get their hands on it.

See if the coil needs replacing.

Watch out for any nasty emissions.

Keep all leather accessories in order.

For your own safety never attempt to handle when drunk.

Never let your friends have a go.

German models- tend to be solid, steady runners, not ideal for frequent brief usage.

Italian models- are very responsive but change hands often and often make worrying noises.

American models- tend to consume excessive amounts of fuel.

British models- especially the attractive ones, are hard to find and expensive to maintain.

Swedish models- are usually versatile and safe.

Japanese models- are mass produced and reliable, but very common and often unattractive.

French models- are easy to come by but frequently disappointing.
2 Comments
THE LOVE MYSTERY Nov 7, 2007 10:43 pm
175 Views
THE LOVE MYSTERY

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him or her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not
try to reclaim it or to assess blame, Let it go.

There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. Don’t deny love just only you don’t want to be hurt.
0 Comments
MY MOTHER.... Nov 7, 2007 10:34 pm
234 Views
MY MOTHER

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.

"About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.

"You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother, which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
2 Comments
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