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How Smart is your Right Foot?
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Apr 3, 2007 12:24 pm
Mood: bored,
887 Views
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How smart is Your Right Foot??
Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can' t. It's preprogrammed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you
(they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
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FROM THE "GOREACLE"
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Apr 3, 2007 11:42 am
Mood: adventurous,
822 Views
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Dear Fellow Conservative:
His sycophant Hollywood pals call him "the Goracle."
That's right. Al Gore is no longer a former Vice-President turned failed presidential candidate. He's a prophet. A seer. A messiah who will save our world and our civilization with his new gospel of conquering "climate change."
And all it took was a dull, factually challenged propaganda documentary called An Inconvenient Truth.
Naturally, it won an Oscar.
Liberals are hoping that Gore's little movie will "end the debate" about global warming. They think it's "irresponsible" even to discuss it any more. It's a fact, they say. The only question is: What will we do about it?
Unfortunately, no one has been brave enough or well-informed enough to challenge them on any of this.
Until now. Honest scholars within the TRUE scientific community have begun to tear the cover off the Left's manipulation of environmental issues for political purposes -- and lay out incontrovertible evidence of the fact that global warming is just more Chicken-Little hysteria, not actual science.
As the enraged true scientist rise up with objective hard fact as opposed to subjective touchy-feely propaganda, there's some great moments in sports coming.
By the way...with all the states still buried in several feet of snow here a week before Easter, let me do a Dr. Phil on you, Al. That Global Warming thing..."How's that workin' out for ya?"
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YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRINK?
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Apr 3, 2007 11:31 am
Mood: apathetic,
899 Views
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Drinks Show Your Personality
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York
City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based
on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost
all counts. The results:
_____________________
PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the backside.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste;
knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll
send YOU a drink.................
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has
NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.
_____________________
PART B: MAN-DRINKS
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get some.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get some .
Wine:
He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get some.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a darn about anything but getting some.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay
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4
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TOP 10 POOR SHOPPING DECISIONS
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Apr 3, 2007 8:15 am
Mood: apathetic,
777 Views
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TOP 10 REALLY UNWISE PURCHASES
10. Ronco spray-on hair in a can
9. Any item that starts with "Chia-"
8. Beachfront property in Arizona
7. Any machine or appliance that promises to yield a yummy product from foods that you normally would not eat by themselves.
6. Any book, seminar, or kit that costs you to buy it, for the purpose of showing you where to obtain "FREE" money, merchandise, etc.
5. Any tape or CD on which Yanni's music appears
4. Products bearing "New and Improved" in bold letters. (What were we using before? Old & Lousy?)
3. Anything promoted on a commercial ending with the tag line "Makes a GREAT Christmas Gift!"
2. New CD - Charlotte Church sings Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits
1. Anything for only $9.95/month in the Fingerhut Mail-Order Catalog
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THE EMPTY EGG
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Apr 3, 2007 6:18 am
Mood: contemplative,
712 Views
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THE EMPTY EGG
Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn.
His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain.
Most of the time, however, Jeremy just irritated his teacher.
One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said
to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a
five year gap between his age and that of the other students."
Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a
terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here."
Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a
terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction.
Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying?
As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with
Jeremy. From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him.
"I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red.
She stammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Jeremy. N-now please, take your seat."
Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a
large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows
new life. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically--all except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did
not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the
project to them.
That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a
vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents.
The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the
eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm.
"That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out. The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too."
Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine." Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom,
"My daddy helped me," he beamed.
Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten
to phone his parents.
Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up.
"Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?"
Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."
Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?"
"Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then His Father raised Him up."
The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.
Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.
If this blesses you, pass it on. Happy Easter
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SOMETIMES...
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Apr 2, 2007 8:39 pm
Mood: devious,
739 Views
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S O M E T I M E S
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried..
no one sees your stress.
Sometimes...
when you are happy..
no one sees your smile .
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-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
But FART!! just ONE time...
And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
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4
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NO Static at All...
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Apr 2, 2007 8:32 pm
Mood: calm,
666 Views
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Deejay's Theme Song for the Day....
FM (Steely Dan)
Hurry the bottle, mama
It's grapefruit wine
Kick off your high heeled sneakers
It's party time
The girls don't seem to care what's on
As long as they play till dawn
Nothing but blues and Elvis
And somebody else's favorite song
Give us some funked-up music
She treats you nice
Feed us some hungry reggae
She loves you twice
The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the mood is right
No static at all, no static at all
FM--no static at all
Give us some funked-up music
She treats you nice
Feed us some hungry reggae
She loves you twice
The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the mood is right
No static at all, no static at all
FM--no static at all
------
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1
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I AM JOHN DOE.
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Apr 2, 2007 11:46 am
Mood: angry,
819 Views
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Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,
You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.
I am John Doe.
I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift.
I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am your classmate. I am your boss.
I am John Doe.
I will never forget the example of the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93 who refused to sit back on 9/11 and let themselves be murdered in the name of Islam without a fight.
I will never forget the passengers and crew members who tackled al Qaeda shoe-bomber Richard Reid on American Airlines Flight 63 before he had a chance to blow up the plane over the Atlantic Ocean.
I will never forget the alertness of actor James Woods, who notified a stewardess that several Arab men sitting in his first-class cabin on an August 2001 flight were behaving strangely. The men turned out to be 9/11 hijackers on a test run.
I will act when homeland security officials ask me to "report suspicious activity."
I will embrace my local police department's admonition: "If you see something, say something."
I am John Doe.
I will protest your Jew-hating, America-bashing "scholars."
I will petition against your hate-mongering mosque leaders.
I will raise my voice against your subjugation of women and religious minorities.
I will challenge your attempts to indoctrinate my children in our schools.
I will combat your violent propaganda on the Internet.
I am John Doe.
I will support law enforcement initiatives to spy on your operatives, cut off your funding, and disrupt your murderous conspiracies.
I will oppose all attempts to undermine our borders and immigration laws.
I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces.
I will not be censored in the name of tolerance.
I will not be cowed by your Beltway lobbying groups in moderate clothing. I will not cringe when you shriek about "profiling" or "Islamophobia."
I will put my family's safety above sensitivity. I will put my country above multiculturalism.
I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated.
And, if put in a situation of having to defend myself or my family directly from your hatred, I WILL SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO MEET YOUR ALLAH WITH ONE 240 GRAIN BULLET RIGHT BETWEEN YOUR BEADY EYES.
I am John Doe.
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3
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MY PROFILE?
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Apr 2, 2007 11:14 am
Mood: cheerful,
737 Views
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I think Tempting Trish had an excellent idea in posting a lot of her profile here for other Standard Members to view.
Since spending these three months here, I thought it was time to UPDATE mine, based on my experiences here with some new friends. So, for your inquisitive perusal...
_____________________________
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS, AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
I don't really have time for all this intro writing stuff. I gotta go, or I'll miss Geraldo's segment on Unwed Lesbian Indians Against Nuclear Energy for Saving the Whales from Aerosol Sprays.
My English is excellent, my French is so-so, and it's okay if you're deaf, since I sign fluently. (Now THERE'S an anachronism - a radio deejay communicating in sign language...Is there a lot of call for that???)
I love sitting around watching old classic movies. I can appreciate ALL types of music, since I've deejayed just about every format you can find in radio. (Classic oldies pop/rock is my favorite, however)
I'm young enough to know what Ipods are, and old enought to remember Eisenhower as President.
I'm rather on the conservative side - somewhere between Rush Limbaugh and Attila the Hun. (On a good day I can make Billy Graham look liberal)
My bumper sticker reads, "HONK if something falls off!"
My Ideal Person :
Female friends and buddies who think that there's more to life than sorting socks and removing navel lint. Ability to multi-task (i.e. - walk and chew gum simultaneously) a BIG plus.
Should NOT think Hillary would make a great President. (There are qualified therapists to deal with THAT kind of thinking.)
Should stand in awe of my presence and worship the ground I walk on unconditionally. (Am I setting my standards just a tad high here?)
Should have Cruiser's optimistic outlook on life, Eyes as great as Librapop2, as great a self-image and self-esteem as Amazinggrace1954, lips as inviting as Belle, be as alluring as Tempting Trish, as cute as a bug's ear like Eimee, and have LOTS MORE musical knowledge than Librapop2. (GRIN - Sorry, darlin', but we can work on that)
What words best describe your personality?
Outgoing, Borderline Insane, Toilet Trained at Gunpoint.
Tell us what things in life are most important to you. :
God, money, coffee, chocolate, and cell-phone owners who have the good sense to HANG UP AND DRIVE. (Not necessarily
in that order.)
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To link to this blog (broadcastdeejay) use [blog broadcastdeejay] in your messages.
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