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BF&FF
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Mar 27, 2009 9:58 pm
Mood: curious,
132 Views
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Last night I dreamed about him again. He got online again and said hello to me and explained to me what he had done and where he had been. I kept asking him, why not try to contact with me then. He said that he was busy with his work all the time and never had the time too. So I asked him what exact things he did for his work, and he said sth like this and sth like that, which made me feel that he was trying to get away from me. I was very sad and upset, for I really wanted to tell him, if you don't love me anymore, plz do tell me and I will walk away.
Before that, I did a funny text online and it showed that I was really deeply in love with him and if I lose him, I will surely regret for that. It also told me that he is my Mr. right and we are really fit for each other and we will be the perfect couple in the world. To tell the truth, I never wanna lose him or miss any chances with him. May God bless us!
Sth about ff:
I wanna know very strongly that why it shows on ff that my friends are all online but in fact none of them is?!
If anybody knows that, plz do answer me! Many thx!
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Burning
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Mar 25, 2009 7:11 am
Mood: depressed,
153 Views
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He is my little brother, the only boy who has the same parents as me. However, he turned me down and down again and again.
I remembered that when we were both young kids, he was that kind of inteligent bad guy. He was very creative and imaginative then. I thought he was gonna be a huge person in the future, at least better than me. I used to trust him a lot and give him a lot of freedom to be himself.
For almost a whole year, we hadn't seen each other in the spring festival of 2008 and we were both happy to be in the same house again with each other. But everything changed in a evening. At that time I was still love in with another guy and he disliked him, so he thought that I was a fool to be with a bf. Finally we had a bad and big quarel and it hurt me a lot. I kept crying fow a whole night and I swore that I would never talk to him again. I thought that it's all my bussiness and nothing to do with him at all but he would never understand. Maybe just as our parents had told me, they all cared me too much, about my happiness, to be real and long.
I was sick in the falling season and had to go home for rest. At that time he was at home then and was about to go out working. But my parents didn't like that, for they wanted him to be with them at home and helping them. So he could not get any money from them. I had some then. So I told him that he could take some from my wallet.
One day in fall he suddenly came back home again like a stranger or visitor. At first he was happy to see me and we talked to each other in the next few days. But one day we had a fight again for small reasons. He has grown up into a big and tall man, not the young and little kid that I liked before. He has great power and strength in his body and he tried to get back what he thought he had lost in his childhood. Althought he always visits on my space when he is online, I still don't wanna talk to him or even look at him. Maybe this time I am really serious. I left a message on QQ saying that I hated him and I felt shameful for all the hurt that he has brought to me both mentally and physically. I guess that we have seperated into two different ways of living and we should keep in a certain distance from each other to stay away from harm.
And this song is about the story.
It was lonely time then and he brought some music, including "Burning" by Maria Arredondo. Of course there are many songs that he likes but not my taste. But when I heard this one, I found that we had found something familiar. I told him that I wanna learn it and sang for him. He just said that impossible and too hard. But I can sing it now when we haven't talked to each other for months. Even in the other nights, I would also listen to it as the background music of a local radio. So you can imagine how popular it is now!
"Passion is sweet, love makes weak. You said you cherished freedom so. You refuse to let it go.
Follow your fate, love and hate. Never fail to seize the day. But dont give yourself away.
Oh when the night falls, and you are all alone. In your deepest sleep what are you dreaming of?"
Love is the evidence of our existence and the provement of our living. The end of love is surely death. Freedom is the highest level of love, which means to give up for death. What if your loved ones wanna have nothing else but die? Will you help him go away with no pain and hurt, quietly and comfatably? Maybe it's just a kind of dream in the world in one night only. Along the way, will your soul shine brightly against me?
"My skin's still burning from your touch, oh I just can't get enough. I said I wouldn't ask for much, but your eyes are dangerous, oh the thought keep spinning in my head. Can we drop this masquerade? I can't predict where it ends. If your the rock I'll crush against."
Finally we meet each other in the real world and we truly feel each other in the endless universe. Don't you think that is a mystery? What on earth leads to a happiness ending? Is your smile on the fact or the tears kissed away by him? Anyway, I am with you all the time, wherever, however.
"Trapped in a crowd, music is loud. I said I love my freedom to. Now I'm not sure I do. All eyes on you, rings so true. Better quit while you're ahead. Now I'm not so sure I am."
Oh when the night falls, and your all alone. In your deepest sleep what are you dreaming of?"
Who is the one that makes you get old and fall dead? Whos is the one that you decide to live for? Who is the one that you have waited for centruries and even thousands of years' time? Who is the one that you wanna be together forever with? Who is the one that changes you completely?
"My skin's still burning from your touch, oh I just can't get enough I said I wouldn't ask for much. But your eyes are dangerous. Oh the thought keep spinning in my head. Can we drop this masquerade? I can't predict where it ends. If your the rock I'll crush against."
"My soul my heart, if you're near if you're far, my life my love
You can have it all....ooohaaaah.
Oh when the night falls, and you are all alone. In your deepest sleep what are you dreaming of?"
Yeah. You are my only love in the world, the first, and also the last!
"My skin's still burning from your touch, oh I just can't get enough I said I wouldn't ask for much, but your eyes are dangerous. Oh the thought keep spinning in my head, can we drop this masquerade? I can't predict where it ends. If your the rock I'll crush against. Oh, if your the rock I'll crush against."
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Better Smile than Cry!
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Mar 25, 2009 6:06 am
Mood: cold,
107 Views
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Now he is not with me, though I missed him a lot. Maybe he has forgetten me. Maybe he is busy with other girls. Sometimes I wanna go to find him back to me. But soon I will feel that I would be too stupid if I had done that. Everytime when I wanna cry out tears I will tell myself firmly that it's better to smile.
At the moment, there are some other guys around me whom I don't like so much, and even sometimes I hate them. I don't know how to deal the problems between us, so I choose to escape again and again. For I never wanna see any kind of embaracement.
Sometimes I could see him online and we won't talk to each other. I thought he loved too as I had done to him. I also tried so hard to keep all the beautiful memories between us not only in my heart, but also in my dreams. He said that we would surely meet again in the future, but he could not promise me the exact date. I don't know if it stands for a kind of waiting signal, or he was just trying to throw me away when I needed him for the most. Sometime I would feel shameful for falling in love with him, which however is the truth. Maybe he was trying to cheat on me that I would feel kinda of being loved. He is so important a person in my life who changed me completely. Sometimes I might think that I should hate him for everything he had done to me. But I just didn't wanna lose heart. I guess I am even getting weaker and weaker now, cos there are always hurt, one after another. What' s more, he is also the one who told me not to cry when I wanna. And I think at least I must be strong and carry.
Anyway, better smile than tears!
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Destiny
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Mar 24, 2009 10:20 pm
Mood: calm,
89 Views
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When facing it, you have no place to hide;
When facing it, you have no ways to escape;
When facing it, you have no words to say;
When it comes, you have to go after it;
When it passes away, you have to say goodbye;
When it loses, you have to wait and see;
When sun rises up, plz open your eyes;
When night reaches, plz smile to the stars;
When rain falls down, plz pray for rainbows;
When wind begins, plz fly free in the sky;
When snow covers on you, plz take a pic;
When happiness is with you now, plz enjoy it fully;
When anger is in your heart, plz try to control it;
When pain is so hard here, plz do change yourself;
When missing is killing your soul, plz accept death;
When all the feelings are gone, plz keep on being calm;
FOR IT IS OUR DESTINY!
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When MingChe Met YiChen
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Mar 23, 2009 7:48 pm
Mood: relaxed,
91 Views
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MingChe and Yichen are the two Chinese boys whom I met online and loved before. One of them is from Shanghai and the other comes from Beijing.
MingChe is the first Shanghai guy that I got to know as so near in heart but so unreal in true life. I added him accidently just for I wanna know more about about the city he lived in. He is 4 years older than me, a small mouse that I like. He was studying in Shanghai Univercity then, which the famous young male writer in China called GuoJingming graduated from too, and also the one that my headteacher now stayed. At that time I was just a freshman here. We talked a lot of things, especially the boy called HanBing that I met in my school now, who is also 4 years older than me. HanBing was the first guy that I was interested in at college. MingChe was very humorous and always made me happy and laugh out tears. He is that kind of person who never knows what pain is. He is tall and thin. At first I didn't wanna give him my pics cos I never wanna lose him even as nomal friends. And cos at that time I was falling in love with HanBing, I was really of no confidence about myself at all, especially my outside appearance, for HanBing was very handsome. If u ever has him in your life, I promise that you will never regret for being a girl. But it was really ok after we exchanged our photos. MingChe also wore a pair of glasses on his nose then and it made him look more gentleman. The second time I "saw" him was when he returned from Germany for bussiness. Before that I asked him to take some pics there and sent me. He was with an old fat guy there and that made him look as if even more thinner and talller. Someday he also told me that he would visit me when he comes for bussiness here. But we hadn't met each other in real life till today. Just then I found some new pics in his QQ-zone taken in south asia and he was carrying a large snake in his neck. It was so horrible! I wonder if it is real. Now he is online, but since we hadn't talked for a long period of time, I didn't know what to say again, even hello. Only wish him happiness. And to keep my love to him in history and let it gone with the wind.
The other guy is three years older than me. I met him on his 21's birthday. He was not happy for losing the girl he loved. I watched the passage he wrote in a literature website and left a message for him. That night I called him when he went for dinner. So I left my No. to him. Soon he called back and we talked on the phone for nearly 4 hours! We exchanged our mobile phone No.s and began to send short messages. One month later I went to see him with my friends. He showed us around Beijing and Tsinghua Univercities and we all enjoyed ourselves very much. He took a lot of pics for us too.That day I came back to school. To tell the truth, I didn't like him so much then as before. But I didn't wanna lose him at once. I guess he must have known my feelings to me and left me too. In fact one an half years later I went there for the second time to say goodbye to him. I wrote a book for him before that, called "Feathers fall into the lake when tears fly in the sky", about the things we had before that and mainly my feelings to him. Just then I found his new photos in Dalian and he looks cool there, wearing a pair of black glasses on his nose. When at home watching TV, I knew that there is a new singer in Taiwan called Li Jiuzhe. At that time I thought of him again for they were too much like each other. But the same as MingChe, we hadn't talked with each other for so long. Even he was online yesterday too. I don't know what to say and even hello. In fact I had decided to forget him, though I had paid too much before for loving him. All of that has been history. Yeah, they belong to the past. I am writing this just for the last memory. Once they were in my heart. But I don't tell the guy I am in love with now cos I don't think there is need to. I hope he won't care. Time will change everything. So why not forget?
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Behind Blue Eyes
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Mar 23, 2009 7:45 pm
Mood: lonely,
86 Views
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It's so wonderful a thing when you find some great songs to listen to. While "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit is one of them.
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. And no one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies."
At one time, I wanted myself to be a completely honest person so that I could feel comfortable and safe. Then I told a lot of people a lot of things which used to be my most important secrets. But after then I became very regret. How I wish I didn't tell anyone else about that! Sometimes it's necessary to keep a world of your own, no matter big or small, it's yours, only.
"But my dreams, they aren't as empty. As my conscience seems to be. I have hours, only lonely. My love is vengeance. That's never free."
Maybe I love others to punish myself? Maybe I force myself to dream about others? I remember clearly all those things in an unreal world. There is nothing to do but waiting during lonely time. Though I hate it so much. I have to.
"No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings like I do and I blame you. No one bites back as hard on their anger. None of my pain an' woes can show through."
Once in a day I really wanted to tell him that you would never know my despair when saying goodbye to you. He would never understand me, my feelings for him. It's so hard to speak out like, can we just be friends again? In fact, I never wanna lose him, but I have to. Cos I have no patience to wait anymore, for an uncertain result or answer.
"But my dreams, they aren't as empty. As my conscience seems to be. I have hours, only lonely. My love is vengeance. That's never free."
Just like what I had said before, when love is with me, it's so great and true; when love is gone, you are so unreal. I am just like a bad guy being put into prison to suffer all those things that I deserve.
Discover L.I.M.P. say it (x4
"No one knows what its like to be mistreated, to be defeated behind blue eyes. No one knows how to say that they're sorry and don't worry. I'm not telling lies."
The only difference between them is that the first one will never say sorry to me. I guess that's because he belongs to the tiger race. That's why I prefer the one now better. He will never use my love to him as for granted. He will say sorry to me if he turns me down and he cares more about my life.
"But my dreams, they aren't as empty. As my conscience seems to be. I have hours, only lonely. My love is vengeance. That's never free."
Sometimes of course still a little worried. Anyway nothing in the world is for free. You have to pay before getting them. However, what's more important, I never wanna miss or lose him.
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. "
Now I meet a guy who is with blue eyes too. I choose to trust in him, or I wish he is honest to me. I also hope that I can look into his eyes to reach to his heart and find myself there.
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Everytime
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Mar 23, 2009 7:43 pm
Mood: crazy,
84 Views
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I was just 15 then, the second year at middle high school. Listening to M2M, Backstreet boys and Lion was my most important interest in music as entertainment. One day I went to the CD shop on weekends as usual. When I was watching around trying to some more tapes of M2M, suddenly I found a sexy and attractive girl on the cover of one tape. Little Burney? I thought. Who was she? With great curiousity, I bought it home. Unforturnately it had no words at all. And the style was pretty hot and strong, which I didn't like so much. But today when I heared the song "Everytime" by her, I found that maybe I missed her for too long. Definately she has an amazing voice and it is so enjoyable to listen to the song!
"Notice me. Take my hand. Why are we strangers when our love is strong? Why carry on without me?"
When there is no love shinning on you, there is also no need for your eagarness. Yea. We lost our attention, that kind of special things. When he is not by your side, it's no long possible to hold on his hands again. We loved each other so much, but that's why we become so strange. You said that you could not carry on without me, but why you still live so well today?
"Everytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings. I feel so small. I guess I need you baby. And everytime I see you in my dreams. I see your face.
It's haunting me. I guess I need you baby."
For thousands of time, I tried to forget him, the man whom I used to love so much. But everytime I felt so weak inside too. I hate myself that I am not strong enough. He had stolen my heart away without my permisson. I dreamed about him again and again at night, and his face seemed so unreal then. Waking up in the moring, I knew that I had lost him forever. Even I had never thought of that before. I used to hold on to my love. I wanted to wait for him till the end of time.
"I make believe that you are here. It's the only way I see clear. What have I done? You seem to move on easy."
Those who have truly in love with someone will never forget the pain of pretending to be strong and egnore. It's the worst way of fooling ourselves. But no matter how we tried, they would never say hello to us again. The most terrible thing is that he moves on to another girl at once after saying goodbye to you while you are still lying here, thinking of him.
"Everytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings. I feel so small. I guess I need you baby. And everytime I see you in my dreams. I see your face.It's haunting me. I guess I need you baby."
The same sentences again, when I found that he was not worthy at all. I devoted myself to love him as the only faith, when he was just playing another kind of games with me. He nearly killed me.
"I may have made it rain. Please forgive me. My weakness caused your pain. And this song is my sorry."
The only difference is that I have never tried to hurt him and I was really honest to him all the time. Even I fell in love with some other guys. But he even didn't ask me about that. Maybe he never wants to know, for he never cares about me. Just as this passage for him again, which he will never see again.
"At night I pray that soon your face will fade away. Everytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings.I feel so small. I guess I need you baby. And everytime I see you in my dreams. I see your face. You're haunting me. I guess I need you baby."
I also hope that time will take my memories away so that I will forget fully about him. I wish that I could live on a better life without him. I hope that I will find my new love in the future.
And now, this time, may god bless my love ever lasting forever!
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Where the Wild Roses Grow
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Mar 23, 2009 7:41 pm
Mood: beautiful,
79 Views
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It started from a piece of advertisement. One day when I watching a shampoo ad by Jackie Chen in China, I heared the back music was just the song. At that I could not get on the internet, so even I was really curious about the song, I had to wait till I was back to school. Who sang it and what was it about?
Finally, the details. By Kylie Minogue and Nick Cave. To tell the truth, I like the female's voice than the man. Maybe that's because I just heared her singing in the ad at first and it then took a more important role. It's mainly about a love story between a romatic guy and a crazy girl, which is really pure and simple. I like it very much cos it doesn't tell you in a direct way or express feelings easily by love words. The wild rose stands for the lady in the story and there are also some other places using such kind of thing to make it more beautiful.
W:"They call me 'the wild rose', but my name was Elisa Day. Why they call me it I do not know, for my name was Elisa Day."
Wild rose, it is so wonderful a name. It is the sample of crazy love. But will you care about what others think about you when you wanna do sth madly?
M:"From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one. As she stared in my eyes and smiled. For her lips were the colour of the roses. They grew down the river, all bloody and wild."
He fell in love with her for the first sight. And it was a kind of love that is so certain and strong. Even after years of time, you will still remember that. When you look into someone's eyes, you find that he or she is also watching you, so both of you smiled to each other and think that maybe it's just the beginning of love. You wanna talk to him or her and notice that his or her mouth move for you. Someday in the future you might kiss his or her lips madly to stop his or her complaining and that really works.
W:"When he knocked on my door and entered the room, my trembling subsided in his sure embrace. He would be my first man, and with a careful hand. He wiped the tears that ran down my face."
Just don't know what to say again with so beautiful sentences. She was exsited to see him too. She was pretty nervous. She was sure of him too. And she wanna give everything she has to him. He loves her tenderly. He says that women's tears are the most fenomine things in the world. She tells him that she was to happy to cry out tears. And he kissed them all away.
M:"On the second day I brought her a flower. She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen. I said,'do you know where the wild roses grow
so sweet and scarlet and free?'"
All flowers are the best presant for men to give women. Women become even more beautiful cos of flowers. They give men the same feelings as each other. He was trying to take her away. He promised her a perfect world of love.
W:"On the second day he came with a single rose, said:'will you give me your loss and your sorrow?' I nodded my head, as I layed on the bed. He said,'if I show you the roses will you follow?'
He said to her that he came here to take away her pain and bring her happiness. She did it to say yes instead of words. He asked her to follow him wherever he went and she agreed.
W:"On the third day he took me to the river. He showed me the roses and we kissed. And the last thing I heard was a muttered word as he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist."
I guess that is the best place in the world to kiss. Beautiful seneries, wonderful dreams and mysterious stories. Everything is great and almost perfect.
M:"On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow and she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief. As I kissed her goodbye, I said,'all beauty must die', and I lent down and planted a rose between her teeth."
The end of love is only death, that's for sure. So that when we go away, love is still with us.
W:"They call me 'the wild rose', but my name was Elisa Day. Why they call me it I do not know, for my name was Elisa Day."
Once again by the woman.Three days of love story ends up. So short and strong. Back to nomal in real life, she is still thinking about, what is love on earth?
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Mad World
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Mar 23, 2009 7:37 pm
Mood: cold,
79 Views
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When I first knew about this song, it's about a Chinese famale singer, Asang, who has almost the same kind of voice as Alex Parks. Of course it was a Chinese one called Mad World too. They are both the kind of songs that I like, sang by different singers from different world, with different languages. Easy tunes to learn and meaningful words to remember.
"All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere. And their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression. Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow."
It shows a kind of losing and fear and searching of belongs and safety. They refuse to keep silent and know nothing. Although we have to pretend all the time.
"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you 'cos I find it hard to take. When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world."
When people live for death is the most terrible thing in the world. However, it always turns out to be the truth. We don't know what we are here in the world for and where we are going in the end.
"Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday, happy birthday. Made to feel the way that every child should sit and listen, sit and listen. Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me, no one knew me. Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson, look right through me, look right through me."
Please give me attention to prove that I am living and existing for one time. Please show me the way next day. Please understand me and comfort me. Please wish me happiness. Please take me away from the mad world.
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