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Singles in Chinese Villages
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May 15, 2009 12:47 am
Mood: cranky,
134 Views
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Welll, before that, we have to know the fact that it seems so popular or nomal for a man or woman to be still single in his or her mid ages in the west and no one would take it too seriously. However, here in China, especially in northern villages near our home, things can be completely different.
First of all, people usually dont go to school for too long. They think education costs too much more than what they can gain afterwards. Moreover, they think it is free to get into society. The sooner, the better. So usually they go to work at a young age and get engaged too. Usually u have to find a bf or gf introduced by ur family before 18 so that u could get married years later. U know u have to work pretty hard for ur marriage. U have to build up a house of ur own, containing a big yard. Second u have to make money for the fornitures in ur house or new transportations tools, like everything else needed in new life, or a motorbike. At last u have to prepare for ur wedding. The relatives will come and u have to invite them to dinner. U will take the pics of ur most beautiful and happiest moments in life for a lifetime memory. All those things can be really exciting for a new couple cos everything is new then. It means a lot for them too. U have to grow up and live on ur own from then on. No matter how hard life is, u will have to take ur own responsibilities as parents.
So if u dont take any of this, it means that u have to live alone for the next time. Cos u will lose many things in life which u should experince for once. If a man hasnt got married in his 20s there, then there must be a problem, either he himself or his family. They will be looked down upon by others.
However, if u r still at school in ur 20s, things can be totally different too. They will forgive u for everything. It's ok for a city girl or a college student to be still single in her 20s. Like me now. However, u cant keep ur mind that carm after 30 which is still far away from me cos women r usually not young any more. If a lady is still single then, there is only one point, she must be over deminded on men, or we may say that she is an idealist chasing for perfection. Or she is too independent and loves freedom too much, which is usually not liked by traditional Chinese men. Chinese men love the feelings of taking control in a ralationship and they must be better than their wives or gfs in everything, at least in career. In fact once one of my male friends asked me why I dont have a bf and I said to him, I dont know either, maybe I am not their type. I think Chinese boys r easily hurt. They would be more emotional or more serious in a relationship. In fact, they feel very shocked when I was trying to be with some foreign guy who was much older than me. Once I thought it was not a problem at all. But now I have to reconsider it. And I think it's the most important thing for me to find a serioud relationship. At first I thought foreign guys were much stronger just cos they dont take love so seriously. In fact I think I was right from the beginning. I also heard that when they r in love, they could be more crazier than most Chinese do. I dont know. And I dont believe it untill I met.
Sometimes I think I am bad girl too. Maybe I am playing games with all my heart and soul. I am sure I might be hurt by someone else too in the future. I know I will get older and older and lose everything that I have now and cant remember anything in the past. I think I have tried to be pure and good, but when u found those guys were not that kind of trustworthy, do u still dare to jump into the fire? I think I am definetely not that kind of stupid foolish girl and will never be. All I have to do is wait and c. Even my solitude is eating my loneliness now, I have to hold on believing that it's god's will on me and my destiny to be single. I have no other choices at all.
Next is sth I wrote as sth called “Sorry To Miss U!”:
Babe, I am sorry, so sorry now. I wish I had a better memory, at least I could remember everything that happened before between us. I wish I had taken more attention on u at that time so that I wont be so regretful or feel so guilty now. I wish I could fall in love with u earlier than u. I wish I could be with u for a longer time. I wish so.
However, it's only sth, nothing more.
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Tell Me Why
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May 13, 2009 12:01 am
Mood: calm,
123 Views
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Just fell in love with the song when the 10 years old boy began to sing it. I was watching some short vedios on youku about young children who have got some talent in singing. To tell the truth, I wasn't shorked by them till I heard this one, by Declan Galbraith. At first I thought he was singing someone else's song. But when I googled him on the internet and found his records, I was deeply moved by him. Even now I know that he is not 10 years any more and changed from a boy into a man, I still miss the time when he was young with the voice of a boy instead of man. Tell me why I wanna cry out tears and am so moved by him. He made me think of angle in the world, just like his songs. I think that boy from England is doing a fantastic joy really.
He was not handsome at all on the pic, at least not the ones that he sent me before we met. I never thought that I would fall in love with him in so short a time, or even from the first sight that I met him. He was pretty tall, almost 30 cm more than me beyond my imagination. Moreover, he is very attractive and handsome, even he is not that young any more. We spent the weekend together for a happy moment of joy which I will never forget in my whole life, even I know that he must have put me behind his back since the day we got a part. I would always think of him afterwards, however, I am sure, he was not mine, never. He is free, even with someone else, he can do anything he wanna. Maybe that's why I like him. Sometimes I wanna go to ask him to tell me why.
In my dream children sing a song of love for every boy and girl. The sky is blue and fields are green. And laughter is the language of the world. Then I wake and all I see is a world full of people in need.
(In my dream u were kissing me all over. The moon was shining on ur head and the wind was so cool. But I felt so warm and safe with u in my world. Then I woke and found u had gone. The curtain was flying in the window and my heart is so lonely inside in the empty house.)
Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don’t understand
When so many need somebody we don’t give a helping hand.
Tell me why?
(Tell me why v couldn't last. Tell me why u left me without saying goodbye. Tell me why u never come back to find me. Tell me what's wrong with us. Tell me why our love is so fragile. Tell me why my heart hurts so much now.)
Everyday I ask myself: What will I have to do to be a man? Do I have to stand and fight to prove to everybody who I am? Is that what my life is for to waste in a world full of war?
(This young boy makes me remember u again, baby, cos I am sure u were like this when u were young and I could c our baby's shadow moving in front of me. U were so near him but so far away from me.)
Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don’t understand
When so many need somebody we don’t give a helping hand.
Tell me why?
(children)tell me why?(declan)tell me why?
(children)tell me why?(declan)tell me why?
(together) just tell me why, why, why?
Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don’t understand
When so many need somebody we don’t give a helping hand.
Tell me why (why,why,does the tiger run)
Tell me why(why why do we shoot the gun)
Tell me why (why,why do we never learn)
Can someone tell us why we let the forest burn?
(why,why do we say we care)
Tell me why(why,why do we stand and stare)
Tell me why(why,why do the dolphins cry)
Can someone tell us why we let the ocean die?
(why,why if we’re all the same)
Tell me why(why,why do we pass the blame)
Tell me why (why,why does it never end)
Can someone tell us why we cannot just be friends?
Why,why,(do we close our eyes)
Why,why,(do the greedy life)
Why,why,(do we fight for land)
Can someone tell us why 'cos we don't understand?
Why,why?!
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May I Love U
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Apr 27, 2009 9:26 pm
Mood: calm,
83 Views
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Tomorrow is my birthday. And I just had a serious quarrel with her, the girl that I love since the first day at college here. She is my gf, but I am not her bf. Cos we live in the same room which u could also call it as a dorm.
In the fall of 2005, Sep 9th, my uncle Zero drove me to school. And it seemed so dark that day after he left. I spent a damn lonely night then. As I was preparing to complain for my bad time here, the door opened and there came into a slim white beautiful girl with long black hair.
"Hi. This is Linda from GZ. How about u?" I said.
"May. CQ." She answered.
"Nice to c u." I waved my hand.
"Me 2." She seemed pretty tired carrying big and small bags.
"Is there anything I can do for u?" I asked. "Did u come here alone?"
"No, my family are in the behind. They'll arrive soon. Thx." She gave me a sweet smile even her face had been wet already.
I guess that she must have been too sleepy cos she went to bed at 7 o'clock in the evening that day. Though I wanted very much to talk to her, I didn't open my mouth in the end.
The next day we moved to another district of our university for a week's milltary training, which is fairy necessary every time when u begin a new school.
On the third day of the train, we held a meeting to welcome ourselves. It was so hot that day that a lot of students fell down. Suddenly she did too! I was so scared then and knew nothing to do but kept on shouting help loudly. The other classmates came to make her stand again and I held her in my arms.
"May. It's Linda here. Plz don't be like this. Wake up for me. I beg u." It was my face that was fulled with water now. I didn't know they were tears or sweat. Solty, for sure.
That night we had a long conversation in the sunlight-plantform. She told me many things about her. Her family, time in high school, dreams, almost everything except bf. Wind touched our faces so softly and I could still see her white long skirt flying around her.
"So u dreamed about going to DL, the city besides the sea, but at last u listened to ur headteacher?" I asked.
"That's true." She said.
"Are u regret for that?"
"Somehow. However, it's my destiny, I think." She spoke in a very sad but calm way, like nothing will change any more.
"What about u, Linda? U haven't told me about u!" After telling her storie to me, she began to be wanting to know more about me, which made me rather excited.
"Welll, both of my parents are working on our own farmland, not like urs, in factories. I have one bigger brother who is 4 years older than u. He just graduated from college and works in SH. Computer company. My dream was in BJ, which is near me right now." I said.
"So u followed ur heart and decided all the things by urself?" She seemed like surprised.
"Yes. Sure. But I also paid off for everything that I chose. And never regret for that."
When we returned to our dorm here, we had been good friends. We ate together, went to class, sat besides each other, went to shopping and almost everything.
One Sunday evening, there was a big concert and we both went to it. For me, I loved it a lot cos I was fond of music. But she seemed not so much interested in that. When I was talking to a guy who looked very much like a movie star hear me, she told me that she wanted to leave. I asked if she could wait for me a bitter more. She stood up without any words and left me. I had to wave goodbye to that handsome boy and followed her.
"May, plz wait, don't be so angry with me, ok?" She seemed not having heard me and kept on walking. I ran for a little while to catch up with her and said, "Hey girl. What's wrong with u on earth? I mean why did u ..."
"I was not feeling good. Uncomfortable staying there. U can go back if u still miss that stupid guy."
"Come on, May. He is from GZ too as me. Nice person. Why not try to make friends with him?"
"Don't know. Just don't like him. Or the boring concert. Let's go, Linda. I need to go for rest in bed now."
A lot of my high school classmates came into the same city as me. An old traditonal and historical BD. They visited me on Oct. 1st, and we all enjoyed time being here. For the first time they told me their secrets in class. Of course I shared my big story too. I fell in love with sb from the first year when he just went there too. Certainly we were in the different classes. When they were listening to me, I noticed that one of them was very upset. His face changed from red into white. He also kept on moving his hands around his legs. Rather nervous. I guess that he must have thought the one I loved was him. To tell the truth, I liked him a lot after so long time of being in the same class. But I was sure it was definitely not love. At least not the kind of as mine to WT, the guy I missed still even now when he has had kids.
After then GL asked me:"Linda, who is the most beautiful girl in ur class now?"
"May." I said, before knowing why and how.
"Can u introduce her to me, plz?"
"For what?" I asked.
"I need a gf badly." He told me directly.
"Ok. But I have to tell her first. I will give u her No. if she agrees. No promise." I didn't want to break his heart again. Not only for the other half of my story. So I decided to give up my love.
"May, one of my friends wanted to make friends with u. He is very much interested in it."
"But, why, Linda?" She asked in a big surprise.
"Because I told them that u were the most attractive girl in our class now."
"Oh my god. U really think so? Ok then. It's not that bad in fact." She said.
"Ok, I will give him ur phone No. then."
Soon later, May would not go to the English corner with me again on Tuesday night cos GL would come to see her then. I became lonely again. Luckily I met another handsome guy whose name was HB. He lived near me and he would go back with me every week. At first we were talking in English but then we found Chinese was better.
We were together for two year untill he graduated from here. Now he is studying for his master's degree in another university at the same city. He would come to see me every weekend as usual. I thought I would leave BD to BJ, but I met HB here. So at last I decided to stay here. When we both graduated then, we will get married and build up a new family together. I love kids a lot.
Last year, May told me that she wanted to break up with GL.
"Why?" I asked her, feeling that sth terrible might happen.
"I think u should know why. Moreover, I have a high-school classmate who is still chasing for me now. I need to get away from him. Do me a favor, plz. His name is LB. I have gaven ur No. to him and u need to be me, ok? Remember that don't talk and only send texts, since he is far away in HN."
"Why not try to accept him? How about us then?" I was quite worried.
I knew that she was trying to punish me. However, I loved her a lot too, so much that I could do anything for her. At last I told my bf HB that I fell in love with sb else when he asked me to go shopping with him.
Not long after then, May came to tell me that she met a black guy from south Africa who was very strong and tall. She said that he seemed to be interested in her too.
I was so upset that she was gonna be with him. For I was sure that she would leave me and I might lose her forever even as roommate. Of course she moved out with her new bf and lived together with him outside school.
I fell seriously ill soon after she went away. I had no where else in the world to go but home. I wanted to forget about her, the girl who had stolen my heart away.
During the summber holiday she visited me and we had a good time together. My brother liked her a lot, too. Even I wished someday she would marry him, then we will become family and I will never have to be so sad like now. I still could see her often.
However, everything changed.
"The point is, why r u with him? The black man from abroad? I am sure u will break up, and he would leave u, just like ..." I was so exsited to continue when she stopped me too.
"What do u mean? I don't think color is that important thing. Moreover, he loves me and I love him too. We are in love with each other. Don't u understand that?" She shouted at me for the first time.
The sentence was so short in words but so long for me to say.
"Ok. May. Calm down plz. Let me tell u a story." I tried hard to let her know my feelings for her, though it's so strong in my heart, I had to find away to make her understand and accept. At least she should know.
"Once there was a girl who fell in love with another girl. She didn't understand why. However, she tried to please her. She took her as the one who was with her all the time. At last, her love married a man and she became a servant in her family. She cooked for her, took care of her family, but never got married. She kept it a secret until she died. One day her master had a dream by god, in which she saw everything clearly. In memory of her, she wrote a book for her. It's called Second Love."
"Linda, thx for telling me the lovely story. But I really have to go now. He wanted me to go back home with him and promised to marry me there. I need to meet his parents and whole family too. It's really a big one."
I went to the airport with her. She was too excited that she didn't sleep so well last night. On the bus she fell into sleep and her head lay on my shoulder. My tears poured down like crazily and I controlled myself not to wape them away in order not to wake her up. I hold her in my arms again and touched her gently. When I kissed her on her pink cheek and long black hair, her dark eyes opened half and she asked me, "Linda, is it raining or are u crying?"
"Neither, May. It's that you are dreaming. Don't worry. I am here with you."
Her bf was waiting for her out there. I could see his naughty bad smile on his coally face. I hated him the same as I loved May. He took away my love.
When I saw a plane flying in the blue sky, my heart broke down too. I am so hurt inside.
It's another Lonely birthday again. And I remembered that the day two years or three years before, when May and I went to celebrate happily in the restaurant. She took pics for me with the cake, and I made the wish that May would fall in love with me too someday and never leave me and will be together with me forever.
Before I came to this city, I was studying in high school at a small town. There was another lady who stayed in my heart for at least 3 years and meant that important to me when I was there.
I went to her wedding with a rich native man in a big hotel. She looked so beautiful and happy that day. That was also the first time when I was seriously drunk.
Last night I had a dream, during which I saw the future, not as in the book has metioned when the writer saw the past in history. The black guy had had a family in his hometown already with 2 kids. May came back after his death. The first sentence and also the only one that I said to her was:
May I love U.
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Time Passes by between Hello and Goodbye
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Apr 11, 2009 7:10 pm
Mood: calm,
143 Views
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Some people come into your life and others get out of it.
Some people bring you happiness and others take all of them away.
Some people make you smile and others make you cry.
Some people give you everything that they have and others take them from you.
Some people have been died for you and you are trying to die for others.
Some people love you so much and you love others so much.
Time passes by between hello and goodbye.
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6
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Welcome Home-The Place for Keeping Dragons
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Apr 2, 2009 4:58 am
Mood: excited,
183 Views
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Hi everyone. This is Palace Missnow from China. Today I am gonna tell you sth about my hometown, which now I think is really worthy for you to go on a visit for.
It's a small village in a small town in a small city in a middle province in a large country, hah. The name is Zhoutian, Guangzong, Xingtai, Hebei.
Usually it's plain there but in the western part there is a small dersert. I remember that we used to pick soft and pure sand from the deep side of it.
I also heared that when my father was young, there used to be full of kinds of fruit trees. Now it has changed into another small forest again.
It's really a mysterious place cos a lot of kings in Chinese history died there. There are also many interesting stories.
Let's say the second famous bad king guy in Shang dynasty first. He was good at having fun in arts, I guess. For he desighed to dig a big hole in his land and poured it with wine. Before that, he told his people to plant some trees in it and put some meat in the trees. So when he and his lover jumped into the pool, they will enjoy the mixtural smell of women bodies, meat and wine. Isn't it funny? Of course at last he died with his country. I guess it must be because that, it is not able to plant there now.
The second story is about the first emperor in china. We take him as the first one not only for he thought of the name of emperor, but also united the country into a big one and asked his people to build the Great Wall in China. I like him a lot. Every big man wants to live longer and better, and of course he is also a normal human being. During his late time, he was interested in finding ways to live forever. One of his fellows told him that there was a most beautiful place in the world, which was also my hometown then. He trusted in the guy and went there. To his disappointment, it was poor and old and dirty. He was so angry that he got ill at once and died soon after. In order not to give the bad guys any oppotunity to stole his power, they decided to keep it a secret and put a lot of solty fish around his body. It was all recorded in books. Of course there are many other guys who died there, so it was also called "The Place for Keeping Dragons' Souls".
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Mordern Family&Wait for Me In Sydney
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Apr 2, 2009 4:39 am
Mood: beautiful,
96 Views
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Yesterday I spent almost a whole day watching the two old tv plays in China. The first one was about a traditionaly family in Beijing and the next one was about students studying abroad.
The eldest daughter in the family met an Italian painter and went with him to Europe by giving up her family in Beijing. During the next 7 years she was misteated and got beaten by him always, even she made a little young boy for him. After thousands of times' escaping, finally, she returned to her home here. But her mother would not forgive her for what she had done before. Moreover her husband came after her and ruined everything here again. So she flied to Malysia alone. I couldn't understand how can a man treat female like that way and it was so horrible! I would never wanna meet or have that kind of thing in my life!
A Chinese high school girl gave up her good chance to go to college in China, just for the boy whom she liked and had gone to Australia, where her real biological father was. But he was not what she had imagined before. I was thinking of myself all the time cos I felt the same as her. Once upon a time, I wanted to go to Istanble, the city where my love stayed, as long as I had the time and money. I think I would be really very stupid if I had done that. Even though, Istanble is still a charming city to go. But I am sure I will visit it someday in the future, when not only for a small man in the world, for me myself, yes. Absulutely.
So wait for me, plz, Istanble, I will come to see you someday surely and maybe I will take a pic of me there all by myself! Believe me that I will leave my best smile there to you over the sea!
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Bye Marco&Hi Polo
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Apr 2, 2009 4:30 am
Mood: calm,
94 Views
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I remember that then I was still in love with Marco when one of my friends asked me if it was true this time. And I told him definitely yes. He asked me a lot of questions about him too, sth like where he comes and what he does and how old he is. Of course I didn't tell him everything cos I was not sure of our future then. So I just told him the name, Marco. I guess that he must have thought that I was just kidding, or else he would never say, oh my god, is his family name Polo?
I think it is really interesting cos now I fall in love with a guy called Polo. Though I am not so sure sometimes if he loves me the same as I do to him, I still have hope and wish for everything between us. Of course I didn't tell anyone else about it, cos the secret only belongs to me myself. May God bless us being together! Thx a lot. I will be very appreciate for that! Plz do do me a favor!
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California Calling
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Mar 29, 2009 3:31 am
Mood: depressed,
136 Views
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It was all of accident when I got on his website again and saw his pics with his beautiful wife in the wedding of mixture. I was so impressed by them. Sometimes I would think again and again, what did I mean to him indeed? Why he told me about that? Why not let me know that you were so much in love with her too? Why not make me have a fantacy on you and then kick me away? Why not give me a world of happiness and then disapear forever on earth? But when I heard this song, I began to believe that, maybe california is too far away from me, just like both of us in history.
"Driving through the night, tears are running down my face. I start to realise, all the things that I once said. I promised you the world, it's nothing more than you deserve. It's killing me inside, to know I put you through this hell."
When he got on that black taxi car and told the driver to go away, I knew that maybe it was the last time that I could meet him in the world. How I wish that I could go after him and never say goodbye. But I could not. No, never. I had to go and he had to leave me. It's all god's will which neither of us could change. I found that all my tears were getting up and down in my eyes while I would never allow myself turn around.
"Take away my heart, it doesn't wanna work no more. I never meant to make you cry.
California calling 20 miles to go, and I don't, I don't know. Should I turn around or should I leave you alone? No I don't, I don' t know, I don't know, no I don't know...ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah."
I will always remember the first time when we met each other and it felt like in the dreams still. When there were too many people in the street, how can we recognize each other? If not given the chance by god, would we still meet again?
"I'm on the road and it feels so cold outside. It's driving me insane, to know how much you hurt tonight. Take away my heart, it doesn't wanna work no more. I never meant to make you cry."
Sometime I feel so shameful inside to fall in love with you, which is a goal that I would never get through. When I found that I could not control myself anymore, I chose a way to escape and I hoped to make you stay. Even it was not the result at last.
[chorus x2]
"California calling 20 miles to go, and I don't, I don't know. Should I turn around or should I leave you alone? No I don't, I don' t know, I don't know, no I don't know..."
"Gotta keep on moving on,
gotta keep on moving on,
gotta keep on moving on,
california calling, california calling,
gotta keep on moving on,
gotta keep on moving on,
gotta keep on moving on,
california calling, california calling."
Let this song rings me up and wish me happiness again.
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I wait for you till all the flowers die
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Mar 28, 2009 7:17 am
Mood: crazy,
130 Views
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I have been waiting for you for so long;
The flowers opened and then died;
The sun rose and then the moon came out;
The stars vanished and the rain fell;
The wind flied away and the snow covered me.
Oh baby, tonight I feel so cold and lonely.
Time passes so slow without you.
Are you still all right now?
Where have you been?
Love you so much, but miss you so hard.
Life is so long without you here with me.
Plz do come to me when you feel it.
Cos there is always a girl in the world, who will surely die for you.
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BF&FF
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Mar 27, 2009 9:58 pm
Mood: curious,
123 Views
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Last night I dreamed about him again. He got online again and said hello to me and explained to me what he had done and where he had been. I kept asking him, why not try to contact with me then. He said that he was busy with his work all the time and never had the time too. So I asked him what exact things he did for his work, and he said sth like this and sth like that, which made me feel that he was trying to get away from me. I was very sad and upset, for I really wanted to tell him, if you don't love me anymore, plz do tell me and I will walk away.
Before that, I did a funny text online and it showed that I was really deeply in love with him and if I lose him, I will surely regret for that. It also told me that he is my Mr. right and we are really fit for each other and we will be the perfect couple in the world. To tell the truth, I never wanna lose him or miss any chances with him. May God bless us!
Sth about ff:
I wanna know very strongly that why it shows on ff that my friends are all online but in fact none of them is?!
If anybody knows that, plz do answer me! Many thx!
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