|
Give Me 3 times of Chances to Cheat
|
Sep 6, 2009 8:05 am
Mood: calm,
152 Views
|
Quite by accident I read a piece of vedio news online which said that a guy from UK was standing on the street with a board on his neck: I cheated and this is my punishment. His face was emotionless. Almost every car passing by him would ding for him. To be honest, my first action was this: this man is so brave! First, I think it really needs courage for someone to choose to cheat when facing enticement; Second, in order to make his wife trust in him again after she found out the trust, he chose to be like that, which in my eyes is so great still. Of course his wife forgave him at last. Personally I insist that this punishment is still too heavy, maybe cos for me I don't consider myself to be the one who has absulutely confidence about love. I don't expect that there might be perfect and only love in the world. In my heart, love is kind of extrem bourn which can only be closer to, sometimes touched or felt, but never really owned. When I told my friends about this story, they will always wonder: is this kind of punishment too light?
While I remember some dialogues on tv in "Working Hard": When the guy called Xiangnan finally chose to remarry to his ex wife Yang Xiaoyun on the way of marriage with his new gf Yaoyao, Yaoyao told him something which worth us to think deeply: Xiangnan, I know that you are a romantic guy, and that's why I told myself from the beginning that I will give you 3 times of chances in this lifetime for you to cheat on me, but please do remember that there are only 3 chances and the first one has been used by you. Once more, me, Yaoyao is and will always be the one who loves you the most in the world.
I don't know what happened next especially about the other 2 chances of cheating. However, I do think of him again, the guy whom I love till emotionless.
Once he asked me as usual, do you love me.
I said, yes, sure.
He continued, how much.
I said, as much as you.
Suddenly he told me, I can go to die for you.
I was shocked though, and then said, no, I won't let you.
He said, but you can do nothing to stop me.
I asked him, why.
He said, what if I stand in front of you when someone shoot you.
I really didn't know what to say at that moment. I had never thought of this kind of serious and deep question before. I take for granted and believe that anything like this will never happen to me cos I don't have to choose to leave or not. This will only become real in a movie. Usually he is always a big boy to be serious more than sad, though he never admits that he is much younger than me.
I changed the subject and said, once, my mom asked me the similar question, what if she left me, how could I survive alone. I said, no, I must go before you.
He was a little bit sad and said only one word, oh.
I said in a hurry, I was just kidding to say that I never wanna lose her and she did laugh out after that.
In the end, he said, honey, you are too innocent.
To tell the truth, I think we both belong to that kind of persons who are over-self-confident. This relationship with him brought me with complicated feelings. Sometimes you would take his coldness as kind of beauty; sometimes you would think his sadness to be a flower; sometimes you will believe that your happiness is his true destiny; sometimes you will feel that freedom is his only request for happiness.
Without recognizing it, I would think that I am his lover more than wife. He dislikes me to ask about his life and seldom cares about my bussiness. The only thing is that everytime when I am with him, I will surely forget everything unhappy immediately. I would prefer to trust this kind of shortness which might disapear next second or moment.
He is my husband, but loneliness is my lover. During time without him I would feel empty. And I would find myself kinds of excuses that they are all the chances that he has given to me. I can hardly refuse anybody around me, which make me think that maybe I am still not confident enough about myself, or I am afaid that I might lose him anytime. Gradually I start to hold on firmly that I am indeed a hateful dirty cheater. Honestly I hate myself to be like this. More importantly, I still love him a lot. From the bottom of my heart, I never wanna betray on him. However, the fact is that I don't love him enough still, at least not as much as what I have expected and imagined before about love, perfect and complete.
Before me, he had 3 gfs before. But he didn't give me fully explainations about the reasons of break-up. Sometimes I would question this: why would he be my first man when I have to be his No. 4? Isn't it too unfair for me? Sometimes I would wanna very badly to hurt myself to punish him, and I know this kind of love is unable to be saved again. I am too scard. I am worried that I couldn't get over my fearness inside. I can't make sure that I will hold his hands tight in mine, and his warm and big hands might throw away my asking and dependence of love.
Oh my love, if you do love me too, please to try to give me 3 times of chances to cheat.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Let's Part Before Sunset
|
Jul 6, 2009 9:48 am
130 Views
|
Clean Sandy Sky: “Fall Homesick”
In eventide the crow falls asleep on the withered vine of the old ancient tree;
Along the river there is the white house across the bridge;
The thin black horse walks alone on the ancient road with wind blowing from the west;
During sunset the lonely person is missing his lover in his hometown far far away... ...
Her heart has been broken too at the same time.
She scans his black&white picture which was taken in 1963 and kisses the guy in the middle again and again.
Just two days before, her friends told her a story about "UNUSUAL" love between a student in her third year of college with an old man in his retired age.
Even she had heard this kind of funny things before, she was still shocked by this.
"Maybe it's not love in fact, just close relationship or friendship between two sexes...
Even if it is, I think it's still understandable. Don't you know the 24 assistant of professor Nobel prize winner married him at his 90s?" She questioned.
"Yeah, of course I do. But you must remember that he had never been married before. But this old guy, is still in a marriage!"
"But maybe that's why they are in love now." She said, thinking of him again. The guy she should not have fallen in love with but in fact she did.
Sometimes she would talk to god: What if he was 27 now or even 37 but not 72 or 73? Do I have to be so painful? Why you choose me to suffer all of this?
She didn't take notice of him at all online, cos all of his pictures were not attractive to her at all and they looked even older than his real age.
She never thought that one day she would meet him in real. But maybe that is just he funny part of life being.
He checked out her profile and added her online, saying that he would come to her city the other day when she had just broken up with her ex bf.
It was really a hard time for her cos she fell ill that week immediately. She couldn't move her body. She didn't wanna go anywhere, see anybody, eat anything.
She didn't know what she was thinking of everyday then. The only thing she had then was that she had been dead already.
She didn't belong to this world again. She lost all the responsibilities and promises with herself.
She met him at the train station in a sunny summer Sunday afternoon. She was dressing a white T-shirt and a blue-jean skirt and a pair of high-wheeled black shoes.
He was wearing a black T-shirt and a blue jean and a pair of sporting white shoes. They recognized each other at the same moment: she put out her right hand and he hugged her around. It was big and broad even it's still a little bit hot then. After that they walked to the hotel together.
At first she would still be a little bit shy to talk to him so she just watched him with smile and then he would watch her with smile too.
At night they went to a bar near and she took some beer too. Before midnight, she took a taxi home and left him alone in the hotel room.
The 2nd day they went to a park together near and they took a lot of pics together. She would show a lot of different poses in front of him, or the cam, just like everything was so natural and he was an old friend of hers, yes, indeed, he was an "old" friend of hers. She stayed in another room next to his in the same hotel that night and lied to her parents.
The 3rd day he kissed her goodbye at the airport and when seeing his plane fly into the blue sky, just like his pure eyes, tears ran down her face like the rain.
The sun was going to disapear soon and she had to go back to school again too. She would think of him, for sure, even she didn't know if they would meet again in the future, or she might have to meet him in heaven many years later... ... "Would he still rememeber me then? "
Thinking and wondering like this, she asked herself.
Better part before sunset, from the first night till the last one.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Surprises VS Promises
|
Jul 3, 2009 1:40 am
136 Views
|
"Enough now. I think there is no need any more for us to meet. I don't wanna talk to you again." When I said these words to him and hang up, nobody knew that my heart fell down to different pieces that moment at once. Before that I never thought that I would care so much or maybe I thought that I might have forgotten about all after.
For about one month we talked almost everyday for more than 1 hour, at least that long, and sometimes even 3 or 4 hours... Even now I can remember nothing about what we have shared with each other really. Did we discussed something deep? Did we ever fight to know each other more? Did we really fall in love with each other at one point?
I have to admit that I was pretty lonely without my Pineapple by my side and I needed a man to be with me pretty badly. But that does NOT mean I will go to a bar and find any guy there to sleep with and spend my night time with, right? I have to say that I am really really serious lady sometimes no matter how lonely I am. I will NEVER NEVER go to find men on the street.
Same with him. So now I guess maybe I did like him before, at least in some days I think so. Or else I wouldn't have wasted my precious youth time with a guy far far away from me teaching Bussiness English in a school of Hongkong and tried hard to understand his Italian or French or Spanish English. At least I will not feel guilty at all to be with a man who is 15 years older than me.
Yeah. When I was talking to him, I was ONLY talking to him ONLY! Everytime he would be at working on his papers at the same time.
Maybe we never should be together. I mean when I was sure that there was no future or tomorrow between us, I should not have asked about his opinions about these things. Maybe we never truly understand each other and both of us were too lonely being online. But I still wonder, is it good or bad to be with someone only for about more than 10 years?
I kept on asking myself the same boring question: Where is my everlasting long-term serious relationship? Did you choose to be single like this or were you chosen by them? Or it's just god who is kidding both of you?
I DO NOT like those who always don't keep up their words. And now I think that maybe he never loved me, even for one moment. Still a little bit sad when knowing about the truth cos I used to have expectations for him and I did try to be together with him. He is a foxy guy cos he thinks that surprises are more interesting than promises. But I do think that promises are more important than surprises.
"You are not funny at all." I was really really upset especially thinking of his "I would never never turn you into down and even if I did, I will try to apologize and make you happy again" before.
"But why should I be?" He didn't wanna give up either.
"Ok. Enjoy youself in Qingdao then, and I have to tell you again, that it's the damn perfect city that I hate only. Goodbye, forver."
Maybe all the people live there in VC,BC have got a pretty cold heart like the weather there. I used to imagine a lot about snow in the country of Canada. But now I am sure again that it is too far away from me. Still thank to god to let me meet this guy after last one from Australia, the golden beach. How many Chinese girls have you spent with in all? I didn't care about any more after I fall in love with my Pineapple. Yeah. Everything in the world changed in my eyes cos of the guy named Pineapple. I could NOT fall in love with any other guys on earth again as long as I have him in my heart. I died from the first day I met him.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
I Love You-Pineapple
|
Jun 17, 2009 1:36 am
135 Views
|
It's very good weather today after the big heavy rain in the last few days. The sky is clean and blue, pure and limpid. Some pieces of clouds will flow outside the window. She puts the light pink curtain aside and can feel the wind outside blows the glasses hardly, just like somebody else is beating her heart. She doesn't know where the powerful strength comes from but only she can't control it. No matter how hard she has tried to calm down, everything has changed after she got on this plane with him for somebody else, whom she has been loved since 20. Now she is about 25 now and still single but has to build up a new family in the world now, no matter where it is, there must be somewhere with someone, no matter if she loves him or not or if he loves her or not, they have to be together for those who wish them happiness.
Just days before, she met him, the old man who is sitting right beside her now. Currently he is a little bit tired and sleepy with his eyes closed cos of hard work. He is always busy and works till very late at night. He is a lawyer in BJ and everybody knows that how much paper work they have to do everyday for kinds of cases. He comes from a small country in the west, but he says that he dislike the song of "Bonny bonny" by their Irish singer, even she loves Irish music very much and she would listen to it every night, to follow its soft beauty in the dark, like water in the valley.
At the moment, she doesn't know what was inside his dream or what he is expecting for now, her happiness or his own. But one thing is for sure, that no matter what result the other side of the world lies, she would probably fall in love with the guy next to her, who married twice before and has got 4 children already. She knows that she has no choice her at all at her age any more. She is no longer young. Her youth has been spent or wasted missing or waiting for sb, sb whom she called Pineapple to love not only as kinda fruit.
"May, you know it, I am sure that you will be my last season in my lifetime, but I promise that you will also definitely be my most beautiful sunset!" One day, he said this to her when he finally understood what her novels had meant in real world.
"But Jim, it's not fair for me at all. You know it too, I have never tried to be together with anyone else in the world yet, so I guess that it might be a little bit hard for me to... "
Before the end of her explanation, he stopped her and told her in a serious and undenied way:"The point is, you never give up loving him, a guy you have never even touched or even met...maybe everything was just your dream or fantacy only, and, in fact, the one you firmly insist on staying in your heart is actually exsiting in the world!"
"Stop it, NOW! I don't wanna hear it, ok? Enough for me..." She put her hands around her ears to hide everything, to keep away from his words, even they were mostly true, to pretend that nothing had happened really. But soon she stopped in the corner cos she found herself couldn't move any more. Her tears ran down her face and she hated herself so much when she showed her fragility in front of him, the man she thought that she would never really fall in love with.
"Ok. If you don't believe in it still and wanna take a risk, I would spend mine too, for you. Let's go together and try to find the answer. But, I need your promise, and I am sure you know what I wanna get from you, May." He didn't try to comfort her, but made a choice for her, to end all of this. Maybe it's a better way to choose.
Putting her hands right on her chest, she is trying to pray everything from God: Plz do help me. Give me the confidence to face all the things next. Just one look is enough for me. Yeah, for the LD city and him also. For the name of the fruit. I love you, Pineapple. And do you love me too?
At the same time when I writting this novel at night, I can see the shadow of God in the dark and the answer is No. I keep on asking myself, can I change the end of the story? Is it for me to make a better choice? The answer is No again.
The weather is not so nice in the foggy city as in BJ even her favorite color is grey. That kind of grey still makes her feel empty and tense inside. "Maybe this is not a good place for love and romatic and it's really another good reason for you." Thinking like this, she walks on the street with him, but both of them keep silent. For him, it's almost like back home again and it can't be more familiar. For her, the city means nothing without the one she loves. She is here now, just to take a look at what's inside the pineapple, sweet or not. She is here now, just to visit some guy whom she has been thinking of every day and night since April 14th, 2008. She knows that something must go to die to make it perfect, just like a flower.
She never thought she would come to visit him today and she is not sure if he knows what the word surprise means. She just wanna find out the truth or make sure of it by herself and give herself an answer even it's meaningless in my eyes, she is still trying.
Jim stops before the gate and says to her that he will wait for her in that coffee shop till 12 o'clock, if she comes out, then he will take her away; if not, he will leave her, forever, and no meeting again any more.
It's so clean and quiet in the yard as she walks on, she could hear the sound of foot moving. The grass is pretty green and there is an apple tree inside, but not pineapple at all. The window is open widely and she could hear the voice of laughters, both man and woman. The male is trying to feed the female and the female kisses the male on his pink cheeks. The babies are sleeping pretty well in another room and she leaves away again quietly. Just like the poem has said:
Quietly, I left you, just like I came here, softly;
I waved my hands to say goodbye to you and I will take nothing with me, even a piece of clouds in the sky.
(The guy's name in Chinese has the same pronounciation as the word Pineapple in Chinese, and it's her secret forever. And maybe her love for him is also the same like hers to Pineapple. As: I love you-Pineapple and do you love me too? We all know that the Pineapple will never answer her, even he wanted to tell, he can't.)
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Dream Boy
|
Jun 17, 2009 1:33 am
Mood: cranky,
128 Views
|
It is July now and you can feel the hotness of summer here. Early in the morning she takes her favorite book "The Stone's Memory" which is also called "One Man With His Hundreds of Ladies" with here and goes to the farmland. It's a story mainly about one man and his two lovers and the three big family in the behind at that time. The man was a stone in a mountain before he came to this world and when he was born, there was a jade in his mouth! So his parents named him Jade Baby. Once he saved a pair of grass in the mountain and the pair of grass came to this world too to pay him back by her tears. The other lover was once a pair of wood in the mountain and she arrived here too to save him. The first lady's mother and the man's father were brother and sister; the second lady's mother and the man's mother were sisters. The first lady's parents died very early when she was very young so she moved to the boy's house. The second lady's father had been dead too but she still got a mother who would stand by her side in her marriage. So the first lady died that day when the man married the second lady very lonely. In fact the man was cheated in the marriage cos at first he thought he was going to marry the first lady, which was also everybody told to him. When he found out the truth at last by himself, he decide to get out of his family, which was not rich any more, and went into a temple forever. There was a lot of poems in the book which predict everyone's future life or destiny. It is also called the second name cos there are many other girls also, mostly they are more like slaves, who are beautiful and attractive. There are also many other handsome guys in the book but most of them are dirty and bad, cos they just want to have sex with girls and treat them rudely! Only Jade Baby loves all the girls in heart and soul cos he values them and thinks that they are the most great creatures in the world! He hates men including himself cos he wished thousands of times to turn into a girl next time. It is really a fatastic book!
She puts the book on her bike and opens the radio in her mobile phone on. Her parents have built her a small house on the narrow road. There is only one bed in it and some water around. All her work is to keep everything there safe from being stolen. In fact, she needs to do nothing but lie on the bed reading or even writing in hand sometimes. It's not that hard a job indeed. The only problem is loneliness cos you can't talk to other people or watch tv or even get online. There are a lot to eat for both hungry or thirsty. Sometimes in the afternoon when it's not so hot outside, she would walk out of the small house and enjoy the beauty of nature. At that time she would always imagine that someone is out there with her always. They would hold hands together and talk happily. They discuss everything in the past and dream of things in the future. "He was supposed to be here right now." She thinks like this when she watches the end of the road, wondering what's there on earth. "Will you come out of the land from another world and meet me?"
At night she has dinner together with her family together. It is broadcasting news from all around the world, including those from thousands of miles away. When she is listening to it carefully, her mother calls her up:
"May, what are you gonna do after this summer? You are not young any more in people's eyes, you know, even you are still our little girl. You have to get married soon before you are getting too old. You aunt just invited you to go her village again, would you like to pay a visit?"
She knows exactly what her mother means, cos her aunt has introduced her a boy from her village. Of course all she said to her was the good sides of the boy. Like his family has got a lot of money, he is very handsome and good-looking, just graduated from college like me, has found a good job near home, wants to find a gf to marry in his hometown, things like that.
"Mom, I don't know yet. But don't hurry and no need to worry about. We still have got a lot of time. I don't wanna leave you all now. I wanna spend more time with you." She answered, recognizing that maybe her life is gonna be like this forever no matter she says yes or no.
Last week, one of her friends has just invited her to her new family. They used to live in the same village, go to the same school, play cards together at night, talk about girl's secrets in bed......Now her friend has been the mother of 2 kids and everything has changed. She has to leave her family and build up of her own now. Who is gonna be with her for the rest of her life? What are they gonna have together? Will they fall in love with each other during the marriage? Can she really forget about him, the guy she has never even met in real?
Before that, she has dreamt about him for thousands of times. Sometimes she may think that it's much more over than love. It's about her struggle with her fate; it's about her fighting with her destiny; it's about her faith for God. She does that through which she can feel herself, to know what exactly she wants deeply inside her heart. She finds sth special in her life so she graspes it and holds on to it. She wishes to get sth forever which never changes. That's all.
She remembers suddenly the first week when she got home. She was pretty upset and despair cos she lost him again. All her dreams had become empty like nothing. Only her sister knew what happend exactly. Her father only knew that she was liking a boy from abroad online and all he told her was that online love is not real, and it's the same when you love a cat. You don't care about if he loves you back too cos you know sometimes that you can expect nothing from him. All you have to do is give and love and make youself satisfied through that process. If he really loves you too, then he will surely come to see you, no matter how far away he is from you, or how hard it's for him, since he is the right man for you. If not, then you had better forget about him forever and try to find sb else. The more important thing is, what things do you think you have got to make him give up those pretties around him? Unless you are really an angle who will fly to his world and take him away.
"May, will you still hold on waiting for him or just give up now?" Her sister asked her about the serious question again which she had to face.
"All the whole world knows that I love him. But I won't go there for sb who don't love me at all. It's all my punishment from God, I know, I have to move on, you know."
As her wish, her husband build her a big home with 3 floors in all. The first of it half underground to be cool in summer and warm in winter and they have a swimming pool in the sky. Meanwhile, there are many trees around when some of them the sunshine, She lies in the water and falls asleep again. All she saw in her dreams was still the same guy, whom she had never met in real yet. She also heard the sounds of cars driving by. (The end)
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
She Is Missing You
|
Jun 17, 2009 1:30 am
Mood: crazy,
122 Views
|
It's night again and night is usually dark here without him being together. Though she is quite afraid, she still keeps the curtain on and windows open. The wind blows into the room but she couldn't smell the taste of moon. She dares not to look at it cos everytime when she does she would always think of him, the guy from far far away, long long time ago, in another world, whom she has met only in dreams. Even only listen to the sounds of the night wind would make her heart beating so fast. She knows exactly that she couldn't help missing him.
She puts the mobile phone right besides her pink pillow though it's very bad for her health. Just cos he promises to give her a call that day to tell her how much he loves her. At first she puts more attention to the time cos she wants it to come but she doesn't want to be up-down again. She trusts in every word that he has said to her cos she has got no other choices. But when it is getting near to midnight, she turns the screen into his pic again. She watched him and kissed on the lips and the fell asleep. In the dream that night she met him again on the street. He was as handsome as before but much more tired. She wanted to do nothing else but held him tightly in her arms and kept saying that she loves him. At that time she didn't wanna waste time asking him those questions any more cos she was sure then that maybe she would never understand how his life was going on and what things he has suffered in all that he wouldn't let her know. Cos she would only get the answer of "it's ok, baby, don't worry, everything will just be fine. Plz, just give me more time". At that moment she wished thousands of times deep in her heart to God that let this be forever and time just stops here and no more or no less.
Then she wakes up suddenly and finds out that her pillow has been wet all over. Her black long hair is also totally in a mess. She goes to the mirror before getting herself dressed and even can't see herself clearly. After then she washes herself in the bathroom and it gets better. The telephone bell rings and her friends asks her to hang out cos it's really a sunny weekend indeed! The clouds are big and soft and they move freely in the sky. They go to the KTV together and sing highly. She drinks a lot that day again and trys to forget about him cos she doesn't understant why he has got so busy even on weekends! Just like she has told herself, maybe she would never imagine how madly his life has been! Busy and tired? Or lonely and crazy? With girls or papers? Only she knows is that he works for his boss but she lives for him. Sometimes she would hate his boss, the old fat guy without hair or the tall strong but strict woman, who takes away almost all his time. All she knows is that how much expensive it is to live in that big famous capital city and what pressure everybody has got to be devoted!
"Hey May, what's wrong with u? R u still ok now?" when she is spitting in the washroom, she finds that one of her friends is by her side.
"Yeah, I am ok, thx, don't worry. I, just drink too much." In fact she is not confident at all when saying this cos even herself can feel her pale face senseless.
Back into the KTV room, her friend sits right besides her and tells her: "May, I am not meaning to hurt u or be rude to u, but I have to say that if u don't wanna find a bf right now, I think u should at least take care of urself."
"Thx, honey, I know. But I don't think I am ready for someone yet." Even she herself knows that she is lying, cos she has used that excuse for almost 4 years in college. If it is still understandable when she was a freshman, now she is gonna leave school and also the city soon.
"But u should think of ur future life too. U can't live a single life for all ur lifetime. Don't be so adamancy, ok? U know urself well. U r not that strong enough to be alone, ok? Ur heart is the most frigile in the world and u need somebody to be with u more that anyone else do! And I don't think u can't find one if u wanna! All u have to do is to change ur mind and try a guy!"
"I know that. But to talk about the future, in fact, I am not sure now where my tomorrow will end. Is it far away from home or just near my family. I can't give my promises any more cos u know it's so hard to realize ur dreams and u know that someone won't always keep their word too. I choose to forgive and wait. I hope that god will bring to me my destiny and I am sure that no matter what it is like, good or bad, I will definely take it with me, till the end of time. Let's just forget it, history has been written in the books, taught and learnt, why not just enjoy ourselves now! Go singing and dancing!!!"
It's another Sunday night. She goes to bed without taking her shoes off cos she is too tired in the day. She can't go on missing him now cos she has got classes the next morning.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Real Love
|
Jun 17, 2009 1:27 am
Mood: depressed,
113 Views
|
If each song can remind me of one person each time, I would say that I dont like the other song called "Be easy" by Massari.
I do not know how to explain to him any more. Maybe when I first talked to him on the phone, I didn't like him at all then, or even his friend. Maybe I just fall in love with the English language itself, it's sth more than sb.
Finally the serious word again which I really don't wanna metion about. But it's the truth that I won't change into muslim for him, no, never, even he says that real love has nothing to do with religion. I only know that when I decided to choose one as mine, I must hold on to it in the future no matter what happens tomorrow.
"Sli ha, art mi vi na anglit?"(It means "Excuse me, do you understand English" in hebrew)one day I talked to a guy from Israel and said this,which is all. His English is not so good so he wished me to speak more, but god know that I can only say this one. He didn't believe in it and thought I was doing a test on him.
Remember the first guy there who played computer games till 2 am whose name I have forgotten.
I do not love the nationality of one person but I perfer the way when he communicates with me, which can help me find the right guy.
Maybe I did hurt him if he ever cares about me. But if not, it's ok still cos I was sure from the start and I am still certain that he is defenitely not my guy. He just wanted to have a try even we never stopped fighting with each other. There is always sth between us which can't make us understand each other. Sometimes I did lie to him to please him by saying sth sweet and nice without my emotions. I was really tired in the relationship.
At last I understood why he was not only jelous but also greedy. It's nothing to do with his love to me, but his belief in mind. He took my love as granted and it sounded like I owned him everything and everytime I must do sth to make him happy, if not, he would say bad and mean words to u and threathen u by breaking up. After ur hard goodbye, he would come back again and beg ur pardon and promise u anything in fact which will never come true. I think my goodbye is even more cold this time. To tell the truth, I wish I had never met him in my whole life and I dont wanna hear anything about him again. Without my pineapple, I would be alone instead of being with him.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
I am a bitch!
|
May 27, 2009 12:04 am
260 Views
|
I am a bitch when falling in love with a white;
I am a bitch when looking into his green eyes;
I am a bitch when touching his blond hair;
I am a bitch when kissing him on the soft neck;
I am a bitch when whispering around his pink ears;
I am a bitch when eating his red hot wet lips;
I am a bitch when holding his fingers in my hands;
I am a bitch when making love with him at night;
I am a bitch when wishing him to be back by my side.
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
|
Hold Up My Noble Pride
|
May 25, 2009 6:58 am
113 Views
|
This is the worst day in my history I guess. First the guy who said that he loved me shouted at me with a lot of dirty bad words on me. Just cos I chatted to other foreign boys online and one of them was also from his school. Moreover, I thought he would be surprised by that cos it's me who let him know all about that. Now I hate myself for being too honest to him. He said that he would try to forget me and never contact with me again. But soon after he began to say hi on qq which I didnt know what he meant cos I called him on the phone when I first saw his messages online but there was no reply. Meanwhile, I was very much interested in sb before meeting him and I am still thinking of him all the time. But I even know his feelings to me. I hope someday he can understand me.
Second is another damn stupid guy on skype. He added me and told me sth that attracted to almost all the girls in the world. It's a job about being a model for T-shirts. He was from New Zealand and sent me his own pics and the other 20 girls he had found in China. He kept on calling me which made my skype closed again and again. He insisted to see me on cam for his boss demands. I said no cam here and he forced me to buy one! God. I said sorry that I didnt like to show myself on cam and at last he said bad and dirty words again and again!!!
Sometimes I think I am bad mean selfish and stupid playgirl. But more often I do have my own rules or lines to hold on, which is also my lowest pride and I call it my Noble Pride. I can't live without it cos when I lose it, I wont feel like being myself any more. So I have desided to keep silent and no more explainations. I am sure that I will be the girl in the world who worths sb else to love. But not the one who hurts me. No, NEVER!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
The Guy Who Smiled at Me
|
May 25, 2009 4:41 am
115 Views
|
He was the first boy in the world who smiled at me when I felt lonely. I came to this city from far away that time. Everything was new for me. I knew nothing about it and nobody here knew me. I went to class alone again that day. When I was about to get into the elevator when he waved his hands to me and smiled. He was tall and handsome with a pair of glasses on his nose. I said hi to him and we bot went inside. I could feel that my cold heart beating around my cold blood. He looked quite like the one who raped me when I was young and it made me remember everything about him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I heard a voice saying that"lets go", I knew that I was taken back to reality. Yes, he was my classmate then, even I didnt know that before.
Every night we would talk online in a group whose members were almost our classmates. One of them kept on trying to contact with me. There was a guy I didnt like or even hate the first day we were having classes together. He touched me from the back and asked a lot of private questions like checking out my history. He was short fat and ugly guy. Everytime he would sit besides me or behind me which made me very fearful and dirty. I never knew his name. I thought the guy who always talked to me online was him. Therefore I had never been too good to him. I mean just hi and goodbye, how r u, things like that, nothing further more.
But one day when I asked my other classmates about them, their names in real, I thought I made a big mistake. Cos I had taken them as each other. Then I began to be more warmer to him, the boy whom I might have missed in my life. But he seemed to change after then and no more chat with more like before. I knew that maybe I really lost him, even I had never got him as mine.
However, one day he suddenly sat besides me, telling me about another story, like nothing to do with him. He asked me to be with that short fat and ugly boy, which made me very angry and shameful. Was I meaning nothing to u? I asked him back when tears ran down my face. U know that I had put sb in my heart, but he would never understand that. I escaped from him and ran away from the room after class. He followed me outside and pulled me over. I kept on crying and he held me around his arms. I beat his back and shoulder hardly at first, but gradually I slowed down when his hot lips kissed my tears. I held him tightly and kissed him back. He said that he loved me when he kissed my ears. "U know that I liked u since the first day u smiled at me." I told him after that and he said that he didnt know then. He thought I was not interested in him at all. Anyway, we are together now. We both agreed with that.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (cheersnow) use [blog cheersnow] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
1
|
2
|
3
|
42
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
161
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
